379: Stage Three of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough

In this episode, we dive deep into the complexities of betrayal and trauma with Dr. Paula Rochelle. Dr. Rochelle shares her journey, including her experience working with traumatized children from orphanages and her personal story of surviving a plane crash. Together, we explore the impact of trauma on the brain and body, the process of healing, and the importance of forgiveness.  Key Points Discussed:  Introduction to Dr. Paula Rochelle  Background in neuroscience and naturopathy.  Experience working with traumatized children from third-world countries.    Personal Trauma: The Plane Crash  Dr. Rochelle's account of her plane crash and its aftermath.  Emotional and psychological impact of surviving such an event.    Understanding Trauma and Betrayal  Differences between betrayal trauma and other types of trauma.  Betrayal impacts the self, leading to feelings of rejection and abandonment.    The Brain's Response to Trauma  Role of the amygdala and hippocampus in trauma response.  The gut-brain connection and its significance in trauma.    Healing Strategies for Trauma  Importance of a holistic approach: gut health, hydration, and nutrition.  Use of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine in healing.    Children and Trauma  Common symptoms in traumatized children: anger, sleep disturbances, and gut issues.  The slow process of healing and the importance of community support.    Hormonal Impact of Trauma  How trauma affects hormones, particularly cortisol and estrogen.  Strategies to balance hormones and support recovery.    Neurofeedback and Neuro Emotional Techniques  Explanation of neurofeedback and its role in regulating brain waves.  Benefits of neuro emotional techniques and cognitive behavioral therapies.    The Role of Forgiveness in Healing  The neuroscience of forgiveness and its importance in emotional recovery.  Different processes and tools to aid in forgiveness.    Practical Tips for Healing  The importance of sleep and its impact on trauma recovery.  Identifying and addressing root causes of symptoms, such as parasites.    Final Thoughts and Encouragement  Dr. Rochelle’s assurance that healing is possible and individual.  Encouragement to seek personalized paths to recovery and embrace willingness in the healing journey.    Resources and Links:  Dr. Paula Rochelle’s Website: www.aysanahealthok.com  PBT Institute’s 21-Day Forgiveness Journey: https://thepbtinstitute.com/forgiveness/   National Forgiveness Day: https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day/national-forgiveness-day-september-1    Conclusion: Dr. Paula Rochelle provides invaluable insights into the emotional healing process from betrayal and trauma. Her holistic approach, combining physical, mental, and emotional strategies, offers a comprehensive path to recovery. Whether dealing with personal trauma or supporting others through their healing journey, this episode is filled with practical advice and encouragement. 

Introduction: In today's episode, we discuss the challenges and strategies for coping with reminders of betrayal, such as old pictures, and how to turn these painful triggers into opportunities for growth and healing.  Key Points:  Coping with Painful Reminders:  Addressing the pain caused by old pictures and other triggers that remind you of betrayal.  Strategies to reframe these memories and use them as measures of your progress in healing.    Community Insight:  Real-life example from a recent Q&A call where a community member asked about handling painful reminders.  Practical advice shared within the community and by our expert coaches.    Practical Suggestions:  Focus on the positive aspects of the memory, if any.  Use reminders as a way to track your healing progress.  Consider the experiences of others, such as how children might have enjoyed the moment.    Managing Triggers:  The importance of managing triggers like photos, music, TV shows, and movies.  Understanding that while triggers lose their power over time, it’s important not to overwhelm yourself.    Mindset vs. Choice:  The significant difference between mindset and choice in the healing process.  Empowering yourself by making deliberate choices to not let painful reminders ruin your day.  The concept of a "choice point" where you decide not to let the trigger control you.    Intentional Healing:  Avoid indulging in painful thoughts and making a deliberate choice to focus on your well-being.  Using choice as a tool to prevent giving power to negative experiences.    Self-Induced Life Crisis:  The concept of a self-induced life crisis as a pivotal moment where you decide to change your old ways.  Making decisions that lead to new and positive outcomes, even if the path is uncertain.    Support and Transformation:  The importance of having support through the healing process.  The role of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and its programs, such as Reclaim and Rebuild, in helping individuals and couples heal and transform.    Conclusion: Betrayal is a painful experience, but by making deliberate choices and reframing your mindset, you can reclaim your power and move towards healing. The journey is challenging, but with the right support and strategies, you can transform your life.  Resources Mentioned:  The PBT Institute  Reclaim Program  Rebuild Program  Join the Community: If you're ready to move through the five stages from betrayal to breakthrough, join our PBT community. We offer support from specialized coaches in areas such as reconciliation, rebuilding, separation, self-growth, mindset, somatic body-based healing, and grief.  Contact and Further Information:  Visit thepbtinstitute.com for more details on our programs and to join our community.    Subscribe: Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast for more insights and support on your healing journey. 

Episode Description: In this episode, we dive into Stage Four of the healing process—a favorite stage for many. Discover the transformative power that lies within this pivotal stage and how it can propel you beyond your past experiences to a future filled with strength and resilience. We'll discuss the hero's journey, the symbolism of bamboo, and provide scenarios to illustrate what Stage Four looks like in real life.  Key Points:  Introduction to Stage Four:  Reflecting on previous discussions about Stage Two (Shock Trauma D-Day) and Stage Three (Feeling Stuck).  Introduction to Stage Four as a transformative and empowering stage.    The Hero's Journey:  Overview of the hero's journey and its relevance to personal transformation.  Comparison of different stages in the hero's journey to the stages of healing.    Symbolism of Bamboo:  Explanation of why bamboo is a powerful symbol for Stage Four.  How bamboo represents the strength and resilience built over time.    Characteristics of Stage Four:  Importance of willingness to let go of past grievances.  Transition from being stuck in the past to looking forward to the future.  Emphasis on building a supportive network to sustain growth.    Real-Life Scenarios and Personas:  Eli: Committed to personal growth through new routines and reflections.  Samantha: Integrates healing practices into daily life with dedication.  Lewis: Actively pursues a better life through deliberate actions and community involvement.  Nia: Reclaims energy and tries new experiences, embracing life with enthusiasm.  Marcus: Explores new pathways and hobbies, driven by curiosity and a quest for fulfillment.    Transformative Power of Stage Four:  The shift from focusing on past betrayals to envisioning and creating a new future.  Encouragement to embrace new opportunities and interests.  The importance of self-love and self-encouragement during this stage.    Moving Forward:  Discussion on the necessity of a supportive environment to maintain progress.  The role of the PBT Institute in providing resources and community support.  Encouragement to leave behind what no longer serves your growth and embrace new possibilities.    Conclusion:  Recap of the transformative nature of Stage Four.  Encouragement to seek support and remain committed to personal growth.  Invitation to rate, review, and share the podcast with others.    Call to Action: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please rate and review it, and share it with someone who would appreciate it. For more support and resources, visit The PBT Institute.  Links and Resources:  The PBT Institute: Break free from the pain of betrayal and find safety, love, and trust again.  For the betrayed – Reclaim: Heal from your betrayal and take your life back.  For the betrayer – Rebuild: Heal yourself and help heal the heart you broke.  Are you healed or hardened? Take the quiz 

Introduction to the Episode:  Dr. Debi introduces the topic: using math to aid in the healing process from betrayal. Dr. Debi acknowledges the challenge of healing and how unexpected tools, like math,  can be surprisingly helpful.  Community Q&A Session:  Description of the community's coffee chat sessions where members can ask any questions.  Introduction to a specific member's struggle with being stuck in stage three of healing for 48 years.  Applying Math to Understand Rumination:  Dr. Debi walks the member through calculating the impact of ruminating over 48 years. Step-by-step breakdown of the calculations:  Converting 48 years to 17,520 days.
Estimating two hours of rumination per day.
Calculating the total time spent ruminating: 35,040 hours or 1,460 days. Converting days to years: approximately four years of her life spent ruminating.  The Power of Awareness:  The realization that four years were dedicated to unproductive rumination. Discussion on how this awareness can be a wake-up call to change.  The Cost of Stagnation:  Reflection on what could have been achieved in those four years.
Encouragement to consider the possibilities of personal growth, such as writing a book,  starting a business, or pursuing a new passion.  Moving Forward:  Emphasis on the importance of moving from stage three to stage four and five of healing. 
The predictable nature of the healing journey when following the proven path. 
 Conclusion: Dr. Debi wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of awareness and taking action. 
 Encouragement to seek support from The PBT Institute and its resources for those ready to move forward. 


 In this episode, we dive into the significance of National Forgiveness Day, a holiday founded by the PBT Institute. Dr. Debi discusses the complexities and challenges of forgiveness, especially in the context of betrayal, and offers insights and strategies for moving towards forgiveness and healing.    Key Points Covered:  Introduction to National Forgiveness Day:  National Forgiveness Day was founded by the PBT Institute.  The day emphasizes the importance and difficulty of forgiveness, both towards others and oneself.    The Challenge of Forgiveness:  Forgiveness can be particularly hard in situations of betrayal.  Common reasons for the difficulty include societal pressure and personal emotions such as anger and resentment.    Research Insights:  Studies show that forgiveness leads to better emotional well-being when one feels safe and valued.  Conversely, forgiveness can be detrimental when one does not feel safe or valued.    Rebuilding Trust:  Dr. Debi suggests replacing the concept of forgiveness with rebuilding trust in the early stages of healing.  Rebuilding trust when feeling safe and valued can lead to better outcomes.    The Path to Forgiveness:  Acceptance is a more accessible first step than forgiveness.  The emotional trajectory from sadness to anger, to pity, and finally to compassion.  Forgiveness should be approached only when one is truly ready to avoid backfiring.    Self-Forgiveness:  It's crucial to forgive oneself for being too hard during painful times.  Self-forgiveness should follow genuine remorse, regret, and restitution.    The Impact of Unforgiveness:  Holding onto grudges can occupy mental space and hinder personal growth.  Examples of situations requiring forgiveness: misdiagnoses, betrayal by colleagues, friends, or family members.    Health Benefits of Forgiveness:  Forgiveness can lead to significant physical and emotional healing.  Example: A participant in a forgiveness journey healed from a 70-year digestive issue after two weeks.    The 21-Day Forgiveness Journey:  The host describes a 21-day forgiveness journey that includes daily stories, lessons, and practical exercises.  Participants track their progress through a forgiveness tracker.    Success Stories:  Participants from the previous year experienced significant transformations and improved well-being. Many moved from initial resistance to forgiveness within the first week.    Dr. Debi invites listeners to join the 21-day forgiveness journey starting from National Forgiveness Day.  Different levels of involvement are available, including live sessions and replays.  Special features include fireside chats for personal interaction and guidance.  Visit nationalforgivenessday.com to sign up for the 21-day forgiveness journey.  Choose a person or situation to forgive and join the journey to experience personal transformation and healing.  Forgiveness is a powerful tool for personal growth and well-being.  Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! Stay tuned for our next episode, where we will explore the stages of healing from betrayal and more tips on building a resilient mindset. 

In this episode, I share insights from a recent VIP retreat where I worked with a small group of clients to help them transform their lives and move fully from stage three to stages four and five of healing from betrayal. The key theme that emerged was the importance of willingness. Here are the five crucial traits of willingness that can significantly impact your healing journey:    Willingness to Move Out of Your Comfort Zone:    Growth begins outside your comfort zone. Change won’t happen if you stay within familiar confines. Challenge yourself to embrace discomfort as a sign of progress.  Willingness to Venture into the Unknown:    Stepping into the unknown is necessary for true transformation. This means being open to new experiences and trusting the process, even when the outcome is uncertain.  Willingness to Think Bigger:    Expand your perspective and challenge your current limitations. Thinking bigger allows you to break free from restrictive beliefs and envision a more empowered future.  Willingness to Give Up Your Story:    Letting go of the painful narrative that defines your betrayal allows for the creation of a more empowering story. This shift is crucial for moving beyond being stuck in past hurt.  Willingness to Embrace Hard Now, Easy Later:    Short-term discomfort and hard work lead to long-term ease and fulfillment. Making drastic changes and addressing the root issues head-on is essential for lasting transformation.    Key Takeaways:    Comfort Zone: Life and change happen outside of your comfort zone. Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth.    Unknown: Being willing to venture into the unknown can lead to significant personal growth and new opportunities.    Bigger Thinking: Expand your mindset to achieve more than you initially believed possible.    New Story: Reframe your betrayal story into one of empowerment and transformation.    Hard Now, Easy Later: Embrace short-term challenges for long-term ease and success.    Reflection Questions:    Are you willing to move past your comfort zone?  Are you open to venturing into the unknown?  Can you challenge yourself to think bigger?  Are you ready to let go of your current story?  Will you embrace hard now for an easier later?  Action Steps:    Reflect on the areas where you may be stuck in your comfort zone.  Identify any fears you have about venturing into the unknown and challenge them.  Set a goal to expand your thinking beyond current limitations.  Write a new narrative for your betrayal experience that empowers you.  Commit to making the hard changes now for long-term benefits.  Join the Journey:    If you're interested in participating in a future VIP retreat or working within The PBT Institute, reach out and get on the list. Embrace these five traits of willingness to transform your healing journey.    Connect with Us:    Website: The PBT Institute https://thepbtinstitute.com 

In this episode, we dive into one of the most transformative topics: turning pain into purpose. We explore how individuals can harness their pain and trauma to fuel personal growth, resilience, and transformation. The conversation touches on various aspects of betrayal and the journey from hurt to healing.    Key Topics Discussed:  The Resilience of the Human Spirit:    Observations on how thought leaders and individuals overcome trauma and crisis.  The empowering potential seen in people who turn their pain into purpose.    Personal Journey of Betrayal and Healing:  Dr. Debi shares a personal story of betrayal by close family members and the subsequent journey of healing.  The creation of a program based on The Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough and its success.    The PBT Institute:  Founding The PBT Institute to provide a space for healing based on research and proven methods.  Two certification programs offered by the institute:  Certified PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Coach or Practitioner.  Certified PBT Support Group Host.    The Role of Certified Coaches and Practitioners:  The importance of coaches and practitioners representing the work and maintaining authenticity.  Stories of transformation from devastation to strength among the certified coaches and practitioners.    Support Group Hosts:  The significance of support during times of betrayal and the reluctance to seek it due to shame and embarrassment.  The role of certified support group hosts in providing a safe space for healing.    The Power of Support and Community:  The detrimental effects of suffering in silence and the benefits of having supportive networks.  Writing the book "Trust Again" to provide guidance for those healing from betrayal.    Transformative Stories:  Sharing inspiring stories of individuals who turned their pain into purpose, including a story shared by Tony Robbins.  Personal anecdotes about breaking harmful patterns and creating positive changes intentionally.    Empowerment through Teaching and Sharing:  Encouragement to use personal experiences to teach and inspire others.  The concept of turning pain into purpose as a way to empower and bring fulfillment.    Invitation to Join the PBT Community:  Information on the PBT certifications and how they can help individuals turn their experiences into a purpose-driven mission.  Encouragement to take actionable steps towards transforming personal pain into a source of empowerment and support for others.    Turn YOUR Pain into Purpose:  If you have a desire to help others through their journey of betrayal and healing, consider becoming a certified PBT coach, practitioner, or support group host. Visit The PBT Institute website for more information on certifications and resources.    Links and Resources:  PBT Institute Certification Programs  Certified PBT Coach/Practitioner: https://thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified/  Certified PBT Support Group Host: https://thepbtinstitute.com/certified-support-group-host/   Trust Again Book:   Join the PBT Community: https://thepbtinstitute.com     Final Thoughts:  Embrace your experiences and turn them into a purpose-driven mission.  Do not let fear or self-doubt prevent you from helping others with the valuable lessons you've learned.  Tune in next time for more inspiring discussions and actionable insights! 

In this episode, we delve into Stage Three of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. If you're unsure which stage you're in, by the end of this episode, you'll have a clear understanding. We cover:    The feelings, personas, and experiences typical of Stage Three.  Why Stage Three is the most common stage where people get stuck.  The consequences of staying in Stage Three and how to move forward.    Key Points  Understanding Stage Three  Common Feelings and Experiences: Stage Three is characterized by small self-benefits like being right, blaming others, and getting sympathy without having to rebuild trust.    Negative Thought Patterns: The mind starts believing destructive thoughts, leading to deeper entrenchment in Stage Three.    Energy Attraction: Like energy attracts like energy, resulting in circumstances and relationships that confirm the negative state.    Personas in Stage Three  Alex: Struggles with unanswered questions and the fear of confronting raw emotions, leading to a loop of indecision.  Jordan: Uses distractions like TV, food, and alcohol to avoid the pain of betrayal.  Taylor: Experiences resignation, believing life will never get better and settling into a colorless routine.  Morgan: Feels profound exhaustion and lethargy, unable to muster the energy for significant change.  Symptoms and Consequences  Post Betrayal Syndrome: Symptoms appear in Stage Two and persist into Stage Three, where they are often medicated and suppressed rather than healed.    Therapy and Support Groups: Without true transformation, therapy and support groups can become places where individuals stay stuck by repeatedly rehashing their stories.    Numbing, Avoiding, Distracting: Common tactics to avoid dealing with raw emotions, leading to long-term habits that reinforce the Stage Three state.    Moving Beyond Stage Three  Recognizing the Trap: Understand that Stage Three is a trap, likened to quicksand, making it one of the hardest stages to leave.    Letting Go: To move to Stage Four, one must let go of the benefits and familiarities of Stage Three.    Transformation Begins in Stage Four: Real healing and transformation start in Stage Four, where new beginnings and true growth occur.    Practical Steps and Resources  The PBT Institute: Offers daily live classes, programs, masterclasses, and an incredibly supportive community to help you move through the Stages.    Books: "Trust Again" and "From Hardened to Healed" provide deeper insights and practical advice for those stuck in Stage Three.    Community Support: Engage with others who are also on the journey from betrayal to breakthrough, fostering mutual growth and support.    Conclusion  Stage Three is a challenging but surmountable part of the betrayal recovery process. By recognizing the signs, understanding the personas, and utilizing the right resources, you can move forward to Stage Four and beyond, achieving true transformation and healing.    Connect with Us  Website: The PBT Institute  Books: Trust Again | From Hardened to Healed  Join us in the next episode as we continue exploring the stages and providing insights to help you on your journey from betrayal to breakthrough. 

Episode Summary:  In this episode, we address a common and challenging scenario faced by many who have experienced betrayal. How do you handle social situations where the topic of betrayal comes up, and you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, angry, or even embarrassed? We provide practical advice and strategies to help you navigate these moments with confidence and poise. This episode is inspired by a question from a PBT Institute member, and it's dedicated to helping you manage these difficult conversations and emotions.    Key Points:    Introduction:    Addressing a common and relatable question from a PBT Institute member about dealing with betrayal conversations in social settings.    Emotional Reactions:    Common feelings of discomfort, anger, embarrassment, and confusion in social situations where betrayal is discussed.  The internal conflict of wanting to contribute to the conversation versus the urge to withdraw.    Strategies for Managing the Conversation:    When They Don't Know:  Have a prepared, neutral statement ready to contribute to the conversation.  Excuse yourself politely to get a non-alcoholic drink or take a break if the conversation becomes too overwhelming.    When They Do Know:  Recognize the lack of empathy or consideration in others' comments.  Prepare a response or choose to walk away from the conversation.  Consider addressing the issue directly if you feel the person is worth educating about your sensitivity to the topic.    Rebuilding After Betrayal:  Addressing the judgment and criticism faced when choosing to rebuild a relationship after betrayal.  Understanding that rebuilding involves both partners transforming and not reverting to their old selves.  The importance of recognizing and demanding new levels of respect and behavior from a partner during the rebuilding process.  Handling Social Judgments:  Being prepared for others' fixed opinions and limited understanding of personal growth and change.  The importance of maintaining a focus on your own healing and the new dynamics in your relationship.    Evaluating Your Social Circle:  Assessing whether the conversations you are part of reflect your growth and new values.  Seeking out and surrounding yourself with people who support your journey and share similar goals of personal development and growth.  Final Thoughts:    Emphasizing the need for self-care, preparation, and proactive strategies in handling social situations involving betrayal.  Encouraging listeners to continuously seek environments and relationships that align with their personal growth and healing journey.    Quotes to Remember:  "Hard now, easy later. Easy now, hard later. Take your pick because it’s going to be one of those two."  "What you think of me is none of my business."  "Rebuilding is deliberate and intentional. It is all about redefining relationships based on new rules and respect."  Resources Mentioned:    PBT Institute for further support and resources.  Wayne Dyer and Neale Donald Walsch quotes for inspiration and perspective.  Call to Action:  If you are struggling with these social situations or need more support in your healing journey, consider joining the PBT Institute. Reach out for guidance, tools, and a community that understands and supports your path to healing and transformation.    Outro:  Thank you for tuning in. Remember, this work is for the brave and transformative. Equip yourself with the tools and support needed to navigate these challenging moments, and know that you are not alone. See you next time.    Links:   The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com  For the betrayed-Reclaim: https://thepbtinstitute.com/reclaim/  For the betrayer-Rebuild: https://thepbtinstitute.com/rebuild-program/ 

Introduction:    The episode focuses on regrets, especially within the context of betrayal, and explores how to manage and prevent them.  Regret can be about any decision in life, not just betrayal.  Key Points:    Understanding Regret:    Regret often leads to two choices: avoiding it due to its magnitude or cleaning it up if possible.  Both betrayers and betrayed individuals experience regret, though in different forms.  Regrets in Betrayal:    Betrayers regret their actions and the harm caused to their loved ones.  Betrayed individuals may regret their responses, actions taken out of hurt, or their decision to stay.  General Regrets:    Common regrets include missed opportunities (e.g., job offers, travel, not having more children), not standing up for oneself or others, and sacrificing personal health for work.  Dealing with Current Regrets:    Identify the emotion or need behind the regret and find a healthy way to satisfy it now.  Address and clean up misunderstandings or hurtful actions by communicating and making amends.  Preventing Future Regrets – Regret Prevention Plan (RPP):    Projection: Think ahead about how your actions will affect others. If it’s likely to hurt someone, don’t do it.  Highest Self Check: Ask if the best version of yourself would take the action you're considering.  Future Reflection: Consider how you’ll feel about your actions years from now. Will you be proud or regretful?  Applying the RPP:    For betrayals, the betrayer needs to actively work on rebuilding trust and addressing their partner’s pain.  For the betrayed, reflect on what can be learned from the experience and how to act differently in the future.  Growth from Regret:    Use regret as a learning tool to develop wisdom and improve future decision-making.  Growth occurs when you step out of your comfort zone and address uncomfortable feelings.  Conclusion:    Regret can be a powerful catalyst for positive change if approached with a constructive mindset.  By applying the RPP, you can minimize future regrets and handle past regrets more effectively.  Tune in to the upcoming podcast episode for a deeper dive into the Regret Prevention Plan and more examples on managing regrets.    The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com