183: The Anatomy of Emotional Intimacy & Connection Codes, with Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill

Understanding and making sense of our emotions is absolutely essential to living well. We have parts of our brain that are responsible for making sense of our emotions. We also have parts of our brain dedicated to mapping the emotional state of those around us. Sometimes couples come to me for coaching because they don't feel emotionally connected to their spouse. There are a myriad of reasons why they're struggling in this area.  So I invited Dr. Glen hill, a marriage therapist, and his wife, Phyllis, onto this podcast to talk about their story and about the role of emotional connection in marriages. One thing I learned is when we use the word connection, we mean it in like, "We're not connected," in a negative connotation.  But the reality is, we are often connected, whether we like it or not. Sometimes we like the way we're connected or sometimes we don't like the way we're adversarially connected and fighting a lot. So learning to understand the difference between connection you like and and connection you don't like is an important step forward in learning how to communicate emotionally with your spouse a whole lot better .  In fact, in this episode, Glenn and Phyllis are so vulnerable and they share a practice about how they relate to each other emotionally. My wife and I have been doing this practice daily for about eight months now, sp I can personally vouch for this. I encourage couples like coach to try this practice as well! Get the Free Core Emotions Wheel referenced in the episode here.    If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!  

I'm humbled that you'd trust me with your most urgent and private questions--I receive anonymous questions every day through our website. We address a handful of these questions today and I'll plan another Q &A episode in a few weeks. Sometimes I'll combine a few related questions together to address things more efficiently. (Go to our website to submit your questions.) As I address these questions today, I hope you see a common thread in everything I share. It's my belief that really good sex and intimacy doesn't come easily because everything of value in life takes consistent effort. Building an intimate marriage isn't supposed to be an overnight task.  I want to invite you to think of it in this way: the obstacles you experienced in intimacy in your relationship is God's way of calling you to step in and grow up a little more in yourself and in your relationship with your spouse. Think of it as an invitation to learn how to take more personal responsibility, to learn to speak up, to learn, to be more humble, to be more honest, to be more patient, to be more kind, to be more compassionate, and to cherish your spouse more deeply than ever. Building a rewarding intimate marriage is indeed spiritual work.  I also believe sex is very core to who we are as an individual. Sex is so very personal. As a marriage coach, I solve sexual issues in the marriage first (with lots of compassion, by the way). These are delicate and real feelings, but if a couple can get the courage to address and work through their sexual difficulties first everything else in their marriage becomes a lot easier.  Whether it be finances, parenting in-laws, faith matters, or what direction the toilet paper roll should be loaded on the dispenser. I'm very grateful you've joined us today! Get ready to dive into these wonderful questions!   If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources: Intimately Us App Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13 Our brand new, signature Get Your Marriage On Program!  

Picture this. The journey of building an intimate marriage is much like a road trip through winding paths and scenic routes. Sometimes there's traffic jams. Sometimes there are stretches of long, boring highways or lonely, dark nighttime drives. Sometimes there are flat tires and detours. And then there are beautiful vistas, new destinations at thrilling speeds, and awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping scenes that move you in a profound way, leaving you forever changed. My guest today is Dr. Julie Slattery of Authentic Intimacy. She's a psychotherapist that helps Christian women embrace their sexuality. You'll get to hear Dr. Slattery open up about her own adventures and misadventures in marriage. Everything from those awkward honeymoon moments to the deeper challenges of connecting on all levels. She reminds me that while these bumps in the road are common, they're also prime opportunities for growth, not just individually, but together with our spouses.   If you find the important and meaningful work of building an intimate marriage isn't as easy as you think it would have been, don't fret. You're not alone in this. In fact, every couple, even us, faces their own set of challenges behind closed doors. And that's okay. These hurdles don't have to define your relationship. It's about how we overcome these challenges that matters. As I think about my own moments of growth and building an intimate marriage with my wife, Emily, many of these moments were born out of my stumbling blocks that have turned into stepping stones for me.   You'll love hearing about Dr. Julie Slattery's four pillars for a rock solid intimate relationship and stay to the end to hear her black belt sex tip too. *** We just launched our new signature Get Your Marriage On Program! The program not only offers extensive instruction, but it's coupled with lifetime coaching and community! Learn more about it on our website! We have two retreat options coming up: Virtual Retreat: July 12-14. Enjoy from the comfort of your home or hotel. More details coming. In person Retreat: October 10-13 in St. George, UT. Get all the details on our website and register now! As always, make sure you're enjoying our free app, Intimately Us. And join us over on Instagram or Facebook @getyourmarriageon. 

I feel called to this important work that I do in Get Your Marriage On! It is extremely important and meaningful work to me. The changes I've experienced in my own marriage were too good to keep to myself, and I wanted to share it with others. In some ways, I feel like I'm a missionary again--sharing the good news of the gospel to others. In fact, I strongly believe that there are many parallels between sexual development and spiritual development, and I'm not alone in sharing that opinion.  Today, I invited Amy, Greg and Tammy, who are my colleagues and coaches in my programs and also at my retreats, to have a conversation about the most recent retreat as well as our new program. I want you to listen to the passion and empathy behind their voices. These are people that deeply care about you, your happiness in your marriage, and providing every tool possible to help you get your marriage on.  *** We just launch a BRAND NEW PROGRAM today! I hope you'll check it out and take the next leap to take your marriage to the next level! Also, as you'll hear in the episode, we had such a great time at the retreat a couple weeks ago, we've decided to make it happen again this year! Mark your calendars for October 10-13, and register today on our website!

I believe sex is a very powerful language. Just think an immense amount of information is communicated between two people in any sexual interaction. Last year, my wife and I read the book Replenish, by Tammy Hill. Among other things, this book describes a practice called orgasmic meditation.   We went away for a weekend last fall and decided to give it a try. It was amazing for us because it made sex so much more about a meaningful connection and communication between us, rather than just rushing to orgasm.   We liked the orgasmic meditation practice so much that it's become a regular routine in our marriage bed for several months.  Now I wanted to do a podcast episode about it and Tammy Hill, who is a marriage and family therapist and a sex therapist and author of the book I just mentioned, kindly agreed to come on my podcast as a guest. This is a real treat for me to have her here and to share her immense wisdom with me.  We talk about the principles behind slow sex, or orgasmic mediation, how to do it, and why you want to try it out!

Can you relate? Growing up in a good, Christian family, you conversations about sex were mostly about biological reproduction or God's word on chastity.  Perhaps those conversations served you well as a teenager, but after married, you're left with a lot of questions and maybe even painful experiences as the realities of sex and marriage didn't fit with what you thought it would be.  I used to think sexuality and spirituality were incompatible. However, after digging into our own Christian theology, I came to understand that it supports embodiment, sensuality, and sexuality in a very positive way. I look around and I see a God who is powerful, creative, passionate, and very personal. Of all the religions, I think ours ought to be the most sex positive. Even if you're not a Christian, there's no denying that some of the most meaningful experiences we can have is being loved and desired deeply by another person and experiencing a special kind of pleasure. And this experience is spiritual and transcendent.   My guest today is Francie Winslow, a friend and the fellow podcaster. And here's some of what we talk about: Francie's story of sexual healing and growth How frequency of sexual experiences doesn't automatically translate to quality of sexual experiences How sex fits with spirituality Connected to the deeper meaning of sensuality to God's design for us Advice on creating margin in your lifestyle, so you have time and energy leftover to invest in your marriage relationship  Francie's black belt sex tip at the end, which my wife and I have tried it out since the time we recorded this episode. We had such a great time doing it, we're definitely going to make it a regular part of what we do! Find out more! You can also find this episode on our YouTube channel! You may also be interested in following us on Instagram or downloading our free app, Intimately Us!

For anyone listening that wishes intimacy was less conflict and more connection, this episode is for you! I messed up Two weeks ago, I released a podcast episode about dead bedrooms. I read an email from a man who is in a lot of pain around his relationship. So I addressed areas where I could see that he could work on in his relationship, but unfortunately, that episode lacked compassion and I was wrong. So I want another chance to do it again properly this time. I've been there before I've been there before, to an extent, where the quality of the intimate relationship isn't what you hope it could be. It can be extremely frustrating, lonely, and even hopeless at times when you feel like you're stuck in a relationship where everything else seems to be going well, except when it comes to sex. For the spouse with the higher desire, he or she feels rejected and hurt. For the lower desire spouse, he or she feels confused and overwhelmed. Good sex is important for a thriving marriage As I've stated before, I believe good sex is healthy for a thriving growing marriage relationship. Sex can be replenishing for the relationship. It can be bonding has many health benefits and breeds life into an otherwise mundane partnership. However, according to Justin Lee Miller PhD, he's a sex researcher he says about one in seven americans are in relationships with little to no sex. There are probably as many reasons as there are couples for why they've developed that pattern of intimacy avoidance in their marriages. It's hard to make generalizations in this area. But I am on a mission to eliminate poverty and bedrooms everywhere. I want to help couples overcome their challenges that inhibit them from fully giving generously and fully receiving the goodness that an intimate marriage can provide. I received many emails from people who are confused and struggling in their marriage and I'm grateful for your emails and your messages. With their permission. I want to share another email today. The names and other identifying details have changed, but their story is a real story. My co-host, Amy Langford, has been a guest on my podcast before (see episode number 101). She's a very talented marriage and intimacy coach, and works with me in my Next Level Program and teaches and coaches alongside me at our marriage retreats!

Today we get to talk about some really exciting topics as we answer your questions from the anonymous question form on our website:  How to deal with sex and intimacy while you're pregnant and postpartum. What to do when you're hesitant about taking sexy photos or nude photos of each other. What to do when you have a spouse as obsessed with swinging and you disagree with it. What to do when a masturbation habit is interfering with intimacy and pleasure for the couple.  I really appreciate your willing to open your heart and trust me with some of the difficulties that you're facing when it comes to sex and intimacy in your marriage. I hope you find something helpful in our discussion today.  I love and care about you. I think about you're constantly and that prepare these podcasts episodes with you in mind. If there other future topics that you would like me to address, please reach out to me. And if you want to submit an anonymous question, you can do so on our website. I love to hear what's on your mind and how I can help you in your marriage. That's what I love to do.  Looking for more? I have something big in the works: a brand new program! It's a way to bring much of what happens at the retreat to a more accessible, self-paced format. So stay tuned for that. Follow us on Instagram @getyourmarriageon.com Get all our apps and resources on our website: getyourmarriageon.com   

I'm excited to answer some anonymous questions I have received from listeners. Some topics we cover include the following: Learning to dirty talk and flirt more How to deal with undesireable sexual side effects from medications Self-Soothing Overcoming gridlock The use of bondage in a marriage bed When grief affects sexuality Masturbation and more! If you would like to submit an anonymous question for me to answer on the podcast, on Instagram, or in an email, you can do so on our website.  --- We have an exciting new program coming up at the end of March! Watch your email newsletter for more information!  

We recently hit a major milestone with this podcast: 1 million downloads! Thank you for your support! Let's be honest here. Initiating sex is not easy at all. We want the other person to take charge and initiate, right? We worry, how are we going to be received? There's also so much of ourselves wrapped up in what it means to initiate, or not initiate, sex. And past experiences tend to influence our reluctance to initiate as well. Yet, the reality is if one of you doesn't initiate sex, sex is never going to happen in your relationship.  So why is initiating sex so hard? What are some common reasons why people, me included, struggle to initiate sex sometimes? How do we get better at this very intimate act of bidding for sexual connection? I've been pondering these questions lately, and I'm grateful to meet up with James Christiansen, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Roseville, California. You'll quickly find out that he has a brilliant sharp mind and quickly cuts right to the heart of the matter.   And this episode, we're going to talk about what's at the heart of initiating sex, because it gets a lot deeper than what you're probably thinking. And by the end of this episode, hopefully you'll take more courageous action to cherish your spouse more than before.      Links referenced in the episode: ⬇️ Download the Intimately Us and get in on the Sextimacy Challenge before it's over! 🌟 Get info on the DIY Boudoir Date Night Box 🙋 Snag the last spot at our couples retreat coming up in just 5 weeks!