152- ADHD and the Guilt of Unfinished Dreams

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryHave you ever been told, or told yourself, that if you really wanted a tidier home you'd have done it by now? In this episode Heather gets into why that message is so untrue, and why wanting it badly is rarely the missing piece. Money, health, energy, the people you live with, inherited stuff and sheer volume all play their part, and so do systems that were built for someone else's brain. Sometimes, though, what keeps you stuck is more psychological than that.Heather talks about how every blitz that slid back and every borrowed system that never stuck quietly gets filed away as evidence that you can't do this. If you're neurodivergent and have spent years braced for criticism, it's no wonder your brain eventually asks why you're even bothering.She shares three stories she sees over and over with clients. The first is the quiet belief that you don't deserve a nice home, or that you'd never keep it nice anyway. The second is the feeling that there's no point until you move or the extension gets built. The third is the idea that nice homes just aren't who you are. That last one is personal. Heather opens up about growing up in doer uppers, envying friends with freshly plastered new builds, nearly writing to DIY SOS, and realising it was never the walls that made her home feel wrong.There's a lot here about perfectionism, and why you're allowed one lovely corner, one comfy nook or one finished drawer even when the rest of the room still needs work. Heather explains avoidance as self preservation: your brain protecting you from disappointment. What breaks the cycle is trusting yourself (or trusting her, if that feels like too much right now), with mindset and action working together. There's also an HSIO moment giving you permission to want and keep a nice home, whatever your family's homes looked like.This is the penultimate episode before DeclutterCon on 10th October at the Radisson Blu, Sheffield, UK. Tickets are on sale until Sunday 4th October, now with live stream tickets available if you can't be there in person. You'll find them at www.decluttercon.co.uk Timestamps00:00 - Why decluttering failures are usually psychological, not proof of laziness00:57 - Why “you don't want it enough” is a damaging myth03:21 - Why self-help advice often misses the real problem05:15 - Wanting it badly can become part of the overwhelm06:14 - When the issue is systems, not mindset06:43 - Why blitz decluttering works briefly and then falls apart09:07 - The hidden belief that you do not deserve a nice home10:31 - “It is temporary” and why waiting can last for years13:49 - Perfectionism and the belief that a home must be fully finished to be worth loving15:40 - Self-preservation, avoidance, and the cycle that keeps people stuck19:07 - Why mindset and action both have to change together19:37 - Heather Says It Is Okay: permission to want and keep a nice home20:36 - Choosing one tiny change instead of copying someone else's system21:59 - Final encouragement and reminder to be kind to yourself Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryHeather Tingle shares a personal reflection on why decluttering sometimes means releasing more than objects. In this episode, she unpacks how a box of old business supplies surfaced an abandoned subscription box idea and what that revealed about identity, sunk cost, and the difference between a dream and the stuff attached to it. Letting go of stored items can also mean letting go of guilt, without giving up the possibility of a future version of the dream.Timestamps00:00 — Why this episode is about letting go of a dream 00:29 — The maintenance declutter that surfaced an old box 00:58 — Why Heather had not decluttered her home in 10 years 02:53 — Discovering autism and ADHD during lockdown 05:44 — Why the abandoned idea felt sad, not silly 07:41 — Sunk cost, identity, and staying in limbo 08:35 — Letting go of the stuff without killing the dream 10:32 — Other examples of unfinished dreams and projects 11:30 — How hope turns into guilt and obligation 12:00 — Why the dream was never in the objects 12:22 — Releasing the nagging feeling of unfinished potential 12:51 — Dreams can rest and return in a different form 13:20 — A “Heather says it’s okay” moment about choosing the present 13:49 — Reality over fantasy and prioritising peace of mind 14:46 — Letting go now does not prevent revisiting the idea later Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryThis episode started with a comment from an Untangled Life member: "but that's the missing piece, isn't it, no accountability." Heather takes that and runs with a live confession: she set herself a DeclutterCon bonus challenge to find and sell £60 worth of stuff from her own home to pay for a course she's doing. She's found £90 to £100 worth. She's sold none of it, because she hasn't listed a single item. Heather unpacks why announcing something publicly isn't the same as being accountable for finishing it, why the classic "pretend someone's coming over" trick doesn't work for her brain, and shares two real examples from her own life (a disastrous A level project and a course she completed in her 40's) that show the actual difference between a deadline that works and one that doesn't. She ends with specific, small, immediate accountability tactics, and a public commitment you can hold her accountable to!What you'll walk away withWhy announcing a goal isn't the same as building real accountability into itWhy "pretend someone's coming over in 20 minutes" doesn't work, and why even a real visitor deadline doesn't helpThe difference between a single distant deadline and a long term goal broken into fixed short term checkpointsPractical, small scale accountability tactics you can use as you declutter and organise your homeWhy client "homework" between sessions rarely works, and what Heather does insteadChapters00:00Introduction: The importance of accountability in decluttering02:11Heather's personal decluttering challenge and honesty about progress04:21Why accountability often fails when only self-imposed06:28The significance of fixed deadlines from Heather's academic experience08:36Using short-term checkpoints to stay on track09:54The problem with vague goals and how to make them specific12:30Practical strategies: body doubling, public declarations, and micro deadlines13:49Encouragement to start small and find accountability partners Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryIs Your Tidying Actually Making Your Home Worse?We've all done it, shoved something into whatever drawer had space, told ourselves "away" counted as "organised," and called it a day. In this episode Heather digs into a pattern she sees in almost every client's home: drawers and cupboards with no real system, no zoning, just wherever things happened to end up. She walks through exactly how this spirals, the hunting, the giving up, the leaving things out "so I'll remember where it is," the piles that build on piles, the doom drawers and doom bags, and how it all ends with owning ten of the same item because you can never trust you'll find the original. She unpacks why this is so exhausting on a deeper level too.  Your working memory was never built to hold onto "which of six random drawers has the batteries in it today," and it's not laziness when things get left out, it's a system asking your brain to do a job it can't do. The fix is zoning before organising: deciding where something actually lives based on how you use it, then trusting that home enough to put things back there every time. Heather also shares one of her favourite parts of a declutter session: the moment a client finds something they'd forgotten they even owned, tucked away in a drawer that never had a proper place before.Chapters00:00 Introduction: Why tidiness isn't enough02:13 The problem with random drawers and cupboards04:47 The cycle of clutter and why it happens06:28 The broken windows theory of clutter09:53 Why your brain can't remember everything11:58 The importance of zoning and categorisation12:51 How trusting your system creates lasting order13:17 The joy of rediscovering forgotten items Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryEver hit the point in decluttering where it feels like nothing's changing, no matter how much work you've put in? In this episode Heather talks about the invisible wall so many people hit partway through their decluttering journey.  The point where progress feels invisible and it's easy to think "what's the point, nothing's ever going to change."Heather breaks down why this happens: shrinking dopamine rewards as you get used to letting go of more, the shift away from delayed gratification, working by area instead of by category (which makes progress harder to see), fatigue from treating decluttering as a marathon rather than a sprint, and still putting things down rather than putting them away.She also shares the broken windows theory and how it applies both to relapsing into clutter and to the moment things finally click, plus her own snowball-up-the-hill metaphor for where you might be in the process right now.If you're feeling demoralised and like you'll never get there: this one's for you.Chapters00:00 Introduction to the decluttering wall and emotional challenges02:20 How initial decluttering efforts feel more rewarding05:03 The 'click point' and reaching decluttering milestones06:22 Decluttering as a slow marathon, not a sprint07:16 The challenge of putting things away consistently08:10 The benefits of proper organization and how mess becomes easier to manage09:36 Dealing with frustration when things are out of place10:33 Taking breaks and managing capacity during decluttering11:28 Encouragement to keep pushing and recognising progress11:55 Final motivation: you're making progress and not alone Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast Summary147 episodes in, and Heather realises she's never actually done a full episode on one of her favourite neurodivergent-friendly storage solutions: hooks. In this episode she talks through why hooks work so well for messy brains, busy lives, and anyone who forgets things exist the second they're out of sight. Starting with the fruit-bowl-turned-doom-pile most of us have by the front door, and a client's tiny porch that had become a genuine shoe-related fire hazard. From there, Heather walks room by room through where hooks quietly solve problems that baskets and boxes don't: the entryway, the kitchen, and all the small stuff that "doesn't really have a home" :  TV remotes, towels, clothes brushes, and the chair-pile of not-quite-dirty clothes.What you'll walk away withWhy hooks work so well for ADHD brains and anyone who struggles with "out of sight, out of mind"The difference between a container that helps and a container that quietly becomes a doom pileHow a client's small porch and a big shoe problem got solved with hooks instead of basketsWhy giving something a finite number of hooks is more useful than it sounds (especially with kids' shoes)A room-by-room walkthrough: entryway, kitchen, and the "floating" stuff that never has a proper homeThe one question to ask yourself about any storage solution: can I put this away easily?Who this episode is forAnyone with a spot in their home that keeps quietly filling up no matter how many pretty containers they buy for it — especially if you're ADHD, have a busy household, or just tend to forget things exist the moment they're out of sight.Timestamps00:00 - Why hooks are the storage solution Heather had not talked about yet00:30 - Why open containers become doom piles for ADHD and messy brains01:00 - The fruit bowl problem and why hallway catchalls fail02:29 - When containers turn into extra dumping grounds03:27 - Why hooks work: visible, finite, and instant03:56 - Preparing items so they can actually hang on hooks05:22 - How visible storage stops losing, rebuying, and tripping over items06:46 - Why floor space and safety improve with hook systems07:15 - A tiny porch, too many shoes, and why baskets failed08:40 - Replacing shoe baskets with wall hooks in pairs09:38 - Finite wall space as a built-in boundary for growing children’s shoes10:30 - Entryway items that work well on hooks11:58 - Hooks in the hallway and choosing styles that fit your home12:27 - Kitchen tools, pans, and utensils on hooks and racks13:24 - Using a bulldog clip on a hook for receipts and paper piles14:22 - Solving the problem of items that “float” around the house14:46 - Anchoring the TV remote near the sofa15:15 - Towels, colour coding, and preventing damp piles15:43 - Clothes brushes, torches, and worn clothes that need a temporary home16:37 - The final test: can you put it away easily?Affiliate links to great hooks:Dog tail hooksPet stationHeavy duty hookShower glass door hooksOver door hooksRemote control bungeePhone lanyard Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryYou said you'd "just tidy the side" at 11 o'clock. You look up and it's half past one, the kitchen looks worse than when you started, and you genuinely can't account for the last two hours. In this episode, Heather Tingle talks about time blindness. A genuine, documented part of how many ADHD brains work.  Drawing on her own experience of starting ADHD medication and noticing, for the first time, what time feels like when it isn't "bendy." She breaks down the three ways time blindness shows up in decluttering and daily life: losing hours to a task with no sense of time passing, avoiding tasks because they feel far longer than they actually take, and "waiting mode".... the habit of doing nothing before an appointment so you don't lose track of time. Heather explains why this isn't a discipline problem, why generic productivity advice (yes, including all those planners and the Pomodoro technique) hasn't worked for you, and shares practical, decluttering-specific ways to work with it instead of fighting it.What you'll walk away withWhy time blindness is different from poor time management, and why productivity advice hasn't worked for youThe three ways time blindness shows up: the "Bermuda triangle of time," the overestimation trap, and waiting modeWhy a visible, physical timer works where phone timers don'tHow timing a task once (like putting laundry away) can chip away at the "everything feels bigger than it is" feelingWhy setting a hard "leave by" time works better than a vague window before an appointmentHow accountability — a lift arriving at your cutoff time, or body doubling — can anchor your sense of time passingThe one habit to take away that interrupts all three patternsChapters00:00 Introduction to Time Blindness and Its Impact02:17 Common Patterns of Time Misjudgment in Daily Life04:10 Time Blindness vs. Time Management: Key Differences06:03 Three Common Patterns in Time Blindness07:28 Overcoming the Overestimation of Task Duration08:52 Waiting Mode and Its Hidden Costs10:41 Practical Tools: Timers and Deadlines12:22 Using Time Awareness to Reduce Clutter and Anxiety14:13 Accountability and Body Doubling Strategies15:10 Final Tips and Encouragement for Managing Time BlindnessVisual timer (Amazon Affiliate link)  Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast  SummaryIn this episode of Decluttering Untangled, host Heather Tingle speaks with Emma Sales about the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face when moving house. They discuss the importance of planning, the emotional aspects of moving, and practical tips for decluttering and packing. Emma shares insights from her book, 'Unpacked Neurodivergence and Moving House,' emphasising the need for personalised strategies and the acceptance of one's own moving process. The conversation highlights the significance of creating a safe space during the transition and managing stress effectively.In this conversation, Emma Sails shares her experiences and insights on moving, particularly from the perspective of neurodivergence. She discusses the challenges faced during her own moving day, the importance of having backup plans, and the need for clear communication and organisation. Emma emphasises the significance of creating a safe space during transitions and reflects on her past moves, highlighting the lessons learned. The discussion culminates in practical tips for a successful move.Key  topicsChallenges of moving house with neurodivergenceStrategies for planning and declutteringImportance of safe spaces and routines during moveUsing tools like spreadsheets and labels effectivelyManaging stress and overwhelm in the moving processChapters00:00 Introduction to Emma Sales and her book02:00 Why moving house is especially stressful for neurodivergent individuals03:58 Personal experiences and motivations for writing the book07:08 Planning and organizing the move: tips for neurodivergent minds10:11 Using visual plans and spreadsheets to aid packing12:04 Labeling and prioritizing items for easier unpacking14:57 Creating safe spaces and managing overwhelm during the move17:55 Dealing with last-minute packing and unexpected challenges22:01 Supporting neurodivergent family members during the move26:01 Reflections on past moves and lessons learned30:06 Final tips and encouragement for a successful moveLink to Emma Sails: https://navigatingneurodivergence.co.uk Link to Emmas Book: Unpacked: Neurodivergence and Moving House - (Amazon affiliate link) courses.untangledbytingle.com Getting Started and Zoning Workshop Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryThere is a new decluttering trend doing the rounds called House Hushing, coined by Myquillyn Smith, known online as The Nester. Heather breaks down what it actually involves, where it works brilliantly, and why she has some real reservations about it for anyone with a genuinely full house or an ADHD brain.What You Will LearnWhat House Hushing is and the three steps behind it, the Holding Area, the Pause, and the ReturnHow House Hushing fits into Myquillyn Smith's wider four part approach, decluttering, quiet decorating, soulful styling, and living seasonallyWhen this method genuinely works well, and who it suitsWhy a full house makes this method tricky in practiceThe doom bag risk hiding inside this method, especially for ADHD brainsWhy decluttering by category beats decluttering by roomHeather's take on how to adapt House Hushing so it actually sticksChapters00:00Introduction to House Hushing and Its Popularity00:30What is House Hushing and Its Core Principles01:01The Three Steps of House Hushing: Holding Area, Pause, Return01:57The Benefits of a Quiet, Simplified Space02:26Personalizing Your Space and Seasonal Living03:55Ideal Scenarios for House Hushing: Renovations and Full Projects06:56Practical Challenges: Space, Sorting, and Emotional Impact08:50Risks of Instant Gratification and Over-Correction10:13Limitations: Addressing Underlying Habits and Systems11:42Recommendations for Effective House Hushing and Final Thoughts Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.

Send me a text message about this podcast SummaryYou know that moment when the kitchen cupboard finally shuts, because you've moved half of what was in there to a back stock cupboard in the garage or a shelf in the cellar? It feels like a win. It isn't.In this episode Heather unpacks one of the most common (and sneakiest) decluttering mistakes, splitting or extending a category so some of it can live in a different room. It solves the problem in room one for about five minutes, then quietly creates two new ones, in room one and room two.Heather explains why this happens (it's not laziness, it's your brain looking for the fastest way out of a hard decision), the three knock on effects that show up later, decision fatigue, forgotten back stock, and a second room that was never designed to hold the extra weight, and walks through real examples including summer and winter clothes, books scattered across the house, and children's toys split between three rooms.You'll also get the actual fix: how to choose one proper home for a category based on where it's really used, and reduce what you own until it fits comfortably, rather than reaching for a second location every time it doesn't.If you've got clutter quietly living in more than one place, this episode will help you spot it and, more importantly, sort it for good.In this episode:What "splitting a category" actually means and why it feels like progressThe three problems it creates over timeReal examples: seasonal clothing, books, and children's toysHow to pick one home for a category and make it actually fitWhy this isn't a willpower issue, and how to give yourself permission to fix itChapters00:00 Introduction: The common decluttering mistake00:30 The problem with splitting categories01:26 How splitting causes decision fatigue02:23 Secondary spaces and their pitfalls04:15 Examples of category splitting: books and toys07:07 Strategies for effective decluttering08:34 Creating space and reducing categories09:58 The importance of proper decluttering10:27 Final tips and encouragement Support the showIf you'd like to say 'Thank you', by buying me a virtual coffee (it'll actually buy me a cup of tea!), you can do so HERE. It will mean I can afford to continue to give help for free and continue with this podcast.Get started with my Zoning and Getting Started Workshop, everything you need to know on how to get started and have the best success when decluttering.Join my free Declutter Community for real support, tips and advice from Heather and other Untanglers that are just like you!Follow me on FacebookBuy my Declutter Your Home Planner from Amazon to start to declutter your home yourself! (affiliate link)Grab my current freebies to support a cleaner, tidier home.Follow me on instagramFeel free to email me: [email protected] Please note, I may not be able to reply, but do read all emails to me and appreciate them massively.