#98: Think It Through: Why Having the “Perfect Holiday” Is the Fastest Way to Ruin It

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In this holiday edition of Think It Through, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University tackle one of the most common—and least talked about—seasonal struggles: why fully capable adults suddenly feel like children again the moment they walk into their childhood home.

They break down how identity shifts based on who we’re with, why old family dynamics snap back into place, and how tiny reactions can spiral into full-blown holiday stress. Using systems thinking tools like the Identity–Other relationship, the RAR Quad, and the Love Reality Loop, they show how a simple pause can restore agency, change the dynamic, and help you stop reliving the same holiday patterns year after year.

The episode also takes aim at the myth of the perfect holiday—why chasing it creates disappointment, how unrealistic mental models steal presence, and why loving reality doesn’t mean liking everything, but choosing curiosity over control.

If the holidays tend to leave you drained, frustrated, or wondering “why does this keep happening?”, this episode will help you see what’s really going on—and give you practical tools to think it through, stay grounded, and actually enjoy what’s real.