Are you having unhealthy conflict? Here's what science says.

Send us a textThis episode will change how you see conflict.We’re talking about the proven communication patterns that destroy connection and how to replace them with healthier ones.You’ll learn:the Four Horsemen (with real examples)how the demand–withdraw cycle keeps couples stuckthe shocking research: negative conflict literally slows wound healinghow your nervous system shapes your reactions (before your thoughts do)3 simple questions from Jefferson Fisher that can change the next conversationThis is not about fixing the last fight.This is about changing the next one.If you shut down, explode, or get stuck repeating the same arguments this episode is for you.Read our full blog post about this topic (it has all the research I mentioned in this episode):https://curiousneuron.com/2025/11/09/the-science-of-healthy-conflict-patterns-in-couples/Get the book The Next Conversation hereDon't miss this podcast episode to help you out with conflict:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reflective-parenting-by-curious-neuron/id1440533170?i=1000735018841Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textIf you’ve ever wondered why you become a different version of yourself during conflict… this episode is going to change the way you see those moments forever.I’m sitting down with psychologists and authors Rachel Samson and Dr. Jessie Stern to unpack the science beneath conflict: your attachment history, your temperament, your nervous system sensitivity, and how all of this shapes the way you argue, withdraw, pursue, or shut down.This episode is not about “how to argue better.”It’s about understanding why you show up the way you do in the first place.You’ll learn why some of us chase repair desperately…why others shut down to survive the moment…and why conflict can feel like it happens faster than your ability to think.We also talk about emotional flooding and the moment when your nervous system takes over the conversation before your communication skills even get a chance.And if you are a parent, you will hear how this shows up not only with your partner but also with your child and what you can do starting today to interrupt the cycle.You will walk away from this episode with clarity, hope, and self compassion because conflict is not just about skills.It is about state.Get their new book on Amazon here.Follow Rachel on InstagramFollow Dr. Jessie on InstagramRead our new blog post: The Science Behind How you Show up in Arguments hereSupport the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textEver wonder why some moments with your child feel effortless and deeply connected — while others leave you drained, reactive, or misunderstood? In this episode, we break down the science behind why.Dr. Jessie Stern and psychologist Rachel Samson join Cindy to explore relational savoring — a simple yet powerful way to strengthen your bond by intentionally remembering moments of warmth, safety, and love. You’ll learn how this practice calms your nervous system, reduces stress, and builds emotional security — for both you and your child.They also unpack the role of temperament and sensitivity in relationships. Why do some people (and kids) feel everything more deeply? What does that mean for how we connect, comfort, and communicate?If you’ve ever said, “I wish I could stay calm when things get hard,” this conversation will give you the science and the self-awareness to start doing exactly that.Because connection isn’t about perfection — it’s about noticing, savoring, and showing up with compassion.Read their new book: Beyond Difficult: An attachment-based guide to dealing with challenging peopleFollow Rachel SamsonFollow Dr. Jessie SternRead the science article: Savoring interventions for mothers of young children: Mechanisms linking relational savoring and personal savoring to reflective functioningListen to more podcast episodes:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reflective-parenting-by-curious-neuron/id1440533170?i=1000731541535Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textIn today’s episode, Devon Kuntzman and I dive deep into what’s really happening inside your toddler’s brain when they lose it — and how you can respond without spiralling yourself.We unpack why your child’s meltdowns aren’t your fault, what they’re trying to tell you through their behavior, and the simple mindset shift that will change how you see tantrums forever.If you’ve ever thought, “Why is my child doing this to me?” or “I said no… why can’t they just listen?”  then this episode will make you feel seen, supported, and ready for the next tantrum (yes, really).In this episode, you’ll learn:The real reason toddlers have tantrums (and why it’s developmentally healthyWhy “all behavior is communication” — and how to decode what your child is saying through their actionsHow to stay calm and compassionate even when you’re triggeredWhy giving in “just this once” actually leads to more tantrumsWhat to do when your child prefers the other parent — and how to not take it personallyDevon’s 3-ingredient “Recipe for Effective Discipline” that works with every tantrumHow to model emotional regulation — even if you never learned it growing upGet Devon's book here:https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400252954/?bestFormat=true&k=transforming%20toddlerhood%20devon%20kuntzman&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-pd-bk-d_k1_1_9_de&crid=11L8ZPOO86D3&sprefix=devon%20kunFollow her on Instagram: @transformingtoddlerhoodRead our blog post:https://curiousneuron.com/2025/10/15/a-yale-study-shows-how-a-parents-calm-and-consistency-literally-shape-a-childs-brain/Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textLast week, we uncovered how your child’s behaviour is really their nervous system communicating.Today, we’re going deeper, inside the body, to explore the science of interoception, the hidden sense that helps us feel and understand our emotions.My guest, Laura Petix, is back to break down how learning to tune into your body’s internal signals can transform the way you regulate emotions, set boundaries, and parent with calm.We’ll explore what the research says including new studies showing that people who strengthen their interoception become more mindful, less reactive, and better at managing stress (Zamariola et al., 2019; Smith et al., 2023).You’ll learn:What interoception actually is and why it’s the missing link in emotional regulationHow to recognize your own body’s “early warning signs” of overwhelmSimple ways to help your child notice what emotions feel like inside their bodyWhat it really means to protect your nervous system (and why that’s not selfish)How to create routines that support regulation for both you and your childIf you’ve ever said, “I know the tools, but I can’t seem to use them when I’m stressed,” this episode will show you whyand exactly how to change that.Tune in now to learn how body awareness can be your most powerful parenting tool and share this episode with a friend! Get Laura's book:A Kid's Book about NeurodiversityFollow Laura on Instagram: @theotbutterflyListen to part 1 of this conversation:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reflective-parenting-by-curious-neuron/id1440533170Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textYou’ve heard the advice: “Teach your child to name their emotions.”But what if the real secret to helping your child (and yourself) regulate emotions starts deeper inside the body?In this episode, I sit down with pediatric occupational therapist Laura Petix (The OT Butterfly) to uncover what’s really going on when kids have meltdowns, get overstimulated, or shut down. Spoiler alert: it’s not about being “bad” or “defiant.”Laura explains how your child’s behavior is actually a message from their nervous system and why understanding this changes everything about the way you respond.You’ll learn:Why meltdowns, shutdowns, and big reactions are signs of nervous-system overloadHow sensory sensitivities (sound, touch, movement) shape your child’s emotions and behaviorThe difference between a tantrum and a meltdown and why that mattersWhy co-regulation starts with your calm nervous systemThe mindset shift that helps you see behavior through compassion instead of controlIf you’ve ever wondered “Why does my child react this way — and why do I lose my cool, too?” this episode will open your eyes to what’s really happening beneath the surface.Listen now and get ready to see your child’s behavior through a completely new lens.Get Laura's Book: A Kids Book About NeurodiversityFollow Laura on Instagram @theotbutterflySupport the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textDo you ever hear your child say things like, “I’m such a bad kid” or “I’ll never be good at this” and your heart sinks because you don’t know what to say?You’re not alone. And this episode is about to change the way you respond.Today, I’m sitting down with award-winning science journalist and author Melinda Wenner Moyer to talk about her latest book Hello, Cruel World, a toolkit for raising confident, resilient kids in today’s messy, complicated world.Here’s the truth:➡️ Your kids will struggle with self-doubt, negative self-talk, and tough emotions.➡️ How you respond in those moments can either shut them down or help them build lifelong confidence.➡️ And the secret isn’t telling them “Don’t say that”  it’s something much more powerful (and doable).In this episode, you’ll learn:The 3-step “recipe” for self-compassion (and how practicing it yourself teaches your kids to do the same).How to validate your child’s feelings without agreeing with their negative self-talk.The surprising research on resilience: why letting your kids sit with discomfort (instead of rescuing them every time) builds the skills they’ll need for life.Why helicopter parenting backfires — and how giving kids independence actually boosts confidence and self-esteem.The truth about alcohol and teens (and why letting them drink at home doesn’t protect them — it puts them at greater risk).This conversation will give you the practical, science-backed strategies you need to:✔️ Stop feeling helpless when your child is hard on themselves✔️ Build their confidence in everyday moments✔️ Feel more equipped to parent in a world that often feels overwhelmingThis is one of those episodes you’ll want to save, re-listen to, and share with every parent you know.Join Melinda's Newsletter, Now What:https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/Follow Melinda on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/melindawmoyer/Parenting Self-compassion: a Systematic Review and Meta-analysis:https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-020-01401-xSupport the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textParents, this one is big.Today we’re breaking down punishment vs discipline, what science says, how it impacts your child’s brain, and why so many of us feel stuck in the cycle of punishing even when we don’t want to.If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t want to yell, spank, or threaten…but it just slips out when I’m overwhelmed,” you are not alone.Here’s what you’ll learn today:What studies reveal about how spanking and harsh discipline change the way your child’s brain processes fear, mistakes, and emotions.Why your nervous system is the most powerful discipline tool you have.A simple framework from Dr. Lori Desautels’ book Connections Over Compliance that helps you “connect before you correct.”And if you’re ready to go deeper, join us inside The Reflective Parent Club. That’s where we take this science and make it real in our daily lives, with support, tools, and a community of parents walking this same journey.Because when you regulate, connect, and guide, you’re not just shaping behaviour. You’re shaping the brain.Articles:https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33835477/https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36152947/https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34197808/Read blog post:https://curiousneuron.com/2025/09/20/science-of-punishment-vs-discipline-how-parenting-shapes-your-childs-brain/Podcast episode with Dr. Bruce Perry:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reflective-parenting-by-curious-neuron/id1440533170?i=1000596000285Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textThis episode will change how you see your child’s moods and how you respond to them.If you’ve ever tiptoed around your child in the morning, worried the “wrong” cereal bowl or shirt will set off a meltdown, this conversation is for you.Joining me is Dr. Alex Reed, pediatric clinical psychologist and mom of two, who has spent years helping families understand temperament, moodiness, and emotional regulation. Together, we pull back the curtain on what’s really happening when your child seems unpredictable, reactive, or even says, “I hate you.”You’ll learn:Why some kids seem “moody” from the start and what temperament really means.The hidden role of shame in meltdowns (and why your child pushes you away even when you’re trying to help).The front door vs. side door approach and why lecturing, correcting, or over-validating often backfires.The science-backed strategies that actually work: modeling, storytelling, and overhearing.How to set calm, clear boundaries without escalating the conflict.The #1 skill you must practice first is your own regulation.This is not about quick fixes or “tricks” for behavior. It’s about raising kids who can handle their big feelings, and parents who can show up with confidence, calm, and connection—even in the hardest moments.By the end of this episode, you’ll have a new way to think about your child’s temperament, and practical steps you can use today to stop walking on eggshells.Join the conversation about this episode on our private Facebook group:https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10172344324640258&set=gm.1942367649950164&idorvanity=677093716477570Read a science article about this:Predicting child problem behaviour at school age: The role of maternal sensitivity, child temperament and theory of mindSupport the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube

Send us a textThis episode will inspire you to see music as a powerful tool for connection, healing, and everyday parenting.It’s an invitation to play, sing, and create moments of joy with your children while learning how music can also soothe anxiety, ease transitions, and strengthen emotional bonds.And it’s a behind-the-scenes look at the real science of music therapy – far beyond entertainment and how it can transform lives across every age and stage.Joining me is Tanya Lavoie, a certified music therapist who works in pediatric hospitals and specializes in using music to support regulation, pain management, and emotional expression. In this heartfelt and practical conversation, Tanya shares how her work combines neuroscience, creativity, and compassion to help children and families thrive.You’ll learn:Why music therapy works, and the brain science behind itHow to use music at home to motivate your child, calm meltdowns, and create playful routinesSimple steps to build meaningful playlists for relaxation or focusThe truth about common music therapy myths (including the “Mozart Effect”)How to find a qualified music therapist in your areaIf you’re ready to bring more connection, calm, and joy into your home and discover the therapeutic power of music this conversation is your starting point.Support the showJoin our Reflective Parenting Program to learn the science-based skills parents (and their kids) need to thrive: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/ Record your question, or share a parenting insight in a 1 min audio we will share on the podcast https://www.speakpipe.com/ReflectiveParentingPodcast Book a spot in my calendar to chat about your challenges: https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/chat-with-cindy-reflective-parent-club-clone Grab a Free Resource: FREE Workbook: Staying Calm When Your Child Isn’t: A Parent’s Guide to Triggers and Emotions Email: [email protected] 📸 Instagram | 🧠 Reflective Parenting Facebook Group 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube