A King Can't Use a Portaloo & More New Year Musings

Despite our best efforts to ostrich in true royal style, we were unable to avoid last week's news about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's ongoing scandal. We couldn't help but wonder: what if Charles actually doesn't have what it takes to hold the royal family together through this period of well-deserved scrutiny? We also consider the meaning of William and Kate having engagements on the same exact day (300 miles apart) and Princess Anne taking a turn as the royal brooch-wearer-in-chief.

Dear listeners, it finally happened. An intrepid Windsors & Losers host (Eva) was able to observe William and Kate as living and (presumably) breathing mortals. In today's episode, we recap this lofty BAFTAs sighting, recap all the Andrew news we'd previously missed, and muse momentarily on what's up with the Wessex-Edinburghs.

Full disclaimer: we recorded this episode earlier this week, and much (probably) has happened in the world of the Windsors. Regardless, we recap the timeless prose of Tom Parker Bowles and... beef bourguignon. Also, we reflect on a new biography about Prince William and Princess Catherine which asserts that Prince Harry's claim to have been shoved by William was wildly overblown. Plus: Andrew Mountbatten Windsor, and his road to arrest.

Oh, the royals... so much internal strife, and so little action. This week, we check in on the latest maneuvers from Camp Fergie, and wonder how Zara and Mike Tindall have managed to stay so... unproblematic. Prince William suffers an unfortunate comparison, which — through a long, winding road of logic — causes us to wonder about the state of the institution as a whole.

We seek refuge from Andrew Mountbatten Windsor’s long-awaited move and attempts to evade the law by discussing… royal chickens. Both King Charles and his grandson, Prince Archie, keep chickens accustomed to a certain regal lifestyle. But back to Andrew: his own brother, Prince Edward, finally broke the royal’s omertà on the Epstein scandal with a short response from a convention in Dubai (and was followed by a Monday statement from Charles, as well as one from Will and Kate). We discuss all this and only a tiny bit more in this week’s Windsors & Losers.

Why can't the royals just snack all day like normal people? In the latest royal crusade against eating, we learn about Princess Anne's preference for tea instead of luncheon. We also traipse through annals of royal real estate history in order to educate ourselves about the Sandringham home selected for Andrew Mountbatten Windsor (and its fitting proximity to... ooze). As a palate cleanser, we celebrate the release of His Majesty's new Amazon documentary, Finding Harmony, and reflect on how Charles was able to have his very own door — and special chair! — at the Windsor Castle premiere.

Prince Harry takes the stand in his ongoing crusade against press intrusion, revealing that he's not a fan of wine — and, we can''t help but wonder, does that include As Ever rosé? On the other hand, Prince William declares a crusade to save pubs, and King Charles is revealed to be a late-night garden conversationalist. What a week! 

What a week to sink one's teeth into royal news. We spend more time than is natural dissecting the reasoning behind Will and Kate hiring a "crisis PR manager" named Liza Ravenscroft, whose own Linkedin says... she's a specialist in crisis and reputation management. We also celebrate Kate's 44th by pondering what she ordered for lunch with her mother and sister. And finally, we celebrate one great royal relation — Tom Parker Bowles, of course — and his paean to Wetherspoon's hotels in the Daily Mail. 

New year, same royals! This week, Eva and Allie are diving into what really matters: the royals' portfolio of rentable holiday homes, Queen Camilla's wide-ranging book club's big milestone, and the strange intersection of King Charles, Donald Trump, a ballroom, and porta-potties.

It's a great week in the land of Windsors & Losers amid news that King Charles is doing well in his fight against cancer. We recap what this means for Charles's reign, as well as Prince William's engagement that mixed business casual with pints and the latest from the legal drama between Charles Spencer's estranged wife and current girlfriend.