Trauma & Narcissism Redefined podcast

Reactive Abuse From The Narcissist

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Have you ever reacted to a situation in such a negative way that you end up questioning if you’re the problem? This is what we call Reactive Abuse. I had never heard of the term when I came out of the relationship with my narcissistic husband. Still, when I learnt what it meant, I was so grateful, as it meant that my reactions were a result of all of the abuse I had endured and not a reflection of my personality.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • What reactive abuse is and how a narcissist uses it against you.

  • How a narcissist will manipulate you to make it look like you’re the problem.

  • Why abuse often escalates after separating from the narcissist. 

Reactive abuse is the equivalent of poking a bear with a stick and waiting for them to react aggressively and then trying to blame the bear for their reaction. Now, a bear probably won’t reflect on their reaction, asking themselves “Am I the bad one in this situation?” But, most humans will ask that question. As you can see from this situation, the bear wasn’t at fault, and neither were you. I hope this episode can guide you to see that you’re not the problem in your situation, and any reaction is usually because you have no other choice. 

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