Pirates

So, what do you actually know about pirates ? Probably nothing, considering most of your historical knowledge comes from Johnny Depp, Disney rides, and an actor in the 1950s laying the West Country accent on way too thick . In this episode, Andrew Culture and Dr Sam derail the podcast train immediately to talk about DIY studio tape failures, prison etiquette, whether female pirates fought with their tits out, and how Henry Avery managed to nick £100 million before vanishing into thin air like a proper legend . They also dive into why keytars in metal bands are a crime against humanity, why accordions have no business being associated with 17th-century sea shanties, and the terrifying reality of a dirty butt plug left at an Ipswich bus stop . It's educational, it's completely unnecessary, and it's mostly accurate if you don't ask a real historian . Amazing additional voice clips provided by Voiceover Artist Martin Whiskin - https://www.martinwhiskin.co.uk/

What do a 13-year-old Phil Collins, a violent music manager dangling people off balconies, and a psychedelic album packaged in a tobacco tin have in common? They are all part of the completely unhinged history of The Small Faces. In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Gimby (yes, he's back) dig into the story of Steve Marriott—arguably the greatest white soul singer the UK ever produced—and how his career peak might have actually been playing the Artful Dodger in 1960. We talk about Don Arden (Sharon Osbourne's notoriously terrifying dad), fixing the charts with mod networks, paying for suits with stolen royalties, and why putting an LP in a round tin is a structural disaster for record shop shelves. There's also some completely unnecessary sidetracks about Sting's real name, Rod Stewart's tight trousers, and a random bloke named Chris walking into the studio mid-record. Amazing additional voice clips provided by Voiceover Artist Martin Whiskin - https://www.martinwhiskin.co.uk/ YouTube Video Description The bizarre history of the 1960s mod scene and the absolute chaos behind the music industry. In this episode, we chart the rise and fall of The Small Faces, from their childhood theatrical roots to becoming rock icons—all while getting completely fleeced by their management. Discover how future stars like Phil Collins and Davy Jones are linked through a single West End musical, how chart-fixing actually worked in the 60s, and why Don Arden was known as the 'Al Capone of Pop' (hint: it involves dangling rival executives by their ankles from four floors up). 🚀 Binge more chaotic music chat here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvEIcKhJxA&list=PLwnzX0gT6IrcZqrF2Xslb19NiBRgd9rj9 Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 The Best White Soul Voice in the UK 05:30 Steve Marriott, Phil Collins, and Oliver! 16:40 Davy Jones and The Beatles on Ed Sullivan 24:30 What Exactly is a Mod "Face"? 31:30 Meeting in a Music Bar & Rehearsing with Iron Maiden 44:00 Don Arden: The Al Capone of Pop 53:30 Ripped Off on Carnaby Street 58:30 The Balcony Incident (Ankle Tones) 01:08:00 Ogdens' Nut Gone Flake & The Round Tin Disaster 01:19:30 Enter Rod Stewart & The Faces 01:29:00 The Grim End of Steve Marriott 01:36:00 Gimby's Pop Quiz Amazing additional voice clips provided by Voiceover Artist Martin Whiskin - https://www.martinwhiskin.co.uk/ #smallfaces #stevemarriott #60smusic #modculture #rockhistory Citations Fact 1: Steve Marriott and Phil Collins both played the Artful Dodger in the West End production of Oliver! https://fishtailparkas.com/steve-marriott-the-immortal-artful-dodger/ https://www.discogs.com/release/5650375-Steve-Marriott-Ian-Carmichael-Joyce-Blair-David-Hovell-Mike-Sammes-Oliver-The-Original-1960-New-Thea https://hipquotient.com/from-artful-dodgers-to-artful-rockers/ https://www.jackwild.info/theatre-work/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artful_Dodger https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_Collins https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0550203/ Fact 2: Davy Jones played the Artful Dodger in the West End and transferred to Broadway, appearing on The Ed Sullivan Show the same night as the Beatles https://www.ibdb.com/broadway-cast-staff/davy-jones-491918 https://broadway.fandom.com/wiki/Oliver! https://ovrtur.com/production/2883682/trivia https://www.masterworksbroadway.com/blog/oliver-is-golden/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consider_Yourself Fact 3: Seeing the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show inspired Davy Jones to pursue pop stardom https://theweek.com/articles/477499/davy-jones-19452012 https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2012/03/01/davy-jones-broadway http://www.meetthebeatlesforreal.com/2014/02/the-other-performers.html https://www.edsullivan.com/davy-jones-on-the-ed-sullivan-show/ https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/502986/monkees-singer-davy-jones-dead-at-66 Fact 4: Davy Jones received a Tony nomination (not a win) for Best Featured Actor for his Broadway debut in Oliver! (1963) https://www.broadway.com/buzz/160327/davy-jones-tony-nominee-and-member-of-the-monkees-dies-at-age-66/ https://www.biography.com/musicians/davy-jones https://www.britannica.com/biography/Davy-Jones-British-singer-and-actor https://playbill.com/article/davy-jones-member-of-the-monkees-and-a-tony-nominee-for-oliver-dead-at-66-com-187950 https://www.ibdb.com/broadway-cast-staff/davy-jones-491918 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Jones_(musician) Fact 5: Small Faces formation -- Marriott and Lane met at J60 Music Bar in 1965; the band name combined their physical stature with mod slang for a style leader https://rock.fandom.com/wiki/Small_Faces https://memories.fandom.com/wiki/Small_Faces https://www.goldminemag.com/articles/the-small-faces-story-was-just-one-chapter-for-the-band/ https://www.thesmallfaces.com/biography/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_Faces https://www.psaudio.com/blogs/copper/about-faces-and-the-small-faces/ Fact 6: Steve Marriott's voice was a cited influence on Robert Plant, Paul Stanley, Ozzy Osbourne and others https://iconoclassicrecords.com/artist/steve-marriott/ https://www.alternativenation.net/paul-stanley-shocked-by-sxuality-of-robert-plant/ https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/the-rock-singer-robert-plant-said-that-was-too-good/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Marriott_discography Fact 7: Don Arden, the Decca deal, and the exploitation of the Small Faces (including the Carnaby Street clothing accounts charged back against earnings) https://grokipedia.com/page/Don_Arden https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/don-arden-notorious-gangster-black-sabbath/ https://www.indiewire.com/news/general/r-i-p-don-arden-221732/ https://theelonetwork.weebly.com/the-don-arden-story.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Arden https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1563185/trivia/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_Faces_(1967_album) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patterns_(Small_Faces_song) https://bestclassicbands.com/small-faces-lineup-8-6-16/ https://rockandrollogist.wordpress.com/2020/10/29/don-ardens-offices/ https://www.thelineofbestfit.com/features/interviews/small-faces-interview-85478 https://www.artgalleryclothing.co.uk/the-small-face/ https://drownedinsound.com/in_depth/4144640-the-best-dressed-band-in-england-dis-meets-kenney-jones-of-the-small-faces-amp-the-who Fact 8: Sharon Osbourne is Don Arden's daughter; Peter Grant learned the business under Arden before managing Led Zeppelin https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharon_Osbourne https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Arden https://www.loudersound.com/features/sharon-osbourne-i-got-f-cking-loud-because-i-needed-to-be-heard https://inthepitmanagement.wixsite.com/mysite/post/notable-artist-manager-relationships-led-zeppelin-peter-grant https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/warren-grant-interview-son-led-zeppelin-manager-peter-grant-documentary-7424097/ https://bravewords.com/news/legendary-led-zeppelin-manager-to-be-subject-of-new-documentary Fact 9: Robert Stigwood -- who he was and why the Arden incident matters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Stigwood https://www.televisionacademy.com/bios/robert-stigwood https://grokipedia.com/page/Robert_Stigwood https://www.hypebot.com/legendary-manager-producer-robert-stigwood-passes/ https://alchetron.com/Robert-Stigwood Fact 10: Ogdens' Nut Gone Flake -- Stanley Unwin narration, the Spike Milligan near-miss, Unwinese origins, and the tobacco tin packaging https://ultimateclassicrock.com/small-faces-ogdens-nut-gone-flake/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ogdens'_Nut_Gone_Flake https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Music/OgdensNutGoneFlake https://www.loudersound.com/features/totally-gone-the-story-of-the-small-faces-psychedelic-masterpiece-ogdens-nut-gone-flake https://www.psychedelicbabymag.com/2014/02/small-faces-ogdens-nut-gone-flake-1968.html https://anorakthing.blogspot.com/2014/09/professor-stanley-unwins-uk-45.html https://www.loudersound.com/features/small-faces-ogdens-nut-gone-flake-cover https://www.thisdayinmusic.com/classic-albums/the-small-faces-ogdens-nut-gone-flake/ Fact 11: Why Marriott left the Small Faces -- the Frampton tension, songwriting resentment, the unplayable album, the chart flop, and the financial mess https://www.mojo4music.com/articles/stories/why-the-small-faces-split-up/ https://www.thisdayinmusic.com/stairway-to-heaven/steve-marriott/ https://ultimateclassicrock.com/steve-marriott-leaves-small-faces/ https://whynow.co.uk/read/steve-marriott-small-faces-to-humble-pie https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/tragic-death-small-faces-steve-marriott/ Fact 12: The Faces rebrand -- dropping the "Small", the "Quite Melon" near-name, and the US "Small Faces" album mistake https://kenneyjones.com/music/the-faces/ https://www.theofficialfaces.com/biography/ https://americansongwriter.com/ronnie-wood-shares-the-story-of-how-he-and-rod-stewart-helped-form-the-faces-after-steve-marriott-quit-the-small-faces/ http://www.rocknrollspotlight.com/?p=529 https://www.bandsintown.com/a/15833-faces Fact 13: The death of Steve Marriott -- 20 April 1991, Arkesden, Essex; the timeline, the wrong-turn detail, and the broke-and-distrustful context https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Marriott https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/tragic-death-small-faces-steve-marriott/ https://onlyrocknrollsite.wordpress.com/2016/04/21/the-tragic-death-of-steve-marriott/ https://www.upi.com/Archives/1991/04/20/Fire-kills-60s-pop-music-star-Steve-Marriott/3707672120000/ https://variety.com/1991/scene/people-news/steve-marriott-99126370/ https://www.deseret.com/1991/4/21/18916534/60s-pop-star-perishes-in-london-area-cottage-fire/ Fact 14: The Small Faces' influence on later British bands -- Weller/The Jam, Blur, Oasis, Ocean Colour Scene and the wider mod/Britpop lineage https://likefm.org/podcast/64794/paul-weller (Weller naming "Tin Soldier" on Desert Island Discs) https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1418226.Here_Come_The_Nice (Weller's Small Faces songbook) https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/the-jam-influences/pl.8a3af71fe28946eba47d1194e339d6f2 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Universal_(Small_Faces_song) (Blur homage) https://secondhandsongs.com/performance/200144 (Marriott memorial "Tin Soldier" with Weller and Noel Gallagher) https://www.pressreader.com/uk/stirling-observer/20170929/282046212293990 (All or Nothing musical lineage) https://danielrachel.com/writings/ocean-colour-scene-moseley-shoals/ https://www.elsewhere.co.nz/absoluteelsewhere/3138/ocean-colour-scene-interviewed-1996-take-it-to-the-top/ (OCS covering "Song of a Baker") https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Riverboat_Song (the "Four Sticks" riff caveat)

Did the ancient Egyptians have B major, or were they just really into papyrus condoms? This week, Andrew and his resident logic-botherer Sam attempt to dissect the musical history of ancient Egypt, mostly concluding that three thousand years of history can't quite be summed up by Bruce Dickinson or an overly loud 90s metal kick drum. Expect a completely uncalled-for bass-tuning intermission, a deep dive into why the 'Woke Police' banned The Bangles after 9/11, and the shocking revelation that ancient Greek war music sounds a bit too much like an Offspring track. We also listen to some genuine electronic pioneer madness involving barking dogs and celestial shapes, plus a bit of Coptic embalming music that sounds exactly like a knife going into some pharaoh's guts. It's educational, it's chaotic, and Andrew actually learns what a pentatonic scale is (sort of).

In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity: Exploring the "Crucial Three". Julian Cope's Fear of the Floor: Why he performed on step ladders because he felt the floor was too dangerous. The Mysterious Drum Machine: The story behind the machine they called "Echo". The Big Lie: How they admitted the drum machine story was just a way to mess with journalists. "Caramelised Hair": The era of sugar-styling that attracted swarms of flies and smelled like a burnt bakery. The Cosmic Gateway: The time Bill Drummond decided a manhole cover in Matthew Street was a cosmic gateway to Iceland. It is peak 80s chaos, involving more sugar and camouflage netting than a primary school bake sale in a war zone. Suggested Listening "The Killing Moon": The one Ian McCulloch insists was written by God, though it is actually the intro to Space Oddity played backwards. "The Cutter": The band at the absolute peak of their 80s powers. "People Are Strange": The Joel Schumacher and Lost Boys payday produced by Ray Manzarek of The Doors. "Over the Wall": A masterpiece from their very dark, silhouette-heavy period. "Brussels is Haunted": The sound of the band in 2026, because they are still at it.

Viking metal is a sad parody of music. Or at least, that's how Andrew starts this episode before Sam drags him through a hedge of historical facts. In a bold new format where one of us actually prepares and the other just reacts with increasing confusion, Dr. Sam (our resident academic-lite) guides us through the reality of Viking influence on music. We cover why Wagner is responsible for the horn-helmet lie, why Led Zeppelin is basically a Viking recruitment brochure, and why the Harp Twins might be the most terrifying thing we've ever watched. We also learn that real Vikings probably sounded less like growling Swedes and more like barking dogs. If you've ever wanted to know about Viking divorce laws, fossilized worms, or why the Finns freaked everyone out, this is the rambling mess you've been waiting for.

Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle 'Foreign Music'—which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'songs where we don't understand the words'. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that's apparently trying to destroy Andrew's teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn't in English, the mystery of Joe Strummer's 'garbled nonsense' Spanish on 'Should I Stay or Should I Go', and the revelation that Plastic Bertrand was basically a French Milli Vanilli on a trampoline. Dr. Sam tries to bring some 'academic' weight to the proceedings by reading high-brow philosophy about repetition, while Andrew just wants to talk about Nena's bass player and why subscription underpants are a recipe for disaster. Expect tangents on Star Trek moral codes, stealing cars you can't drive, and the universal truth that everyone eventually gets 'yogurt chucked up' at them. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff: Elvin Jones - 'The Prime Element' Andrew's Riff: Rebekah - 'Synthetic Collapse' Dr Sam's Track Choices The Clash - 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' Magma - 'Hortz fur dehn stekehn west' Pixvae - 'La Fuga' Mc Solaar - 'Qui seme le vent recolte le tempo' Andrew's Track Choices Plastic Bertrand - 'Ca plane pour moi' Blur - 'To the End (La Comedie)' Serge Gainsbourg - 'Bonnie and Clyde' Nena - '99 Luftballons' Email us: [email protected]

Look, we tried to have a sophisticated chat about interwar music (the stuff between the two big global scraps) but obviously, it devolved into a conversation about penis tattoos and whether or not Reddit is a valid academic source. Dr. Sam brings the "knowledge" (mostly from books he is actually holding, for once), and Andrew tries to figure out how to eat a Scotch egg without a plate while pondering the sexual deviance of 1920s novelty songs. We cover Duke Ellington's Mood Indigo, the absolute filth hidden in "I'm Going to Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight," and why Robert Johnson might have just practiced really hard instead of selling his soul to the devil. It is a rambling journey through jazz, folk, and German Marxist theatre that somehow ends with Woody Allen and a two-fingered guitarist.   Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff Dog Faced Hermans - Jan 9 Andrew's Riff Witch Post - Worry Angel Dr Sam's track choices Duke Ellington - Mood Indigo Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - I'm Gonna Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight Brecht - Instead-Of Song Harlem Hamfats - Let's Get Drunk and Truck Andrew's track choices Laurel and Hardy - Trail of the lonesome pine Robert Johnson - Crossroad blues Woodie Guthrie - This Land Is Your Land (1940) Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappelli - Minor Swing Email us - [email protected]

This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It's the "Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special," which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, and the usual technical failures that have become the show's unintended trademark. We've got deep dives into why Queen is discussed more than played, the actual number of times we've mentioned bodily functions (spoiler: it's lower than you'd think, which is disappointing), and a look back at the time Mike Watt told us he hated Zoom. It's a retrospective of chaos, bad decisions, and the occasional riff. Sam's Riff of the Week The Messthetics & James Brandon Lewis – Deface The Currency Andrew's Riff of the Week LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER – Eins, Zwei, Drei The Ego-Death Deep Dive: A History of Bad Decisions Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Intro: We started with a lie. In Episode 1, Andrew promised a 20-minute show, but it ran to 55 minutes. Sam's original review: "Andrew, this was supposed to be 20 minutes". Cee Lo Green – FUCK YOU: Setting the tone early. Episode 1 ended with Andrew attempting professionalism while Sam signed off with a heartfelt "Fuck you all". Metallica – Fuel: It took us 63 episodes to finally deliver on the Metallica special we promised in week one. The Replacements – Here Comes a Regular: We predicted we'd be "irregular". We then accidentally published for 96 consecutive weeks without missing a single one. The Minutemen – Corona: Revisiting our favourite intro, the moment Mike Watt joined the Zoom call and immediately shouted, "Fuck those people". The Stone Roses – Tell Me: Statistically our most played artist with 14 appearances over the journey. Queen – Stone Cold Crazy: Our most discussed band (mentioned 26 times) that we almost never actually play. The Hall of Fame: Dumb Bits & Chaos The Christian Vulvas: A band name suggestion that almost killed us with laughter. Thighs Wide Open: Walking into the technological dystopia with our "eyes fucking wide open," or something like that. 10 Pence Pieces: The failed monetization strategy involving skin insertion. Testicle Weather Vanes: A foolproof way to predict a tornado or an earthquake based on swinging. Ruddiger Broomhilder's Unripe Plums: The AI-assisted tale of a stomach-ache staging a revolution. Love vs. Death vs. Poo PIL – This Is Not A Love Song: The stats are in. We prefer death (29 songs) over love (19 songs). Phil Collins 3 – Pooey Stick: Despite the scatological humor, "poo" has only appeared 11 times in the transcripts. The Numbers That Tell the Story Stat Number Total episodes 167 (including trailer) Total hours of content 136.1 Total tracks identified 1,044 Unique artists 706 Artists played only once 560 (79%) Sam's track picks 354 Guest picks 166 Longest publishing streak 96 weeks Average episode length 65 minutes Love songs / Death songs 19 / 29 Horse references 13 Toilet / Poo references 12 / 11 Unused backlog ideas 74 Original zine issues 10 Watch more Beat Motel chaos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvEIcKhJxA&list=PLwnzX0gT6IrcZqrF2Xslb19NiBRgd9rj9

In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Tom Klute, a man who has spent 25 years running the Commercial Suicide label and presumably even longer trying to figure out how to stop CDRs from rotting into useless plastic coasters. The pair embark on a quest to identify the 'Great Basslines of Our Time', a journey that takes them from the bowel-ripping valve amps of the 70s to the distorted sub-bass of 90s jungle. Along the way, they discuss why buying a headless bass is a cry for help, the terror of music trackers, and the peculiar joy of being a 'cool dad' who gives his son massive 70s speakers only to realise his lounge ceiling is now a vibrating drum skin. Expect tangents on why the Smokey and the Bandit remake in Suffolk failed, the mystery of delaminating discs, and why the Sugarhill Gang might be absolute fibbers. It's an hour of gear talk, punk history, and bass-heavy nostalgia that'll make your trousers wobble.   Riffs of the week Tom's Riff Kenny Loggins - Footloose Andrew's Riff Fucked Up - Crusades Tom's track choices Stranglers - Toiler On The Sea Roni Size - Share the Fall (Grooverider's Jeep Mix) Discharge - Ain't No Feeble Bastard Chic - Good Times LFO - LFO Andrew's track choices Fu Manchu - Grendel Snowman Blur - Popscene Venetian Snares - Öngyilkos Vasárnap Gravediggaz - 6 Feet Deep NOFX - The Decline

Look, we've all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange, you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the "Normal Lineup, Weird Noises" theme—basically, what happens when a standard rock band decides to make sounds that shouldn't exist. We've got Jerskin Fendrix (aka Jocelyn Dent Pooley, the man with a name like a removal firm heir), the sonic separation of Big Business, and the avant-garde chaos of Deerhoof. Also: Why do people heckle sensitive jazz drummers? Is every Ukrainian black metal band actually staffed by archaeologists? And why does Paul Westerberg spend the start of a Replacements track sounding like he's hoovering up a pharmacy floor? It's music, it's chaos, and it's probably the only podcast that mentions both Agathee Christie and the "Pissed Resistance" in the same breath.   Riffs of the Week Dr. Sam's Riff Jerskin Fendrix – Jerskin Fendrix Freestyle Andrew's Riff The Callous Daoboys – Distracted by The Mona Lisa Dr. Sam's Track Choices Big Business – Cats, Mice Deerhoof – The Perfect Me Victims Family – The Germ Adam and the Ants – The Day I Met God Andrew's Track Choices Caroline Polachek – Dang Everything Everything – Cough Cough The Charlatans – I Can't Even Be Bothered 1914 – 1914 (The Siege of Przemyśl) Email us: [email protected]