Ep 29. The Loudest Boundaries are Unspoken

In this episode, we explore the boundaries people can FEEL—the kind that indirectly let people know how to treat you without you having to bark instructions at them. This conversation is especially for the girl who already knows when someone has made her uncomfortable but feels squirmy and uncomfy about calling it out bluntly or directly. What you'll learn in this episode: The difference between traditional "vocal" boundaries and the boundaries people pick up on without being explicitly told—the kind that make someone think, "For some reason, I better not speak like that around her. Let me adjust myself." The three subtle cues we all give that people pick up on when determining how carefully and thoughtfully to treat us. What it can look like to respond to an insult when directness doesn't come naturally to you—no more giggling to make things less awkward, by the way! IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we explore what it looks like to make friends in adulthood as an ambitious woman—from getting past the beliefs that make putting yourself out there feel harder than it needs to, to finding people who are actually OPEN to connection. We also chat why ambitious women need ambitious friends, beginning again after friendship loss, and a few things I learned from my experience at the Create & Cultivate Festival. What you'll learn in this episode: The two beliefs that quietly make adult friendship HARDER than it needs to be: that putting yourself out there is a humiliation ritual (it's not!), and that everyone is on a no new friends vibe (they're not) Tangible ways to meet and genuinely connect with people—even if you're introverted (i've got 7 for ya!) How to dust yourself off and try again when a potential friendship fizzles and you feel discouraged about trying again. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode we explore how to remain your warm, kind, and whimsical self while being clear and direct (you can be both!). We also discuss why being clear doesn't mean telling people what they can and cannot do and how to be clear and direct sans the fear of being rude, blunt, or "mean." What you'll learn in this episode: The difference between being clear and being controlling—and why they two are NOT actually related How to free yourself from the responsibility of how someone processes your directness How to communicate what you want, what you're available for, and what you will do next while leaving other people responsible for their own choices. IG: @clearernotlouder

  ***PSST, NO EPISODE NEXT WEEK SEPTEMBER 10, WE WILL BE BACK SEPTEMBER 17 IN LIGHT OF LABOR DAY*** In this episode, we chat: Why being comfortable and confident setting boundaries with other people might start with getting better at telling yourself no—and what your day-to-day choices can teach you about saying no when letting things slide, minimizing the severity of an issue, or simply going along with it feels like... the easier option. What you'll learn in this episode: Why setting boundaries is about more than knowing what to say—and how the way you manage your impulses and emotions in everyday life can show up, positively or negatively, in the boundaries you set with others. What it looks like to tell yourself no when yes is still an option, and why being able to do something doesn't always mean it's in your best interest to do it. How to actually begin building the muscle to hold boundaries with others without the guilt, mind-spiraling, and preoccupation with how they will receive what you say. Book recommendation mentioned: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you should consider yourself—and the things you're drawn to—interesting and worth paying attention to, not just other people, and how uncovering the unique perspectives God has placed within you connects to the purpose over your life. What you'll learn in this episode: What the people you consider "interesting," "unique," and "cool" are doing differently that causes them to stand out—and why it's not what you think. How dropping performance and developing your own unique point of view around your interests can make you far more interesting than trying to be interesting. How the things you're naturally drawn to and curious about tell a story about the gifts and skills the Lord has equipped you with for the purpose & assignment over your life. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The FINE line between what it's like to have a connection-- a friendship, a relationship etc-- with someone who is delighted to learn the ins and outs of you and someone who... wants to relate to you on their terms What you'll learn in this episode: What it looks like when you make a decision to no longer FIGHT and adjust yourself in order to be seen. The difference between being mindful about how you communicate to someone and changing who you are to sustain the connection-- adapting vs. self-sacrificing. Why someone NOT taking the time to know the ins-and-outs and quirky little facts about you does not mean you're not worth getting to know deeply-- they might just not be... for you ESPECIALLY if you're a whimsical and curious girly. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: How to stay CLEAR AND FIRM on what you know, want, and believe when someone else's pressure or reactions challenge your boundaries, values and opinions. What you'll learn in this episode: Why a friendly "come onnn" after you've already said no is worth paying attention to—and how easily a decision can become a negotiation you never agreed to have. Why someone telling you all about who they're going to be can distract you from paying attention to who they're showing you they are right now. How dramatic reactions and "well, what about you?" arguments can leave you questioning a choice you were perfectly clear about five minutes ago—and what that can tell you about your discernment. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The fine line between someone loving you and someone loving who they ARE and who they BECOME around you. What you'll learn in this episode: Why someone can genuinely enjoy being around you—and still be more attached to how they feel with you than to who you actually are. How to recognize the difference between someone who values you for your utility and someone who remains invested in you as a person. The subtle difference between someone who carries your company and someone who carries your story—and why one leaves you feeling familiar, while the other leaves you feeling deeply known. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why it's high time you stop giving everyone but *yourself* the benefit of the doubt when something is off with that friendship, that job, that relationship etc. What you'll learn in this episode: • Why the benefit of the doubt becomes expensive when you're the only one paying for it. •  Why grace needs... discernment and why you don't have to overextend yourself under the guise of "giving the benefit of the doubt" • Why assuming everyone would handle a situation the way you would might be keeping you from seeing the truth (because yes, even though you think they would NEVER... they might just) IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you don't have to wait until you are a shell of yourself, hanging on a thread, practically on life support to leave or change your boundaries in that friendship, relationship, job, or business partnership. What you'll learn in this episode: • The difference between sacrificing yourself and making a willful sacrifice that doesn't steal from you • Recognizing when to say WHEN... early, rather than waiting until you are completely exhausted and unrecognizable to make a decision for yourself • Why noticing that something is... off over and over again—and having an internal WAR with yourself about it—might just be enough. IG: @clearernotlouder