308: Better Sex by Sharing the Mental Load, with Zach Watson

Better sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom. In this episode, Dan sits down with Zach Watson to unpack the hidden emotional and mental work happening inside many marriages — and why it has such a powerful impact on intimacy. They talk about invisible labor, mental load, emotional safety, and the loneliness that can build when one partner feels like they're carrying everything alone. Zach shares practical ways couples can better share responsibility, communicate more clearly, and create more trust and partnership at home. You'll also hear: Why "helping" can sometimes create more frustration The difference between doing a task and owning it How emotional labor affects desire and connection Why empathy matters so much in sexual intimacy Simple ways couples can work more like teammates This episode is honest, practical, and full of moments that will help you better understand your partner — and yourself. Episode Resources  Thriving Together: How to Share the Mental Load in Marriage  (GYMO Guide) Get ready for International Lovemaking Day with Intimately Us! Come cruise with us! Zach's Free Mental Load Basics Skool Community Find Zach on Socials: @zachmentalloadcoach (Instagram) and @zachthinkshare (Facebook)   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this final session with Peggy and Steve, things feel different.  The wall Peggy used to feel during intimacy—the fear, tension, and resistance that would suddenly shut everything down—is starting to soften. And for the first time in a long time, both of them are beginning to relax. In this episode, you'll hear Peggy and Steve reflect on the progress they've made over the last few months, what still feels difficult, and what they're continuing to work through together. You'll also hear conversations about: learning to let go a little more why sex can start to feel overly serious the role playfulness has in intimacy stress, emotional overload, and connection and what it means to feel truly free with your spouse This episode is a hopeful ending to a deeply honest coaching journey—and a reminder that growth usually happens gradually, one small shift at a time. If you'd like some guidance to shift your marriage, check out our coaching options at getyourmarriageon.com/program or getyourmarriageon.com/work-with-me/

ATTN: Women's only coaching cohorts starts today, May 12! Don't waste another day wishing things were different in your marriage. Sign up here:  Women's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/ In this fourth session with Peggy and Steve, something important finally clicks. Peggy begins recognizing the exact moment her brain hits the "kill switch" during intimacy. Not consciously. Not intentionally. Just years of conditioning kicking in automatically. As the conversation unfolds, Peggy starts connecting the dots between anxiety, "good girl" conditioning, fear, pleasure, and the unconscious belief that enjoying too much might somehow be wrong. In this episode, you'll hear: Why some people unconsciously shut pleasure down What happens when your brain treats pleasure like danger How anxiety can quietly disconnect you from your body Why rewiring sexual patterns takes more than just "thinking differently" You'll also hear one of the biggest mindset shifts of the series so far. This episode is about learning how to stop fighting yourself in intimate moments, and starting to trust that pleasure, connection, and desire were never the enemy.

ATTN: Men's and Women's only coaching cohorts start this week, May 12! Don't waste another day wishing things were different in your marriage. Sign up here:  Women's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/ Men's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/ *** In this third session with Peggy and Steve, the conversation shifts in a deeper direction. What starts as a discussion about intimacy and confidence quickly turns into something much bigger: 👉 learning how to actually like yourself. As Peggy opens up about body image, control, "good girl" conditioning, and the stories she's believed about herself for years, it becomes clear that these patterns don't just affect how she feels about her body. They affect how she shows up in her marriage, in intimacy, and in her relationship with herself. In this episode, you'll hear: Why self-acceptance matters so much in intimacy How negative self-talk quietly affects connection The hidden cost of "clamping down" your sexuality The difference between confidence and self-acceptance Why good sex requires trust, courage, honesty, and faith You'll also hear a personal story from Dan about a moment that completely changed the way he saw himself—and why learning to like yourself is some of the most important work a person can do. This episode isn't just about sex. It's about what happens when you stop fighting yourself and finally begin stepping more fully into who you already are.

Why do so many couples feel stuck, even when they're both trying their best? In Part 2 of this real coaching series, Peggy and Steve come back after working on making intimacy more fun and less performative. And for a while, it works. But underneath the progress, a deeper pattern starts to surface—one that keeps pulling them right back into the same frustrating gridlock. Inside this episode, you'll hear: How "needy" energy shows up in subtle, unintentional ways Why looking to your spouse to fix how you feel creates disconnection The difference between wanting connection and depending on it How both partners can feel powerless—even in a loving marriage This episode gets to the core of a pattern many couples don't realize they're in: 👉 When you rely on your partner to regulate your emotions, intimacy starts to feel like pressure—not connection. And when that happens, both people lose. The goal isn't to stop wanting each other. It's to stop needing your partner to feel okay. Because that's where real connection—and real desire—can actually grow. This is Part 2 of a 5-part coaching series where you'll hear what it takes to break out of that cycle and create something better. Make sure you've listened to Part 1 first! Resources from the episode:  Our Men's and Women's Cohorts are starting May 12! Seats are limited, so grab your spot today!

What if the problem in your sex life isn't a lack of effort…but too much effort? In this episode, we're trying something completely new. You'll get a behind-the-scenes look at a real coaching session with a couple (names and details changed for privacy) who are doing everything "right"—but still feel stuck. They love each other. They're committed. They're trying hard. But sex has started to feel… mechanical. A little pressured. More like something to get through than something to enjoy. Inside this session, something important comes to light: 👉 The more sex feels like work, the harder it is to actually feel desire. In this episode, you'll hear: Why "trying harder" can actually make intimacy worse The hidden pressure to perform (even in good marriages) What it really means to let go—and why that's so difficult A simple but powerful shift that can change everything This is Part 1 of a 5-part coaching series where you'll hear real progress unfold over time. As you listen, see if you can spot parts of your own relationship in their story. Because no matter where you are right now—there's a path forward. Resources from the episode:  Our Men's and Women's Cohorts are starting May 12! Seats are limited, so grab your spot today!

She didn't think sex could be for her. In this honest conversation, Faith shares her journey from seeing sex as transactional, to walking away from it after finding Jesus, to struggling with disconnected, obligation-based intimacy in marriage. But something shifted. She began to understand that intimacy could be connective, meaningful—and even for her, too. If you've ever felt like sex is something you do rather than something you enjoy, this episode will resonate. You'll learn how she: moved out of "duty sex" and into real connection started identifying what she actually enjoys began experiencing intimacy in a whole new way A powerful story of healing, growth, and what's possible in marriage. Resources from the episode:  Our Men's and Women's Cohorts are starting May 12! Seats are limited, so grab your spot today!

This is Part 2 of a special two-part series exploring the difference between having sex and making love. If you haven't listened to Episode 300 yet, go start there—it lays the foundation for everything we talk about in this episode. In this episode, we move from understanding the difference… to learning how to actually create more meaningful, connected intimacy in your marriage. You'll hear from: Dr. Alexandra Stockwell on shifting from transactional sex to deeply relational intimacy Trevor Hanson on attachment, safety, and why slowing down changes everything Aly Bullock on communication, nervous system regulation, and building connection outside the bedroom We talk about: Why sex doesn't always need to be deeply emotional to be good How to move out of "checkbox sex" into something more connected The role of safety, vulnerability, and communication Why what happens outside the bedroom matters most This episode is about learning how to bring more heart, presence, and connection into your relationship—one small moment at a time. More about our guests: Dr. Alexandra Stockwell is an intimate marriage expert and the host of  The Intimate Marriage Podcast and the author of Uncompromising Intimacy. Trevor Hanson's mission is to help people with an anxious attachment style become secure. You can find him on Instagram and his website.   Aly Bullock is a licensed marriage and family therapist and communication coach and has reached millions with her widely-followed Instagram account.  Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

This episode is a special one—episode 300. That feels really meaningful to me. I'm grateful you listen, share the podcast, and care enough about your marriage to keep showing up for these conversations. I really do celebrate you and your commitment to building a strong, intimate, passionate marriage. For this milestone episode, I wanted to do something a little different. So I turned it into a personal research project around a question I've been pondering for a long time: 👉 What's the difference between having sex… and making love? In this episode (Part 1), I reached out to trusted experts and mentors to hear their perspective—and what they shared genuinely changed how I think about intimacy in marriage. You'll hear from: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on desire, freedom, and why we lose "aliveness" in long-term relationships Dr. Chelom Leavitt on emotional connection as the strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction Adam & Karissa King on moving from transactional sex to truly knowing and being known This isn't just about sex. It's about: Meaning Connection Desire And the kind of intimacy that makes a marriage feel alive again Don't miss Part 2 (Episode 301), where we continue this conversation with three more voices and perspectives. More about our guests: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is the author of a book, That We Might Have Joy, she offers amazing online courses, and has an exciting in-person events coming up this summer.  Dr. Chelom Leavitt is a world-renowned sex researcher and has many helpful resources on her website about mindfulness in sexuality, relationships, teaching kids about sex, and more. Adam and Karissa King, better known online by the brand Dear Young Married Couple, teach courses, host a podcast, and provide many resources, especially for newly married couples. They are also in the process of releasing a new book.   Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, I respond to a vulnerable question from a wife navigating desire differences, purity culture, and a husband who seems to always want more—more novelty, more frequency, more intensity. If you've ever felt like: You're not "enough" sexually Your spouse is never satisfied Sex has become a source of pressure instead of connection …this episode is for you. We'll talk about: The three core drivers of sexual desire Why anxiety can increase desire in one spouse and decrease it in the other The "try-sexual" dynamic  How ego can quietly sabotage intimacy What true sexual maturity actually looks like This isn't about doing more, but becoming more mature, grounded, connected and intentional. Resources Episode 101: Overcoming Roadblocks to Intimacy & Sexual Desire (mentioned in the episode) 👉 Join our exclusive Men's Only and Women's Only groups starting in May! They are limited to 10 people each, so check them out before they're gone. 👉 We're cruising in the fall, and we currently have ONE spot left. Make it yours!