Thriving in Co-Parenting with Mikki Gardner

I have some really exciting updates to share with you in today’s episode! I’ve been considering new ways to help and serve this community. Most of my life has been working jobs that have been in service to others, as a teacher, a nanny, a speech and language pathologist, and now as a parenting coach. I am excited to tell you what has been happening in my life recently and a brand new coaching offering.  Life Update:I recently stopped working my conventional 9-5 speech and language pathologist job to focus my energy full time on The Parenting Reframe.While I loved my time at Kaufman Children’s Center, I realized it was time to move forward and pursue coaching and writing.I am so grateful for my time there and for all the people who supported me along the way. I learned so much during my time at Kaufman and wish that everyone could experience a work environment like the one I was a part of for so many years.A New Coaching Offering:I am excited to announce that I will now be offering life coaching sessions utilizing a parenting process. The process is very specific, and also the topic of my book, which includes 5 critical tenets of living a more peaceful life.These tenets are meant to help you with reparenting, healing, transforming, embarking on a new way of being, and so many other things.This life coaching looks at you as an individual and you do not need to be a parent to work with me as a life coach.In life coaching, I will give you the tools to address these challenges through the lens of parenting. Parenting is a life skill and you can use the processes of parenting to help you through many different life events.What are the ways we can parent ourselves back to a place of peace and joy?You can work with me in two ways: either in a one-time session for a singular burning question or over a longer period of time, where we can work to more deeply transform your life, by identifying the patterns and seeds that keep you stuck.I am only opening four spots for life coaching.You can book a free 20-minute discovery call to find out more about life coaching and if it’s a good fit for you: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-life-coaching-discovery-call5 Tenets to Return to a Place of Peace:How to Master the Pause: pausing can change the trajectory of your relationships, your perspective on things, and help you to be less reactivePracticing Stillness: meditation, breathwork, and finding ways to ground yourself help you practice stillness and quieting the noise.Honoring Simplicity: when you recognize what is most important physically and mentally everything gets more clear and you can find an easier way through.Embracing Change: honoring the idea that you need to keep growing, learning, and finding new arenas to challenge yourself.Trusting Your Intuition: when the other four tenets fall into place, you are more able to listen to your intuition and trust yourself. Resources: Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call to see if life coaching is right for you: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-life-coaching-discovery-callBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

I’m back with a solo episode for the first time in a little while and I’m talking about the three pieces of parenting advice that I am loving right now. Parenting advice can be tricky because something might really resonate with you at one moment in time, but a year later you can feel completely different about the whole thing. With that in mind, these are three things that have been on my mind in this present moment that I think are not only applicable to parenting but also in life. There is a lot about parenting and life advice that go hand in hand. The way we parent our kids has to be in alignment with the way we parent ourselves, parent through challenges, and parent over the course of ups and downs. Here are the three things I talk about in this episode: Slowing DownCreating awareness around the pattern of over filling your schedule and recognizing when it’s happening and why. Being more intentional about saying yes to things.Slowing down forces you to look at your inner self and what your needs are rather than constantly serving others. In parenting, slowing down allows us to be more thoughtful and present rather than emotional and reactive. Express Empathy Towards Your Kids Empathy is the ability to sit with another and allow them to express their feeling or emotion without the desire to change it. Wanting your kids to calm down or change their emotions is not helping them learn the life skill of regulation. We don’t have to fix or change anything, we can just let it be. Being held by someone who is just listening and supporting is the most comforting thing.Inviting Moments of DiscomfortThe real way you learn about ourselves is through struggle. When we are in uncomfortable moments we learn things like resilience and flexibility. Uncomfortable moments build a foundation of self trust that is an incredible life skill. You never know what leaning into discomfort might bring your way and what doors might open because of it. Encouraging your kids to try something that will put them in a slightly uncomfortable situation helps them grow their confidence.Resources: My article about slowing down in parenting: https://theeverymom.com/parenting-coach-wellness-advice/Listen to the Dr. Shefali podcast episode here: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-54-conscious-parenting-with-dr-shefali/Elise Loehnen’s podcast episode with Nicole Avant: https://www.eliseloehnen.com/episodes/h1mjtwhv3bo2nddnd6ikmoj8ogsbzf-nkwfb-lpty8  Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

This episode was truly a pinch-me moment as I had the incredible opportunity to interview Dr. Shefali. Dr. Shefali is an international speaker, clinical psychologist, and author of seven books. She is the mind behind her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She specializes in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy to give parents and families the best of both worlds. She is launching a brand new podcast called “Parenting & You with Dr. Shefali.” She coaches families live on each episode so what you are hearing is therapy in action. I learned so much during our conversation and I’m excited to share it with all of you.Here’s what we talk about with Dr. Shefali: The reasons behind choosing to talk with real parents in real time on her new podcast rather than speaking with experts.How to navigate the internal need to find all the “right answers” in parenting scenarios and shift to see how parents’ internal struggles are reflected onto their children.Tools for parents who struggle to regulate their own emotions in stressful parenting situations. Recognizing what your personal triggers are in relation to your past experiences to create a more relaxed parenting experience. Why some parenting advice or strategies might not immediately work for every child or family.Dr. Shefali’s perspective on how to respond and work with young children who have tantrums in the moment and how to stay regulated. How to gain more cooperation from your children by building connections and partnerships with them. Resources:You can find Dr. Shefali on her Website - https://www.drshefali.com/Parenting & You with Dr. Shefali Podcast: https://www.drshefali.com/podcast/- Parenting Courses: Conscious Parenting 2.0 - https://courses.drshefali.com/thecp2method-fullConscious Parenting Institute - https://institute.drshefali.com/  For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

In this episode, I had the chance to talk with the two authors of the Team Supercrew books, Julie Anne and Darren Penn. The Team Supercrew books provide a great roadmap for explaining emotions to kids that is age-appropriate and highly engaging. Team Supercrew was created when Julie Anne and Darren’s son was experiencing big emotions around age five. They sought out resources to help him grasp onto the concepts of emotional regulation. Eventually, they used their son’s love of reading and exploring to create the world of Team Supercrew and combined it with larger concepts to help kids understand the ways their emotions work. What we talk about with Julie Anne and Darren: The method of writing used to create a story specifically for children to help them best understand different scenarios and emotions they will encounter.  How the illustrations on the page help a child pick up on subtle changes in character emotions and reactions throughout the story.How they came up with the first four book topics to help kids with the most prevalent challenges they face today. Providing validation for a kid's emotions by naming the feeling and creating awareness about what causes these thoughts.Using the characters to show how the powers we all have within us can help us feel a sense of control in an uncontrollable world.  Be on the lookout for Team Supercrew books 5-8 coming soon!  You can learn more about Team Supercrew and buy their books on their website: https://www.teamsupercrew.com/ For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

In this solo episode I’m talking all about self regulation and how to help kids self regulate. Self regulation is all about how to get your child to calm down when they aren’t calm. Essentially, how can we help our kids gain the ability to understand that a. They’re going to be ok, b. The outcome will likely be the same, and c. They are safe. I have six tips for self-regulation that I share with the parents I work with one-on-one and I’m sharing them with you in this episode! Co-Regulation: The idea we are working on regulating ourselves while our child is working on regulating himself/herself. When your child starts to exhibit a negative behavior, you might become uncomfortable or triggered by their actions. Co-regulation happens when we remain calm, when we recognize our own triggers, and we keep our boundaries. Boundaries: Boundaries are a structure that is predictable and consistent. Children are looking for things that are predictable in nature to keep themselves regulated. Boundaries help teach our children how to self-regulate while experiencing dysregulation. Validation: Validation is when we can understand why our child feels a certain way, not giving them a pass for that emotion or behavior. There is so much power in practicing validation in the long-term. Breathwork: Breathwork is a great way to practice self-regulation in times where your child is completely regulated. Then they can utilize this tool when they are feeling dysregulated. Blowing out candle breathwork, fire hose breathing, and other things that help the nervous system calm down are great ways to help with self-regulation. Sensory Toys: There are so many different sensory toys that can help kids while they are regulated and dysregulated. It’s a calming mechanism that can help people of all ages. Having sensory toys available such as fidget spinners or expanding tubes available at all times is a great go-to as children continue to learn more about how to self-regulate. Work on Regulation while They’re Regulated: Working on self-regulation during a tantrum won’t work 9 out of 10 times. Co-regulation is the best way to help work on self-regulation at the moment. What can you do in the moment when a tantrum is happening? Boundary-Empathy Sandwich - state your boundary, note your empathy (it’s hard to not get the thing you want), restate your boundary.Remind yourself “I am safe and so are they.” - Many of us learned that showing sadness or other “negative” emotions as a child was met with reactions like “stop crying” or “don’t be upset.” This likely caused us to feel unsafe. Now, as parents, when our children have similar emotions, we have a strong response and want to remedy it as quickly as possible. This mantra will help you to steady yourself and stay calm. Take a break if you really have to - Give yourself a no-demands day to reset as you fatigue. This looks like loosening boundaries, not engaging in high-stress times, and relaxing. Say less - Don’t over explain your boundary and feel confident in your boundary. If they become physical, keep them and others safe - Stand up in a neutral position with your hands at your sides. Sometimes you need to pick them up and move them to another location to keep them safe. Other times you need to hold onto them. Remind them they are safe and physically calm their body. Tell them they are not allowed to hit you.  Resources: Free Emotional Regulation Webinar: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-download-emotional-regulation-for-parentsIf you would like to do my 2 month 1:1 coaching with me to get a custom road map on how best to tune into your child’s needs, book a free call to see if we are a good fit:  https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/theparentingreframe_store/page/51536Be sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

In this episode, I had a conversation with Dr. Jennifer Freed, the bestselling author of Use Your Planets Wisely and a renowned psychological astrologer and social and emotional education trainer. She has spent over thirty years consulting clients and businesses world wide on psychological, spiritual, and educational topics.A few years ago I read her bestseller, A Map to Your Soul, and completely fell in love with my introduction to astrology through her book. She is a wise soul who knows exactly how to integrate astrology into your everyday life. She has a new product called “Cosmic Parenting” that is a birth chart for kids, adults, and families to learn about each other. We talk through a lot of different topics on this episode and you won’t want to miss it! Here’s what we talk about with Dr. Freed: How psychology and astrology are a practical blending of healing and transformation. The process of creating the “Cosmic Parenting” card deck to help families have a neutral and enjoyable way to learn about each other. Using the cards to be a conversation starter with curiosity as the spark.How to utilize the “Cosmic Parenting” card deck as a tool to look at the different parts of yourself and have a playful investigation with the ones you love. The necessity of constructive criticism to grow strong kids and families.Dr. Freed helps Albiona understand her birth chart.Feeling the freedom in parenting when you can say “I made a mistake.” Teaching kids that failure and losing is a part of the process of getting better and more resilient in all aspects of life. You can find Dr. Jennifer Freed on her Website - https://www.jenniferfreed.com/And on her Substack - https://substack.com/@drjenniferfreedFeel free to send an email via her website: https://www.jenniferfreed.com/contactGet the “Cosmic Parenting” card deck here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/712663/cosmic-parenting-by-jennifer-freed-phd/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=emailFor more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

In this solo episode, I’m talking about the three things that are an absolute must to know about emotion regulation. It can be challenging to parent a child who has big emotional reactions when things don’t go their way and I know the frustration that can build over time. I really want to talk about this topic to help parents who are experiencing this challenge within their parenting journeys and provide some insight into how you can make things easier for yourself. Here are the three parts of emotional regulation everyone needs to know and understand:  1. What does your regulation look like? Emotional dysregulation is really simple - it’s when your child can’t tolerate the emotional response that occurs. There’s nothing wrong with your child when they have a big emotional reaction to something. Your ability to regulate your own emotions as a parent while your child is dysregulated is incredibly important for managing the situation. Using PARR when your child starts to have an emotional reaction so that you can stay grounded and calm and co-regulate your own emotions2. Self regulation is a skill kids need to learn.Self regulation is a skill and something that needs to be taught. It’s not something kids inherently have within them. It’s not realistic or fair to expect kids to be happy all the time.We often place our value as a parent on how happy our kids are but this can be a harmful cycle for both you and your kids.Giving your children the tools they need to self regulate is important, especially the older they get. 3. You need a plan. Dealing with strong willed children can feel unpredictable and like nothing works to change the situation or make it better. Every time a child has a big reaction, we might change the way we handle the situation (yelling, being silent, escalating the situation, etc.).Kids seek out predictability to help them feel more comfortable and in control in these situations. When you have a plan, you usually won’t overreact when there is a tantrum or big emotion happening. Setting a boundary and restating the boundary can help reinforce your choices and allows your child to see consistency. Emotion Regulation Group CoachingI’m offering a group coaching program in mid-April all about emotional regulation. This five-week program includes weekly meetings where I coach about different topics. The final week is a Q+A session to answer all of your questions about emotion regulation. You get real-time access to me via Voxer during the five weeks to ask questions and seek advice.  The group is limited to 10 people to ensure I can have a great connection with each person in the group. Resources: Sign up for the Emotion Regulation Group Coaching waitlist: https://stan.store/theparentingreframeSign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qfBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe  

On this week’s podcast episode, Joe Newman, author of Raising Lions, is back to talk more about his method and how it works. His first time on The Parenting Reframe Podcast is still one of the most popular and most-listened to episodes. Joe is a kid intuitive and understands the ways kids behave. If you have used words like challenging, strong willed, or spirited to describe your child, you should become familiar with Joe Newman’s work. In this episode, we dive deep into how to use the Raising Lions methods with teens and older kids. I asked my audience to provide questions about different scenarios, and our conversation covered so many wonderful parenting topics.What we go over with Joe:Approaching challenging behaviors with older kids, such as using language that isn’t approved of or being disrespectful.Stepping away from scenarios to where you don’t know what to do in the moment but you don't like the interaction.How Joe’s Break method and Albiona’s PARR method lean into pausing or breaking in a heated situation for parents to be able to change their thinking. Why over explaining things to kids can lead to feelings of “it’s not fair” or other behaviors that are challenging. Teaching kids to self regulate, be respectful of others while expressing agency, and problem solve as they grow up in the world.How parents can help build autonomy for their kids without steering their thinking.Defiance and passive tantrums are a natural response when kids feel like they have lost autonomyThe three steps of what to do when you’re in a time pressure situation, driving, or outside of the house and you need a break.Advice for teachers and parapros helping students at school who are defiant.  You can find more information about Raising Lions at Joe’s website: https://www.raisinglions.com/Joe Newman on The Parenting Reframe Podcast: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-29-raising-lions-with-joe-newman/ For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

What we talk about with Andra: The connection between allergies of all kinds and eczema.How gut flora can trigger eczema in individuals. Changing nutrition options for more digestible and seasonal foods.Methods of treating the skin in a holistic way to provide relief.Identifying what triggers eczema flare ups within your environment and how to make changes.Practicing moderation to keep eczema flare ups to a minimum.Things to avoid and stop using in your home to help prevent eczema flare ups.Inflammatory responses to foods and drinks.Advice about parenting picky eaters when it comes to nutritious foods.You can find Andra on her website https://eczemakids.com/You can also check out her podcast, Eczema Kids: https://eczemakids.com/podcastSign up for my Emotion Regulation Workshop here: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/emotion-regulation-essentialsCheck out the Team Supercrew book set: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BZZ1938R/For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

In this episode, I have a conversation with Robin Hilmantel, the senior director of editorial strategy at BabyCenter, focused on the gaps in postpartum care, the child care crisis, and how mothers are still carrying the load of parenting. BabyCenter is a website and app focused on providing answers and creating community around pregnancy, baby concerns, and childhood needs. They conduct research within their millions of members to be your partner in parenting well beyond the baby years. As a mother of three, she has insight into how moms face unique challenges each day.What we go over with Robin: The ways mothers usually feel the shift from pregnancy being all about supporting mom to all about baby after birth.How many moms feel unprepared to bring a baby home and care for themselves in the weeks following giving birth.The disparities in maternal care for different demographics and the variety of ways health care providers pass along mothers who voice their concerns to other providers.The difference in anxiety levels mothers experience depending on their maternity or parental leave from their jobs.How the United States differs from other countries in terms of maternity leave and parental leave.What to look and ask for when it comes to employment and maternity leave and how to advocate for yourself and your rights.Where moms can find connection with other moms for support and resources.Ways the child care crisis is affecting moms as they carry the burden of finding care for their children.The “Childcare Cliff” and how it has affected child care centers when funding is removed.Ways you can advocate for the change you want to see in regards to affordable child care and other systemic issues.New and changing social trends with pregnancy and motherhood.You can download the BabyCenter App from the App Store on both iOS and Google or visit the BabyCenter website at https://www.babycenter.com Resources: Postpartum Support Survey: https://www.babycenter.com/presscenter/babycenter-emily-oster-postpartum-support-survey-press-release_41001496Chamber of Mothers - https://www.chamberofmothers.com/Check out the Team Supercrew book set: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BZZ1938R/For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.