#76: Are my Sexual Fantasies Normal? Here's What Science Says

Send us a textDo you ever feel like your body just isn’t showing up for sex—even when your mind is totally on board? Maybe you want to feel turned on, but nothing’s happening down there. Or maybe you feel ashamed, confused, or frustrated when your desire doesn’t match what your partner (or you!) expect.In this episode, Harley Rabbit introduces the dual control model, a powerful framework from the world of sexology that could change the way you think about arousal forever.You’ll learn how your sexual accelerator and brakes work, and how understanding these systems can help you navigate issues like low desire, erectile difficulties, body shame, and performance anxiety with more compassion, clarity, and confidence.Journaling Prompts:📝 Do I know what my core desires are? Am I getting them met in my sex life? 📝 Are there any external or internal threats pressing on my brakes right now? Can I do anything about them?Resources Mentioned:Emily Nagoski’s Book: Come As You ArePrevious Episode: #83: What If You Could Be Anyone? The Magic of Kink Personas🫖 Access the Aftershow!  Subscribe to my SubscribeStar to get access to bonus content. 🏆 Vote for Turns Out I’m Into It in the Australian Adult Industry Awards. Your Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textEver felt too self-conscious to fully enjoy sex? Maybe you struggle to switch off from life stress, or you find yourself stuck in your head during intimate moments.In this episode, Harley Rabbit shares a powerful technique for breaking free from insecurity and fully immersing yourself in pleasure—by stepping into a kink persona.A kink persona isn’t just roleplay—it’s a way to tap into different aspects of yourself, experiment with new fantasies, and unleash parts of your sexuality you may never have explored before. Whether you're a creative storyteller, a fantasy-driven thinker, or just someone who struggles to stay present in sex, this episode will help you unlock new ways to play.Journaling / Discussion PromptsIf I could be anyone in a fantasy, who would I be?What kind of personality excites me in a sexual scenario? Am I dominant, submissive, playful, shy, aggressive?Write a short erotic fantasy from the perspective of your characterResources Mentioned:Join me in the Aftershow on my Subscriberstar. Visit: https://subscribestar.adult/harley-rabbit Support the Show:If you enjoyed this episode, consider:Sharing it with a friendLeaving a 5-star rating or reviewYour Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textWhen you first explore submission, it’s easy to get caught up in labels and stereotypes—but what if those don’t quite fit? Do you have to love obedience, service, or degradation to be a sub? Or maybe you’re drawn to pain or bondage, but don’t feel like surrendering control?In this episode, Harley Rabbit helps you untangle your submissive identity, exploring the many ways submission can look. Whether you’re a good sub, brat, masochist, or rope bunny, this episode will guide you in discovering what truly excites you—without forcing yourself into a box that doesn’t fit.This one is for both subs and dominants, as we’ll also discuss how to recognise different submissive styles and find play partners who are the right match.Journaling / Discussion Prompts:Do I crave giving up control, or am I more drawn to sensory experiences?Do I get turned on by praise, punishment, resistance, or being cared for?How can I communicate my unique submission style with my partner(s)?Resources Mentioned:Previous Episode: #81: Am I Kinky Enough? Breaking Free from the StereotypesJoin my Close Friends circle on Instagram @harley_rabbit. Password: Sleepybunny 🤫Support the Show:If you enjoyed this episode, consider:Sharing it with a friendLeaving a 5-star rating or reviewYour Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textHave you ever wondered if you're kinky enough to belong in the kink community? Maybe you feel like you don’t fit the stereotypical Dominant/submissive (D/s) mold or that your desires aren’t “intense” enough to count. In this episode, Harley Rabbit dives into the many ways people explore kink—whether through full-time dynamics, occasional play, private fantasies, or even solo experiences.Kink doesn’t have to look one way, and there’s no test you need to pass to belong. We'll also explore some of the lesser-known types of kink, such as sensation play, fetishes, and solo kink practices, to highlight just how broad and personal kink can be. Whether you're just beginning your journey or questioning where you fit in, this episode will help you embrace your unique desires with confidence and curiosity.Journaling / Discussion Prompts:Do I ever compare my desires to others and feel like I don’t measure up?What lesser-known kinks am I curious to explore?Resources Mentioned:Previous Episode: #76: Are My Fantasies Normal? (A great companion episode to today’s discussion)Book a free call with Harley Support the Show:If you enjoyed this episode, consider:Sharing it with a friendLeaving a 5-star rating or reviewxx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIn this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, I’m joined by the incredible Miss Gen—Shibari educator, performer, and rope sadist. As head of Evil Girls HQ in Brisbane and a Shihan (Master Instructor) in Kazami Ryu Shibari, she has 25+ years of experience training with top rope masters and performing in Japan. We explore:🔹 Miss Gen’s journey into rope – From self-tying as a child to discovering her dominant side.🔹 The psychology of rope play – How energy, connection, and anticipation shape a scene.🔹 Shibari vs. Western bondage – Key differences in style, structure, and emotional depth.🔹 Performing in Japan – The world of Japanese rope bars, pink theatres & cultural attitudes.🔹 Building a rope community – How Miss Gen helped shape the Brisbane rope scene.Miss Gen shares why patience, negotiation, and connection are essential in rope. If you’re curious about Shibari, this episode is a must-listen!🌐 Follow Miss Gen at FetLife @MissEvilGenIG: @miss_gen_does_ropeWeb: evilgirlsHQ.com.au🔗 Resources & Mentions: Nuit de Tokyo – A must-follow on Fetlife for Shibari history & education Bar Ubu (Tokyo) – A famous rope bar in Japan📚 BooksShibari You Can Use - Lee HarringtonMore Shibari You Can Use - Lee HarringtonThe Seductive Art Of Japanese Bondage - MidoriThe Manual of Tying Shibari Your Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textMost people don’t realise just how much gender shapes the way we play in BDSM. Whether we’re leaning into traditional roles—like masculine dominance and feminine submission—or subverting them entirely, gender dynamics influence kink in ways we often don’t even notice.In this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, we dive into:🔹 How gender roles show up in BDSM🔹 Masculine dominance vs. feminine submission – Why it turns us on🔹 Subverting gender norms – Femdom, feminisation, and sissification in play🔹 The shadow self & kink – Why our desires often contradict our vanilla life values🔹 De-shaming gendered kinks & embracing what excites you🔹 Practical ways to explore gender roles in BDSMJournaling Prompts from This Episode🖊 Want to explore gender in your BDSM play? Use these prompts to reflect on your desires:Do I feel more aroused by reinforcing traditional gender roles or subverting them—or both?Are there fantasies I’ve been afraid to explore because they challenge how I see myself?What aspects of gender am I curious about playing with in a kink setting?If you loved this episode, leave a 5-star review and share it with your kinky friends! 💜xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIn this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, I’m joined by the incredible Shelby Devlin, a sex and intimacy coach with nearly a decade of experience specializing in BDSM and kink. With a master's degree in sexuality studies and a role as an advanced instructor at the Somatica Institute, Shelby brings a wealth of knowledge to our conversation.We dive into two powerful topics:🔹 Religious shame & sexuality – How religious conditioning shapes our sexual identities, and how to reclaim pleasure while maintaining faith.🔹 The psychology of dominance & submission – Why BDSM is a form of psychological eroticism, and how understanding power dynamics can deepen trust and connection.Shelby shares her personal journey into kink, how she helps clients navigate shame, and why pleasure is the antidote to shame. We also discuss 24/7 dynamics, the importance of trust in BDSM, and the real difference between dominance and just being selfish. Plus, Shelby gives us a sneak peek into her upcoming book on BDSM!If you’ve ever struggled with internalized shame, questioned your desires, or wanted to deepen your understanding of power exchange, this is an episode you won’t want to miss.🔗 Resources & Mentions:📖 Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice📖 Tell Me What You Want by Justin Lehmiller📖 A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas🌐 Find Shelby at shelbydevlin.com🔥 Loved this episode? Leave a 5-star review and share it with your kinky friends!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textSharing your sexual fantasies with a partner can feel incredibly vulnerable... maybe even terrifying! In this episode, Harley Rabbit dives deep into why it’s so hard to open up about our desires and offers practical, no-pressure strategies to help you navigate these conversations with confidence and curiosity. Whether you're hoping to act on your fantasies or simply share them for deeper intimacy, this episode will equip you with the tools to hopefully make it a positive experience!Discussion Prompts:What feelings do I want to experience through my fantasies?How can I support my partner’s desires even if I don’t share them?Resources Mentioned:Previous Episode: #76: Are My Fantasies Normal? (Recommended as a precursor to today's episode)Precious Episode: #74: My Secret "Cock Worship" Fantasy: How Fantasies Unlock Better SexSupport the Show:If you enjoyed this episode, consider:Sharing it with a friendLeaving a 5-star rating or reviewYour Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textEpisode Summary:In this episode of Turns Out I’m Into It, Harley Rabbit dives deep into the fascinating world of sexual fantasies, exploring why so many of us feel shame about them and how science challenges the idea of “normal” fantasies. Harley breaks down a landmark study, “What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?”, which surveyed over 1,500 people to determine which fantasies are rare, unusual, common, or typical. Along the way, Harley shares personal insights, busts myths about fantasies, and offers practical tips for embracing your desires without shame.Discussion & Journal Prompts:What are some sexual fantasies I’ve had that I’ve felt shame about, and where does that shame come from?How do I feel about sharing my fantasies with a partner? What fears or hesitations come up?Links & Resources Mentioned:Full Study: “What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?”Harley’s blog post summarizing the study and insights.Sci-Hub.se for accessing research articles.Support the Podcast:If you enjoyed this episode, please:Follow Turns Out I’m Into It on your favourite podcast platform.Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts—it’s quick, anonymous, and helps others discover the show.Share this episode with friends or partners who might find it valuable!Your Invited to the Aftershow! Join my SubscribeStar to get a backstage pass to exclusive content!xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com

Send us a textIt’s time to add a little extra joy to your holiday season! In this special Christmas episode, I’m joined by the fabulous Wendy Setless, a Somatica-trained sexual health, pleasure, and relationship coach, and the resident sexologist at her local adult store.Wendy brings her infectious enthusiasm and deep knowledge to help us navigate the world of adult toys—from vibrators and strokers to kegel balls and vibrating cock rings. Whether you’re looking to explore solo or spice things up with a partner, Wendy shares practical advice for finding the perfect “hardware” and discovering what makes your body tick.This episode is packed with laughs, insights, and encouragement to embrace pleasure, own your desires, and have a very merry holiday season!A video version of this episode is available on our Youtube channel. Mentioned in this episode:Wand VibratorBullet VibratorKegel Balls (How to use kegel balls)Asymmetrical Vibrator (couldn’t find exact model but this is close)Svockum (brand) Come As You Are by Emily NagoskiThe Rhythm of Women’s Desires by Elizabeth DavisContact Wendywww.pillowtalkwithwendy.com@pillowtalkwithwendy Instagram / Facebook xx Harley 🐰 Follow me: Fetlife Instagram SubscribeStar Visit my website harleyrabbit.com