Why "Winging It" Is Killing Your Leadership with Neil Mullarkey

Think great leaders have every conversation and presentation scripted to perfection? Think again. In this dynamic archive episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata welcomes back comedy legend and author Neil Mullarkey (In The Moment). Neil dismantles the dangerous myth of "winging it"—revealing that panicking in the wings because you haven't prepared is the exact opposite of true improvisation. Real improv means preparing meticulously, and then having the emotional agility to let go of your agenda when reality shifts. Drawing on decades of performance with The Comedy Store Players, Neil explains why the modern workplace requires leaders to step away from the "mask of perfection." Learn why high-stakes client pitches fall apart when presenters cling rigidly to slide decks, and discover the creative trick used in the Friends writers' room to unlock breakthrough ideas. This episode is an essential guide to psychological safety, radical listening, and the art of leading without a script. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The "Winging It" Illusion: Why panicking in the wings is rooted in fear, and how true improvisation allows you to comfortably step into the "not knowing." The Slide Deck Trap: Why an elite consulting firm lost a massive deal by refusing to put down their prepared presentation, and how the "Yes, And" mindset prevents this disaster. The Friends Writers' Room Tactic: Why pitching a deliberately terrible idea during a meeting gives your team the psychological safety to innovate. The Lawyer's Revelation: Why 15 years of technical expertise proved that client retention has almost nothing to do with the advice, and everything to do with the relationship. Actionable Insights: Treat Objections as "Offers": When a client or team member rejects your proposal or interrupts your agenda, do not become defensive. In improv terms, treat their pushback as an "offer." Acknowledge their point immediately and pivot into curiosity: "That’s interesting—tell me more about why that approach won't work for you." Take the "Oxygen Pause": When caught off-guard by a challenging question, do not waffle. Take a deliberate, two-second breath. To you, the silence feels like an eternity; to the audience, it signals confidence, composure, and gravitas while giving your brain the oxygen it needs to formulate a thoughtful response. Role-Model Vulnerability in Brainstorming: If you want your team to speak up and offer unconventional solutions, you must lower the stakes. Intentionally float a rough, imperfect, or left-field idea early in the meeting. By showing that you don't fear being wrong, you remove the pressure of perfection from everyone else. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Neil Mullarkey: Website |Instagram | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 188 Featuring Neil Mullarkey

How do you successfully transition into leading a highly regulated, technical industry like aviation with zero sector experience? In this wide-ranging and deeply personal episode, host Andy Lopata is joined by Charlie Whyman, Managing Director of aviation consultancy TGIS Aviation, to explore the reality of non-traditional leadership. Charlie shares how she used pure curiosity and relationship-building to navigate the complex world of engine asset management and convinced her co-owners to pivot their entire business strategy. She opens up about the realities of being a female leader in a male-dominated field, her late discovery of neurodivergence, and the "courage to be disliked." Charlie also shares a vulnerable, firsthand account of a professional character assassination, revealing how a call to a trusted friend in her personal network helped her identify her core values of fairness and justice. From workplace "love languages" to managing the balance of "Rock Stars" and "Superstars," this episode is a true masterclass in relational leadership. About Our Guest:Charlie Whyman helps highly capable people close the gap between knowing and doing by getting honest about the fear that keeps them stuck. An engineer by background, a sales and marketing expert by accident, and a Managing Director by invitation, Charlie has spent nearly two decades conducting live experiments in what fear actually does to capable people, and what it takes to move forward anyway. As one of the few female MDs in the aviation sector, Charlie’s frameworks—including Clear the AIR™ (Avoid, Ignore, React) and the OTTER Framework™—help technical specialists, engineers, founders, and leaders build momentum and challenge the core myth of personal development: that you need confidence before you can act. What we Discussed In This Episode: The Zero-Experience Jump: How Charlie approached her transition into managing an aviation business by securing dedicated time with the owners and using networking events to listen, learn, and ask questions. The Curiosity Approach to Sales: Why natural curiosity and a desire to learn, build deeper trust and generate more business than traditional, aggressive sales tactics. Code-Switching and Embracing Difference: Charlie’s 25-year history in male-dominated fields and how she stopped trying to blend in and started using her differences as a memorable asset. Leveraging Your Personal Network: The vital role that personal relationships play in professional life. The User Guide to Leadership: Charlie’s practical tool for her team—How to Work with Charlie Without Losing Your Mind—and how she navigates difficult conversations. Workplace Love Languages: Understanding how different team members psychologically give and receive praise, and why leaders must match those individual needs. Rock Stars vs. Superstars: Applying Kim Scott's framework to manage the balance between stable, execution-focused "Rock Stars" (who do not want promotions) and high-ambition, opportunity-seeking "Superstars." Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Charlie’s Frameworks: Clear the AIR™ (Avoiding, Ignoring, Reacting) and the OTTER Framework™ Book Mentioned: Nobody Believes You: Become a Leader People Will Follow by Jenny Field (Referencing the concept of being "likable, not liked") Book Mentioned: Radical Candor by Kim Scott (Referencing "Rock Stars" vs. "Superstars") Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Charlie Whyman: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Why do our best intentions so often backfire in communication? You enter a meeting with a positive goal, yet leave colleagues feeling micromanaged, disempowered, or completely misunderstood. In this episode from the archive, Andy Lopata has a conversation with leadership coach and author Catherine Stothart (How to Get On with Anyone). Catherine breaks down why personality models shouldn't be used for clumsy conversational tricks, but to bridge the "influence gap" between our intentions and our actual impact. From the everyday friction between "Directing" and "Informing" communication habits to the four core interaction styles—Mobiliser, Energiser, Navigator, and Synthesiser—Catherine reveals how teams at companies like Airbus and Google navigate interpersonal differences. Discover how understanding your instinctive behavioural drivers can immediately reduce workplace tension, prevent unnecessary conflict, and build deeper, more authentic professional relationships. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The Influence Gap: Why positive intentions often lead to negative reactions, and how to consciously align your impact with your intent. Directing vs. Informing: The subtle phrasing difference in how you ask questions that makes others feel either clear or manipulated. The 4 Interaction Archetypes: How Mobilisers, Energisers, Navigators, and Synthesisers operate—and why putting them in a room together without self-awareness causes instant friction.  Actionable Insights: Identify and Flex Your Communication Style (Directing vs. Informing): Recognise whether you instinctively give instructions directly ("Please have this done by 2:00") or provide context hoping others take the hint ("How long will that task take you?"). When speaking to direct communicators, be clear and explicit; when speaking to informing communicators, provide information and allow them the autonomy to determine their action. Set Clear Check-In Agreements When Delegating: If you have an action-oriented "Mobiliser" drive, resist the urge to chase people down 30 minutes after assigning a task. Agree on a specific completion time or update milestones upfront, and do not follow up until that agreed-upon moment arrives. Design Meetings for Multiple Processing Styles: Recognise that extroverted styles (Mobilisers/Energisers) want to talk through ideas immediately, while introverted styles (Navigators/Synthesisers) need space to analyse data and consult. Send agendas in advance to give reflective thinkers time to process, ensuring you get the best contributions from the whole team. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Catherine Stothart: Website |LinkedIn | Episode 187 Featuring Catherine Storthart

Think military leadership is all about barking orders and rigid command structures? Think again. In this archive episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata sits down with former British Army officer and Sandhurst instructor Neil Jurd OBE. Neil dismantles the myth of the authoritarian leader, explaining why positional power is actually the most fragile form of influence you can have. Drawing on his extensive frontline experience, Neil explains why a leader’s job is never to be the smartest person in the room, but rather to "harness and allow" the brilliance of everyone around them. He describes why effective leadership should look more like a dynamic "disturbed bees' nest" than a Victorian top-down org chart. From the subtle power dynamics of summoning someone to your office to the simple leadership rule of "never turning down a cup of tea," this conversation offers a practical, human-centric blueprint for building trust, breaking down silos, and eliminating the friction that kills high performance. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The Fragility of Rank: Why relying on your job title or position is the weakest, most precarious way to influence people. The "Disturbed Bees' Nest" Model: Why high-performing teams ditch traditional hierarchical flowcharts in favor of decentralised, purpose-driven action. The Office Power Play: How calling someone to your desk immediately distorts communication, and why great leaders meet people on their own turf. The "Cup of Tea" Principle: Why building trust in "peacetime" over informal, non-work conversations is essential for surviving high-pressure crises. The Performance Equation: How internal friction, ego, and status-consciousness actively drain your team's true potential. Actionable Insights: Never Turn Down an Informal Invitation: When a team member offers a cup of tea, coffee, or a quick chat, accept it. Use low-stakes, non-work conversations to build genuine relationships so that honest feedback flows effortlessly when the pressure is on. Communicate the "Two-Up" Intent: Clearly articulate not just your immediate goals, but the organisation’s wider purpose and the "boss’s boss’s intent." When team members truly understand the big picture, they can use their own initiative to lead and solve problems autonomously. Diagnose Friction Over Errors: When mistakes happen, don’t default to pulling rank or micromanaging. Step back and investigate the root cause: Is there misaligned purpose, personal competition, or cultural friction getting in the way of performance? Fix the environment, not just the symptom. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Neil Jurd OBE: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 187 Featuring Neil Jurd OBE

We all know networking is important, but how often do you use "I don't have time" as an excuse for failing to build your professional relationships? In this archive episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata sits down with global entrepreneur and networking expert Gil Petersil. Gil challenges the traditional, polite rules of networking, offering a blunt and radical approach to managing your time, your energy, and your connections. If you are serious about growth, Gil argues, you must be willing to do the uncomfortable work: conducting a brutal audit of your current relationships and making the difficult decision to cut ties with people who no longer serve your life's destiny—even if you've been friends for 30 years. Discover the concept of "co-elevation," the "Networking Angel," and why the most successful people treat their networks like a carefully cultivated garden. What you will learn from this episode: The "No Time" Myth: Why telling yourself you don't have time to network is an excuse, and how to instantly reclaim hours in your week by auditing your solo activities. The Networking Angel: How busy executives use their assistants not just for scheduling, but as trained "Networking Angels" who manage and nurture crucial relationships on their behalf. The Necessity of Cutting Ties: The uncomfortable truth about why holding onto old friends who do not inspire or "co-elevate" you is holding back your career and depleting your energy. The Mastermind Meeting Protocol: How to transform wasteful 90-minute meetings into 45-minute masterclasses by enforcing strict presentation rules and cutting out aimless discussion. The Permaculture of People: What a bamboo plant can teach you about the absolute necessity of building a diverse network outside of your own industry bubble. Actionable Insights: Conduct a 7-Day Networking Audit: Look back at your calendar for the last seven days. Who did you give your time to? How much time did you spend alone (driving, scrolling)? Identify areas where you are wasting energy on low-priority relationships or solo tasks, and redirect that time toward high-value connections. Evaluate for "Co-Elevation": Write down the 5 to 10 people you spend the most time with. Are you helping them grow, and are they helping you grow? If the relationship lacks harmony and mutual inspiration, you need to create space and distance yourself to make room for new, more aligned connections. Train Your "Networking Angel": If you have an assistant or a team, stop using them just for admin. Train them to take over the initial stages of relationship building: managing your inbox, handling basic follow-ups, and organising themed dinners or group meetings so you can connect with multiple key people at once without burning through your calendar. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Gil Petersil: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode Featuring Gil Petersil

How do you teach the structure of an atom to inner-city kids who have been told science is harmful? And how do you smuggle scientific journals to dissidents in the Soviet Union without getting caught? In this extraordinary episode from the archive, Andy Lopata has a conversation with the legendary Dr. Zafra Lerman—chemist, human rights activist, and five-time Nobel Peace Prize nominee. Zafra shares her incredible journey of turning the traditional educational model upside down, proving that science is a basic human right that belongs to everyone. Listen as Zafra explains how she used everything from Bloody Marys in a local bar to Romeo and Juliet-inspired dance routines to teach chemistry to underprivileged students in Chicago. We also hear about her harrowing, secret missions to the Soviet Union in the 1980s, where she held midnight seminars for blacklisted scientists in dark attics. This is a story of profound courage, radical innovation, and the power of treating people with dignity. What you will learn in this episode: Reverse Engineering Education: Why teaching from the "abstract to the concrete" (like starting with the atom) fails, and how teaching from the "concrete to the abstract" (starting with a nuclear power plant) engages reluctant learners. The Multiple-Choice Trap: Why Zafra abolished standardised testing in her classes and allowed students to prove their knowledge through dance, rap, poetry, and drama. The Midnight Seminars: The gripping story of how Zafra smuggled illegal scientific journals to blacklisted "refusenik" scientists in the Soviet Union and held secret lectures in dark attics. Actionable Insights: Meet People Where They Are: If your message isn't landing, you are likely teaching from the "abstract to the concrete." Start with what your audience already knows and cares about (the "concrete"). Zafra didn't start with the chemical formula for an ester; she started with the oil and vinegar on their salads. Assess Understanding Creatively: Stop relying on one-size-fits-all metrics to gauge your team's understanding or performance. Like Zafra allowing her students to dance a chemical reaction, allow your team to demonstrate their competence and creativity in ways that suit their unique strengths. Challenge Prejudice with Action, Not Just Words: When Zafra’s students were pushed away from an event because of their age and race, she didn't just complain. She used the incident to directly confront and educate the elite scientists in the room. When you see exclusion, use your platform to call it out and create an immediate teaching moment. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Zafra Lerman: Website |X | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode Featuring Zafra Lerman

The traditional corporate ladder—with its promise of a "job for life" and a gold watch at retirement—is fundamentally broken. Andy Lopata is joined by JR Lowry, founder of PathWise, to discuss how professionals can successfully navigate a career landscape defined by restructuring, layoffs, and rapid change. Drawing from his own multi-faceted career journey (now on "Version 4.0"), JR shares practical strategies for taking active ownership of your professional path. Andy and JR unpack the limits of passive career planning, the rise of AI and why it must be balanced with Human Interaction (HI). They also examine the sociology of job hunting and the growing phenomenon of side gigs and polyworking among Gen Z and seasoned professionals alike. About Our Guest:JR Lowry is the founder of PathWise and a seasoned C-level executive in the financial services industry. Most recently, he served as the Global COO of Janus Henderson Investors, following leadership roles at State Street and Fidelity Investments. Prior to his financial services career, JR was a partner at McKinsey & Company and an officer in the US Air Force. JR holds an MBA from Harvard Business School, a Master of Science in electrical engineering from Northeastern University, and a Bachelor of Science in engineering from Duke University. Now living in London with his wife, Suzanne, JR is a father of three and grandfather of one. In his free time, he is an avid traveler (visiting nearly 60 countries across 6 continents), runner (having completed all original 6 Abbott World Major Marathons and triathlons), and hiker. What we discussed in this episode:  Are you being too passive about your own career survival? Learn the critical indicators that suggest you may be ill-prepared for corporate restructuring, and discover the immediate steps you can take to build professional resilience. What is Andy’s "BBC Outplacement Test"? Discover a simple, three-step exercise that strips away your current job title to unlock unexpected career paths and opportunities through your network. Could the secret to your next job offer lie in someone you barely know? Explore the sociology behind Mark Granovetter's "Theory of Weak Ties" and learn why loose acquaintances are statistically superior to close friends when searching for a new role. How can AI actually make us more human at work? Discover how to leverage artificial intelligence to buy back time for "HI" (Human Interaction), critical thinking, and strategic relationship building. Is "polyworking" the future of work, or is it too difficult for most people to manage? Uncover the stark realities and practical challenges of leaving the traditional full-time structure to build a multi-income portfolio career. Download the full episode to learn how to adapt, rebuild, and successfully lead your own career journey! Resources Mentioned in this Episode: The Thinkers50 Community (Where Andy and JR originally met) Mark Granovetter's Study: The Theory of Weak Ties Dorie Clark’s Work (On multiple income streams) Andy's Psychology Today Blog (Research on conversations with strangers on public transport) Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring

Mergers and acquisitions look great on a spreadsheet, but they are often disastrous for the people involved. The moment a deal is announced, the corporate culture you’ve built can vanish, replaced by tribalism, fear, and a fierce battle over "turf." In this insightful episode from the archive, Andy Lopata sits down with Jennifer Fondrevay, known as the "M&A Whisperer." Having navigated three multi-billion dollar mergers as a C-suite executive (and advised countless others), Jennifer shares the raw truth about what really happens to teams during a corporate takeover. From the five stages of grief in the workplace to the dangerous "us vs. them" mentality, this episode explores the intense psychological toll of M&A. Discover why the "pre-mortem" is your most vital communication tool, why frontline leaders must own the narrative, and how shifting the focus back to the customer is the ultimate way of ending corporate turf wars. If your company is facing a merger, acquisition, or any major reorganisation, this is your survival guide. What you will learn in this episode The Corporate Stages of Grief: Why the immediate reaction to a merger isn't excitement, but denial, anger, and bargaining—and how leaders often fail to recognise these normal human emotions. The "Turf War" Antidote: How a junior product manager ended a massive fight between B2B and B2C teams by shifting the entire focus away from "who does it best." The Pre-Mortem Strategy: What is a pre-mortem, and why is it the most effective way to prepare for the inevitable negativity of a merger announcement. The Frontline Failure: Why a merger communication strategy is doomed to fail if it relies solely on the CEO and the HR department. The "Tribalism" Problem: Why the loyalty you want your employees to feel for your brand is the very thing that makes merging with a competitor so painful. Actionable Insights Shift the Focus to the "North Star": When merging teams fight over whose process, software, or approach is "right," intervene immediately. Stop the turf war by asking: "What is best for the customer?" Forcing both sides to work backward from the customer's needs eliminates ego and allows the best solution to emerge naturally. Run an M&A "Pre-Mortem": Before announcing a major change to your company, gather your leadership team and brainstorm every piece of negative baggage and fear the employees will have. This allows you to prepare transparent, genuine answers, rather than defaulting to "I'll get back to you offline." Empower the Frontline Leaders: The people executing the merger were likely not in the room when the deal was made. If you want buy-in, you must bring these frontline managers into the narrative immediately. Give them the information and the platform to communicate the vision, because employees will trust their direct manager more than they trust a CEO who just got a massive payout. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Jennifer Fondrevay: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 181 Featuring Jennifer Fondrevay

Over the last few years, we've all patted ourselves on the back for being incredibly "flexible" during times of change. During the pandemic we worked from home, mastered Zoom, and kept the lights on. But are we actually adaptable? In this archive episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata sits down with global speaker and comedian Tom Sligting  to explore the critical difference between flexibility and true adaptability. Tom argues that the desire to go "back to normal" proves that while we may be flexible in the short term, we are struggling with the long-term mindset shifts required to be truly adaptable. Using the brilliant analogy of the 2006 smartphone, Tom explains why sweeping changes fail and why adaptability requires us to embrace discomfort. Discover why your brain's autopilot is your biggest enemy, how to identify your weakest "power skills," and why bringing a 21-year-old onto a veteran team isn't enough to future-proof your business if the mindset doesn't change. Key Takeaways The iPhone Metaphor: Why handing a 2006 professional a modern smartphone with all its current demands would have caused a total rejection of the technology—and what that teaches us about organisational change. Flexibility is Reactive, Adaptability is Proactive: Understand the fundamental difference between making a short-term adjustment to survive a crisis versus making a long-term, life-changing shift in direction. The Autopilot Trap: Why 95% of our daily decisions are made on autopilot, and why you literally have to force yourself to feel "unsafe" and uncomfortable to become adaptable. "Power Skills" over "Soft Skills": Why we need to rebrand skills like mental flexibility, grit, and emotional range, and how measuring them can reveal hidden weaknesses in your leadership team. The Danger of the "Back to Normal" Mindset: Why the most common phrase heard post-COVID is actually a massive red flag for businesses that want to survive the next decade. Actionable Insights Audit Your "Power Skills": Stop guessing how adaptable you are. Seek out assessments or feedback that measure specific power skills. Identify the one or two areas where you score lowest and create a targeted plan (a book, a course, a mentor) to improve them. Embrace the Uncomfortable: True adaptability requires moving out of your comfort zone. When you face a change, resist the urge to rely on your "autopilot" reactions. Stop, reflect, and consciously accept that feeling uncomfortable is the first necessary step toward long-term growth. Leverage Your Network for Validation: When you make a major, adaptable shift in your career or business model, you will experience doubt. Lean on a trusted network of peers who can reflect back to you, validate your new direction, and provide the energy needed to keep you from retreating to your old, comfortable habits. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Tom Sligting : Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 177 Featuring Tom Sligting

How do you unite a team of elite athletes who all have full-time day jobs, zero financial incentive, and have just endured a pandemic-delayed tournament cycle? And more importantly, how do you do it in a way that actually wins a World Cup? In this inspiring archive episode of Connected Leadership Bytes, Andy Lopata sits down with inspirational speaker and performance coach Steve Head. Steve was the "1%" mindset coach behind the England Wheelchair Rugby League team’s stunning 2022 World Cup victory. Steve reveals the counter-intuitive truth about motivating elite performers (hint: they don't need motivation) and shares the exact, grassroots process he used to help the team define their core values. This is a masterclass in ditching the "eye-roll" of corporate buzzwords. Discover why the most powerful values are written in messy Sharpie on a flip chart, launched by the team rather than the boss, and sustained by a culture of absolute selflessness and sacrifice. What You Will Learn In This Episode The Motivation Myth: Why you cannot "motivate" elite performers who have already overcome immense adversity (like losing limbs in combat), and what they actually need from a coach instead. The 20% Rule: Why losing focus for just 60 seconds in a fast-paced game (or business environment) can completely derail your entire operation. The "Eye Roll" of Corporate Values: Why top-down, management-dictated values always fail, and how to facilitate a process where the team builds their own. The Power of the "Quiet Voice": Why identifying and empowering the highly respected, quiet leaders in your team is the key to launching a successful culture shift. The "Messy Sharpie" Commitment: Why authenticity—like signing a raw, messy flip chart—is far more effective at securing team buy-in than a polished, multi-million-pound corporate rollout. Actionable Insights Ditch the Top-Down Rollout: If you want your team to adopt new values or standards of behavior, do not present them as a finished product. Facilitate a session where a small, highly respected group of team members brainstorm and refine the values themselves. Let the Team Launch the Culture: When introducing new values or strategies to the wider organisation, step back. Have the respected team members who helped create the values present them. Peer-to-peer communication carries far more credibility and eliminates the "boss's new initiative" cynicism. Create a Physical Symbol of Commitment: Make buy-in tangible. Just as the England team signed an A1 flip chart with a Sharpie, find a simple, unpolished way for your team to physically signal "I'm in." Carry that symbol with you as a constant, authentic reminder of the behaviors that drive everything you do. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Connect with Andy Lopata: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | X/Twitter | YouTube Connect with Steve Head: Website |LinkedIn | The Financial Times Guide to Mentoring Episode 176 Featuring Steve Head