418. Undoing Your "Goodness" Programming: A Conversation with Elise Loehnen

In this week's Coaching Hotline episode, I’m answering two listener questions that get right to the heart of emotional responsibility. First, I tackle the studies on mood contagion you’ve probably seen—and show why they don’t actually contradict thought work. The second question digs into a classic relationship trap: knowing when to share your feelings with a partner and when you’re actually trying to manipulate them into making you feel better. By the end, you’ll have concrete ways to approach tough conversations that build real intimacy instead of criticism or blame.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/423Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

Thinking about getting certified as a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET.Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacall

What if the reason you haven’t reached your biggest goals isn’t lack of talent or effort—but the illusion that you need a perfect plan before you even start?In this episode, you’ll learn why chasing certainty keeps you stuck, how overplanning can become a sophisticated form of procrastination, and why the “next right step” is more powerful than a five-year roadmap. You’ll discover how to set goals that excite—or even scare—you, and start making progress on the things that actually matter.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/422Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

Ever catch yourself overthinking how you show up around men—or in any situation where you feel judged? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about maintaining platonic friendships while married and unpack why women are socialized to take responsibility for other people’s thoughts—a burden that’s impossible to carry and doesn’t belong to you.Then we dive into whether some circumstances actually require more thought work than others, using the workplace as an example. You’ll learn why what feels “hard” for you isn’t about the circumstance—it’s about your thinking—and how embracing that insight can change the way you navigate relationships, work, and life.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/421Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

The coaching industry is booming—yet it’s one of the most misunderstood professions out there. From concerns about pyramid schemes to questions of legitimacy, there’s a lot of confusion surrounding this coaching, especially in a field that’s predominantly female and largely online.So this week, I’m breaking down the most common myths and concerns about becoming a coach. I cover everything from startup costs and market saturation to whether coaching actually aligns with your strengths and desired lifestyle. You’ll learn the real numbers behind the industry, the different pathways into coaching (hint: entrepreneurship isn’t the only option), and how to know if coaching might be your calling.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/420Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

Are you curious about becoming a coach but not sure where to start?Join me at Coach-Curious Prep School where you’ll learn:Whether coaching is the right career for you.What you need to do to prepare for a successful coaching career.The next steps to take to begin — or expand — your life as a coach.It's all happening September 15-17, 2025. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/coachcurious

In this week’s Coaching Hotline, I answer two listener questions that reveal a common trap: we think circumstances create our feelings, when really our thoughts are doing all the work. One caller worries that ambition has become a perfectionist trap, the other wonders if meditation is just a way to avoid difficult emotions.I break down how to tell if meditation is actually processing emotions or just soothing your nervous system, and what it really means to live an extraordinary life. You’ll learn the difference between true emotional work and sophisticated avoidance—and how to reframe your biggest life questions in a way that actually gives you answers.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/419Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

Ever feel like you’re constantly trying to be the perfect friend, partner, coworker, or mom? That pressure to live up to everyone else’s expectations is a trap—and it’s keeping you stuck in self-sacrifice and people-pleasing. In this episode, I’m chatting with Elise Loehnen, author of On Our Best Behavior, about how we can stop chasing the impossible standard of “goodness” and start embracing our whole, authentic selves. We break down how society programs women to seek external approval—and why that’s keeping us disconnected from our real power. If you’re ready to stop living a performance and start showing up as your true self, let's go.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/418Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two relationship questions—one about wanting more time with your partner, the other about lingering anger when your needs feel unmet. Both reveal the same underlying problem: telling yourself you should feel differently. You’ll learn how to explore your anger and anxiety without adding guilt or shame. Plus, I show you how thought work can be used to get out of cycles of self-blame and to make choices about relationships from a place of insight rather than reaction. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/417Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here

Do you ever feel like you shouldn’t be giving advice, leading a project, or stepping into your own expertise because you’re not perfect—or not perfect enough? That’s expertise perfectionism—the constant self-doubt that tells you your knowledge isn’t enough and that every mistake means you’re failing.In this episode, I break down how to spot and release expertise perfectionism, why perfection isn’t the baseline for impact, and how to measure your effectiveness by the help you provide rather than the mistakes you fear. I show you how even beginners in any field can act with authority, grow their expertise, and make a meaningful difference—without waiting to feel “ready” or perfect.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/416Mentioned in this episode:Curious about becoming a coach — but still have questions?Join me for a live behind-the-scenes Q&A happening on September 19th at 12 p.m. ET. Click here to grab your spot: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/qacallSign up for this Q&A call here