Chapter 166: Ethan Kross invites insight by interrupting internal interference

Happy Hunter's Moon, everyone! The nights are getting longer here in Toronto. Suddenly there seems to be a lot more time alone with that voice inside our heads … The one that wakes you up at 2am and decides now is the perfect time to question everything you said yesterday while trying to pre-process the things that may go wrong tomorrow. How do we know when useful thinking turns into overthinking Our guest today is a psychologist, neuroscientist, Professor of Psychology and Management & Organizations at the University of Michigan, and one of the world's leading researchers on the voice inside our heads ... Professor ​Ethan Kross​. He's also the director of ​Michigan University's Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory​, where he studies how we can manage our thoughts and emotions. For nearly two decades his research has investigated a deceptively simple question: How can we control our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours when they stop being helpful? You might know Ethan Kross from his bestselling book '​Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It​,' which has been translated into more than 40 languages. His follow-up bestseller, '​Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don't Manage You​,' explores how we can better understand and manage our emotions. And his newest release, '​Chatter: The Workbook​,' published earlier this year, offers practical exercises to help us stop overthinking and put our inner voice to work. So ... what exactly is chatter? And how is it different from simply thinking about a problem? Ethan gives us a wonderfully simple answer: Are you making forward progress? Our inner voice helps us plan, remember, imagine, solve problems, make decisions, and understand ourselves. The trouble begins when we keep circling the same problem without getting anywhere. When introspection turns into rumination ... when thinking turns into overthinking. Ethan has spent his career figuring out what we can actually do about it. We discuss how to create psychological distance from our problems, what Ethan does when chatter wakes him up at 2am, why constantly checking the news can make us more anxious, how nature changes the way our minds work, why experiencing awe can help shrink our problems back down to size, the surprising power of simply helping other people, and, of course ... Professor Ethan Kross's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to Chapter 166 now ...

Hey everyone, Years ago I was browsing through a bookstore when I stumbled on a small purple book called 'I'm Afraid of Men' by Vivek Shraya. I flipped it open and was transfixed. It showed me a view and a lens and a perspective I had no familiarity with. I ended up buying more of Vivek's books, including A Boy & The Bindi, and when her live memoir stage show How To Fail As A Pop Star visited Toronto my wife Leslie and I bought tickets and joined the giant standing ovation. Since we recorded this conversation, Vivek's work has expanded across books, music, theatre, TV, film, and fashion. She created and wrote the CBC Gem adaptation of How to Fail as a Popstar, which premiered internationally at Cannes and went on to win Canadian Screen Awards for Best Web Program or Series and Best Writing. She is now a three-time Canadian Screen Award winner, released her eleventh solo album New Models in 2025, an alter ego project VIVICA earlier this year, and her thirteenth book, the dystopian novel 'The Hystericals', arrived last month.  Vivek navigates complex topics—topics most people aren't willing to discuss—with a comfort and clarity that shows deep thinking, partly resulting from the hardships she's endured and navigated throughout her life.  In this conversation we talk about how parents can avoid snuffing out their children's gender creativity, how we might think about pronouns, traditional trans narratives, and how loving others can teach us how to love ourselves. I loved talking to her and hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Let's flip the page back to Chapter 53…

Happy full moon, everybody! It is the harvest moon and our leaves are falling here in Toronto. Time for change! Unavoidable, right? Sure, but maybe ... we can control how we react to it. My guest today has spent nearly six decades (!) studying ​learned optimism​, ​authentic happiness​, ​human flourishing​, and (his latest pursuit!) ​agency​ and his work is cited by thousands and taught in psychology courses worldwide. I am thrilled to come to 3 Books the co-founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman! In 1998, Marty was elected President of the ​American Psychological Association​ by the largest vote in its history. He launched positive psychology—he created it!—with ​Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi​, the psychologist who gave us '​Flow​,' and his work helped shape and influence so much of what we think about our minds and including past 3 Books guests ​Sonja Lyubomirsky​ and ​Shawn Achor​. Working at the University of Pennsylvania and ​founding the Positive Psychology Center​, where he's the Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology, Martin's lab has run everything from the Penn Resilience Program, which has trained teachers and students around the world, to large-scale resilience programs for the U.S. Army, to more recent work on human progress and agency. Which brings us to his new book! '​Agency: The Psychological History of Human Progress​' just came out a few weeks ago and it's an ambitious project analyzing millennia of history—from Periclean Athens and the Hebrew Torah through the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and the Civil Rights Movement—with Martin arguing that the hidden engine of human progress isn't geography or money or war ... but agency itself. Tune in as we discuss what agency is, how humans have progressed over centuries, techniques to overcome overthinking, how to use AI to positively impact our lives, whether AI is a new species, positive psychology tips to building strong marriages, abundant living, sexual desire, the definition of a good leader, and of course ... Martin Seligman's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to Chapter 165 now ...

A few years ago I was lucky enough to cross paths with Wagner Moura. He was on the eve of releasing his film '​Sergio​' after a long run playing Pablo Escobar in the hit series '​Narcos​.' Since then I've watched as his acting career has channeled upwards and onwards into feature roles in '​Civil War​', '​Dope Thief​', and his star turn in '​The Secret Agent​' where he won 'Best Actor' at both the Golden Globes and Cannes and was nominated for 'Best Actor' at the Oscars. Over the years Wag ("Vag") has become a dear friend. He's a massive heart, a fellow "boy dad", and he and his wife San live life with such a deep passion for humanity, always fighting for causes, and endlessly following their dreams. I have been inspired watching him and learning from him and in this chat I think you'll get a taste for the massive beauty that lies inside. In this chat we discuss the hinterlands of Brazil, how we stand up for what we believe in, creating art in times of crisis, and, of course, the incredible Wagner Moura's 3 most formative books. Let's flip back to Chapter 52 now....

Happy full moon, everybody!   Humans are the most social species on the planet.    So ... why don't we act like it? Why is loneliness rising? Why are we increasingly entombed in echo chambers? What is preventing us from connecting?  Enter Nick Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and one of the world's leading researchers on the psychology of social interaction. Nick grew up in rural Iowa, lives in Chicago with his family, and has spent his career asking a deceptively simple question: Why do the most social creatures on Earth often choose to be less social than they could be? Nick is the author of 'Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want', and his newest book, 'A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection'. His research spans social cognition, perspective-taking, loneliness, anthropomorphism, and why our judgments about people are so often inaccurate. Nick has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and on NPR. His course at Booth, 'Designing a Good Life', is an ethics course exploring how to build lives that are ethical, successful, and genuinely fulfilling, and it's among the school's most sought-after classes. Pull up a chair and let's talk about the differences between introversion and extroversion, the ethics of a good life, parenting five children (yes, five!), how technology is affecting the ways we socialize, the uncertainty effect, finding wisdom, and of course… Nick Epley's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to chapter 164 now…

Hey everybody, Welcome to Chapter 50 of 3 Books! We're going to hang out on a hotel room couch in Vancouver for a little bit of calm. I am very excited to have you on the couch beside me and the absolutely incredible Marcus Buckingham. Who is Marcus? Well, if you're in the business world, you've probably heard of him. Why? Well, he's written books sitting on every executive's bookshelf and his assessments and work are used everywhere.    Marcus Buckingham is a global researcher and thought leader focused on unlocking people's strengths, increasing their performance, and pioneering the future of how people work.    How did Marcus end up doing this job? Well, after working as Senior Researcher inside Gallup for a couple of decades he co-authored some of the most popular business books of all time including 'First Break All The Rules', 'Now Discover Your Strengths', and his bestseller,  'Love + Work: How to Find What You Love, Love What You Do, and Do It for the Rest of Your Life'.  What does Marcus do now? He is currently focusing on his book, 'Design Love In', and leading his coaching and education firm, the Buckingham Institute. I love the optimism behind his work. That people are born as acorns, with an imprint inside them on what they could be, and what their true potential could lead them to. I sat down with Marcus overlooking the foggy mountains over Vancouver Harbour just before he took to the stage for the headlining slot at The Art of Leadership. We cover a lot of topics in this chapter including: How do we learn to truly see our children? How can the education system be improved? How do we avoid tribalism? What is the real definition of weird? What's the single best question to ask yourself when trying to articulate your strengths? And how can we find our own unique way to draw strength and love from life? I found Marcus to be brave, vulnerable, and inspiring in this conversation. Years ago, when I worked at Walmart, we used Marcus's books and videos in our training sessions. Getting a chance to sit down with him many years later to discuss his 3 most formative books was a rare treat. Let's go…

Happy Buck Moon, everyone!   As we sink into the summer heat, I'm thrilled to welcome Jon Klassen on 3 Books!   Jon is a Canadian born, LA living author and illustrator whose darkly humorous, minimalist storytelling has helped define contemporary children's literature.   In 2016, Jon concluded his breakout book series 'The Hat Trilogy', which features 'I Want My Hat Back', 'This Is Not My Hat', and 'We Found a Hat.'   'This Is Not My Hat' was the first book to ever win both the American Library Association's Caldecott Medal and the British Kate Greenaway Medal.   Jon's books have now sold over 12 million copies (!) and he might be the most decorated children's book author alive.   About a month after we recorded this conversation, Jon won the Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award—a prestigious children's and young adult book award that he accepted from Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden at a ceremony in Stockholm.   Nobody deserves this award more than Jon.   He is a genius wordsmith, a remarkable illustrator, and a passionate father of two.   In this chapter, we talk about Jon's writing routine, what makes a good illustration, the value of accepting fear when writing, how to draw a lying turtle, comfort with contradiction, men's fashion tips, what makes a good children's book, the publishing industry, and of course… Jon's 3 most formative books.   Let's flip the page to chapter 163 now…

I sat down with Dr. Andrea Sereda at the Sherbourne Health Centre on the east side of downtown Toronto, an area of the city sometimes known for its challenges with drug abuse. Who is Dr. Andrea Sereda? She is a family physician who practices street outreach medicine and provides care through the London InterCommunity Health Centre in London, Ontario. She works with the emergency safer supply substitution program, prescribing hydromorphone, an opioid used by injection drug users to reduce the risk of contaminated street drugs. Wait! What? Yes, on the face of it, Dr. Andrea Sereda gives drugs to drug users but there is a lot more to the story. We are going right to the front lines of the opioid epidemic which, even before the end of this conversation, will take 10 lives in North America alone. (To illustrate the issue more deeply, 8,048 Americans died of opioid related drug overdoses in 1999. What about now? Well, the number was approximately 70,000 drug overdose deaths last year.) It will take ingenuity, creativity, and passion to address this issue. As you'll hear, Dr. Andrea Sereda offers all three in spades. Her views are often provocative, sometimes controversial, and she will argue that drugs should be decriminalized and why we should indeed give drugs to drug users. What about the challenges to these ideas? The critics? The controversies? We get into that, too. And we are fortunate enough to use Andrea's three most formative books as a launchpad into this conversation. I am so grateful to Dr. Andrea Sereda for sharing so much of her life, her journey, and her practice with all of us. I find her and her work incredibly challenging, intriguing, and inspiring. I hope you do, too.

Happy Strawberry Moon, everyone! As we ease into summer and the hydrangeas and garden roses begin blooming here in Toronto, I find myself struck by the awe and beauty that quietly surrounds us each day. There's so much science behind how we experience the world. My guest on this moon's chapter of 3 Books has spent his career proving just that. Join me in welcoming one of the world's leading experts on happiness and human potential, a Harvard-trained positive psychologist and researcher whose ​TED Talk​ has been watched over 30 million (!) times, and a genuinely warm human I am proud to call a friend ... Mr. Shawn Achor! (pronounced like "acorn" without the n, btw!) I first met Shawn in Abu Dhabi, years ago, when we were both invited to speak to the Royal Family of the United Arab Emirates. I arrived a few days early, for dress rehearsals, long dinners, and meet-and-greets with various extended family members, and then Shawn showed up. He flew in, crushed it onstage, dropped research studies like he'd memorized all of Google Scholar, and immediately flew out. I was left thinking: Who was that masked man? Well, over the years we became friends, and he was kind enough to blurb '​The Happiness Equation​' after selling a million copies of his own wonderful book, '​The Happiness Advantage​'. And then ... where did he go? Shawn just sort of ... disappeared. I found out why in his new book, '​The Power of Beliefs​'. After his daughter Zoë was born three months early, spending 50 days in the NICU, Shawn decided to take a break—six years of no media, no international talks, no new books. Six years! But Shawn is still Shawn. An amiable son of an English teacher and a neuroscience professor, with multiple Harvard degrees, and a witty, research-centric writing style that is precise and uniquely compassionate. Tune in as we discuss Shawn's new book, his seven core beliefs (and their seven scars), the power of the placebo effect, what six years of "disappearing" taught him about parenting and living a more meaningful life, the psychology of awe, the cost of measuring your worth through comparison, and of course ... the brilliant Shawn Achor's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to Chapter 162 now...

On a pair of folding lawn chairs on his front porch in Toronto's Roncesvalles neighborhood, I sat down with my friend Michael Bungay Stanier. Michael's mind is like a box that you open and a whole bunch of springs suddenly fly out in all directions. Here's a bit of his biography to give you a taste of this guy: "I've never quite fit the traditional mold, and honestly, I think that's been the advantage that has shaped my life. Smart and successful don't have to look one way. But making space for that – for different voices, different ambitions, different ways of moving through the world – takes real work. That's my work. That's the mark I want to make on the world: helping people figure out what matters most to them and how to get more of that." Should we stop there? No, I'll keep going.    Michael is an Australian who went to Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar. There, he met a beautiful Canadian woman who he fell in love with and followed back to Canada. He founded a company called Box of Crayons which teaches 10-minute coaching strategies so busy managers can build stronger teams. Most recently, he also founded MBS Works, a digital platform featuring all his books, courses, keynotes, and tools focused on individuals who want to positively change their lives. He has won numerous awards for Coach of the Year and wrote a book called 'The Coaching Habit' which turned into a huge phenomenon with (in only 3+ years) over 700,000 copies sold and over 2000 Amazon reviews. (Sidenote: The book was published by Jesse Finkelstein of Page Two Publishing, our guest in Chapter 23) Michael is also the author of 'Do More Great Work,' 'How to Begin', 'How to Work with (Almost) Anyone', and 'The Advice Trap.' I love Michael Bungay Stanier. He's one of the most fascinating minds in my life, and I feel so grateful and honored to call him a friend. I hope you fall in love with him too. In this chapter, we talk about simplifying complex things, finding curiosity, and of course, his three most formative books.   So pull up a lawn chair!   And let's flip the page back to Chapter 48 now....