409: I ❤️ Hamish

The people over at r/EscapingPrisonPlanet are obsessed with the concept of something called "Loosh". So what it loosh? Well, we read about it for about 45 minutes and we're not sure. What we do know is that they consider themselves vaguely gnostic and haven't really read a book before, but they have seen the extremely ugly Seth Rogan movie Sausage Party, and that's given them all the religious text they need. This week, The F Plus makes the penis fit, but should it?

It's the first episode of 2026! What better was to celebrate the new year than an episode that won't mention 2025 at all. This episode of cryptocurrency songs was recorded in September 2024, and is now ready to be released to your podcast wallet. The only criteria for inclusion in the document is that the songwriter mentions Bitcoin at least once, so there are pro-Bitcoin raps, anti-Bitcoin protest songs, and some steampunk bullshit found its way in there, too. This time, the F Plus asks why won’t you let me play my gaaaaaaaaames?

So, pretty much every chain restaurant has its own subreddit, and we''re gonna look at at least half a dozen in this episode. From annoying customer complaints to terrible menu ideas to lots of poop problems to conspiracy theories, and even time for poetry at the end, this is really the Rax Salad Bar of F Plus episodes. This week, The F Plus is a purely transactional podcast.

Named after its founder, The Keshe Foundation speaks of something called “Plasma”, which has absolutely nothing to do with any definition of the word you've ever heard previously. There's also something called GANS, which is entirely new state of matter which has been named using a heretofore unprecedented method for writing an acronym. So what do “Plasma” and GANS do? Well, they cost money. But apparently they cure Coronavirus? So that's nice. This week, everyone in The F Plus needs a way to distinguish their cummycups.

You probably don't know what The Pooh's Adventures Wiki is, but as of this episode, it has over 80,000 pages. Comprised mostly of fanon crossovers with other popular media franchises and embarassing self-inserts, this is a wiki where eventually all of popular culture can exist parallel to Tigger. This week, The F Plus enters the Ryaniverse.

Rosemary Doll is an online retailer of sex dolls that cost $2,000 or more apiece. And in addition to many many horrifying yet extremely funny photos, it also hosts a forum where sex doll enthuasiastscan talk about how great their lives are and yet how all the men on this forum seem to experience constant aching disappointment for some reason. This episode, The F Plus will say "tossed so half a day come in" and you can't even stop us.

Eva Draconis has had sex with multiple transdimensional lizard beings (Reptilians, Orions, and regular old dinosaurs) including a red Dragon Turtle named Hamish who she communicates with telepathically, and who sleeps in her bathroom on a rug and gets jealous of her Sims characters. And I know you're thinking you've heard all of this before, but just wait til we get to the bologna sandwich. This week, The F Plus gets waterboarded, no big deal.

Shortstory1 is an extremely prolific author of (appropriately enough) short stories, mainly horror one-shots or absurdist premise pieces. Are the stories well written? Absolutely not. Are the stories good? Depends on your definition of good. Are the stories entertaining? Extremely so. This episode, The F Plus thinks you're beautiful... in your own way.

The website niteflirt is a directory of phone sex operators, all of whom are looking for customers interested in paying them $2 a minute (minus fees) for a phone call. As you'd expect, the operators are primarily interested in financial domination, and many of them have profiles that are fun, but we're most keenly interested in Goddess Eriko who wants to introduce you to the concept of freedom through slavery. You see, Eriko wants to improve your life, and how that works is, you give her money. The end. This epsiode, The F Plus watches the pilot episode of Just A Couple of Fuckholes.

The subreddit of r/morbidquestions is (I suppose) meant to ask and answer thought-provoking yet dark questions. However, this is a subreddit, so therefore most of the questions are stupid edgelord nonsense, and the replies are banal upvote jockeying. But there's a lot of posts, so we've got plenty to work with. This episode, The F Plus wants to know: Is Christmas Carol a good porn name?