323: Who I Wanted to Be Then vs. Who I Want to Be Now

Sometimes life is just… a lot. One moment we’re going about our business, managing it all, riding the waves and then, boom — a health scare, a move, a loss, a relationship ending, or a career change arrives and our perception of reality shatters. I’ve experienced them all! And after a particularly intense August that brought some of my own anxiety back to the surface, I’ve been thinking a lot about what actually helps when life comes undone. Our instinct is often to escape the discomfort. To scroll. To strategize. To figure it all out. To search for some piece of information or plan that will make us feel certain again. But what if the way through isn’t finding certainty at all?In this episode, I’m sharing the three things I keep coming back to when life feels completely unhinged — the simple practices that help me get out of the loops in my head, return to the moment I’m actually in, and keep living life even when I don’t know what comes next.If you’re navigating a tender, uncertain, or intense season of your own, I hope this episode gives you a little something to test out — to settle the nervous system, ruminating, and uncomfortable sensations.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE➰ Life Unlooped: The Fall EditionMy 45-day seasonal experiment designed to help you spend less time scrolling and more time engaging with your actual life. We begin the week of September 28th.Learn more at blairbadenhop.com/life-unlooped🍁 This Season on SubstackBecome a paid subscriber for $5/month to join Life Unlooped and receive my seasonal guides and experiences.Subscribe here This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

In this week’s episode, I share what’s been happening in my life lately.How August has brought my family back to more structure and routine, which has felt really good. How the addition of working with a personal trainer has brought both sore muscles and a couple of important lessons. How a new vision for who I’m becoming has started to crystalize this month. And what it’s been like to compare her to who I wanted to be in my 30s. Hint: they are veryyyy different.I hope it reminds you how important it is to create enough space to check in with yourself and ask: who am I now? Because as I’ve discovered through my own experience, it’s so easy to live on autopilot — automatically chasing an old goal, an old ideal, or an old self. Instead of getting quiet enough to understand what’s true and authentic to you today.So, make some tea or start your walk, and let’s dive into this little catch up.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE* Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer* To Be Magnetic (TBM)* My Substack — This Season This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

When you’re currently between WHO YOU WERE and WHO YOU’RE BECOMING — shedding an old life and stepping into something new…It’s so normal to feel like a snail without a shell — totally raw, vulnerable, and uncertain about almost everything.As someone who just spent a year living in that place, I can tell you that there’s one core thing that will help you find your way. And it’s not a magical wellness formula, personal growth hack, or life-changing retreat.It’s something simpler — something that’s actually always available, but harder to practice in our very busy, hyper-active modern world.In this episode, I’m sharing why it’s been the most powerful teacher and healer as I’ve navigated what’s next for me, and why I think it’s crucial for anyone navigating a season of change.Inside, I share:* This very important daily practice every human in transition needs* The concept of identity grief and why it’s more common than we realize* The surprising pattern I discovered about every decade of my life* Why getting to know yourself crucial to finding claritySo if you’re in the messy middle right now, give this one a listen.Mentions & Resources:My Substack, This Season. Check it out here: blairbadenhop.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

We often assume healing should look obvious. Like taking time off. Going to therapy. Resting after burnout.But what I've discovered is that healing doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like slowing down, enjoying your life, feeling content. And then wondering if you're doing something wrong because of it.Are you doing enough?Are you getting too comfortable?Are you falling behind?In this episode, I’m sharing the conversation I’ve been having with myself as I continue rebuilding my life after a season of major change. I'm unpacking the difference between healing and hiding, why contentment can feel strangely uncomfortable, and how I'm learning to question the old beliefs that still try to define my worth.I share about:* Why peace can sometimes trigger self-doubt* The lingering voice of hustle culture* Learning to trust a slower season of life* The difference between healing and hiding* How creating more space has helped me hear my own truthI hope this conversation reminds you that your pace doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s—and that sometimes the most meaningful growth happens when life finally gets quiet.Mentioned in this episode:✨ Life Unlooped — my 45-day experience designed to help you become less captivated by your phone and more engaged in your own life. Paid subscribers to my Substack, This Season, can join anytime and receive the full framework immediately.https://blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe💌 Subscribe to my Substack for weekly essays on slowing down, identity, and living more intentionally.https://blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

We tend to think the biggest decisions in our lives are the obvious ones: where we live, who we marry, what work we do.But over the past year, I’ve realized there’s another decision quietly shaping our lives every single day — where we place our attention.Because our attention isn’t just what we notice. It’s what becomes our lived experience — our memories and our view of the world around us.In this episode, I’m sharing why I’ve become so much more intentional about what I consume, what I give my energy to, and why protecting my attention has become one of the most meaningful practices in my own life.I share about:* Why attention is our most valuable resource* The subtle ways distraction pulls us away from ourselves* How constant input changes the way we experience ordinary life* What I’ve noticed since stepping away from social media* A simple invitation to begin paying attention to what truly deserves itI hope this conversation leaves you wanting a little less noise—and a little more of your own beautiful, ordinary life.P.S. This episode is a little different. Instead of sharing an off-the-cuff personal journal, I’m reading a recent essay I published on Substack. It felt like one worth hearing out loud. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

Summer has always been my favorite season for so many reasons — ocean swims, pool dips, watermelon on repeat, warm evenings, longer days, fireflies, outdoor parties... But lately, I've been realizing something else. Something I never noticed: Summer naturally invites us to be more present. To look up from our screens, spend more time outside, and engage more fully with the life right in front of us. As I share in this episode, adulthood has a way of stealing a bit of summer's glitter with its pace, demands, and digital distractions. However, I've found that when we create a little more space, we make room for the magic to return. And that's exactly what's happened for me as I've become more intentional about being present and less attached to my phone this year. In this episode, I share: The connection between summer and presence — and why it's such a beautiful season to spend less time on our phones Why summer inspired me to create a guide called The Spacious Summer and how you can get access What I'm learning about midlife, transition, and paying attention to what matters A few recent favorites — a show, two books, and something I'm currently exploring If you've been craving a slower, more intentional summer, I think you'll enjoy this one. Resources & Mentions My Substack: blairbadenhop.substack.com Become a paid subscriber (includes The Spacious Summer Guide + Life Unlooped Experiment): blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport The Four Seasons (Netflix) The Seven and a Half Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

It's my birthday week and I'm turning 43! Naturally, I've been reflecting on what my 40s have taught me so far—especially the last year because, wow, it was a transformative one. Some might call this season a midlife crisis (and there's actually science to support that, which I touch on in the episode). But I've come to see it differently: as a period of realignment. An invitation to question what's no longer working, reconnect with what matters, and begin authoring a new chapter. In today's episode, I share: What it felt like to question nearly everything after a major life transition The research that helped me understand why my priorities have shifted so much in my 40s How I went from feeling wound-up and irritable to calmer and more present The unexpected freedom that came from stepping away from social media Why this season feels less like a crisis and more like a homecoming Mentions: My Substack: https://blairbadenhop.substack.com The U-Shaped Happiness Curve: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/is-there-really-a-u-shaped-curve-in-happiness-over-the-life-cycle/ Laura Carstensen's Socioemotional Selectivity Theory: https://lifespan.stanford.edu/projects/socioemotional-selectivity-theory-sst This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

School is out and summer is here—and for the first time since becoming a mom, I'm heading into this season with a real vision for the next 8 weeks. It feels so grounding to have certain things thoughtfully planned while leaving plenty of room for spontaneity, too. As a sensitive mom who gets easily overstimulated, I know summer can quickly become disorganized and chaotic if I'm not intentional about creating space for myself alongside all the family fun. So in this episode, I'm sharing what that looks like in practice, specifically: how I'm planning our family's summer (without overplanning it) the specifics of how I'll create space for myself as a mom the small nostalgic moments I hope my kids to remember Whether you're a parent planning summer with little ones or simply thinking about how you want this season to feel, I hope this inspires you to approach the months ahead with a little more intention. And if this kind of conversation resonates, my Substack is where I explore this season of life more deeply in real time—writing about motherhood, personal growth, slower living, life transitions, and what it looks like to create a life that feels more aligned and fully your own. ✨ Join me on Substack: blairbadenhop.substack.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

In this week's episode, I'm sharing a few things that have brought me back to myself lately — a color analysis rabbit hole, a solo yoga class on Mother's Day, and wandering through an art fair alone. All of them felt like gentle reminders to step outside the usual flow and routine of life and make space for what truly fills me up. More importantly, I dive into one core topic: the duality of being human. How it's possible to feel deeply grateful for your life while also feeling unsettled, uncertain, or hungry for more at the exact same time. I share about the grief I still feel after our move to Georgia, the strange in-between season I'm navigating professionally, and why I think so many of us are quietly holding conflicting emotions beneath the surface. So if you've been feeling the tension of two seemingly opposing emotions at once, this episode is for you. MENTIONS My Substack, This Season You can find more of my writing and reflections on Substack, where I share weekly notes on presence, attention, and living more intentionally. Color Analysis This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe

Recently, something happened that shook me. And it was such a big reminder of  just how quickly things can change. One day everything is normal, the next, it's not. It reinforced something I've been learning in this season: being less absorbed in the digital world and more present in real life isn't just a nice idea — it's essential. In this episode, I share what happened and what it brought up for me — reflections on resilience, a renewed pull toward nature, and the quiet ways the natural world calls to us. I also reflect on a question I've been sitting with: What kind of relationship do I want to have with nature? Mentions: My Substack, This Season You can find more of my writing and reflections on Substack, where I share weekly notes on presence, attention, and living more intentionally. How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell Sarah Wilson, Wild The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben   This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit blairbadenhop.substack.com/subscribe