#266 Reclaiming Pleasure: Healing, Curiosity, and the Power of Embodiment (with Annette Benedetti)

In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Annette Benedetti—Portland-based sex and intimacy coach, writer, and host of the acclaimed show Talk Sex With Annette—about reclaiming pleasure, power, and connection through curiosity and compassion. Ranked in the top 2.5% of podcasts globally, Annette’s work dives deep into taboo-breaking conversations around kink, trauma, and empowerment, informed by both her professional expertise and lived experience as a survivor.We explore how cultural narratives and trauma shape our relationship with sexuality, the body, and intimacy—and how healing begins with awareness, consent, and curiosity. Annette shares practical insights on rebuilding trust and sensation after trauma, moving away from performance-based sex toward mutual exploration, and helping men appreciate their own bodies as worthy of pleasure and beauty.A raw, empowering conversation about dismantling shame, embracing embodiment, and creating space for authentic healing and pleasure.Key Points:@ 0:52 Barriers to embracing feminine power@ 4:39 Navigating trauma and its impacts@ 9:43 Rebuilding trust and sensation after trauma@ 16:31 Reframing goals and expectations around sex@ 47:30 Appreciating the male form and bodyRelevant Links:Annette Benedetti Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annettebenedetti/Annette Benedetti YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@talksexwithannette

In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Honey Brooks, a rural Australian mum, top OnlyFans creator, and bold voice redefining modern relationships—about navigating stigma, intimacy, and authenticity in the adult industry. From building a million-dollar business on her family farm to creating content with her husband, Honey shares her journey of creating content with her husband, including the importance of communication, trust, and respecting boundaries when sex and work intersect. We explore subscriber relationships, the responsibilities of adult creators, and the importance of fostering healthier conversations about sexuality. A candid and empowering dialogue on shame, connection, and writing your own rules.Key Points:@ 0:00 Introductions and background@ 3:30 Navigating disclosure and stigma@ 8:57 Creating content with a partner@ 27:41 Audience and subscriber relationships@ 42:39 Reflections on the adult industry@ 48:43 Closing thoughtsRelevant links:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/honeyybrooks/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@honeybrooks_

In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak again with Leah Carey—sex and relationship coach based in the US who specializes in supporting people recovering from high-control or narcissistic abuse backgrounds. This time, we explore how trauma impacts intimacy, consent, and sexual connection. She explains how constant stress and lack of autonomy in childhood wire the brain for hypervigilance and fear, reducing creative problem-solving and shaping long-term challenges in relationships. We discuss why common self-care practices like meditation or journaling can be triggering for survivors, and explore trauma-sensitive alternatives that feel safer and more accessible. Leah also unpacks the complexities of intimacy and consent for those with trauma histories, including people-pleasing tendencies, blurred boundaries, and strategies for cultivating safe, pleasurable experiences. A deeply compassionate dialogue on recovery, autonomy, and reclaiming intimacy after control.Key Points@ 4:36 Impact of trauma on brain development@ 12:27 Challenges with common self-care practices@ 18:37 Navigating intimacy and consent@ 50:59 Recap and resourcesRelevant LinksLeah Carey Website: www.leahcarey.comLeah’s Substack: https://xoleahcarey.substack.com/Leah Carey Instagram: @goodgirlstalk

In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Lex Nyree, Melbourne-based sexologist, educator, and advocate for destigmatizing sexual health about the importance of open, shame-free conversations around STIs. With a background in youth and social work and currently completing her Master of Sexology, Lex brings a unique perspective to reducing stigma and normalizing topics often considered taboo. We discuss her practical and compassionate approach to STI education, focusing on common infections, transmission, treatment, and the role of disclosure and consent in building healthy intimacy. Lex also shares how resources like Let Them Know and creative educational tools can support people in navigating these conversations. A powerful dialogue on sexual health, communication, and breaking down stigma to create more informed and connected experiences of sex.Key Points:@ 1:51 Importance of destigmatizing STIs @ 6:16 Strategies for STI education and prevention@ 26:58 Disclosure and consent around STIs @ 36:40 Understanding STI transmission and risk factors @ 47:26 Resources and reliable information Relevant Links:Lex Nyree Instagram: @sexwithlexmelb

In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Rob Kancler, men’s coach and facilitator drawing on Tantra, Taoism, and somatic practices about the developmental journey of male sexuality and intimacy. Rob shares how early experiences of isolation and confusion shape men’s long-term challenges with self-esteem, connection, and performance. We explore the role of the nervous system in intimacy, unpacking how fear-based responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn often disrupt presence and pleasure. Rob and I discuss reframing masculinity and responsibility in relationships, shifting away from rigid scripts toward curiosity, creativity, and authentic communication. A rich conversation on cultivating embodied intimacy, regulating the nervous system, and redefining what it means to lead with presence in sex and relationships.Key Points:@1:19 The development of male and intimacy@4:29 Nervous system awareness and fear-based responses @17:34 Reframing masculinity and responsibility in intimacy @1:14:21 Closing reflections and resources

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I continue my conversation with Professor Alan McKee, who has spent decades studying pornography, pleasure, and sexual development. We dive into the legitimate problems with mainstream porn, including its narrow focus on penetration at the expense of female pleasure, its reinforcement of unrealistic beauty standards, and its lack of consent modeling. Alan and I also discuss how habitual porn use can create rigid “erotic pathways” that don’t always translate to real-life encounters, and why strategies for more mindful consumption are key. Together, we reflect on what it would take for sexual media to better represent diversity, consent, and connection, and how healthier pathways can support more positive experiences of sexuality.Key Points:2:10 Lack of variety in practices15:38 Unrealistic beauty standards 23:27 Lack of consent modeling 36:16 Habitual and compulsive use50:23 Recap and future directions

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I interview Professor Alan McKee, who has spent nearly three decades researching pornography and healthy sexual development. We discuss the need to include heterosexual men in sexual health conversations, debunk common myths about pornography, and emphasise the importance of open communication and sex education for healthy sexual attitudes. We also touch on the cultural shame surrounding sexuality and conclude with plans for a follow-up discussion on the real issues related to pornography.Key points:02:30 Research on Pornography and Sexual Health06:17 Personal Stories of Shame and Sexuality11:27 Misconceptions and Myths about Pornography16:33 Youth and Exposure to Pornography31:45 Debunking the Escalation Myth41:57 Conclusion and Future Discussion

This episode of #mensexpleasure is a compilation of shorter videos I've posted on my social media over the last year about sex education. I delve into this contentious issue, addressing and debunking the talking points propagated by conservative commentators such as Candace Owens, Matt Walsh, and Ben Shapiro. I summarise the historical context of sex education, clarify misconceptions, and provide evidence against claims that sex education sexualises students, leads to increased sexual activity, or contributes to a rise in STIs. I also critique the rationale behind abstinence-only education and highlight the benefits of comprehensive sexuality education, including its role in reducing teen pregnancies and preventing sexual violence. Finally, this episode emphasises the importance of understanding the political and ethical motives driving opposition to sex ed and advocates for informed, reality-based discussions on the topic.Key Points:00:51 Historical Context of Sex Education in Schools04:51 Conservative Critiques and Counterarguments18:42 The Role of Parents in Sex Education20:34 Conservative Push to Abolish Sex Education24:55 Conservative Views on Teenage Pregnancy26:45 Debunking Pornographic Sex Ed Allegations30:45 Condom Relay Races and Misinformation32:56 Sexuality Education in Europe and Misconceptions38:10 Consent Education and Its Challenges43:40 Choking During Sex: A Dangerous Trend51:02 Conservative Rhetoric and the Value of Pleasure in Sex

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Shay Doran, a men’s coach who helps guys overcome performance anxiety and erection challenges. Shay shares his personal journey of leaving a corporate career after realizing how deeply these struggles were shaping his relationships and confidence, and why addressing them became his life’s work.We discuss how performance anxiety often stems from childhood messages about worth and masculinity, and how those beliefs create cycles of pressure, shame, and disconnection in the bedroom. Shay explains why shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, presence, and communication can transform intimacy, and how reframing natural breaks—like moving rooms or reaching for a condom—can ease anxiety rather than trigger it.Shay also offers practical advice and resources for men navigating these challenges, reminding us that healthy sexuality isn’t about flawless performance, but about connection, patience, and trust.Key Points:Shay's background and motivation Shay shares his personal journey of overcoming performance anxiety and erection challenges, which led him to leave his corporate career and dedicate himself to helping other men with similar struggles. He describes how his father's passing and a realization about the impact of these issues on his life and relationships were the catalysts for change.The root causes of performance anxiety Shay and Cam discuss how performance anxiety often stems from early life experiences and messages around the need to perform and be a certain way to receive love and acceptance. They explore how these deep-seated beliefs and insecurities manifest in the bedroom and create a vicious cycle of anxiety and shame.Reframing the approach to intimacyCam shares his approach of shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, connection, and enjoyment. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being present, and communicating openly with partners to create positive experiences, rather than getting caught up in the pressure to maintain erections or last a certain amount of time.Navigating breaks in intimacy Shay and Cam discuss how the transitions and breaks in physical intimacy, such as moving from the couch to the bedroom or reaching for a condom, can trigger anxiety and the belief that one should maintain an erection at all times. They highlight the importance of normalizing these natural fluctuations and reframing them as opportunities for connection.Advice and resources for men struggling with performance issues Shay and Cam encourage men struggling with performance anxiety to seek support, be patient with themselves, and have faith that it is possible to overcome these challenges. They recommend Shay's performance anxiety quiz as a starting point for self-assessment and provide information on where to find Shay's website and YouTube channel for further resources.Relevant links: Shay Doran's Website: https://shay-doran.com/Shay Doran's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Ty Miller, a former sociology and criminology professor turned UX researcher, and a professional wrestler who performs under the persona “Dr. Jordan Tyler.” Ty shares how his passion for storytelling weaves through his academic, creative, and athletic pursuits, and how stepping into an exaggerated wrestling character allows him to explore themes of ego, bravado, and masculinity in a socially acceptable way. We discuss the tension between authenticity and performance, the rise of anti-intellectualism, and how figures—from wrestlers to politicians—use persona to influence perception. Ty also reflects on the performative nature of masculinity, the physical ideals imposed on men, and his efforts to challenge and subvert those norms inside and outside the wrestling ring.Key Points:Introductions and background Cam and Ty introduce themselves and discuss their backgrounds. Ty shares that he is a former sociology and criminology professor who now works in UX research, and is also a professional wrestler who goes by the persona of "Dr. Jordan Tyler". They discuss their shared passion for storytelling and how it connects their various pursuits.Navigating personas and authenticity Cam and Ty explore the tension between their authentic selves and the personas they present, particularly in Ty's wrestling character. They discuss the catharsis and social acceptability of embodying an exaggerated, arrogant version of oneself, and how that differs from public figures like Donald Trump who blur the line between character and reality.The rise of anti-intellectualism Ty shares his experiences as an academic facing skepticism and dismissal of his expertise, and how he has grappled with that in his wrestling persona. They discuss the broader societal trend of anti-intellectualism, and how figures like Trump have capitalized on it by positioning themselves as anti-elitist while wielding real power.Masculinity and performativity Ty and Cam delve into the complex relationship between masculinity, performance, and identity. They explore how traditional notions of masculinity are socially constructed, the pressures wrestlers face to conform to certain physical ideals, and Ty's efforts to challenge and subvert those norms through his wrestling persona and content.Recap and next steps Cam and Ty wrap up the conversation, with Ty expressing gratitude for the community of men working to promote healthier masculinity. They discuss plans to continue their dialogue and collaboration in the future.Relevant Links:Instagram and TikTok: @jordantylerpro_