The lies we tell ourselves

It sounds counter-intuitive but Alvean and Doug would tell you that some of our most painful experiences are also incredibly important teaching moments.  Although no one seeks out suffering, especially where relationships are concerned, emotional pain, loss and grief take us to places where we can look at ourselves and our lives in a more objective perspective and emerge--either through one's own devices or with help into a better and healthier life.  For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL16

Can we truly deceive ourselves?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways we obfuscate, pretend and misdirect our intuition and intellect when matters of the heart are concerned. For a full transcript, click here:LL15

Some have said that a broken heart is worse than any physical pain, and for many it is one of if not the hardest thing they may face at a young age. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways we mend and build on a stronger foundation following a difficult passage such as this. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL14

As a followup to last week's episode, Alvean and Doug take on the thorny question, can anyone prevent their partner from cheating?   Alvean unfolds her now famous dry grass analogy to explain how relationship fare when they are not regularly tended.  And Doug tells a story about a marriage that foundered through inattention. For a full transcript, click here: LL13

It may be the hardest test of a relationship, when one partner is unfaithful to the other.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to move on --whether the relationship is at its end or otherwise and how to know the difference between someone that cheated (and why) and someone who is a cheater.  For more, and a complete transcript, click here: LL12

Doug & Alvean share stories about the best advice they ever received regarding relationships.  For a full transcript, click here: LL11

A lot has been written and said about interracial or inter-religious relationships and the challenges they pose, but really these differences are only a part of what Alvean and Doug describe as cross cultural relationships because they involve more than race or faith, but a matrix of language, behavior social and cultural norms that may be wide or narrowly different between partners. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on how to energize and remain open to thsoe diferences seeing them as opportunities rather than obstacles. For a full transcript, click here: LL10

Whether as a result of divorce, widowhood, or other circumstances second marriages often face the prospect of combining families.   Where children are involved this is a delicate and potentially difficult proposition but also one that can be rewarding and a significant improvement for all involved. The results turn on how well the prospective partners relate to and communicate with their children in the months/years prior to combining their households and families.  Alvean and Doug take on this tricky subject with lots of good counsel for all concerned, parents and children. For a full transcript, click here: LL09

It has become increasingly common to find that traditional gender roles in the household are no longer --well, traditional.   Who is the primary housekeeper, parent, breadwinner?  It isn't always what one might expect which raises some questions about how best to navigate the relationship when the traditional roles no longer apply.  For many men, being the stay at home father/homekeeper is a delight but for others it is a challenge when one's spouse or partner makes more.  And it isn't limited to men and women--the same inequity questions can crop up in same sex relationships as well.  That's in part because money often is viewed as power affecting the balance of the arrangement.  Alvean and Doug talk about this perceived inequity and related questions in this episode, a complete transcript of which is available here: LL08

Perhaps a friend has said it--maybe it was you: Where are all the good  (men/women), I just can't find the one.  If you have any self awareness this should lead you to ask the question: Am I Too Picky?  You may not be, or you just might but failing to ask the question is an all too common mistake.  Let's face it, we dream of finding the ideal person--and once we get to know our intended we no sooner begin to notice the small or larger issues -things we want to change or in extreme cases cannot abide. Are we setting our sights too high, are we unrealistic or is there really a dirth of good people from whom we might choose?  For answers to these questions listen to Alvean and Doug discuss ways to identify your expectations and understand whether they are realistic or otherwise. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: LL07