Why an Avoidant NEVER Fights for You (& How to Take Your Power Back)

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why an avoidant partner never really fights for you or the relationship, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant. I share five honest reasons, from simply growing apart, to feeling like the relationship itself is one long anxiety state, to the flaw zoom that makes them fixate on one tiny thing, to the gap between what they want and what they actually need, and finally the missing skills to communicate and resolve conflict. Then I turn to you: how to get your power back, why to only invest in someone truly committed, and what to do when you are the only one still fighting.► Links and Resources:Complex Childhood Trauma Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc4NqZQV5hA&t=311sDeactivation Strategies Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi-wUf36e9k&t=1s&pp=0gcJCTcMAYcqIYzvWhy Avoidants Don't Know Their Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoerBrHSdUIAdult Survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:45 Reason 1: They Simply Grew Apart04:40 Reason 2: The Relationship Feels Like Anxiety09:57 Reason 3: The Flaw Zoom13:50 Reason 4: What They Want vs What They Need18:51 Reason 5: Missing Relationship Skills22:30 How to Get Your Power Back26:32 When You Are the Only One Fighting► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I break down the three types of avoidants and which one is actually worth staying with. As a former avoidant who dated avoidants too, I explain Type 1, the young one who is only thirsty for unconditional love and regulation, Type 2, the confused one caught in an inner battle between wanting closeness and protecting themselves, and Type 3, the healing one who has awareness, returns quickly, and does the work. I show why this is a timeline and not an age, and the bottom line: run from Type 1, brace for the push-pull with Type 2, and only Type 3 is worth building a relationship with.► Links and Resources:My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79sWhy Avoidants Don't Know Their Needs Video: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=JCcR9GTcNmdoeHvAThe Avoidant Midlife Crisis Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mONzr1-7HTE&t=109s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:25 Type 1: Thirsty for Unconditional Love04:48 Type 2: The Confused One09:52 Type 3: The Healing One12:47 It Is a Timeline, Not an Age14:15 Keep or RUN?► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I give you the full timeline of how long it takes an avoidant to come back after a breakup or no contact. As a former avoidant who dated avoidants too, I walk you through the phases: how your relationship before the breakup shapes everything, the first one to four months of regulating and checking on you from a distance, the breadcrumbs around month five to eight, and the nine to twelve month window when they are most likely to return. I explain why you hold the power when they come back, the decision point that decides if they stay, and the real question: do you even want someone back who needs a year to re-regulate.► Links and Resources:When They Come Back, You Have the Power Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFH2AXlxuBI&t=4s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction00:57 Phase 004:18 Phase 106:07 Phase 208:08 Phase 309:33 You Have the Power When They Return11:52 The Decision Point14:11 Do You Even Want Them Back► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I reveal the one question to ask when an avoidant comes back, and why most partners waste the power they actually have in that moment. As someone who has been on both sides of this push-pull dynamic, I explain why you keep chasing unavailable people, and why greeting them back with open arms only signals you still will not stand up for yourself. I break down the three reasons avoidants return, from being thirsty for love, to breadcrumbing for regulation, to actually having done the work. The question is simple: why are you coming back? Then you listen, and you only consider someone who has truly started to change.► Links and Resources:Limerence and Fantasy Regulation Video: https://youtu.be/ozIbtcDmNVA?si=rXpdK5mzKf75SbX4► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:04 Why You Keep Chasing the Avoidant03:11 When They Return, You Have the Power04:36 The Big Mistake Most Partners Make06:10 The 3 Reasons Avoidants Come Back10:01 The One Question to Ask13:05 Who Deserves a Second Chance► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you what happens when you stop accepting crumbs, and how to actually do it. As a recovered avoidant who used to date unavailable people, I share my own online dating story and the moment I stopped letting others be the gatekeepers of my love. When you become the gatekeeper of your own love, the power flips and the avoidant one gets triggered and starts chasing. Then I get practical: only invest in someone truly committed to a long-term relationship, set your emotional, love and communication standards, and let go of the belief that love has to be earned. You deserve the full meal, not crumbs.► Links and Resources:Why They End Up Obsessed Video: https://youtu.be/UckVISJAUJA► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction00:58 My Online Dating Story05:14 Become the Gatekeeper of Your Own Love07:33 Why It Triggers Them09:57 How to Actually Stop Accepting Crumbs14:16 Set Your 3 Relational Standards19:15 The Beliefs Keeping You Chasing20:58 What Is Actually True About You► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unpack why the person who only gives you crumbs ends up obsessed once you stop chasing. As a recovered avoidant, I explain that breadcrumbing is a way to keep you warm from a safe distance for their own regulation, rooted in childhood, and why you keep chasing from your own familiar wound and hope. I show the cage you built to protect yourself and what happens when you step out of it: the whole psychology flips and they start chasing you. In the end I cover the three reasons they come back, and which one is actually worth taking back.► Links and Resources:What Breadcrumbing Really Is Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVoakqE9UXgWhy Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:22 Why They Only Give You Crumbs05:01 The Childhood Wound Behind Breadcrumbing07:33 Why You Keep Chasing Them09:23 The Cage You Built Yourself12:25 Flip the Game: Stop Chasing15:43 What Happens When They Come Back► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share five things an avoidant partner does when they are secretly in love with you but cannot show it, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant. I explain why love, closeness and vulnerability feel dangerous to them, using the image of real feelings buried under a pile of poop, their protection strategies and childhood trauma. Then I walk through the five signs, from keeping coming back and showing love through actions, to getting triggered by you and hiding their fear of losing you. In the end I explain why you should not always accept this incomplete love, because you deserve someone who is willing to do the work.► Links and Resources:Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGDhim-YlY&t=34sMy Moment of Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:03 Why Avoidants Hide Their Love06:18 Sign 1: They Keep Coming Back10:08 Sign 2: They Show Love Through Actions12:02 Sign 3: They Stay in Contact Even When It Is Hard13:42 Sign 4: You Trigger Them14:52 Sign 5: Hidden Jealousy and Fear of Losing You19:53 Why You Should Not Always Accept Their Love► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one big mistake most partners make when an avoidant comes back, and the best way to respond instead. As a former avoidant who came back multiple times, I explain why taking them back with open arms only signals you still will not stand up for yourself, and why their return is always a test. I break down the three reasons avoidants come back, from being thirsty for love, to wanting closeness from a safe distance, to actually having done the work. The best response is to stay steady, keep building your own life, and ask one real question: why are you coming back? Then the real test begins.► Links and Resources:The 3 Reasons Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12sWhy Avoidants Don't Know Their Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoerBrHSdUIHow an Avoidant Sees a Healthy Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/6bFFqAAWobU?si=X0bAP0bkaHqb7nmr► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction00:48 The Pain Avoidants Cause04:14 The Big Mistake Most Partners Make05:50 When They Return, You Have the Power06:16 The 3 Reasons They Come Back10:52 The Best Response When They Return13:23 The One Question to Ask16:01 The Real Test Begins► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain what to say first when an avoidant offers you friendship after rejecting you or pulling away. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship lets them keep the good sides of the connection and regulate with you from a safe distance, without facing the closeness that triggers them. The real question is whether you want to be friends with someone you have feelings for, who does not love you fully. The answer is to set one clear boundary: you want them fully, or you go separate ways. It feels like a loss, but staying strong is what puts you back in the power position.► Links and Resources:Why Avoidants Offer Friendship Video: https://youtu.be/hEXO-Fnkn2o► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:12 Why Avoidants Offer Friendship06:18 The One Question to Ask Yourself First12:28 Say THIS First, When They Offer Friendship► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad)Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why avoidants offer friendship after a breakup, what the hidden message behind it is, and why you should almost never accept it. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship gives them connection and emotional regulation from a safe distance, without having to face their anxieties or do the work. I tell my own story of offering friendship to my ex, and why it is usually a bad deal for the partner, who loves more deeply and gets left in a position of hope. The answer is to set a clear boundary, because you deserve someone who wants you fully, not halfway.► Links and Resources:My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79sStandards, the Ick and Avoidant Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps:00:00 Introduction01:00 Why Avoidants Fear Closeness05:43 Why The Offer Friendship07:15 The Hidden Message Behind Friendship08:20 My Own Story12:38 Why Friendship Is a Bad Deal for You17:21 Why You Should Never Accept Friendship► Reach Out To Me :)E-Mail: [email protected]► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :)► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.