Raising Kids Who Feel Safe Talking to You :: Vicki Courtney *top 10 episode* [Ep 592]

Vicki Courtney is an author, speaker, and mom who has spent years helping parents navigate the hard conversations that come with raising kids in today’s culture. Through her books and ministry, she equips parents to talk honestly with their kids about faith, culture, relationships, and the challenges they’re facing.In this top 10  episode (which originally aired on March 18, 2019), Vicki and I talk about how to parent with courage and humility in a culture that can feel increasingly unfamiliar to Christian families. Instead of parenting from fear, Vicki encourages us to make space for honest questions, lead with love, and create an environment where our kids know they can come to us with anything. Even when the world feels uncertain, Jesus is still our hope, and our kids need parents who are willing to walk alongside them as they wrestle with faith.In this episode, we talk about: How Vicki came to know Jesus and the ministry God called her to The culture our kids are growing up in and why it can feel increasingly unfriendly to the Christian faith Why we need to teach our kids to walk in truth while leading with love How to make room for meaningful conversations by creating margin in your family The pressure moms feel to make sure their kids are doing everything: sports, music, activities, academics, and more Letting go of the belief that we have to orchestrate our children's futures Giving our kids room to fail, wrestle, and learn from failure Creating an environment where our kids feel safe coming to us with anything Why real-time conversations and our attitude toward our kids matters Parenting without shame, finger-wagging, or pretending we have it all together What the prodigal son and the older brother teach us about God's grace The challenges young men are facing as they grow into adulthood Finding hope when you're afraid of the world your kids are growing up in Connect with Vicki Courtney:  Website: Vicki Courtney  Instagram: Vicki Courtney (@vickicourtney) Facebook: Vicki Courtney Links Mentioned:  5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter: By Vicki Courtney 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son: By Vicki Courtney The Prodigal God: By Timothy Keller Revolutionary Parenting: By George Barna Related Episodes: How Parents Can Equip Kids to Find Freedom, Healing, and Identity in Christ :: Jennifer Barnett [Ep 577] Gospel-Focused Conversations :: Joel Fitzpatrick [Ep. 251] The Parenting Shift That Changes Everything :: David Thomas and Sissy Goff [Ep 572] Featured Sponsors:  Thrive Causemetics: Get your new everyday favorites with 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/DMA.  Finding Jesus Countdown to Christmas Kit: Finding Jesus is a fun and meaningful countdown to Christmas that turns seeking Jesus into a daily family tradition. You can find the Finding Jesus Countdown to Christmas Kit at SeekHimFirst.com/HEATHER. You can also order on amazon here.

Today’s guest is Crystal Paine, founder of MoneySavingMom.com and a longtime advocate for helping families save money, manage their finances, and live with greater intention. Crystal is passionate about helping women find financial peace and make practical changes with whatever they have, wherever they are. In This EpisodeWe’re talking about the fear, stress, and emotions that can come with money, and how to move toward greater financial peace. Crystal shares practical habits anyone can start using today, whether you’re paying off debt, trying to save, or simply wanting to feel more confident about where your money is going. We talk about:  Why so many women have fear around money How to align your spending with what matters most Navigating money differences in marriage Understanding emotional spending Simple ways to start saving more Why we often use money to feel like we are helping our kids Crystal’s 1-hour money plan Looking at your finances with your 90 year old self in mind  Trusting God as your provider, even in lean seasons Connect with Crystal Paine:  Website: Money Saving Mom® | Saving Families Money Since 2007  Instagram: Crystal Paine 🌻 MoneySavingMom (@themoneysavingmom) Facebook: Money Saving Mom Links Mentioned:  The 7 Habits of Financially Healthy Women: By Crystal Paine 5 Day Budget Makeover  Budget Spreadsheet  Related Episodes: Budget Isn’t a Dirty Word :: Ericka Young [Ep 244] Reflecting on Financial Priorities :: Ericka Young [Ep 286] Hope When You Hit a Financial Bottom :: Erin Odom [Ep 177] Featured Sponsors:  Primal Queen – For a limited time only, our listeners are getting a Full FREE MONTH of Primal Queen plus FOUR FREE GIFTS at PrimalQueen.com/DMA.  Tushy – Some of life’s best upgrades happen behind a closed bathroom door. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code [DMA] at checkout. That’s 10% off your first bidet order at HelloTUSHY.com with promo code [DMA]. Wayfair: Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. 

As moms, it can be easy to confuse parenting with controlling. We want our children to make wise choices, succeed, and avoid pain. But fear can quickly turn our desire to help into nagging, manipulation, or control. Sarah Stephens joins me to talk about what it looks like to move from controlling our children to mentoring, discipling, guiding, and loving them well.Sarah shares how God has taught her that our calling is not to control outcomes, but to remain faithful to the process. We talk about seeking wisdom from above, listening for God’s voice, recognizing the difference between conviction and condemnation, and learning to entrust our children and their choices to God.In this episode, we talk about: Why control is often motivated by fear Learning to focus on the process, not the outcome How to know when to speak up—and when to let something go The only control we’re actually called to have: self-control Seeking God’s wisdom instead of simply collecting more information Learning to recognize God’s voice How comparison can steal a mom’s peace Asking, “Can my child recover from this?” Parenting, guiding, and loving our children even when we disagree Praying for our children and leaving it at the feet of Jesus  What it looks like to say, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done” Connect with Sarah Stephens:  Website: Sarah Stephens - Equipping Women for Every Day  Instagram: Sarah Tunstall Stephens (@sstephenstx) Facebook: Sarah Tunstall Stephens Links Mentioned:  Boundaries: By Dr. Henry Cloud and  John Townsend Have a New Teenager by Friday: By  Dr. Kevin Leman   Related Episodes: Inner Healing Prayer :: Jennifer Barnett [Ep 323] How Parents Can Equip Kids to Find Freedom, Healing, and Identity in Christ :: Jennifer Barnett [Ep 577] How to Hear God’s Voice: Freedom Prayer and Abiding in Christ with Jennifer Barnett [Ep 576] Featured Sponsors:  Lola Blankets: For a limited time, our listeners can get 40% OFF select Lola Blankets products with code [DMA] at checkout. Just head to LolaBlankets.com and use code [DMA] to get 40% OFF your order. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. Branch Basics: And here’s the good news—Branch Basics is now available everywhere you shop: at Target, Target.com, Amazon, and of course, BranchBasics.com. Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient! For anyone grabbing the Premium Starter Kit, you can still get 15% off at BranchBasics.com with our code [DMA].  Our place: Upgrade your kitchen with Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com/DMA and use code DMA for 10% off sitewide. With a 100-day trial, you can try it completely risk-free.

Family relationships can be complicated! So how do we navigate changing family roles, competing expectations, boundaries, and communication while protecting the relationships that matter most?In this episode, Stacy Reaoch joins me to talk about the challenges that can come with family relationships and what it looks like to choose connection, extend grace, and build bridges even when things feel awkward or difficult. Stacy co-wrote Making Room for Her with her own mother-in-law and shares wisdom from interviewing women across different generations about their experiences.We talk about: Why family relationships can become challenging when roles and expectations change Navigating competing expectations around time, holidays, and extended family Knowing when to speak up and when to let something go Why unsolicited advice can create tension—and what to do instead How parenting preferences can create conflict between generations Choosing the relationship over the small things What grandparents can do to build trust with their adult children and their spouses Finding small ways to show love and move toward a family member, even when it feels awkward How to support your adult child's marriage without taking sides What to do when you're concerned about your child's marriage Learning to navigate a new relationship with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law Practicing patience, humility, and healthy communication Trusting God with relationships that feel impossible to repair Connect with Stacy Reaoch:  Website: Stacy Reaoch  Facebook: Stacy Reaoch Instagram: @stacyreaoch Links Mentioned:  Making Room for Her: By Stacy and Barbara Reaoch The Word in Our Home: By Ben, Stacy and Barbara Reaoch Related Episodes: How to Have Healthy Conflict :: Lynn Hoffman [Ep 307] Good Boundaries and Goodbyes :: Lysa TerKeurst [Ep 387] Adult Child Estrangement: What to Do—and How to Hold On to Hope :: Dr. Jim Burns [Ep 587] Featured Sponsors:  Hiya Health; you can now find Hiya in person at Target stores nationwide, or order directly from their website with a special deal we’ve worked out just for you. Receive 50% off your first order on any of their products. Get your kids the full-body support they deserve. Honeylove: Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off Honeylove at honeylove.com/[DMA]. That’s honeylove dot com slash [DMA]. After you check out, they’ll ask where you heard about them — please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honeylove.

We know we are called to parent in the power of the Holy Spirit, but then life comes at us like a train and suddenly we are back to doing everything in our own strength. I know I can easily fall into this trap. I can know all the right things, but knowing the truth and actually relying on the Holy Spirit in the middle of motherhood are two very different things.In this top 10 episode, I talk with Jeannie Cunnion about what it really looks like to parent with the Holy Spirit. We start by taking an honest look at what we actually believe about Him. Do I truly trust that the Holy Spirit lives in me and wants to guide, strengthen, comfort, and help me? Jeannie reminds us that the Holy Spirit is not an "it." He is a person, our Helper, Advocate, Counselor, Comforter, and Champion.We talk about what it means to lean into His presence instead of constantly trying to figure everything out on our own. We are not parenting alone. God has graciously given us the Holy Spirit, and there is no part of the Christian life that is meant to be lived without His supernatural power.As moms, we have an incredible opportunity to be a gift to one another. We can encourage each other, pray for each other, and help carry one another when we feel like we can't keep going. We don't have to manufacture the fruit of the Spirit through our own effort. We can stay connected to God and allow His Spirit to produce His fruit in us.If you have ever felt overwhelmed by motherhood or wondered how you're supposed to keep going, I hope this conversation reminds you that you were never meant to parent alone.In this episode, we talk about: What it means to parent in the power of the Holy Spirit Taking an honest look at what we believe about the Holy Spirit Learning to recognize the Holy Spirit's promptings What it means to be the temple of the Holy Spirit Feeding the Spirit instead of feeding the flesh Why there is no "junior Holy Spirit" when it comes to our kids Connect with Jeannie Cunnion:  Website: Jeannie Cunnion  Instagram: Jeannie Cunnion (@jeanniecunnion) Links Mentioned:  Never Alone By Jeannie Cunnion Forgotten God: By Francis Chan Mom Set Free: By Jeannie Cunnion Don't Miss Out: By  Jeannie Cunnion The Jesus Storybook Bible: By Sally Lloyd-Jones Related Episodes: Cultivating Intimacy with God in Motherhood :: Jeannie Cunnion [Ep 490] Set Free From Shame :: Jeannie Cunnion [Ep 190]  Anchoring Our Kids’ Lovability in Christ :: Jeannie Cunnion {Ep 91}  Featured Sponsors: Thrive Causemetics: Amplify your look with Thrive Causemetics. Go to thrivecausemetics.com/DMA to get 20% off your first order. 

What happens when our kids grow up and our role as their mom begins to change?This is something I think so many moms struggle with, but we don't always talk about it. When our kids are young, there is so much support and conversation around parenting. But once they become adults, the challenges can feel much more complicated and lonely.We can find ourselves comparing our kids' lives. Where did they go to college? Are they married? Do they have kids? What are they doing with their lives? And then there are the harder questions. What happens when our adult child makes choices we don't understand? What happens when they pull away from us? And what happens when there is little or no contact at all?In this episode, I talk with Dr. Jim Burns about one of the hardest topics many parents face: estrangement from an adult child. We talk about what estrangement can look like, why parents often ask themselves, "What did I do wrong?" and how we can move from heartache to hope.One of the biggest reminders in this conversation is that we cannot fix our adult children. But we can learn how to love them well, communicate differently, and keep the door open for reconciliation.In This Episode, We Talk About: Why moms often struggle silently when parenting adult children The comparison game that can happen when our kids become adults What adult child estrangement can look like Why parents often blame themselves when a child pulls away Why unsolicited advice can feel like criticism How to become the calmest person in the room Being a safe person without becoming a doormat Moving from being an advice giver to becoming a mentor How to respond when we feel defensive or hurt Connect with Dr. Jim Burns:  Website: HomeWord  Instagram: Dr. Jim Burns and Doug Fields (@homewordfamily) Facebook: HomeWord Family Links Mentioned:  When Your Adult Child Strays: By Jim Burns Ph.D Doing Life with Your Adult Children: By Jim Burns Ph.D Boundaries: By Henry Cloud and John Townsend Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child: By Tina Gilbertson Jim Burns Podcast - HomeWord  Related Episodes: Strengthening the Relationship with Your Adult Child :: Kathy Cunningham [Ep 543] How to {really} Parent with Grace :: Jeannie Cunnion {Ep 55} “How do I connect better with my kids?” [Ep 475] Featured Sponsors:  Honeylove: Save 20% off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/DMA #honeylovepodExperience the new standard in comfort and support with Honeylove. Wayfair: Join Wayfair Rewards today to get  5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. Every Style. Every Home. 

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Alison Cook to talk about attachment, emotional healing, and the ways our relationships shape how we understand ourselves, others, and God.We all have a deep need for connection, safety, and belonging, but we can sometimes place too much pressure on the people around us to meet those needs. Dr. Cook explains why human relationships are important while also reminding us that no person can be the ultimate source of everything our souls need. There is a deeper attachment available to us through God.We also talk about what happens when old wounds surface, particularly when we finally feel safe enough for those parts of us to emerge. Dr. Cook describes these experiences as “soul ruptures”, moments when core memories and beliefs about ourselves can become activated. Instead of responding with shame or criticism, we can learn to slow down, notice what we're feeling, and become curious about what that part of us needs.This conversation is especially meaningful for moms who spend so much of their time caring for everyone else. When we’re constantly focused on our children’s needs, it can be easy to lose touch with what’s happening inside of us. Dr. Cook encourages us to make space for our own souls, tend to the younger parts of ourselves that still need care, and allow God’s healing presence into those places. Our souls are worth tending to, too.In This Episode Why attachment is such a fundamental human need Why we can’t expect another person to meet all of our emotional needs What divine attachment means and how God becomes our ultimate source of connection Why parts of us can surface when we finally feel safe What a soul rupture is and how core memories can continue to affect us How shame and blame show up when we feel like we don’t belong Learning to recognize and care for the younger parts of ourselves What it means to “parent your soul” Recognizing our internal bids for connection Why healing requires space for difficult emotions How moms can make more room for their own emotional and spiritual needs Why we don’t change through shame or criticism  Connect with Dr. Alison Cook:  Website: Dr. Alison Cook Instagram: Dr. Alison Cook | Psychotherapist + Secure Attachment (@dralisoncook) Facebook: Dr. Alison Cook Links Mentioned:  The Secure Soul: By Dr. Alison Cook Boundaries for Your Soul: By Dr. Alison Cook You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: By Richard Schwartz PhD Dr. Alison Cook | The Best of You Podcast  The Best of You Every Day Podcast - 8 minute devotional   Related Episodes: Building Healthy Relationships by Exploring Adult Attachment Patterns (Part 1) :: Charissa Lopez [Ep 498] Building Healthy Relationships by Exploring Adult Attachment Patterns (Part 2) :: Charissa Lopez [Ep 499] Strengthening the Relationship with Your Adult Child :: Kathy Cunningham [Ep 543] Featured Sponsors:  Our place: Upgrade your kitchen with Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com/DMA and use code DMA for 10% off sitewide. With a 100-day trial, you can try it completely risk-free. Oak Essentials: The Luminous Body Lotion has sold out multiple times — and once you try it, you’ll understand why. Head to Oakessentials.com and use code [DMA] for 15% off your first order at checkout. Lola Blankets: For a limited time, our listeners can get 40% OFF select Lola Blankets products with code [DMA] at checkout. Just head to LolaBlankets.com and use code [DMA] to get 40% OFF your order. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets.

As moms, it's so easy to compare our children to everyone else's. We wonder why one child seems to thrive in situations where another struggles. We ask ourselves if we're doing something wrong or if we'd somehow be a better parent if our child were different.But what if God intentionally gave you the child you have?In this episode, I'm talking about what it looks like to parent the child God created instead of the child we expected. Everyone has a unique personality, unique strengths, unique struggles, and a unique purpose. Our job isn't to force them into a mold, it’s to become students of who God made them to be.I share an episode with Sally Clarkson and her son Nathan about how our parenting often changes when we begin looking beyond behavior and start asking what our children truly need. Sometimes what looks like defiance is anxiety. Sometimes what looks like impulsiveness may be part of how God uniquely wired them. As parents, we have the opportunity to respond with curiosity, compassion, and wisdom instead of frustration.We'll also discuss the reality of raising children with ADHD, OCD, sensory challenges, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence. Receiving a diagnosis can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't define your child. It simply gives you a better map for understanding how they experience the world. God isn't surprised by your child's wiring, and He certainly isn't limited by it.Remember, God didn't make a mistake when He gave your child to you. He chose you to be their mom for a reason, and He promises to give you the wisdom and grace you need for every step of the journey.Connect with Sally Clarkson:  Website: SallyClarkson.com  Instagram: Sally Clarkson (@sally.clarkson) Facebook: Sally Clarkson Links Mentioned:  Don't Mom Alone: By Heather MacFadyen Different: By Sally and Nathan Clarkson Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Related Episodes: Loving Your “Different” Child :: Sally and Nathan Clarkson [Ep 149] Mothering Autism: Navigating Grief, Marriage, and Community :: Carrie Cariello, Kate Swenson, and Adrian Wood [Ep 515] Featured Sponsors:  Hiya Health: We've worked out a special deal with Hiya. Receive 50% off your first order on any of their products. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DMA. This deal is not available on their regular website. Get your kids the full-body support they deserve. Honeylove: Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off Honeylove at honeylove.com/DMA . Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honeylove. Branch Basics: And here’s the good news—Branch Basics is now available everywhere you shop: at Target, Target.com, Amazon, and of course, BranchBasics.com. Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient! For anyone grabbing the Premium Starter Kit, you can still get 15% off at BranchBasics.com with our code [DMA]. The Premium Starter Kit comes with The Concentrate, and refillable bottles for your surface cleaners, including All-Purpose, Bathroom, Streak-Free, Foaming Hand Wash, and Laundry. It also comes with Oxygen Boost for extra stubborn stains on pots and pans, laundry, bathroom tile and more. This kit is a great way to kickstart your human-safe cleaning routine

Have you ever reached the end of the day and felt like you had absolutely nothing left to give?Maybe it was the question, "What's for dinner?" that pushed you over the edge. Maybe it was another toddler tantrum, another sleepless night, a teenager's attitude, caring for aging parents, or simply feeling touched out after pouring into everyone else all day.If that's you, I want you to hear this: There is nothing wrong with you. God is not surprised that you feel overwhelmed.One of the biggest lies we believe as moms is that good moms don't get overwhelmed. Somewhere along the way, we begin acting as though we're supposed to be limitless. But only God is limitless.I share an episode from Kat Lee that has stayed with me. As a young mom, she found herself sitting in her van in the garage, overwhelmed and in tears. She cried out to God, expecting Him to change her circumstances, but instead He gently invited her to begin preparing her heart before the day ever began. His invitation wasn't about checking off another spiritual discipline or becoming a "better Christian." It was simply an invitation to spend a few quiet moments remembering who He is, reading a few verses, praying for her children, and asking Him to help her become a conduit of His grace throughout the day.Jesus invites us to return to Him again and again throughout the day. He is the source of Living Water that never runs dry. Whether you're feeling emptied by toddlers, teenagers, aging parents, anxiety, work, or simply the weight of everyday motherhood, His grace is still available. The goal isn't to become a mom who never runs out of energy or patience. The goal is to become a mom who knows where to go when she does.Connect with Kat Lee:  Website: InspiredToAction.com - Inspiration for Motherhood  Instagram: Hello Mornings with Kat Lee (@hellomornings) Links Mentioned:  Don't Mom Alone: By Heather MacFadyen Hello Mornings - We help you build a consistent morning routine.  Related Episodes: The Mom Game Changer :: Kat Lee {Ep 41}  Don’t Mom Alone (#GCMLive Event) :: Kat Lee and Wynter Pitts [Ep 185] Healthy Habit Building :: Kat Lee [Ep 300] Featured Sponsors: Hiya Health: We've worked out a special deal with Hiya. Receive 50% off your first order on any of their products. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DMA. This deal is not available on their regular website. Get your kids the full-body support they deserve.Thrive Causemetics: Amplify your look with Thrive Causemetics. Go to thrivecausemetics.com/DMA to get 20% off your first order. 

Have you ever felt lonely in a season where you actually had people around you?I know I have.After having my fourth child, I found myself feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I had people in my life, but I realized I wasn't truly letting them in. I wasn't being honest about what was hard, where I was struggling, or what I really needed. After experiencing a panic attack, I found myself in counseling and on a journey toward finding deeper, more meaningful connections.In this week’s Coffee with Heather mentor series, I want to talk about community in motherhood because I know how hard it can be. As moms, we are constantly pouring out—meeting our kids' needs, managing schedules, and caring for everyone around us. Sometimes friendship gets pushed to the side because we simply don't have the energy left.But the truth is, we were never meant to do motherhood alone.In this conversation, I share: Why making and maintaining friendships can feel so difficult as a mom. How we can unintentionally keep people at a distance. The insecurity that can come when we see groups of moms who already seem connected. How vulnerability helps us move from surface-level relationships into real connection, and how to practically do that.  Practical ways to start building community, even in a busy season. I also share an interview with Jada Edwards about the importance of remembering that our kids don't need a perfect mom—they need the mom God created us to be. We can trust Him with the gaps and allow Him to bring people into our lives who can speak truth, love, and encouragement into our children. God often provides a village in ways we don't expect. Sometimes we just have to be willing to ask Him to show us who those people are and take the first step toward connection.Connect with Melanie Shankle:  Website: Big Mama – the big mama blog  Facebook: Melanie Shankle -The Big Mama Blog Connect with Jada Edwards:  Website: Jada Edwards  Instagram: Jada A Edwards (@jada_edwards) Links Mentioned:  Feelings Chart Needs Chart Don't Mom Alone: By Heather MacFadyen Related Episodes: You are Qualified in Christ :: Jada Edwards [Ep 248] Generational Healing: Becoming the Mom You Needed :: Melanie Shankle [Ep 508] Navigating Friendship :: Melanie Shankle [Ep 273]  Featured Sponsors:  Branch Basics: And here’s the good news—Branch Basics is now available everywhere you shop: at Target, Target.com, Amazon, and of course, BranchBasics.com. Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient! For anyone grabbing the Premium Starter Kit, you can still get 15% off at BranchBasics.com with our code [DMA]. The Premium Starter Kit comes with The Concentrate, and refillable bottles for your surface cleaners, including All-Purpose, Bathroom, Streak-Free, Foaming Hand Wash, and Laundry. It also comes with Oxygen Boost for extra stubborn stains on pots and pans, laundry, bathroom tile and more. This kit is a great way to kickstart your human-safe cleaning routine Hiya Health: We've worked out a special deal with Hiya. Receive 50% off your first order on any of their products. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DMA. This deal is not available on their regular website. Get your kids the full-body support they deserve. Honeylove: Save 20% off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/DMA #honeylovepod