What is a Safe Space?

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Have you ever felt you were dealing with one diagnosed condition, only to find there was more going on? In this final episode of my mini-series on unpacking neurodivergence, I cover some conditions that often co-occur with neurodivergence, sometimes called comorbidities, and why so many of us have more than one.Why co-occurring conditions are common: shared neurological and biological mechanisms, plus the cost of years without a diagnosis or supportAnxiety, depression and trauma, and why they are often a response to a mismatched environmentSleep, disordered eating and the body, including hEDS and dysautonomiaMood, thoughts and coping: bipolar disorder, OCD, borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and substance use, and why neurodivergence can get missedA gentle note: some of this episode can be heavy. If it lands close to home, please pause, look after yourself, and consider starting with your GP or someone you trust. You don’t have to sort it out alone. This is educational content, not medical advice.If you’d like to explore things with a coach who starts with your whole identity, you’ll find me at neuroqueeragenda.com. Coaching sits alongside medical care and doesn’t replace it.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Have you ever been told you’re careless with money, hopeless with time, or just a bit clumsy? Maybe nobody said it out loud, but you picked it up anyway. This episode is the second in my mini-series on unpacking neurodivergence. It looks at conditions that are considered neurodivergent but rarely make the headlines, because those default to ADHD and autism.Dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia and dyspraxia, and why they are so often written off as “not trying hard enough”, especially in adultsTourette Syndrome, what tics are, the cost of holding them in, and why the swearing seen in popular culture affects only a minorityOther conditions that some organisations describe as neurodivergent, and why the definitions aren’t fully agreedThis is educational content, not medical advice. Episodes in this series stand alone, so you don’t need to have heard the last one. Next time, I look at the conditions that often show up alongside these, and why so many of us have more than one. Follow The Neuroqueer Agenda wherever you listen, and please send this to someone who thinks neurodivergence is only ADHD and autism.Correction: In this episode I referred to dyspraxia as also being known as "developmental condition disorder". I meant "developmental coordination disorder" or DCD.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive, too loud, too quiet, or too much? In this first episode of a three-part mini-series on unpacking neurodivergence, I ask why so many people, particularly those assigned female at birth but not only them, were missed when they needed support. Each episode stands alone, so you can listen in any order.How early ADHD and autism research came from a narrow group, mostly white boys, and what that did to the picture of what these conditions “look like”Why women, non-binary people, people of colour and adults diagnosed late often show up differently, and why effective masking can lead to missed or wrong diagnosesWhy labels are useful but descriptive rather than explanatory, how the boundaries between conditions blur, and why the language itself can carry stigmaWhy support often starts with spotting a mismatch between you and your environmentThis is educational content, not medical advice. If you’d like to explore your own story with a coach who starts with your whole identity, you’ll find me at neuroqueeragenda.com or emmaleadleycoach.com.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!A gentle note: this episode talks about the mental health risks of unmasking and about late diagnosis. Look after yourself while you listen, and go at your own pace. If it brings anything up for you, please reach out to a trusted person or a qualified professional for support.We often hear that unmasking is the answer for neurodivergent and queer people who mask. But is it always? In this episode, the last of three on masking, I look at why masking can be a valid choice, and why unmasking too quickly, or in the wrong place, can do more harm than good.Why masking is a way of staying safe, and not inherently badWhy vulnerability without support isn’t risk-free, and what can be left when a coping strategy is stripped awayNot knowing where the mask ends and you begin, and my own experience of this after diagnosisThe unspoken risk of unmasking: not always being able to put the mask back onWhy every neuroqueer person is their own expert in how they navigate the world, and why nobody should pressure someone else to unmaskIf you’d like support working out where, how or at what pace to unmask, I offer a free virtual brew, a discovery call, for one-to-one coaching https://emmaleadleycoach.comClarification: I received my autism diagnosis in January 2024 and my ADHD diagnosis in March 2025. When I say it’s “nearly two years” since my autism diagnosis, that’s the point at which I recorded this episode.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!When did you last feel properly yourself around other people? In the last episode I explained what masking and unmasking are. This time I look at the joyful side of unmasking, which is usually small and quiet rather than a big revelation.What the joy of unmasking can look like day to day, and why it depends on who’s in the roomWhy you don’t have to unmask all at once, everywhere, or everHow diagnosis, hormonal changes, and finding your people can change how masking and unmasking feelWhy joy isn’t a test you pass, and why masking can be a way of staying safeClarification: I received my autism diagnosis in January 2024 and my ADHD diagnosis in March 2025. When I talk about being “nearly two years on from my diagnosis”, I’m referring to the autism diagnosis, and the timing reflects when I recorded this episode.If you’d like company while you work out where you feel most yourself, I offer a free virtual brew, a discovery call, for my coaching: emmaleadleycoach.com.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Masking is a word that comes up a lot in conversations about neurodivergence and being queer, but not everyone has come across it. In this episode, the first of a three-part series, I explain what masking (or camouflaging) means, why people do it, and what it costs.What masking is, and why it can be both a way to be accepted and a way to functionWhy masking can be subconscious, and why the word “camouflaging” may cover more for some peopleWhat the research says: the CAT-Q questionnaire, why most studies focus on autistic, later-diagnosed white women, and how masking shows up in ADHD and in queer peopleFindings from the SPARK study on masking and sexual minority identity in autistic adultsThe cost of masking: lost energy, self-esteem and mental health, and why neurodivergent burnout can take so much longer to recover fromIf this episode hit home, please take care of yourself. If you’d like coaching on unmasking or reducing the load of masking, you can find details of what I offer here: emmaleadleycoach.com.Quick favour? Please subscribe to my Youtube channel to help the Neuroqueer Agenda reach 1000 subscribers there!Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Make sure to subscribe at neuroqueeragenda.com to receive more bonus content.Welcome to a short bonus episode for anyone who has ever wondered what other neuroqueer people find hard, and what they love. I took a microphone* to Bristolcon, a convention for readers and writers of science fiction, fantasy and horror, and asked four authors the same two questions. What is one obstacle you have faced as a neuroqueer person, and what brings you joy? The answers are short, honest and very different from each other.Joel Cornah on being dyslexic, why spellcheckers matter, and the joy of finding community with other authorsRoz Clarke on how ADHD and chronic fatigue make finishing things hard, and the rush of starting something newTrip Galey on ADHD burnout and task paralysis after publication, and the joy of sci-fi, fantasy and Hazbin HotelDavid Green on the pressure to always be productive, and a love of mapsFind the authors here:Joel Cornah: https://bsky.app/profile/joelcornah.bsky.socialRoz Clarke:  https://bsky.app/profile/rozc.bsky.social and https://wizardstowerpress.com/Trip Galey:  https://bsky.app/profile/trip.bsky.social and The Fall of the House of Valenziaga: A Special Edition Novel by Trip Galey: https://share.google/xMSrVmU5KYhijkc1FDavid Green: http://www.davidgreenwriter.com/ and https://www.instagram.com/davidgreenwriter/* Apologies for the recording quality. Next time I'll take 2 microphones!Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Have you ever been told, or told yourself, that you just need to try harder to be normal? In this episode I look at where that idea comes from, why Western society and capitalism are built around such a narrow picture of a good worker or a good person, and why I don’t think you need fixing.The “ideal person” we’re measured against, and why asking “what is wrong with me?” is the wrong questionA speculative look at how ADHD and autistic traits may have been useful to early human groupsQueer and trans history: homosexuality was classed as a mental disorder until 1973 (APA) and 1990 (WHO), and the roots of anti-LGBTQ+ laws in colonialismGender-diverse roles across cultures, including the Hijra in South Asia and two-spirit people in North AmericaSame-sex pairing in the animal kingdom, from albatrosses to bonobos to penguinsA small thing to try: next time you think “what’s wrong with me?”, ask “what is this trait good for?” and “where am I being asked to do a job I’m not built for?”Struggling in a world that wasn’t built for you does not make you broken. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment on YouTube or message me through my website, neuroqueeragenda.comWant to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!Have you ever been told a room is a safe space and not felt safe in it? That happens more often than people admit, and it’s a big topic for neuroqueer folk. In this episode I talk about what makes a space feel safe, why comfortable and safe are not the same thing, and what I’ve learned from being misgendered on a 12-week course.The ground rules I use when I run a group, and why I use the word comfortable rather than safeWhy safety is felt in your nervous system, and why only you can judge it, moment by momentWhy “put your pens and phones down” doesn’t work for everyone, and what regulation can look like insteadIdeas for workshop facilitators, from fidget toys and choice of seating to camera-off options and permission to move aroundA small thing to try: next time you’re in a group, notice what helps you feel regulated and seenIf you run workshops, I’d love to know what you do to make them safer. If you attend them, think about what helps you. And if this episode could help someone you know, or a facilitator who needs to hear it, please send them the link to this episode.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!If LGBTQIA+ has only ever half fitted you, you’re not alone. In this episode I unpack why “queer” became the word I could finally call home, and why my definition stretches a little further than the acronym does. We look at Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle and ask what neurotypical has to do with heteronormativity. There’s also a small, low-pressure thing to try afterwards.Why I use queer for myself, the worry about not being “queer enough”, and why it’s still a slur for some people (and that’s OK)Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle from the 1980s, and how it divides “good” and “bad” sexWhy I see that line as the line between heteronormativity and queerness, and who historically wrote the rulesEarly thoughts on whether neurotypical and normativity are closer than they look (I’m still working on this one)A small task: notice one rule about how you should love, dress or behave that you picked up by default, and ask whose rule it isPeople don’t fit into nice, neat boxes, so why should you have to fit into one in coaching? Neuroqueer coaching starts with your whole identity and builds from there. If you’d like to talk, I offer a free consultation: https://emmaleadleycoach.com.References:- Gayle Ruben – introduced the "Charmed Circle" as a theoretical framework in her 1984 essay, "Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality".- Kimberlé Crenshaw – introduced the term ‘intersectionality’ in her essay, "Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex," to point out how anti-discrimination law and early feminist theory failed Black women.Want to get notified of episodes and extra bonus content? Sign up at neuroqueeragenda.com.