Letting Go of Constructed Selves: From Margaret’s Attachment Journal

In this episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast, host Margaret welcomes Linda Hochstetler, an accomplished social worker, psychotherapist, Buddhist meditation teacher, and author of the book "21 Days to Die, The Canadian Guide to End of Life." Linda shares her passion for the topic of illness, dying, and death, and how she combines her expertise in grief work, hospice palliative care, Buddhism, and meditation to bring a unique perspective to her work. Margaret and Linda discuss the second noble truth of suffering and how it can be interpreted in different ways. Linda emphasizes the importance of recognizing both small T trauma and capital T trauma, and how these daily struggles and losses can wear on us. They also delve into the chronology of dying and death, highlighting the significance of the dying process and the cascading losses that occur leading up to the last breath. The conversation takes an intimate turn as Margaret shares a personal experience with her father's death and the relief that came with understanding the stages of dying. Linda explains how recognizing the signs of impending death can bring comfort to caregivers and loved ones, as it signifies that the suffering is almost over for the dying person. Lastly, Linda opens up about a tragic event in her own life that shaped her understanding of suffering at a young age. She shares the story of her boyfriend's sudden death and how it thrust her into a club she never wanted to join, but which ultimately deepened her connection to the truth of suffering. Tune in as Margaret and Linda explore the complexities of death, grief, and finding meaning in the face of suffering.

Tune in as we explore the profound impact of a small act of kindness, reminding us all of the tremendous difference we can make in someone else's life if we are mindful and empathetic. This heartwarming story serves as a metaphor for how we can confront feelings of failure and despair in our lives and those around us. Could we not do the same, if we try? This episode asks you to reflect - is it not true that we all have the capacity to offer a helping hand, to lift someone's spirits, to remind them that they are not alone? How often do we let these moments pass us by, engrossed in our worlds, not realizing what a small act could mean for someone else? This episode invites you to think, to feel, and above all, to care. Come join us in this enriching journey as we challenge ourselves to live more consciously, more kindly.

Today we explore the deep, historical connection between humans and two of our most enduring companions - horses and dogs. We delve into the intricacies of how these magnificent creatures have shaped our evolution just as we have shaped theirs. From the wide-stretching plains where horses have galloped alongside us, to the edges of forests where dogs have keenly observed us- we uncover the deep-rooted bond that has formed over eons. Horses and dogs have been there for us, in countless ways that continue to evolve. Now, let's shine a light on how these wonderful creatures continue to give, as we explore the transformative world of horse and dog therapy. These animals play a crucial role in our journey towards healing and finding release from suffering. Yet, we are compelled to remember that our growth and evolution has a profound impact on these creatures and the ecosystems they inhabit. As we evolve, so do they. As we benefit, so should they. Our mission is not just to explore our relationship with them but to understand how we can ensure their well-being, and avoid causing them harm. Join us, as we explore the symbiotic relationship between humans, horses, and dogs. Tune in for a rich, insightful discussion that promises to be as educational as it is moving.

In this episode, we explore the unexpected ways in which caring for a pet can provide purpose and comfort during difficult times. Our pets can help bring us release from suffering. We discuss how, amidst the business of death and the turmoil of grief, the presence of pets can deliver a comforting sense of stability and routine. Some days, the company of a pet offers comfort when human interaction may be too overwhelming. With a pet you always having someone to come home to - someone who is always excitedly awaiting your return. And if you're someone who often talks to yourself, like many of us do, having a pet around ensures that there's a listener on the other side - a vivid reminder that you're not alone. This episode also addresses the sentimental connection that pets can hold as a cherished shared memory of a departed loved one. We also delve into the fun, quirky, and sometimes humbling aspects of having a pet, discussing how they're quick to remind us that we are not the center of the universe - and that they, sometimes, need to be fed too! Finally, we talk about the unexpected joys and distractions our pets provide, whether it's dragging ribbons out from the hidden corners of the home or initiating a wake-up call. We conclude by reminding our listeners that while pets are a fantastic source of companionship and support, they can't replace professional help when it's needed. So, tune in and join us as we unravel the deep, beautiful bond between humans and their furry friends!

Bodhisatta or Bodhisattva is a term often used to describe an enlightened individual who possesses wisdom and compassion. These are people who demonstrate the paramitas or perfections in their lifestyle. We says this as a compliment, a form of admiration.   The definition of Bodhisattva extends beyond being a beacon of relief in a world of suffering, especially when considering the term across the three major ways of being Buddhist - Theravāda, Mahāyana, and Vajrayāna. However, we won't explore a full-scale exposition of what Bodhisattva signifies in these varied paths of Buddhism this time around. Instead, we ponder, how fully developed does one need to be in order to help others with their suffering?  Are all those who help others deal with their suffering Bodhisattvas? Must one wait to embark on the noble journey of aiding others in their suffering? 

In this thought-provoking episode, we delve Buddhist practice, exploring the profound connections between mettā practice and the concept of merit. We ponder whether these two aspects are separate or intertwined, and how they can complement each other in our journey towards inner peace and compassion. We begin with a contemplation of mettā, alternatively known as loving-kindness or goodwill, and its role in directing well-wishes and positive intentions towards others. We discuss how genuine mettā goes beyond mere words and is fundamentally about wishing genuine happiness and well-being for everyone- even those we find challenging. Transitioning smoothly into the concept of merit, we consider how it is intrinsically linked to our actions and intentions. Merit, as we discuss, is a positive force accruing from our good deeds, but it’s not just about the deeds themselves, it's about the intentions behind them. It is the actions we take with a mind free of ill will that truly generate merit. In the final segment, we explore how mettā and merit work hand-in-hand. We discuss how cultivating mettā can create an environment conducive for generating merit, and how, in turn, this merit can be dedicated to all beings, working towards a world free from suffering.

As we journey deeper into this season, we anticipate the theme of compassion to be a recurring motif in our discussions with those who work tirelessly to ease the sufferings of others. Compassion, while not always verbally expressed, is often the undercurrent that drives their actions and fuels their motivations. This episode kicks off with an interesting anecdote from Margaret’s past - a statement made by an academic teacher claiming the absence of compassion in Theravada Buddhism. This claim, which left a deep impression, led her to an explorative quest on the existence of compassion in the Pali Canon. She spent time with these ancient texts to uncover the truth. Margaret seeks to debunk the misunderstood notion that the Pali Canon holds no teachings on compassion. Through research and critical examination of the texts, she reveals the innate presence of compassion within Theravada Buddhism. Here's a spoiler: compassion is real and it's powerful. It's in the way we recognize another's suffering, empathize with them, and are spurred into action to alleviate their pain. Join Margaret as she unravels the profound essence of compassion in the philosophy of Theravada Buddhism, and how it continues to inspire and drive people to make a difference in the world.  

What if suffering acts as a compass, guiding us towards areas of our life that require care and attention? Suffering signals us that we are out of alignment with our true selves and need to course-correct. When we ignore this signal we will encounter tangible pain and emotional suffering both stemming from a resistance to change and progress. In a recent episode of the podcast, Reevaluating the Idea of Selfishness in Buddhism, we discussed the need to help ourselves. This concept surfaces again as Renee reminds us of the importance of the expression, “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself.” Renee explains that disconnection is the root of human suffering. This feeling of disconnection, she suggests, is at the heart of many anxieties, depressions, and dysfunctions. If we each work to heal our own trauma and emotional wounds, we can be show up on the world feeling connected and healthy and ready to be who and what we are truly  meant to be. Join Margaret and Renee as they navigate this existential journey, inviting you to look deeply at your own interconnectedness with the world around you. Be reminded of the elemental nature of your existence: the air you breathe, the gravity that grounds you, and the water that flows through your body. This episode promises to inspire introspection, what healing are you working on, and how does disconnection play a role in your suffering.

Let’s delve into a commonly misunderstood aspect of Buddhism, particularly Theravada Buddhism – the concept of helping others as part of you spiritual journey. There's a prevalent misconception that according to Buddhist teachings, you should solely focus on your own liberation before turning your attention to help others.. Does this really imply a dismissal of helping others? Margaret argues that this is not the case. She believes that Buddhism, in all its forms, encourages us to support others. Moreover, she suggests that our own liberation is intricately connected to the liberation of others. Through this discussion, Margaret aims to dispel misconceptions and provide deep insights into the compassionate core of Buddhism. She discusses the importance of helping others on their spiritual journey and how it contributes to your own progress and enlightenment. This episode will leave you with a renewed perspective on your own spiritual path and the role you play in others' journeys.

Dive into this thought-provoking episode as Stephen and Margaret delve into the most common suffering that many people encounter - low self-esteem. We explore the often overlooked consequence of self-doubt, the tendency to put others first to our own detriment, and how these feed into a cycle of disrespect – towards ourselves and from others. Their discussion shifts towards the complexity of relationships and how they can often become a battlefield of dominance, with the stronger personality frequently overpowering the less assertive one. Stephen points out the rarity of perfectly balanced relationships, reflecting on the significant amount of dedication, attentiveness, and most importantly, mindfulness they require. Continuing on  philosophical journey, Stephen reminds us of  the importance of respecting oneself and understanding our own needs. He emphasizes the critical role of fostering relationships that encourage this self-discovery and highlight when we compromise ourselves. In this candid discourse, Margaret and Stephen touch on the often neglected aspect of self-care – valuing ourselves and caring for our emotional and spiritual well-being. We contemplate how neglect in these areas can lead to unhappiness and suffering in our relationships. To wrap up, they return to the teachings of Buddha, not as a belief system, but as practical steps towards understanding ourselves and liberating ourselves from our own intense struggle. Drawing on the wisdom etched on the old temple at Delphi, "know thyself," they discuss the importance of self-realization and recognizing our own worth as crucial steps towards happiness. And be sure to access this eBook from Stephen on the art of letting go - https://schettini.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/ArtOfLettingGo.pdf