Oh Crap, I Just Got Divorced! What Do I Do Now?

In my other life, the one in which I am NOT thinking about dating, I practice “big law.” This gives me a platform from which to advocate for mental health, the topic of my first book, Southern Vapors. What better time to put a message out there about what it’s like to struggle during uncertain times and some personal thoughts on taking care of ourselves. Be well.

Welcome to Episode Eight of “Dating Over 50: The Pleasure and the Perils!” Who is the person you are always with? More than anybody else in the entire world? Yourself, of course. And “emo” [1] as it may sound, you’ve got to love yourself before you can connect to anybody else in an adult, mature relationship. At least that’s my experience and the advice of the legion [2] of therapists that I have seen in my 65 years. For me, it’s a work in progress (isn’t everything?) which I’ll share with you in this episode. [1] My kids are forever calling me out for being “emo,” so I may as well put it to good use. The translation of “emo,” if your children are not as obliging as mine, is “ excessively emotional.”  [2] I could have as easily said “army” or ‘battalion,” but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. 

"You can argue with reality and you will lose, but only 100% of the time." Wise words, words that helped me overcome my penchant for making up fantasies about the men I dated until unavoidable reality hit me in the face, usually to my great disappointment. If you have ever done the same, listen in and send your thoughts to me at https://www.facebook.com/lynngarsonauthor.

Episode Six is about the second pattern that I’ve identified in the relationships described in Sex and the Single Grandma. This one is about not speaking up for myself, a long held tradition for anyone who is raised in the South. Have I learned anything? Listen and find out.

In Episode Five, I FINALLY get to the series of dates described in my book, Sex and the Single Grandma. I know you’ve been impatiently waiting for that. You’ll hear me identify four different patterns that became apparent through my dating journey and I’ll give you a more in-depth look at the first pattern, neediness and rushing it. The other three patterns will be the subject of later episodes. The payoff -- what I learned about myself once I figured out that I kept doing the same thing over and over – was a pleasant surprise.

In Episode Four, you will hear from a fascinating guest, Rickey Marks – lawyer, author, musician, singer and actress – about her thoughts on the unpleasant yet widespread maxim that “women over fifty are invisible.”  Take a wild guess on her (and my) reactions to that concept. They range from “phooey” to somewhat ruder and cruder expressions. What’s interesting, though, is the different paths Rickey and I have chosen to make ourselves visible. Neither of us is Cher or Jane Fonda – ya think? – but we’ve still found ways that were authentic for each of us. How about you? 

In Episode Three, I tell you a cautionary tale that, thankfully, turned out just fine. For the longest time, my antennae were not up at all when it came to red flags and potential safety issues, even though I was meeting men on dating sites and did not have any way to know if they were being truthful in their profiles. Fate was kind and taught me a few lessons along the way while sparing me from any personal harm. I was lucky.

Episode Two is about my immediate post divorce dating experiences. They were nothing like what I describe in Episode One, when I had gotten my act together and had learned and grown from past experiences. Back then, I was fresh out of a 19 year marriage and feeling scared and helpless. This episode describe some of my dating experiences during that time.

Welcome to the very first episode of my podcast! Together – because we are indeed all in this together – we will explore the landscape of dating over fifty. I’ll be talking about the pitfalls that have tripped me up, lessons learned and most of all, why I still have a great deal of hope that a wonderful relationship is in my future and yours. If you have comments or stories of your own, I’d love you to start a conversation on my Lynn Garson Author Facebook page. And don’t miss my Instagram page, “Shoestagrandma,” where you will find my take on wearable yet stunning shoes for dates of all kinds. Let the fun begin!