The Confidence Project Podcast podcast

Covert People Pleasing

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You'd never call me a people pleaser. I have boundaries up to my ears. I don't get FOMO. I love saying no.

And I'm still a covert people pleaser. I just couldn't see it until motherhood took away the margin that was hiding it.

With less time and less energy, I started noticing how often I accommodate everyone else before myself. Not in the obvious ways- I'd caught all of those years ago. In the quiet ones. The ones that only show up when you no longer have the surplus to absorb them.

This episode is about what scarcity reveals, why having boundaries doesn't mean you've stopped abandoning yourself, and how I'm learning that putting myself first isn't indulgent- it's maintenance on the one machine the whole house runs on. How my day goes decides whether I can be a patient, present mother. So my day is not optional.

Here's the part I can't stop thinking about: having boundaries isn't the same as being on your own side. I learned the difference the year I ran out of room to hide it.

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If you're a woman running a business and this one hit a nerve, if you've got great boundaries and you're still over-delivering, under-charging, and quietly saying yes in the back room0 that's not a discipline problem. It's the covert version, and it's exactly the kind of thing we find and untangle in an Untangle Session.

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