#44 Socializing Without a Script

I've mentioned before on the program how unusually high the rate of personality disorders is among Jehovah's Witnesses, which always begs the question: Why? Well today's guest, in addition to being an ex-JW, also happens to be a counselor with a special interest in personality disorders, so after spending a little time hearing her story, we're gonna dive in and talk some shop on pds within the Jehovah's Witnesses. Along the way, we'll explore the chicken or egg question of whether the organization attracts narcissists, or creates them "collective narcissism" (a concept describing how an organization can function as a narcissistic entity) And how the narcissistic entity + individual reinforce the needs of each other

Another straight up banger of a guest! (no hype) Michaela is not only charismatic and deeply fascinating, but after hearing the 9 levels of hell she crawled through to break free, you'll be left with the same question I had: How the hell did she turn out so great?! We're gonna try to suss out the answer to that question, and explore some remaining wounds that have yet to fully close Along the way we'll touch on: what we mean by the word victim why we still care what the people from the cult think of us and why sometimes, when you're not ready to climb out of the hole, your best bet might be to dig yourself deeper

After working with over a thousand ex-cult members, I thought I'd heard it all. I was wrong... On today's episode, it is my great pleasure to introduce you to "Manon"—a ferocious, badass mother (literally & figuratively) and the owner of the best cult-quitting story I've ever heard. We also go deep on what it means to have parents who are still in the cult. Parents who don't see you. Maybe never have. Probably never will. And yet, somehow, we still hold onto the fantasy that one day they might. You're not gonna wanna skip this one. It does not disappoint.

If you're reading this, chances are you're already fairly certain that the cult you escaped from was a flaming pile of fecal matter. Well... fairly certain Because knowing the failed prophecies, the abuse scandals, and the sheer absurdity of the story they're selling still doesn't quite squash that annoyingly persistent voice asking: "Yeah... but what if though? What if they were right?" Given that absolute certainty isn't really on the menu in this plane of existence, I can't promise to get you too 100%. But if you're hovering around 80%, give me an hour. Let's see if we can't bump that number into the high 90s by the end of this episode.

In this episode, I explore the strange social vertigo that can follow life in a high-control group, why authentic connection often feels riskier than performance, and how we can shift from to less theater, more improv. Along the way, I share a few stories from my own attempts to navigate life without a script—some insightful, some awkward, and at least one involving psychedelics and questionable decision-making. If you've ever wondered whether you're doing relationships correctly, this episode is for you.    

Another underdeveloped muscle in former cult members: Discernment The cult taught us that every thought and action falls into a neat little black and white category of right and wrong, regardless of the situation. And what a shock... turns out that's not actually the way the world works, and it can be quite difficult to leave that warm snuggly feeling of certainty behind. Fear not my friends, because letting go of certainty is the start of developing discernment, which is an infinitely more useful way of approaching the inherent instabilities of life.

We start by confirming what you already suspect: If you were raised in a cult or high control religion, you are most certainly not normal, and will most likely never achieve the status of such. We follow up with all the reasons "normal" is a shit thing to aim for, and why the road less traveled is often the most alive

A whole episode devoted to the feeling of being ghosted (transitive style) and how to sort through that grief

One of the worst things you could be in a cult is selfish. Pursue a career? Selfish. Go to college? Selfish. Skip a meeting because you're too exhausted to feign interest? Selfish. When you're handed the grandiose mission of saving the human race from Armageddon, even a tiny spark of personal joy starts to feel like a moral failure. But now you're out. You survived. And for the first time, you can do anything you want. The only problem? You've never been allowed to want anything for yourself. It feels weird. It feels wrong. You feel guilty. (Which, of course, is by design.) In this episode, we're going to deconstruct and recalibrate the idea of "selfish"—and explore why taking care of your own needs isn't just okay… it's essential. For your healing, and for the people you love. We'll cover: How high-control religion weaponizes "selflessness" to keep you obedient Why everything we do—including "selfless" acts—is actually motivated by self-interest (and that's not a bad thing) The beautiful irony: how prioritizing your joy makes you more generous, more grounded, and more whole This is your permission slip to want things, try things, and be a little gloriously selfish—for your own sanity, healing, and yes, the joy of eventually giving back from a full cup. DrRyanLee.com/beyondbelief

Don't come back until you've tried em all