139. You Don’t Need Him to Change. You Need to Decide.

You don’t need him to change. You need to decide.Sometimes we spend so much time hoping someone will become the person we need that we forget to ask ourselves a much harder question: what am I going to do if he doesn’t?This episode is about making that decision.“Make Him Either Rise to You or Lose Access to You” isn’t about manipulating a man, playing games, withholding affection, or trying to force someone into becoming a better partner. It’s about knowing what you need in a relationship and being honest enough to recognize when someone isn’t willing or able to meet you there.Because a man can love you and still not be capable of giving you the relationship you want.You can understand why he struggles with vulnerability and still need emotional availability.You can have compassion for his circumstances and still require consistency.You can see his potential and still make your decision based on his reality.And sometimes the hardest part isn’t accepting that he won’t change. It’s accepting that you have to decide what you’re going to do about it.In this episode, we’re talking about standards, self-respect, emotional availability, overgiving, waiting for potential, and the moment you realize that continuing to give someone access while hoping they’ll eventually become different is costing you more than you’re willing to pay.You don’t need to convince him to rise.You need to stop lowering yourself so you can stay.If he rises to meet you, let it be because he genuinely chooses to.And if he doesn’t, let his inability to meet you give you the clarity you need to make your decision.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

Grieving the future you thought you’d have with him can be one of the hardest parts of letting go.Sometimes you’re not just grieving the man. You’re grieving the marriage you imagined, the family you pictured, the life you planned, and all the moments you thought the two of you would eventually share.In this episode of Healing Sundays, I’m talking about what happens when you become so attached to the future you imagined with someone that you stop paying attention to the relationship you’re actually living in.I know what it feels like to stay because you don’t want to give up on the life you thought you were going to have. But letting go of him doesn’t mean giving up on love. It doesn’t mean your future is gone. It doesn’t mean you’ll never experience the relationship, safety, commitment, or deep love you wanted.Sometimes you have to grieve what you thought your life would be so you can make room for what your life can still become.If you’re struggling to let go of an ex, move on from a toxic relationship, or accept that the person you imagined your future with isn’t the person you can build that future with, this episode is for you.You can still have the love you wanted. It just may not be with him. 💜✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

He says he doesn’t want a relationship, but he still calls, texts, spends time with you, acts like your boyfriend and enjoys all the benefits of being with you. So what does that actually mean?In this episode, we’re talking about the confusion that comes with being involved with a man who says he doesn’t want commitment but continues to participate in something that feels like a relationship. We’ll get into situationships, mixed signals, relationship benefits without commitment, and why his unwillingness to commit is not an invitation for you to prove that you’re lovable enough to change his mind.Sometimes he already knows how great you are. The question isn’t how to convince him to choose you—it’s whether what he is offering is enough for you.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

Have you ever known you were a good woman but still found yourself wondering why you weren’t good enough for him?In this episode, we’re talking about how being with the wrong man can slowly make you question your worth—not because you never knew your worth, but because his inability to choose you, cherish you, or love you well can make you feel like you need to prove it.We’ll talk about why we become so focused on getting the wrong man to recognize our value, why his refusal to grow can make us question whether our love was good enough, and how loving an unhealed or emotionally unavailable man can leave you internalizing things that were never about your worth in the first place.Because sometimes you weren’t questioning whether you were a good woman. You knew you were. You were questioning why being a good woman still wasn’t enough to make him love you well.And eventually, healing asks you to stop wondering whether you were good enough for him and start asking whether he was ever good enough for you.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

Love is enough.But only when we’re talking about love as something we practice, not just something we feel.In this episode of The Hey, Girlfriend Podcast, we’re exploring one of the hardest questions in healing:If love alone isn’t enough… what have we been calling love all this time?Many of us learned to define love by chemistry, kind gestures, moments of connection, or the relief of finally feeling seen. But real love isn’t measured by isolated moments—it’s revealed through consistent patterns.We’ll talk about why women stay in relationships that aren’t meeting their needs, how childhood emotional deprivation shapes our definition of love, why feelings alone aren’t enough to sustain a healthy relationship, and the difference between feeling emotionally moved by someone and being genuinely cared for.If you’ve ever confused potential with partnership, chemistry with compatibility, or intensity with intimacy, this conversation is for you.Because healing isn’t just changing who you choose.It’s changing what you call love.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

Everyone tells you to choose yourself.Set the boundary. Say no. Put yourself first. Protect your peace.But no one talks about what happens after.In this episode of The Hey, Girlfriend Podcast, we’re having an honest conversation about the emotional cost of choosing yourself. The loneliness, grief, guilt, identity shifts, and growing pains that often come with becoming the person you were always meant to be.If you’ve ever felt like healing has been harder than you expected, or wondered why choosing yourself can feel so painful, this episode is for you.We’ll talk about:* Why choosing yourself can feel lonely* The grief of outgrowing old versions of yourself* Why people may resist your growth* The guilt that comes with setting boundaries* What it means to stop abandoning yourself* How to navigate the discomfort of becoming who you truly areIf this conversation resonates with you, I’d love for you to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs the reminder that growth isn’t always comfortable—but it’s worth it.🤍 Follow for more conversations on healing, self-worth, emotional growth, and becoming the woman you deserve to be.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

Many women have been taught that love is something they earn by giving more of themselves. In this episode, we’re unlearning that belief together.We’re talking about what it actually means to be loved well, why healthy love protects you from overextending yourself, and why someone who truly loves you pays attention to what your giving is costing you.Because the healthiest love you’ll ever experience won’t ask you to disappear—it will make more room for you to exist.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

If you’ve been going back and forth in your head trying to figure out if what you’re feeling is valid — this video is for you.You don’t need receipts. You don’t need a list of things he did wrong. You don’t need to be able to explain it to your friends or make it make sense to him. A feeling is data. And it is enough.In this video we’re talking about why so many women intellectualize their way through relationships that are hurting them — overanalyzing his behavior, researching his attachment style, giving grace where grace isn’t being earned — instead of simply honoring what their body and heart have been trying to say the whole time.You are allowed to leave because something feels off. You are allowed to leave because you don’t feel safe. You are allowed to leave because you feel small, or unseen, or like you’re slowly disappearing inside of this relationship.You don’t have to build a case. You don’t have to prove it. You just have to trust yourself.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrFacebook: (9.9k followers) https://www.facebook.com/share/1NPUp2wNMQ/?mibextid=wwXIfrTikTok: (50.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

If you want to stop chasing men and start attracting healthier love, this episode is for you.In today’s episode, we’re talking about why making men the center of your life often keeps you stuck in unhealthy dating patterns—and why the women who seem to attract healthy, committed relationships usually have one thing in common: their lives don’t revolve around being chosen.We’ll discuss why centering men makes you ignore red flags, overinvest too quickly, and lose yourself in the process. More importantly, you’ll learn how shifting your focus back to your own life, purpose, and peace naturally changes the way you date—and the kinds of men you attract.This isn’t about playing hard to get or pretending you don’t care. It’s about becoming a woman who chooses wisely instead of desperately hoping to be chosen.✨ If this episode helped you, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share it with another woman who needs to hear this.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrTikTok: (42.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)

If you’ve been loving harder, explaining more, forgiving faster, and doing everything you can to keep the relationship together, this episode is for you.So many women believe the answer to feeling appreciated is giving more. But what if the very thing preventing someone from appreciating you is that they’ve never had to experience life without your constant presence?In this episode, we’re talking about why constantly rescuing the relationship can actually protect someone from the consequences of taking you for granted.This isn’t about playing games, ignoring texts, or trying to make someone jealous.It’s about understanding the difference between manipulation and boundaries.We’ll discuss:• Why people often don’t recognize what they have until they’re forced to experience its absence.• How anxious attachment can make you overfunction in relationships.• Why constantly fixing the relationship prevents you from seeing the truth.• The psychology behind why some people only realize your value after you’ve stepped away.• How to stop overextending yourself and start protecting your peace.Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for the relationship—is stop rescuing someone from the natural consequences of their choices.You deserve a relationship where your presence is appreciated, not simply expected.✨ Let’s connect:💜1:1 coaching &BONUS podcast episodes https://www.patreon.com/Ivebeenthatgirl💜books, coaching and more:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.netAuthors page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kindalld💜MY SOCIALS:YouTube: https://youtube.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?si=ztPs0PVePJP-q6VrInstagram: (154K followers) https://www.instagram.com/kindall__d?igsh=MWJmZDVrZTYyaTZrbw%3D%3D&utm_source=qrTikTok: (42.7K Followers) https://www.tiktok.com/@ivebeenthatgirl?_t=8s8vdJSMVZv&_r=1Threads: (35K followers) https://www.threads.net/@ivebeenthatgirltoo?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Business Inquiries:https://linktr.ee/ivebeenthatgirl.net(Click the envelope icon at the top of the site)