EP 63 | We Need to Talk About Consequences

Are we expecting too much from children, or have we become a little too attached to what they should be able to do?From sitting through group time to navigating transitions and managing big feelings, there are a whole lot of expectations we place on children based on their age and what we think they should be capable of. In this episode, I'm unpacking why I prefer the term developmentally aligned expectations, how those little shoulds can get in the way of understanding behaviour, and how we can work out when to hold an expectation, scaffold towards it, or recognise that the expectation itself needs to shift.You'll hear:✨ Why developmentally aligned expectations encourage us to work with the child in front of us, rather than relying on what children of a particular age should be able to do✨ How knowing a skill and being able to access it in the moment are two very different things✨ How to decide when an expectation needs to hold, when a child needs more scaffolding, and when the expectation itself might need adjusting✨ Why some of the expectations we place on entire groups of children might be contributing to the very behaviours we're finding difficultWe can hold high expectations for children while recognising what they're currently capable of. Sometimes that means offering more support, and sometimes it means questioning what we're asking of them in the first place. Download my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

When did praising children become so dang controversial?!There’s a lot of noise around praise, from warnings about “good job” destroying intrinsic motivation to advice that we should avoid praise altogether. In this episode, I’m unpacking what the research actually tells us about praise, when it can be genuinely useful, and how we can use it as meaningful feedback without turning it into approval children need to chase.You’ll hear:✨ Why the research doesn’t support a blanket “praise is bad” approach — and where some of the concerns around praise do have merit✨ The difference between less effective praise like person, outcome and generic praise, and praise that draws attention to effort, process and progress✨ Why sincerity, specificity and how praise is received by the child matter just as much as the words we choose✨ How behaviour-specific praise can make behavioural learning visible, helping children notice the baby steps they’re making without turning praise into a tool for compliance**Very (very) mild coarse language in this episode.Praise doesn’t need to go in the bin, and neither does “good job.” When we use praise thoughtfully, it can give children useful information about their effort, choices and growing skills. Good job isn’t the problem; it just shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting.Download my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

What if we scaffolded children’s behaviour in the same way we already scaffold every other area of their learning?As educators, we understand that knowing how to do something and being able to do it independently aren’t necessarily the same thing but, when it comes to behaviour, we can forget this pretty quickly. In this episode, I’m taking Vygotsky’s ideas around scaffolding and the Zone of Proximal Development and applying them to behaviour, so we can think differently about the support children might need to meet our expectations.You’ll hear:✨ How the Zone of Proximal Development can help us understand what children can do independently, with support, and what might currently sit outside their capacity✨ Why scaffolding behaviour doesn’t automatically mean lowering our expectations✨ How co-regulation, behavioural momentum, playfulness and boundaries can scaffold children towards the behaviour we’re asking for✨ Why the same expectation can require completely different levels of support for different children (and even for the same child on different days)Behaviour deserves the same developmental lens we already bring to learning, and sometimes the most useful thing we can do is stop repeating the expectation and ask what support might help this child actually get there.Download my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

Why can we have hundreds of behaviour strategies at our fingertips and still find ourselves wondering what the heck to actually do when behaviour gets hard?Strategies absolutely have a place when we’re working with behaviour, but having more of them doesn’t necessarily make us better equipped to support the child in front of us. In this episode, I’m unpacking why behaviour strategies keep letting us down and why the answer often lies in understanding the behaviour well enough to know which support makes sense (rather than searching for the perfect strategy).You’ll hear:✨ Why having more behaviour strategies doesn’t necessarily leave us feeling better equipped✨ How the expectations we hold and the labels we give behaviour shape the strategies we reach for✨ Why a strategy doesn’t have to immediately stop a behaviour to be “working”✨ Why behaviour being contextual means the same strategy can work beautifully one day and fall completely flat the nextStrategies are useful tools, but they can’t do the thinking for us. The more we understand the child, the context and what might be contributing to behaviour, the better placed we are to choose support intentionally - without needing another strategy every time something new comes up.Download my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

How do we hold boundaries without becoming harsh - and stay responsive without feeling like we have to let everything go?There can be a real tension between being firm and being fair when we’re working with behaviour. In this episode, I’m unpacking warm authority and what it looks like to bring warmth and steadfastness together, so we can lead with confidence, protect children’s dignity, and respond to the child in front of us without losing the boundary altogether.You’ll hear:✨ Why rights-affirming practice doesn’t mean children always get to choose✨ How warmth and steadfastness work together when we’re holding boundaries✨ Why fair doesn’t always mean every child getting exactly the same response✨ How to work out what genuinely needs to hold (and where there might be room to flex)We can be in control of the situation without trying to be in control of children, and the more confident we become in knowing what needs to hold, where we can flex, and how to stay warm while we lead, the easier it becomes to find that middle ground when behaviour gets hard.Download my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

Why can a child cope beautifully in one environment yet really struggle in another?Behaviour is incredibly contextual, and the spaces children spend their time in can have a much bigger influence on behaviour and regulation than we sometimes realise. In this episode, I’m unpacking why the environment is plays a major role in our behaviour support ecosystem - and why the most useful thing we can change is often what’s happening around the child.You’ll hear:✨ How visual and auditory input can contribute to dysregulation✨ Why opportunities for movement matter - and what happens when children are constantly asked to contain their bodies✨ How spatial flow and bottlenecks can accidentally create behaviour hotspots✨ Why felt safety, relational safety and belonging shape the emotional climate of a spaceThe more we pay attention to where and when behaviour is happening, the better placed we are to notice potential mismatches and to make small, intentional changes that can make things easier for children and educators.Please note - very (very) mild coarse language in this episode.I cover the environment in much greater detail in my guide ‘The Stories of the Space’ - check it out hereDownload my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

Why can two children experience exactly the same thing... and respond completely differently?Temperament gives us a really useful window into how children experience and respond to the world around them, and understanding it can change the way we make sense of behaviour. In this episode, I’m unpacking why I think temperament is one of the closest things we have to a behaviour cheat code.You’ll hear:✨ The three broad temperament types: slow-to-warm, easygoing and spirited✨ The assumptions we can make about each (and why we need to question them)✨ Why understanding temperament gives us some pretty powerful predictive information✨ What goodness of fit means and how we can adapt our support to the child in front of usThe more we understand about the child showing us the behaviour, the better placed we are to anticipate what they might find tricky - and support them through it.I cover temperament in much greater detail in my guide 'Tuning In To Temperament' - check it out hereDownload my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

Consequences get a pretty bad rap in behaviour support. Sometimes, fairly so. They’re widely misused, often completely disconnected from learning, and becoming more and more punitive - but consequences and punishment are not the same thing.In this episode, I’m unpacking how consequences can have a place in rights-affirming behaviour support - and become powerful teaching tools - when we use them intentionally.You’ll hear:✨ Three common misconceptions about consequences and accountability✨ The difference between natural, logical and illogical consequences✨ Why consequences are only one tool in a much bigger toolkit✨ When logical consequences can actually support learning (and when they probably won’t)✨ The Five Rs Framework (from Amy McReady) for creating teachable consequencesIf you've ever felt lost with implementing effective consequences, this one’s for you. Let's start to shift our focus from whether consequences are "good" or "bad" to whether they actually help children learn.I cover consequences in much greater detail in my guide 'Consequences Done Differently' - check it out hereDownload my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

This is the final episode of The Bigger Than Behaviour Series!There’s a lot about education that feels heavy right now, and this series has made space for that heaviness - but there’s something else I think we need to talk about: the people we move through the system with.In this episode, I’m exploring the idea of finding your Marigolds - the people who help us grow, remind us who we are when things get hard, and give us somewhere safe to put the messy parts of this work.You’ll hear:✨ Why finding your people matters when you’re working within systems you can’t always change✨ Who our Marigolds are - and why we need to look out for pesky walnut trees✨ What my own experiences with both marigolds and walnut trees taught me about whose voices we allow to shape our own✨ Why I believe I wouldn’t be the teacher I am today without my marigoldsThis isn’t a conversation about surrounding ourselves with positive people and pretending the hard stuff isn’t hard. Our people can’t fix the education system, and they can’t remove every barrier or answer the questions we’re carrying.BUTThey can sit beside us in the messy middle without making us more hopeless. They can help us stay connected to our values, our voice, our hope, and the reasons we chose this work in the first place.Please note - very (very) mild coarse language in this episode.Read Find Your Marigold: The One Essential Rule for New Teachers from Jenn GonzalezDownload my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the challenges facing education right now. I've felt the heaviness, too. When the conversations are about burnout, behaviour, staffing shortages and system-wide change, it's easy to start believing that meaningful change is always somebody else's responsibility.In this episode, I sit down with Nikki - early childhood consultant, mentor and founder of NG Wellbeing Consulting - to explore what happens when we stop waiting for the perfect solution and start recognising the influence we already have.You'll hear:✨ Why "little is better than not at all" has become Nikki's guiding philosophy✨ The role curiosity plays in creating meaningful change✨ Why simple, intentional practice is often more powerful than complex strategies✨ Why leadership isn't just a job title, and that every educator has the capacity to influence change✨ The tension between wanting to do more and not knowing where to start✨ Why hope isn't found in having all the answers, but in taking the next small stepIf you've been listening to this series and feeling the weight of the challenges facing education, I hope this conversation feels like a deep breath.While none of us can change the whole system overnight, we can all be part of changing the experience children have today.Visit Nikki's website: NG Wellbeing ConsultingConnect with Nikki on LinkedInDownload my free guide packed with 90 behaviour scripts for sticky situations - When You Don't Know What to Say.Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature course - The Behaviour Reset.