Bands We Wish We Were In (For Beer, Glory & Ridiculous Haircuts)

Ever looked at a band and thought, "Yeah, I'd ruin that with my presence"? Well, so have we. This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by the mighty Oli as they dive headfirst into the chaotic world of bands they wish they'd been in.From the sleek, suited swagger of Interpol to the beer-soaked riff factories of Gentleman's Pistols, we ramble through a weird and wonderful landscape of musical desires. Expect tales of porn ties, Led Zeppelin’s airborne fireplaces, and discovering why having a drum machine made from bits of a broken toaster is the height of musical cool.We also reflect on the importance of looking like a band, the magic of weird basslines, and why being in a band is just clinging to your mates while pretending it's not all a colossal waste of time. Plus, we settle the age-old debate: Would you rather play Glastonbury or the Steamboat in Ipswich?Buckle up. It’s a trip.### Riffs of the week#### Oli's Riff- Faraquet - Cut Self Not#### Andrew's Riff- Patristic - Catechesis### Oli's track choices1. Young Marble Giants - Eating Noddemix 2. Interpol - Heinrich Manevour3. Led Zepellin - No Quarter4. Beach Boys - Little Pad### Andrew's track choices1. Axes - Junior2. Gentlemans Pistols-Comfortably Crazy3. Prolapse - Headless in a beat motel4. Blur - Won't do itEmail us - [email protected]

In this ear-bleeding episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by Dan Callis for a deep dive into the heavy, the noisy, and the downright daft corners of modern metal and punk. If you're here for thoughtful analysis, jog on. This is a celebration of volume, riffs, and the bands that make you question your own taste.Starting off with tech issues and a healthy dollop of despair at podcasting platforms, our lads quickly launch into a barrage of riffs. Callis brings the chaos with the likes of Big Ass Truck (yes, that’s a real band and no, they’re not subtle), while Andrew goes full nostalgic riff nerd with Pelican.They dish out praise (and some sass) for local legends Dude Smell, debate whether Babymetal is genius or Eurovision in disguise, and unleash rage at the fascist-flirting metalheads of yore. There's a surprise orchestral metal pick from Callis (are we feeling okay?), a hilarious tale involving Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe getting locked out, and general beef with Google, Spotify, and algorithmic inshitification.Tracks from Teeth, Stray from the Path, The Haunted, and Ironstone also make an appearance in what is possibly the least coherent but most entertaining playlist you’ll encounter this month.If you like your podcasts raw, sarcastic, and filled with two blokes yelling about blast beats and gig etiquette, you’re in for a treat.### Riffs of the week#### Callis's Riff- Bring me the horizon - Wonderwall#### Andrew's Riff- Dudesmell - Fatal Attraction### Calliss track choices1. Big Ass Truck - Big Ass Truck2. Teeth - Blue and cold3. Ironstone - Forgive me anew4. Stray from the path - Fuck them all to hell### Andrew's track choices1. Pelican - Gulch2. Sylosis/Heriot - The Path3. The Haunted - Warhead4. Purified in blood - Primal pulse thunderEmail us - [email protected]

This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by the ever-eloquent Dr. Sam to unpack the joys, horrors, and outright weirdness of musicians who make sweet music and even sweeter love together. Things get rolling with a heated debate about whether soup is a drink, a meal, or just a gateway to genital injury. Seriously.From Tom Waits’ transformation at the hands of Kathleen Brennan to the relentless Yoko Ono bashing that both Andrew and Sam righteously defend, this episode is a heady blend of irreverent insight and musical deep cuts. We also plunge into the murky waters of band names that make you cringe (hello, Mum Jeans), and wax lyrical about the magic - and occasional monstrosity - of musical power couples.Expect shoutouts to Fleetwood Mac’s inter-band bonking, Linda McCartney's immovable sausages, and some righteous love for Man On Man (yes, Roddy Bottom and Joey Holeman are real names). We also throw in rants about Giraffe (not the animal), bad reggae breakdowns in Bond themes, and a stunningly middle-aged moan about fusion food restaurants.Riffs of the weekDr Sam's RiffCypress Hill with the London Symphony Orchestra - When The Shit Goes Down (1:30)Andrew's RiffPrince Daddy & The Hyena - Thrashville 2/3 (ft. Kississippi) (1:54)Dr Sam's track choicesTom Waits - No One Knows When I'm Gone (0:10)Yoko Ono - Give Me Something (opening)Man on Man - Showgirls (0:40)Year of the Knife - Your Control (1:30)Andrew's track choicesThe Kinks - Big Sky (0:56)Wings - Live and Let Die (0:45)Sonic Youth - 100% (1:53)Fleetwood Mac - The Chain (3:02)Email us - [email protected]

Welcome to the Beat Motel podcast, where this week Andrew is joined by Dr Sam for a deep-dive into one of music’s most controversial themes: why so many fascinating artists are also colossal bellends.What starts as a light-hearted waffle about lubricated lips and ear balm (yeah, that happened) quickly takes a sharp swerve into the murky territory of artists who challenge our moral compasses. From Marilyn Manson’s whiny victim lyrics to Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his 13-year-old cousin, no sacred cows are spared. We get philosophical, sociological, and sometimes just downright sweary. But it’s all in the name of exploring the big question: can you separate the art from the arsehole?Also featuring:Suede and the joy of glam simplicityWhy Lou Reed was a magnificent pain in the neckThe brilliance and bafflement of Charles MingusCourtney Love finally getting the credit she deservesODB being… well… ODBDinosaur Jr's PR agent’s polite "don’t even bother" energyAnd yes, we talk about cancel culture. And yes, we know that’ll annoy someone. Good.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Say Sue Me - Vacation (0.15)#### Andrew's Riff- Suede - Disintegrate (2:10)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Marilyn Manson - User Friendly (opening)2. Hole - Celebrity Skin (0.31)3. Jerry Lee Lewis - Help Me Make It Through the Night (1:00)4. Charles Mingus - Vassarlean (2.56)### Andrew's track choices1. Lou Reed - Satellite of love (1:00)2. ODB - Shimmy shimmy ya (0:44)3. Dinosaur Jr - Freak Scene (2:18)4. Inspiral Carpets - I want you - Featuring Mark E Smith (0:29)Email us - [email protected]

Who knew an episode about colours could spiral into tales of crusty white-boy dreadlocks, the audio texture of brown, and Robbie bloody Williams dragging Tony Iommi into the Britpop bin fire?This week, Andrew and Dr Sam dive into the murky, vibrant, and occasionally neon world of music and its connection to colour. We’re not talking about your A-Level synaesthesia essay here. This is a chaotic ramble through records that sound “pink,” bands that are spiritually “brown,” and the kind of drummers who play like malfunctioning clockwork toys (yes, Rage Against the Machine guy, we’re looking at you).Expect discussions about:Why The Fadeaways might be Japan’s answer to garage rock perfectionWhy Wet Leg makes Sam think of lounge-based self-pleasureSharon Osbourne being Sharon Osbourne (which is never a compliment)What it means when a song sounds like Primus and why that’s both brilliant and deeply unsettlingHow audience chat at gigs should be punishable by public flogging or at least polite shushingAll this and more, plus Andrew’s eternal quest to have singing lessons… and fail.Plug in, lie back, and prepare to rethink the rainbow.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- The Fadeaways - I Don't Care (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- Wet Leg - CPR (2:13)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Black Sabbath - God is Dead? (0.45)2. Melt Banana - Chain-Shot to Have Some Fun (1.15)3. Dan Deacon - Arp III: Far From Shore (1.10)4. Primus - Shake Hands with Beef (opening)### Andrew's track choices1. NoFx - Don't call me white (opening)2. Red Fang - Throw Up (4:46)3. Orkestra Obsolete - Blue Monday (2:54)4. Split Enz - I see red (opening)Email us - [email protected]

What happens when you love music but live with people who have ears? This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into the steaming skip bin of Forbidden Music—those tracks that are so loathed, so divisive, or just so downright baffling that they’ve been banned in their own homes.From the glitchy chaos of Venetian Snares to the crime against ears that is Nightwish, no genre is safe. We cover everything from folk revolutionaries to jazz breakdowns that sound like a musical nervous breakdown. Dr. Sam gets philosophical about lo-fi wallpaper beats, and Andrew admits to weaponising avant-garde metal to end late-night YouTube sessions.Expect:Punk-pop cheese that could clog your arteriesJazz that sounds like someone dropped a saxophone down the stairsFinnish metal with the subtlety of Eurovision on steroidsWhy silence might be the ultimate forbidden tuneCasual academic analysis interrupted by fart storiesAlso in this episode:The unholy genre of metal for grandmasHow to destroy dinner parties with free jazzWhy BBC Radio 6 is for people pretending they still have an edgeSparks. Always Sparks.This one’s about taste, tolerance, and trauma. What’s your forbidden music? Send us your shameful tracks and tell us which song gets you kicked out of your own living room.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Peggy Seeger - Lady, What Do You Do All Day? (1.03)#### Andrew's Riff- Sparks - A Little Bit Of Light Banter (2:01)### Dr Sam's track choices1. No Use for a Name - Chasing Rainbows (0.45)2. Albert Ayler Trio - Ghosts: Variations 1 (0.30)3. Nightwish - I Wish I Had an Angel (opening)4. Defacement - Duality (opening) ### Andrew's track choices1. Venetian Snares - Hanjal (4:35)2. Imperial Triumphant - Pleasuredome (feat. Dave Lombardo & Tomas Haake) (3:30)3. Spiritbox - Circle With Me (2:40)4. The Velvet Underground - European Son (6:31)Email us - [email protected]

This week Andrew is joined by the ever-lovely Dr. Sam to discuss albums that feel like coming home. Naturally, they barely stick to the topic. Expect bowel-related rants, coffee-fuelled enema chat, and Dr. Sam outing himself as the world’s most dangerous urinal misuser.They dive into the albums that comfort them like a warm blanket (or a familiar loo seat), including Ugly Kid Joe, Black Sheep, The Kinks, and the Charlatans, while getting stuck into the finer points of why Weird Al is the hero we don't deserve, why Led Zeppelin would have been insufferable to drink with, and why toilets in Finland might be the pinnacle of personal hygiene.There's also a controversial theory connecting Smells Like Teen Spirit to Shangri-La by The Kinks, which is guaranteed to get the comment section frothing.Expect industrial-grade tangents, as the lads try and fail to stay on musical track but somehow land the plane into the cozy arms of nostalgia—covered in hot sauce and regret.Stuff we sort of talked about:Coffee enemas vs garden hosesBinoculars covered in weeFunk metal is not dead, it's just pretending to be politeThe joy of albums that teleport you back to awkward teenage yearsWhy Weird Al might be the gym soundtrack you never knew you neededSquatting over skatepark-style toilets (yes, really)If you like your music podcasts barely about music, you're in the right bog.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Honningbarna - Schäfer (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- BC Camplight - Two Legged Dog ft. Abigail Morris (1:54)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You (1.18)2. Black Sheep - The Choice Is Yours (Revisited) (2.20)3. Wayne Gibson - See You Later, Alligator (0.57)4. Weird Al - Bohemian Polka (opening)### Andrew's track choices1. The Kinks - Shangri La (2:47)2. The Charlatans - I never want an easy life if me and he were ever to get there 3. Led Zeppelin - Achilles last stand (4:07)4. Courdroy - Motorhead (1:32)Email us - [email protected]

Hold on to your ethically-sourced coffee and buckle in for a truly chaotic dive into the shallow end of music industry sellouts. This week, Andrew is joined by the ever-cynical Dr Sam, and the pair bravely attempt to answer the big questions: Can Slayer officially sod off? Is ABBA secretly prog disco royalty? Would Paul McCartney say "alright mate" if you bumped into him on the street?From slagging off Kickstarter walking boots to dissecting the Misfits’ career strategy and cringing at the tragic tale of Slade 2, the duo take you through bands that have clearly replaced artistic ambition with spreadsheets and pension planning. There's love for The Halo Effect, suspicion about The Verve’s reformation, and real shade thrown at Sting for treating The Police like a PLC.This episode's a riot of riffs, rants, and real talk about what happens when passion turns into product.Riff of the Week: Monarch Death Judge – "Stoner aggression for people who think Clutch need a kick up the rear."### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Demonic Death Judge - Goner (0.50)#### Andrew's Riff- The Halo Effect - Conspire to deceive (0:09)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Slayer - I'm Gonna Be Your God (0.20)2. ABBA - If It Wasn't for the Nights (1.00)3. Slade - Hot Luv (0.30)4. Misfits (feat. Ronnie Spector) - You Belong to Me (1.06)### Andrew's track choices1. Oasis - Slide Away (4:37)2. The Police - Don't stand so close to me (2:44)3. Verve - Gravity Grave (opening)4. The Beach Boys - A Day in the Life of a Tree (2:26)Email us - [email protected]**Takeaways**- Punk rock humor often straddles the line between clever and offensive.- Consumer products like Tesla can be disappointing in quality despite their hype.- The quest for quality in products often leads to a trade-off between comfort and durability.- Punk rock has a history of misogyny that still needs to be addressed today.- Many punk bands fail to evolve their message over time, leading to stagnation.- Nostalgia plays a significant role in how we perceive past trends and products.- Clackers were a nostalgic toy that exemplified a carefree childhood.- The punk scene has both progressive and regressive elements that reflect societal issues.- New music often draws from past influences while trying to innovate.- The podcast aims to explore music and its cultural implications. The transition of bands into business transactions is a significant theme.- Criticism of iconic bands often stems from their perceived lack of authenticity.- Celebrity interactions can lead to awkward expectations from fans.- Musicians are often seen as public figures, losing their personal space.- The craftsmanship in music production can be overlooked in favor of commercial success.- ABBA's return highlights the business side of music, despite their artistic contributions.- The sound quality and production techniques play a crucial role in music appreciation.- Critiques of musicians often reflect broader cultural sentiments about authenticity.- Celebrity culture can distort the perception of personal interactions.- Understanding the artistry behind music can enhance appreciation for the genre. Andrew discusses a book on business theory and creativity.- The conversation touches on Sting's portrayal in the music industry.- They reflect on the dynamics of famous bands and their relationships.- The impact of fame on artists is a recurring theme.- The commercialisation of music often overshadows artistic integrity.- They discuss the evolution of bands and their legacy over time.- The importance of creativity in business is emphasised.- The conversation highlights the challenges of maintaining artistic vision.- They explore how artists view their audience in a commercial context.- The discussion concludes with reflections on the state of the music industry.

In this absolutely not-endorsed-by-the-Royal-Institution episode of Beat Motel, Andrew Culture and Dr. Sam strap themselves to the whirring gears of life and music — and get gloriously derailed.We start by pondering the important things in life, like testicle elasticity, sellotaping car keys to your bits, and whether Andrew has ever squatted over a mirror (thankfully, not... yet). Then it's onto weddings, disaster tourism, robot bands, Fear Factory’s shady drum secrets, and the art of becoming a business arrangement instead of a band.With riffs harder than your nan's Yorkshire puddings, and opinions sharper than the dents in Dr. Sam’s forehead after a cycle ride, we dive into Stiff Little Fingers, Dead Kennedys, Paul McCartney’s stoner phase, and why Metal Mickey is either a robot or a stripper (jury’s out).Highlights include:Sellotaping car keys where the sun don't shinePaul McCartney’s suspicious love for “Waterfalls”How Fear Factory ghosted their own drummerAndrew’s plan to start a noise band with the worst name everLearning why theremins sound like nuclear Armageddon (because sometimes, they actually do)If you want earnest chats about BPM and key signatures, go somewhere else. If you want testicle Newton's cradles and robot apocalypse bands — welcome home.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- The Magicians - An Invitation to Cry (2.04)#### Andrew's Riff- Stiff Little Fingers - Suspect Device (1:25)### Dr Sam's track choices1. NoMeansNo - Machine (3.20)2. Dead Kennedys - At My Job (0.17)3. Fear Factory - The Industrialist (3.22)4. Matyas Seiber - A Short Vision (5.35)### Andrew's track choices1. Paul McCartney - Check my machine (3:30)2. Suede - Metal Mickey (1:46)3. Scissorfight - Dynamite (opening)4. Fat Boy Slim - Everyone needs a 303 (2:30)Email us - [email protected] When Paul McCartney Went Synth-Pop - Temporary Secretaryhttps://youtu.be/yNLGbGJLzcU?si=rjmklmAX-Tdoih8NWhy don't youhttps://youtu.be/3FQktsKvXcg?si=HPSGdIM7ei1dl7IU

This week, Andrew Culture is joined by Dr. San to answer the all-important question: what do Viz magazine, squirrel-based hip-hop folklore, and Captain Sensible have to do with sunglasses? A lot, apparently. From tales of tragically inebriated rodents to obscure country pastiches and mid-80s goth crooners, we dive eyeballs-first into a lens-tinted trip through musical mayhem.Expect a lovingly detailed discussion on Viz’s Buster Gonad and the gang, a passionate defence of Ray Orbison’s vocal blanket, ZZ Top’s fraudulent tour as The Zombies, and the serious existential implications of Skepta’s lyrics: "I can't see anything." Same, mate.The riffs are glorious, the tangents are ridiculous, and the jokes? Almost clever. Almost.Whether you love Skeeter Davis or just want to hear two aging music nerds trying to remember why the 2004 Viz movie was a thing, this is your stop. Just don’t Google blue waffle. We warned you.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Gary Owens Jr - Tomorrow's Stew (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- Current Value - Serenity (3:20)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Roy Orbison - Dream (opening)2. the Damned - Anti-Pope (0.10)3. ZZ Top Cheap Sunglasses (0.43)4. Tracey Ullman - Sunglasses (0.45)### Andrew's track choices1. Echo and the Bunnymen - Killing Moon (3:11)2. Skeeter Davis - Sunglasses (0:27)3. Skepta - Sunglassses at night (1:22)4. Jesus and Mary Chain - Just like honey (opening)Email us - [email protected] The importance of humor in storytelling.- Cultural references can enhance podcast engagement.- Childhood memories shape our perspectives.- Health discussions can be both serious and humorous.- Music can evoke nostalgia and personal connections.- The evolution of genres reflects societal changes.- Creative processes often stem from everyday observations.- Engaging with listeners through relatable content is key.- Exploring themes in music can lead to deeper discussions.- Humor can be a bridge to discuss serious topics. Ray Orbison's voice is described as comforting and warm.- The aesthetic of sunglasses in music reflects deeper themes.- Punk movement stripped down the concept of stage clothes.- ZZ Top's unique history includes impersonating British bands.- Skepta's humor adds a layer of absurdity to his music.- Tracy Ullman's covers highlight the obscurity of 60s music.- The conversation reveals the personal connections to music.- Music aesthetics evolve with cultural movements.- The influence of past artists is evident in modern music.- Humor in music can bridge generational gaps.