Don't Begin with the Rage: Understanding What Aggression Is Expressing | Epi 176

In this episode, I join Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from It’s All Your Fault to talk about high-conflict behavior and what may be happening beneath the surface. We explore why people become emotionally overwhelmed, how dysregulation can fuel anger and escalation, and why understanding the psychological function of a behavior can be more useful than trying to stop it. We also look at how connection and containment can help someone become regulated enough to think about what is happening—and respond differently. To contact Bill and Eddy, visit www.highconflictinstitute.comRelated Topic Hub: High-Conflict RelationshipsIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode, we explore the fascinating and often misunderstood concept of the “dark empath”—the possibility that someone can be remarkably attuned to another person's emotions, vulnerabilities, and needs, yet use that understanding in ways that don't foster connection or compassion.How can someone understand you so well and still hurt you? And what if you've been told that your ability to empathize and relate to other people is itself manipulative? This episode explores the complicated space between empathy, caring, and the ways emotional understanding can sometimes bring us closer—or give us power over one another.Related Topic Hub: Narcissistic RelationshipsIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode we explore what empathy really means—and why it is more complex than simply understanding how someone feels. We discuss the difference between recognizing another person’s emotions, emotionally resonating with their experience, and truly caring about what they feel. We explore why someone can understand your pain and still struggle to respond with compassion, and why empathy is not just about knowing another person’s inner world—but what we do with that understanding.Have you ever wondered, “How could someone understand me so well and still hurt me?” This episode explores the psychology behind that confusing dynamic and sets the stage for understanding empathy, narcissism, relationships, and ultimately the phenomenon sometimes described as the “dark empath.”Related Topic Hub: Narcissistic RelationshipsIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode, I continue my conversation with Dr. Emily Guarnotta, a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health provider specializing in maternal mental health. In the second part of our discussion, we explore what happens when children who grow up with a mother functioning at a borderline level of personality organization become adults. If you ever wondered, how does a split internal world become more integrated?  Or, how does one develop the capacity to hold multiple realities at once – then this episode is for you.  Listen in to better understand how your emotional experience is meaningful but not always the whole story.  To learn more about Dr. Emily Guarnotta's work, visit www.choosingtherapy.com/understanding-the-borderline-mother/Related Topic Hub: Borderline Personality DisorderIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emily Guarnotta to explore the hidden psychological impact of growing up with a mother functioning at a borderline level of personality organization. We discuss how emotional instability, fear of separation, and difficulty maintaining a stable sense of self can shape the child’s developing mind. Through a psychodynamic lens, we explore how the child’s developing mind is shaped within these complex relationships—how experiences of closeness, separation, love, fear, and conflict become organized internally and influence the way the person experiences themselves and others.To learn more about Dr. Emily Guarnotta, visit www.choosingtherapy.com/understanding-the-borderline-mother.Related Topic Hub: Borderline Personality DisorderIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In Part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Kristin Davin, we explore why letting go of an unhealthy relationship is often about much more than losing another person. Together, we examine how hope and fantasy become intertwined, why people often remain attached to the relationship they imagine rather than the one they are actually living, and how relationships can come to represent an imagined future and a hoped-for self. We also discuss the psychological capacities that allow couples to move beyond repetitive conflicts.  To learn more about Dr. Kristin Davin's work, visit www.reflectionsfromacrossthecouch.com. Related Topic Hub: Narcissistic RelationshipsIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Kristin Davin, a licensed psychologist, relationship therapist, and author with more than 20 years of experience helping people break unhealthy relationships.  Together we explore why some relationships remain emotionally stuck even when both people know that something in the relationship is not working. We discuss the unconscious psychological functions relationships can serve, why people often become attached not only to another person but to what the relationship represents. We examine much more, such as why ending a relationship often involves mourning not only the loss of a partner, but also the loss of the imagined future and hoped-for self that the relationship once promised.To learn more about Dr. Kristin Davin's work, visit www.reflectionsfromacrossthecouch.com. Related Topic Hub: Narcissistic RelationshipsIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

In this episode, we continue our exploration of vulnerable narcissism by examining one of its most misunderstood features: aggression. Rather than viewing rage, resentment, and controlling behavior as the beginning of the story, we explore them as the endpoint of a much deeper psychological sequence involving longing, dependency, disappointment, shame, and the fear of abandonment. Drawing on a thoughtful listener question, we examine what aggression is expressing from a psychodynamic perspective, explore the concept of omnipotent control, and discuss how understanding the psychological meaning of aggression can help us respond with greater curiosity rather than simply reacting to the behavior.Related Topic Hub:Vulnerable NarcissismIf you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

This episode is the second excerpt from my interview at the Healing the Mother Wound Summit. We explore why the impact of a covert narcissistic mother extends far beyond childhood, how these early experiences become internalized as part of the personality, and why healing involves much more than simply letting go of the hope that your mother will one day change. We also discuss the false self, people-pleasing, guilt, and I also begin to introduce my framework for Reclaiming the Self. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.

This episode is an excerpt from my interview at the Healing the Mother Wound Summit. We explore why the covert narcissistic mother can be so difficult to recognize, how seemingly ordinary interactions quietly shape a child's developing sense of self, and why a mother can be physically present yet emotionally absent. I also introduce the concept of the technical relationship—a pattern that many adults unconsciously carry into their own relationships. Listen to the Full Interview Here:  laurakconnell.com If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.  Contact me directly with observations, questions, or comments:  [email protected] Follow The Narcissism Decoder on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTubeDr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.comDr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.