Ep #366: How Projection Is Quietly Destroying Your Relationships (And What to Do About It)

#366: Ever been certain someone was mad at you, disappointed in you, or about to leave you… only to find out you were completely wrong? What if that certainty wasn’t intuition at all, but projection?In this episode, I unpack projection through the lens of emotional outsourcing. I walk you through how your nervous system takes fear, shame, anger, or need and unconsciously assigns it to someone else. From assuming your partner is furious, to spiraling over a short email from your boss, to believing a friend doesn’t care about you, you’ll learn how projection distorts reality and quietly destroys your relationships.Join me this week to learn how projection forms in the nervous system, why it feels so real in your body, what it costs you in intimacy and self-trust, and how to interrupt it. I’ll also share practical ways to pause between sensation and story, stay present with your own feelings, and respond to what’s actually happening instead of reacting to old fear.Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/366 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #20: Hello, my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline. Today, I’m joined by the luminous and deeply grounded Rose Zealand, financial planner, death doula, and a radiant graduate of the Anchored program.In this powerful and heartfelt conversation, Rose shares her journey from emotional flashbacks, perfectionism, and the chronic belief that she was “broken”… to a place of embodied healing, nervous system safety, and radical self-acceptance.We talk about what it means to move beyond just talking about healing and into the felt sense of coming home to yourself. Rose opens up about learning the language of her nervous system, redefining boundaries with love, and how she stopped outsourcing her worth to others and started honoring her full humanity, on her own terms.Together, we explore healing from internalized shame, the magic of being witnessed in community, and why this work isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong” with us but remembering what’s always been whole within us.If you’ve ever felt like you were the only one who couldn’t figure it out, the only one “too much” or “not enough,” this episode is for you. So get cozy, press play, and come be held by this beautiful story of reclamation, resilience, and return with Rose.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#365: Have you ever noticed how often the word sorry slips out of your mouth before you’ve even decided whether you’ve done anything wrong? Sorry for asking. Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for having a feeling. Sorry for existing. If that reflex feels familiar, this episode is for you. This week, I explore why default sorry has nothing to do with politeness and everything to do with a nervous system that learned safety through shrinking. You’ll learn how the habit of saying sorry gets wired into the nervous system, why insight and willpower alone don’t make it stop, and what actually helps your body feel safe enough to take up space. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/365 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #19: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. In today’s episode, we’re moving through three questions that speak right to the heart of healing for emotionally outsourced humans: First: What do I do when someone ignores my boundary? We’ll talk about how to respond with clarity and compassion, the difference between miscommunication and disregard, and how to stay rooted in self-trust when boundary-setting feels heartbreaking. Next: Why do I cry so much? And is that actually okay? We’ll explore the nervous system science behind emotional tears, how crying can shift your internal state, and why there is no shame in your body’s brilliant and built-in ways of processing emotion. And finally: What if I’m too broken for any of this to work? Whether you’ve secretly believed you’re the exception to healing or worry you’ve tried everything, this part of the episode is a love letter to the part of you that feels beyond help and the truth that you’re not. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of how boundaries, emotions, and old protective beliefs all tie back to your nervous system’s wisdom. And most importantly, how to meet yourself with grace, curiosity, and care when things feel hard. So go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#364: In this episode, I’m joined by Susan Klunder, a recent graduate of Anchored, my six-month coaching and somatics program. Susan shares her lived experience of moving from chronic people-pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional outsourcing into a life that feels grounded, joyful, and genuinely her own. We talk about what it was like before Anchored, when she had done years of therapy, coaching, and personal development, but still felt overwhelmed, disconnected, and driven by fear rather than trust. Susan reflects on how Anchored helped her understand her nervous system patterns in real time, shift out of overfunctioning, and develop deep self-trust without losing her drive, ambition, or care for others. This conversation is a powerful example of what becomes possible when nervous system healing happens in community. Join us as Susan shares how Anchored changed her work life, her relationships, her parenting, and her capacity for joy. If you’ve ever wondered what’s actually on the other side of emotional outsourcing, this episode offers a grounded, honest look at what healing can create. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/364 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #18: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tender Hotline, the soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most intimate and layered questions about healing, nervous system care, and reclaiming your self-trust. In this episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that so many emotionally outsourced folks grapple with: Do I have to fully love myself before I’m ready for real love? How do I know if I’m truly healing or just coping while everything stays the same? And is focusing on myself while the world feels like it’s falling apart actually selfish? Together, we unpack the myth that healing has to happen in isolation. You’ll hear why real love isn’t reserved for the “fully healed,” and how our capacity for connection grows not in perfection, but in proximity and presence. We also explore how nervous system regulation can sometimes turn into a strategy for tolerating the intolerable, and how to shift from performative calm to embodied clarity and action. We talk about how emotional outsourcing, or looking to others for your sense of safety, belonging, and worth, distorts love and keeps you stuck in survival mode. And we name the ways that focusing on your own healing and self-connection is not selfish, but a radical act of reclamation that serves both you and the collective. So my love, go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#363: In this episode, I’m revisiting one of the most shared conversations on the show because it explains something so many people feel but can’t quite name: emotional outsourcing. Emotional outsourcing forms in early relationships, gets reinforced by family systems and culture, and persists even when you intellectually understand it. This pattern lives in the body, not just the mind, which is why insight alone doesn’t create change. Listen in this week as I share a compassionate path toward healing emotional outsourcing by rebuilding safety within your nervous system. You’ll learn how emotional outsourcing shows up somatically, how it disconnects you from your own needs and desires, and the real costs it takes on your health, relationships, and sense of self. Most importantly, this is about coming home to yourself gently, reclaiming agency, and learning to trust your internal guidance again without shame, force, or rushing. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/363 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #17: Hello, my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline. Today, I’m joined by the brilliant and multi-passionate Busayo Ayodele, a lawyer, mother, writer, and radiant force of nature. Busayo is a graduate of the Anchored program, and in this deeply inspiring conversation, she shares her journey from emotional overwhelm, perfectionism, and constant overfunctioning... to self-trust, nervous system safety, and true inner freedom. We talk about what it means to stop living on autopilot and start showing up for yourself in real time. Not as a performance, but as an act of radical self-love. Busayo opens up about breaking the cycle of always putting others first, learning to regulate through life’s hardest moments, and how she’s now modeling emotional resilience and self-trust for her young daughter. Together, we explore healing from functional freeze, the power of being seen in community, and the deep transformation that happens when we stop masking and start investing in ourselves. Not out of emergency, but out of devotion. If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s really possible to shift lifelong habits of people-pleasing or perfectionism, let this episode be your evidence that it is. So get cozy, press play, and come listen to this gorgeous story of freedom, healing, and returning to your own center with Busayo. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

#362: Have you ever thought, “I should be able to figure this out on my own”? Maybe it's about healing old patterns, setting boundaries, or finally stopping the people-pleasing that's exhausting you. Here's what I've learned after years of doing this work: That voice telling you to go it alone? It's not wisdom talking. It's the same pattern that taught you your needs were too much in the first place. Join me this week to learn why nervous system healing isn’t meant to be done alone, and how witnessing others with completely different lives describe the same tight chest, the same looping thoughts, and the same fear of being too much or not enough can crack something open in your nervous system. Most importantly, you'll hear why going it alone isn't noble but is actually recreating the conditions that hurt you in the first place.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/362 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Join Anchored here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Register for the Nervous System Healing workshop here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/nervoussystemwebinarMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored

Tenderoni Hotline #16: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself.In today’s episode, we’re exploring questions that sit at the heart of healing work, especially for those of us socialized to over-function, people-please, and emotionally outsource our sense of worth.First: Why does healing emotional outsourcing matter when the world feels like it’s falling apart? We’ll unpack how constantly looking outside ourselves for safety, belonging, and validation isn’t just personally draining. It actually fuels the very systems of oppression we’re trying to survive. You’ll learn how reclaiming your self-trust isn’t selfish. It is a radical, nervous-system-based intervention that creates space for grounded action and collective care.We also dive into: How do I actually make space for rest when I’m already exhausted, overwhelmed, and in survival mode? Together, we’ll explore why rest isn’t just about stopping. It's about shifting the internal conditions that keep us bracing, proving, and pushing. You’ll hear why “just rest” advice rarely works for nervous systems that don’t feel safe, and what to do instead.You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of how emotional outsourcing keeps us stuck, why rest is both sacred and necessary, and what small, doable steps you can take to come back to yourself with compassion and care. So go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchoredFollow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join Anchored!If you’re ready to break away from anxiety and codependent relationships so you can live a life of joy and confidence, Anchored is for you. This is my 6-month high-touch, high-results coaching program, and we’re currently enrolling. Click here to find out more: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/anchored Join Anchored