285: How Temperament Shapes Desire, Sex, and Intimacy in Marriage (And Why You Can't "Fix" It)

(If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we're about to discuss.) Because in Part 2, we get real . . .  In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore: Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy What integrity looks like in marriage What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment The "losing strategies" couples use without realizing it We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant. This one might stretch you—in a good way. And it'll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom). Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

We don't just want sex. We want sexual experiences that move us. We want to walk out of the bedroom different than when we walked in. But somewhere along the way, sex can become… predictable. Scripted. Routine. In Part 1 of my guest appearance on Charlene Byers's podcast, we cover the following: The truth about sexual desire discrepancy (and why it's not a problem) How performance pressure quietly kills connection Two different reasons we give pleasure, and why one of them doesn't work What men and women are most turned on by What men and women are turned off by You'll also hear one of my own vulnerable marriage missteps and what it taught me about anxiety, meaning-making, and true intimacy. 👉 In Part 2, we go deeper into honesty, integrity, and the hard conversations that create real intimacy. Don't miss it.   Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 With Valentine's Day, just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about what does it mean to really love my wife, and to love well?  In this bonus episode, we pulled a favorite clip from our archive with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, therapist-turned-coach, longtime mentor, and returning guest on the podcast, in which we asked her: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" Her answer is thoughtful, wise, actionable, and hopeful as she teaches how to build truly loving marriages. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, Dan shares 10 proven habits that consistently lead to deeper intimacy, stronger desire, and more fulfilling sex in marriage. These aren't gimmicks or quick fixes. They're practical, repeatable behaviors that create powerful momentum over time. Drawing from years of coaching couples, personal experience, and a faith-centered perspective on sexuality, Dan explains how small, intentional choices compound into a marriage that feels connected, playful, trusting, and alive. Whether your marriage is already good or feels stuck, this episode will give you clear next steps you can start today! Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway(Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

It's much more common to be comfortable being the giver in sex than the receiver.  In this episode, we explore why learning to relax and receive your spouse may be one of the most vulnerable and transformative skills in intimate marriage. Many couples know how to "get through" sex. Fewer know how to slow down, stay present, and experience deep emotional and physical connection together and they open up and receive. Dan shares how a simple "orgasmic meditation" practice can really increase the emotional and physical connection you share, even without traditional intercourse.    Resources and Events Get the free Orgasmic Meditation guide over on our Instagram account: @getyourmarriageon Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway-Early bird pricing ends January 31! (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/  

Most couples spend years trying to change the very things in their spouse that will never change — and then feel frustrated, discouraged, or disconnected when nothing improves. Or they wonder why their attempts at connecting intimately fall flat. In this episode, Dan sits down with Dr. Denim Slade, creator of the C.O.R.E. Temperament model, to talk about something deeper than personality: temperament — the unchanging emotional wiring that shapes how we love, connect, and experience sex. You'll learn: The difference between personality and temperament (and why it matters) The four core temperaments that emerged from Dr. Slade's research Why each temperament experiences sex, desire, and intimacy differently How misunderstanding temperament creates unnecessary sexual tension What healthy vs. unhealthy versions of each temperament look like in the bedroom How to stop fighting what won't change — and start amplifying what already works By the end of this episode, you'll have a clearer understanding of yourself, your spouse, and how to build deeper emotional and sexual intimacy by working with your wiring instead of against it. Resources and Events Dr. Slade's free episode worksheet Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway-Early bird pricing ends January 31! (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge starts on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Have you ever worked so hard to fix a problem in your marriage, only to find yourself right back in the same place weeks later? Most couples don't struggle because they aren't trying. They struggle because they're putting a lot of effort into changes that can't create lasting results. In this episode, Dan explains what it actually means to work smarter on your marriage, not harder. Drawing from systems theory, personal experience, and real coaching stories, he shows why some changes help temporarily while others lead to real, lasting transformation. He breaks down the difference between first-order change (doing more or less of the same things) and second-order change (upgrading the rules your relationship is operating on). You'll learn how to recognize when you're stuck in surface-level fixes, how to identify the unspoken "rules" your marriage is operating by, and what it looks like to make changes at the level that truly creates growth—especially around intimacy, desire differences, and recurring conflict. Resources  Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/    

What if ADHD isn't a bug in your marriage — but a feature? In this episode of the Get Your Marriage On Podcast, I sit down with Kamden Hainsworth, an ADHD coach and host of the Busy Brained Saint, to unpack how ADHD uniquely impacts desire, intimacy, novelty, rejection sensitivity, and emotional regulation in marriage. Kamden shares her mid-life burn out, late ADHD diagnosis, and how understanding her brain completely transformed her marriage and sex life. Together, they explore why ADHD can amplify desire differences, why boredom feels unbearable in intimacy, how rejection sensitivity dysphoria shows up in sex, and how novelty can be a powerful connector (when done with trust and communication). Whether you're the ADHD partner or married to one, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical insight into building a more playful, honest, and deeply connected sexual relationship. Resources  101 Ways to Initiate Sex The Sexploration List Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting this week): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Guest Links Kamden ADHD coaching Instagram: @kamden_adhd @thebusybrainedsaint   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What's the difference between pursuing your spouse and pressuring them, and why does it matter so much for desire, attraction, and connection? In this episode, Dan joins Sean on the Dad Improvement Podcast for an honest conversation about what actually creates passion in marriage, and what quietly kills it.  You'll hear why emotional connection must come before sexual connection, how pressure can either destroy attraction or build it (depending on how it's expressed), and why pretending everything is fine does more damage than honesty ever could. This episode is especially for husbands who want more intimacy but don't want to become needy, entitled, or emotionally disconnected in the process — and for couples navigating desire differences without resentment. Stick around to the end, because now it's time for Dan to share his black belt sex tip! Resources and Events Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting end of January): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026   

What happens when you're having sex regularly—but it still feels empty? In this episode, Roberth and Laticia share their honest journey through desire differences, duty sex, resentment, and the painful belief that something must be wrong with one (or both) of them. Around the 10-year mark in their marriage, sex turned into a power struggle: Roberth wanted more, and Laticia felt like she could never be enough. Therapy didn't bring clarity—it left them feeling even more stuck. They eventually discovered that the problem wasn't lack of effort or attraction. They were missing skills—like understanding pleasure, learning about female anatomy, making space for emotional connection, and recognizing the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire. They also learned how often sex had become a way to manage each other's emotions instead of a place for true connection. You'll hear the breakthroughs that helped them move from "empty sex" to a more connected, confident, and collaborative intimate relationship, plus practical language for couples who feel stuck in the same cycle. If you've ever thought, "Why does this still feel disconnected?" or "Am I broken for not wanting sex more?" this conversation will give you hope and a clearer next step forward. Resources Mentioned in the Episode Come As You Are Becoming Cliterate Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Men's Only and Women's Only Cohorts (starting in January): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/