The Four Tendencies with Gretchen Rubin

Today, we’re thrilled to share a conversation with New York Times bestselling author and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin, where we explored one of her most practical and game-changing frameworks: the Four Tendencies.Gretchen explains that we all face two types of expectations—outer expectations, like a church calling or a request from a boss or family member, and inner expectations, like a personal goal or habit. She observed that people tend to respond to these expectations in one of four consistent ways. She defines these responses as the Upholder, the Questioner, the Obliger, and the Rebel.Gretchen believes that understanding this one aspect of your personality can bring surprising clarity to your habits, relationships, and responsibilities.In faith communities, expectations often come from many directions—God, leaders, our ward family, and ourselves. This framework offers a gentle way to understand why some people feel energized, while others quietly burn out.Gretchen shares clear, practical strategies for each tendency so you can work with your nature, not against it. Whether you’re navigating a calling, serving a mission, experiencing doubt, or trying to build a consistent scripture study habit, she shows how to avoid burnout and follow through.We’ve been so excited to share this episode. Once you start seeing yourself and others through the lens of the Four Tendencies, things shift. You’ll begin to understand why your spouse loves checklists, why your teen needs to do things their own way, or why it can be so hard to say no. Gretchen explains that these patterns aren’t flaws—they’re clues, blueprints that can help us make better choices, lower stress, and show up more fully in our lives.We hope it’s as eye-opening for you as it was for us.If you want to go deeper into the Four Tendencies or explore more of Gretchen’s work, you can check out her book The Four Tendencies or her other bestsellers The Happiness Project and Better than Before. She also hosts an award-winning podcast called Happier with Gretchen Rubin where she and her sister dive into practical ways to build habits, boost happiness, and live with more intention. Thanks again for listening.

Today, in light of the upcoming Come Follow Me lesson which covers Official Declaration 2, we’re honored to share a conversation with W. Paul Reeve and Ramesus Stewart-Johnson about race, the priesthood and temple restriction, and what it really means to root out racism in our church community today.Since lifting the priesthood and temple ban in 1978, we have witnessed a great flourishing of the church, as multitudes have embraced the restored gospel in Africa and elsewhere. We can pause to celebrate this transformation occurring in the body of Christ, while contemplating how we can continue to follow the prophetic challenge to root out racism in our church, in our society and in our hearts today.. Part of this work is recognizing that myths and misinformation about our history on race persist to this day, subtle remnants of racism.This conversation felt bold, and at times, challenging. But both Paul and Ramesus share their personal stories, insights, and convictions to help us face our past and future with clarity and spiritual courage. Paul walks us through the history—how the restriction began, how it was solidified, and how newly available primary sources push back against the idea, expressed in our Come Follow Me manual, that we “just don’t know” why the priesthood and temple restrictions were put in place. Paul argues that, until we come face-to-face with our history, we will not learn what we should from it. Ramesus helps us grapple with the lasting spiritual and emotional impact this history has had on many Black Saints—and how genuine discipleship, rooted in grace, honesty, and reconciliation, may be the key to moving forward.Paul is the Simmons Chair of Mormon Studies at the University of Utah and author of Let’s Talk About Race and Priesthood, published by Deseret Book, as well as Religion of a Different Color, a landmark history of race and the early Church and winner of multiple book awards. Ramesus founded the North Texas Genesis Group as a support for Black Latter-day Saints, and now leads Black Lives Bless, an organization devoted to building beloved community through storytelling and truth-telling across the global Church and beyond.We’re deeply grateful to Paul and Ramesus for being willing to share their hearts and their wisdom with us.You can watch a video of how Paul would lead a Sunday School discussion on Official Declaration 2 on our YouTube channel, and you can find Paul's slides for that discussion here.You can learn more from Black Lives Bless on their website, blacklivesbless.org.And find even more from Faith Matters on this important topic in this week's newsletter on our website, faithmatters.org.

Today, we’re so excited to share a conversation with our good friend and teammate at Faith Matters, Cece Proffit. If you’ve followed Faith Matters for a while, you’ve felt Cece’s influence—her energy, creativity, and care shape so much of what we do behind the scenes. And so today, we’re thrilled she’s stepping in front of the mic to talk about one of her very favorite subjects—Advent.In this conversation, Cece offers a beautiful and grounding introduction to Advent. If this tradition is new to you, you’ll come away with simple, meaningful ways to begin. But beyond that, she invites us to experience Advent as a season of sacred longing—a time to hold both the beauty and the ache of our lives, and to trust that God will meet us in all of it.Cece helps us see that Advent prepares us for the joy of Christ’s coming, not by turning away from the hard and the real, but by teaching us to stay with it. In that presence, something holy unfolds. And maybe most beautifully, she reminds us that we are part of this unfolding—that Christ comes not only to us in this season, but through us. Through our love, our creativity, we join in the work of “hasten[ing] the time” of peace on earth, goodwill toward men.For even more resources on Advent, including music, past essays, and more, be sure to check out our newsletter for this episode at faithmatters.org, and be sure to become a free subscriber to Wayfare at wayfaremagazine.org to receive beautiful, thoughtful essays to accompany your Advent observance this season.

Today we are so excited to share a session from this year’s Restore Gathering with Mallory Everton. Mallory is best known for her work on the sketch comedy show Studio C, and in this session, she asks a question she says she’s been asking her whole life: do Latter-Day Saints have a problem with laughter? She explores how in the context of spirituality, humor sometimes gets sidelined—dismissed as loud, irreverent, or frivolous. But she really pushes back on that assumption, flipping the idea on its head. Laughter, she argues, isn’t a distraction from spiritual life—it’s a spiritual practice in its own right. One that roots us in the present, binds us to each other, and softens us toward the divine.She walks us through what actually makes us laugh—and invites us to consider that when Jesus said to become like little children, he may have been pointing us toward a life that’s playful, open, and easily delighted. And yes, she tells some unforgettable stories that had the whole room in tears of laughter.This session is available to watch on YouTube, and we definitely recommend checking it out there. If you attended Restore in person, you can rewatch all the sessions for free. Otherwise, recordings are available for purchase at faithmatters.org/restore. And if you’d like to hear more from Mallory, she also co-hosts another Faith Matters podcast called The Soloists—we think you’ll love it.

We’re really excited to share this week’s episode with you—a conversation with scholar and historian, Matt Bowman. Matt is the Howard W. Hunter Chair of Mormon Studies and an associate professor of religion and history at Claremont Graduate University. In this conversation, he draws on ancient scripture to explore two archetypes that show up again and again: the prophet and the priest.The prophet, Matt says, is often a voice from the outside—someone who has had a powerful, personal encounter with the divine and is sent to deliver a message that calls the community to repent. They challenge, critique, and call us back to our spiritual roots.The priest, by contrast, usually nurtures from within—building and sustaining community, preserving memory, and ministering through sacred ritual. The priest creates belonging, continuity, and connection.And while these approaches may seem to contrast, they work in harmony to support and strengthen the spiritual life of a community.Matt notes that beginning around the 1950s, we began consistently referring to the president of the church as the prophet. And he wonders if, in doing so, we may have come to sometimes undervalue the essential priestly work the President of the Church also does.This conversation helped us see something familiar—and deeply cherished in our tradition—in a fresh and powerful way and we came away feeling more grateful for a structure that makes room for both priestly care and prophetic vision.We’re so thankful to Matt for this conversation, and we hope you love it as much as we did.Matt’s piece that inspired this conversation, The Prophet and the Priest, will be published in Issue 6 of Wayfare alongside poetry, stories, essays and more exploring the roles of prophets and of prophecy in our tradition. We’re putting this issue in the mail to all Wayfare paid subscribers and Friends of Faith Matters on December 1, so subscribe now if you haven’t already to be sure you get your copy! 

Today we’re bringing you a special live episode recorded at the Compass Gallery in Provo with filmmaker Matt Whitaker.Matt is the director and one of the writers and producers of the new film Truth & Treason, which tells the astonishing true story of Helmuth Hübener—a 16-year-old Latter-day Saint in Nazi Germany. After secretly tuning into forbidden BBC broadcasts on his brother’s radio, Helmuth encountered a world of information that challenged everything he’d been told. He then set off on a course of bold and dangerous resistance, writing and distributing anti-Nazi leaflets across his city with two friends—risking everything to speak the truth. It’s a story of conviction, moral courage, and the high cost of standing up. Matt spent over 20 years bringing this story to the screen, and in this conversation he shares the incredible behind-the-scenes journey, including his experience tracking down the last surviving member of Helmuth’s resistance group, and other miracles that made the film possible. He explores the moral weight of the story, the complexity of faith during dark times, and why he believes this film matters right now more than ever.Truth & Treason is currently in theaters, and there’s still time to see it. It’s a timely and compelling film—and supporting this remarkable project and the filmmakers behind it will help ensure that more stories like this can be told.

Today we’re wrapping up our week of Unpacking Polygamy with a very honest, illuminating and challenging conversation among three faithful friends: Bethany Brady Spaulding, Patrick Mason and Bill Turnbull. Together, they tackle the profound theological problems that polygamy presents, particularly as it is laid out in what is perhaps the most challenging scripture in our canon—Section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants. They compare and contrast Section 132 with what God has revealed elsewhere in scripture and with what the church actually teaches today. And they consider the question of whether it is possible for the church to actually move on from polygamy if section 132 continues to be taught as inspired scripture. Along the way, they celebrate the restored gospel’s teaching of a higher and holier order of celestial union—couples sealed together for eternity as intimate, equal partners.This conversation was originally inspired by an essay written by Bill and Susan Turnbull, two of Faith Matters founders, titled “One Couple’s Wrestle with Polygamy.” It’s a fascinating and compelling piece and we encourage you to check it out. You can also find Bill’s essay on the Abrahamic Test on our website, faithmatters.org.Faithfulness in any relationship, including our relationship with God and with the Church, requires not just generosity but also a willingness to acknowledge and honestly address problems. This is a conversation full of both generosity and honesty. We hope you are challenged and inspired by it.This episode is part of a five-part series on polygamy. We invite you to listen to all five episodes for a range of perspectives and voices on this important topic. You can find even more resources on our website, faithmatters.org. 

Today we’re joined by Carol Lynn Pearson—poet, playwright, and author of The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy.With extraordinary honesty, clarity, and compassion, Carol Lynn shares her deeply personal perspective on this chapter of our history and why she believes polygamy was a great mistake—one that continues to “haunt the hearts and heaven” of many Latter-day Saints today.In this episode, we learn how she holds this belief alongside a deep devotion to her faith. She shares how it’s shaped her understanding of prophetic authority, and why she feels we can honor our past without being bound by it.Carol Lynn believes it’s time we stop letting polygamy burden our spirits, our relationships, or our view of God. With both tenderness and conviction, she calls us to help the human family “cross the plains of patriarchy into the land of partnership.”Her faith, strength, and spiritual integrity continue to inspire us, and we’re so grateful for the wisdom she brings to this conversation.Quick note—during the conversation, we mention some Come, Follow Me curriculum for children originally included in this week’s lesson. Since recording, the Church has made important revisions to that material, which we would’ve highlighted had they been available at the time.You can find Carol Lynn’s book The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy on Bookshop.org or on Amazon. This episode is part of a five-part series on polygamy. We invite you to listen to all five episodes for a range of perspectives and voices on this important topic. You can find even more resources on our website, faithmatters.org. 

Today we’re welcoming back Patrick Mason for a conversation with author and historian Brittany Chapman Nash.In this episode, Patrick and Brittany explore what plural marriage looked like in the early Utah period—how it was lived, how it was taught, and why so many Latter-day Saints practiced it with such deep conviction. Brittany shares stories from women whose voices often go unheard, and helps us understand not just the spiritual and theological motivations behind polygamy, but the complexity, nuance, and sometimes heartbreak that came with it.She offers a window into the hopes, sacrifices, and faith of those who lived this principle—and reflects on what that legacy means for us today.You can learn more in Brittany’s book Let’s Talk about Polygamy, which was published by Deseret Book. This episode is part of a five-part series on polygamy. We invite you to listen to all five episodes for a range of perspectives and voices on this important topic. You can find even more resources on our website, faithmatters.org. 

Today, we’re honored to welcome Nate Oman—law professor, scholar, and co-founder of the pioneering Latter-day Saint blog, Times and Seasons.Our conversation begins with a bold idea: that experiencing a stupor of thought, or being troubled, is very often a prelude to revelation. For Nate, facing discomfort head-on—naming it and wrestling with it—has become a sacred part of his discipleship and a path to deeper faith.And so in that spirit, today we’re taking a hard and honest look at the doctrine of sealing—where it came from, the ways it’s evolved, and how it became intertwined with plural marriage. Nate helps us trace its roots and earliest iterations in Latter-Day Saint theology, and he wrestles openly with what it all means for us now.While this episode doesn’t offer easy answers, it reveals how our efforts to connect the human family throughout our history have been both human and divine. And that if we’re willing to look closely—even at the messiness—we might find ourselves stretched toward greater light, deeper understanding, and a more generous, expansive faith.You can find Nate’s books Law and the Restoration: Law and Latter-day Saint History and Law and the Restoration: Law and Latter-day Saint Thought and Scripture on Bookshop.org or on Amazon.This episode is part of a five-part series on polygamy. We invite you to listen to all five episodes for a range of perspectives and voices on this important topic. You can find even more resources on our website, faithmatters.org.