#97: Who Are the Kink Police and How Do You Avoid Them?

Send us a textThis week I’m joined once again by my partner, rigger, and Dom — Slade — as we unpack our recent experience completing Kazami-Ryu Level 1, a three-day Shibari intensive right here in Townsville.Together we share what it was really like to dive into formal rope training — the challenges, the breakthroughs, and the lessons learned from both sides of the rope.We explore:Slade's lessons in persistence as an aspiring rigger Harley's insights on how mindset can have a major effect on pain toleranceThe difference between playful rope and “lab-mode” learningHow rope journaling can be a creative way to integrate learningWhen to upgrade your ropeNavigating comparison and confidence in group learningThe importance of having fun and being a supportive partnerThis one feels like you’re sitting down with us for a casual chat about rope over a few drinks. Neither of us are experts — but sometimes that makes the experience even more relatable for those who are also new to this world.From bleeding fingers and proud time-trials to unexpected moments of calm and connection, this episode is both an inside look at structured rope education and a love letter to the art of learning together.Special thanks to Basanos and Angel for bringing their amazing skills and tuition to our little town!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textWe did it! Turns Out I’m Into It has officially hit 100 episodes. This week isn’t just about celebrating the podcast milestone, it’s about celebrating you and everything you’ve achieved in your kinky journey so far. From building the courage to reach out to new partners, to finding your voice around desires and boundaries, to embracing your kinks without shame—these are massive wins, and today we’re raising a glass (or a cup of tea, in my case) to every step you’ve taken.In this episode, I share:Highlights and behind-the-scenes moments from 100 episode.The hardest episode I ever recorded (and why it mattered so much)The most popular episodes to date—including the one about blowjobs that has now had 4,000+ plays 😉My reflections on how the show has grown, how I’ve grown, and where we’re heading nextAnd of course, I’ll invite you to take a moment to celebrate yourself—whether that means a fancy coffee, a cheeky night out, or yes, maybe even some dirty fun!Thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this community. Here’s to the next 100!Mentioned in this epsiode:#32: Extreme Scenes - Understanding Abduction Play with Cruciator#49: How to Give INSANE Blowjobs - Even if you Can't D********t#54: I Had a Bad Experience - This is What Happened#67: My Schoolgirl Fantasy - Exploring Middlespace#80  Rope Mastery & Mind Games: A Shibari Masterclass - with Miss Gen#87: The Love Language of Rope - with Deadmaxis and Aura Grey#93: Harley Gets Schooled in Dirty Talk - A Masterclass with Sam Charlesxx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textWhen most people hear roleplay, they instantly cringe. They think of awkward classroom exercises, bad accents, or being forced to improvise lines in front of other people. No wonder it feels intimidating in the bedroom!But roleplay doesn’t have to be awkward or over the top. In this episode, I share how to make roleplay simple, sexy, and fun—without needing costumes, scripts, or a Broadway-level performance.I’ll walk you through:Why roleplay isn’t about “faking it”—it’s about giving your hidden selves permission to take the leadEasy components (like collars, boots, glasses, or positions) that can spark whole fantasiesHow to use mini-scenes (short, playful roleplays that last just a few minutes) to take the pressure offWhy solo roleplay can be an amazing way to explore on your own, no judgment requiredBy the end of this episode, you’ll have plenty of ideas to bring a little fantasy into your sex life in ways that feel authentic and playful—without all the cringe.Prompts to ExploreHow do you feel about roleplay right now—excited, nervous, silly, curious?What hidden selves could you lean into?What’s one simple component (a prop, a position, or a mood shift) that you’d like to try?Can you imagine a short mini-scene, either with a partner or solo, that feels fun or intriguing?If you enjoy the episode, a 5-star rating really helps more people discover the show. And if you’d like to see a more personal side of me, DM me (@harley_rabbit) the word “playful” on Instagram and I’ll add you to my Close Friends group.Further Listening:#28: Sleep Play - The Gateway Kink to CNC? #90: Behind the Mask - A Deep Dive into Pony Play with Rapidash xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIn last week’s episode, I talked about the “kink police” — the people who project their authority onto others and try to dictate how kink “should” be done. This week, I want to explore a different kind of projection: when people put their fears onto your choices.Agency in kink is usually talked about in terms of safety — boundaries, consent, protecting ourselves. And that’s vital. But agency is more than just the right to say no. It’s also the right to say yes to risks that matter to you.Here’s what I cover in this episode:Why agency isn’t just about safety, but also about the right to risk.How society celebrates risk in sports and travel, but shames it in sex.My personal story of doing a rope-in-water scene despite warnings.What I learned from Cruciator about scenes without safe words.Why safe words are tools, not substitutes for attunement and connection.I’d love for you to reflect: What does agency mean to you? Where’s your line between whats ok and not ok in kink? And do you think we sometimes rely too much on safe words?🔗 Don’t forget to take part in my listener survey (link in the show notes). Your feedback helps me keep shaping this podcast for your journey.Further Listening#94: Seduced by Fear: Cruciator on the Dark Side of Desire#91: The Single Most Important Skill in Kink (episode about attunement)#33: Tied up in a Pool - Not What I Expected!#32: Extreme Scenes - Understanding Abduction Play with Cruciatorxx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textEver met someone in the kink scene who acts like they invented BDSM? Yeah… those are the kink police. 🙄 In this episode, I’m breaking down elitism, rope snobbery, and why anyone telling you there’s a “right” way to do kink is full of it.We’ll talk about:Why your kinky journey is 100% your ownThe difference between confidence and egoHow to spot predators who isolate newbies (major red flag alert!)And why rolling your eyes at gatekeepers is totally validWhether you’re brand new or a seasoned kinkster, this episode is here to remind you: you are the authority on your own kink.🪢 Want to level up your rope skills? I’m hosting a Kazami-Ryu Shibari intensive in Townsville this October! Only 3 tickets left and early bird pricing ends this Sunday. Grab your spot through this link. Or find the Fetlife event here. 📝 Take my listener survey! I want to know more about you—your interests, your kink journey, and what you love about this podcast. It only takes a few minutes and helps me make even better episodes for you. Click the survey link here. xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textThis week, I’m taking you behind the scenes of my journey — from being a guitar-obsessed, heavy metal teenager to chasing a music career, and eventually finding my way into sexology. On paper, those two worlds couldn’t be more different… but in this episode, I share why they’re deeply connected for me.I talk about the moments that made music feel like my safe place, the way eroticism reaches the same deep, hidden parts of us, and how both music and sex have taught me about connection, vulnerability, and being truly seen.It’s a personal one, and I think it might help you understand a bit more about who I am and why I do what I do.Plus, I’ve got a special request: I want to know more about YOU. We’re coming up to 100 episodes, and your feedback will help shape the next 100. It’s quick, fun, and an it would mean the world to me. 🙏Here's the survey link!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textEver wondered what makes a great flogger—and how to actually use one?In this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, I’m joined by local kink maker Chainwire, the man behind Hurty World’s handcrafted floggers, to explore the artistry, technique, and sensation behind one of kink’s most versatile toys.We dive into:The craftsmanship of floggers—from leather selection to balance and weightWhat to look for when buying a floggerTechniques for play: thuddy vs stingy, warm-up vs intensity, and creating those delicious “waves” in a sceneHow to read your partner’s cues (both verbal and nonverbal)Cleaning, storage, and why you probably need more than one flogger in your kitSensory play, aftercare, and building intimacy through impactWhether you’re brand new to impact play or looking to refine your technique, this episode is packed with practical advice and hot tips to level up your flogging game.Where to find Chainwire:Hurty World (Fetlife)Hurty World at Brisbane’s Four Seasons MarketsPlay safe, have fun, and stay curious!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textWelcome to Turns Out I’m Into It. In this unforgettable episode, I’m joined by special guest Cruciator to explore one of the kink world’s most taboo topics: fear play.Cruciator has been active in the BDSM community since 1992 and is the owner of Fetlife’s Fear Play group. With decades of experience conducting high-intensity scenes—including multi-day abductions—he brings a grounded, thoughtful approach to a kink that is often misunderstood. He’s also a seasoned educator, offering in-depth online classes on the psychology, technique, and safety of fear play.We explore:Why fear can be intensely erotic—and even healingThe altered states and flow experiences fear play can evokeThe arc of a scene: from immersion to cathartic releaseThe neuroscience of subspace How to evoke realism in long-term dynamicsHow tops manage responsibility, subtle cues, and emotional safetyWhy cultural fear of dark fantasies causes more harm than the desires themselves🎓 Want to explore further? Cruciator is offering an online class on fear play in August—designed for tops, bottoms, and anyone curious to go deeper. You can find the Fetlife event here. Tickets are available through Eventbrite here. I’ll be attending too.You can also find Cruciator's Extreme Scenes Protocol here, as well as more information on his negotiation word. 📚 Book Recommendation: The Lover’s Pinch – a fascinating history of BDSM across cultures and eras.🎧 Whether you’re fear-curious or simply fascinated by the deeper psychological layers of kink, this is one of my favorite conversations on the podcast so far!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIn this extra juicy episode, I am joined by sex and intimacy coach Sam Charles for a very hands-on dirty talk masterclass. What starts as a playful lesson turns into a real-life demonstration of navigating boundaries, expressing desire, and negotiating a spicy scene in real time.I open up about my own edges when it comes to using words during sex, and Sam creates a beautifully safe space to explore those vulnerabilities. Together, we co-create a scene that goes from light flirting to full-blown cock worship—sharing authentic erotic energy along the way! You’ll learn:Four practical structures to build your dirty talk confidenceHow to use sound, breath, and tone to express desireWhat it looks like to communicate boundaries while staying sexyWhy asking for what you want can feel vulnerable—and how to do it anywayThe power of names, roles, and real-time feedback in turning fantasy into realityContent Warning: This episode includes real-time erotic role play and authentic sexual energy. If you're not in the headspace for sexy content today, feel free to skip or come back later.Resources Mentioned:Follow Sam on Instagram (@sexcoachsam), Fetlife (@SexCoachSam), or visit samcharlescoaching.comWorkshop co-developed with Lessey  Wentworth, Erotic Liberation & Relationship Coach: body-witch.comIf you loved this episode… Share it with your partner or bestie and try the exercises together! Want more support navigating your own erotic edges? Book a coaching session with Harley via harleyrabbit.comxx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIn this episode, I’m sharing some honest reflections from my recent trip to Brisbane—where I pushed through some big travel anxiety to have one of my favourite rope scenes yet.I open up about what it’s like to manage anxiety while trying to do the things you really want to do, and how I’m learning to meet that part of myself with more compassion. I also talk about the rope scene I did with Deadmaxis (who we had on the show on episode #87), and what made it feel so safe and connected—even with power dynamics in play.This episode is pretty raw. I recorded it while everything was still fresh. But I hope it helps normalise the behind-the-scenes struggles that don’t always get talked about. If you’ve ever felt like you’re too anxious to explore kink, I hope this gives you a bit of encouragement and a reminder that you’re not alone.Mentioned in this episode:#87 The Love Language of Rope - with Deadmaxis and Aura Grey #89 Kink in a Small Town, and Finding my Brave (thoughts leading up to this trip)#54 I had a Bad Experience - This is What Happened (episode about my not so great experience last year)Body Worlds Exhibit -Brisbane @_deadmaxis on InstagramScene photos on my Fetlifexx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram Visit my website harleyrabbit.com