37. Why Sticker Charts Stop Working

If our kids are *constantly* forgetting things when they walk out the door - like their instrument for music practice - it's tempting to think they're being lazy or absentminded. But when we look below the surface, we often find it's just a lagging skill. Their brain is still developing and they need our support (not shame) to help them grow. It's not an 'age thing' - they could be 6 or 16 and still find the same activities challenging. As parents, we need to recognise the skill deficit and lower our expectations around how they 'should' be acting. Join Heidi Rogers in this episode to learn: - Why forgetting the same thing every week comes down to capacity- Why shame and punishment work against skill development in kids- How a simple trick at the front door can support them while their brain catches up --If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child --Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

When a Spicy teen blows past curfew and sneaks friends in until 5AM, punishment feels like the answer, whether that's taking their phone or piling on more rules. None of it works the way we hope. A missed curfew is just a brain that hasn't learned to plan yet. So punishment isn't the answer. Because in the teen years, we need to be as connected to them as possible. Why? We get fired from the 'manager' role we're used to having as parents. Staying connected is how we get rehired as a 'consultant' our teen will actually listen to when they need help. Join Heidi to learn why punishment drives teens away, and how to become the adviser they trust enough to listen to. --If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child --Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

When we ask our child to carry a plate to the sink, why do they freeze, drift off, or melt down? Because the ADHD brain hates doing things with multiple steps... and one small chore is usually more complex than it looks. It's tempting to call that laziness. But most of the time our child isn't choosing, they simply can't yet. The kindest shift we can make is the story we tell ourselves: they can't, not won't. Tune in to learn: - Why calling chores family contributions changes how it feels to help- How to understand what our child's capacity really is- How to get their buy-in when it comes to chores --If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child --Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

When your teen won't leave their room because they're stuck on a device, 'gaming' starts to look like a problem. But pulling away from parents is what teens are wired to do. When it comes to gaming, it's often their brain's way of finding a safe space when it feels like the world around them is on fire. Listen to the podcast and learn: - Why hiding away after painful experiences is a survival mechanism for teens- Why 'gaming friends' count as real connection for them- How to help them without shaming --If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child --Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

When we want our kids helping more around the house, it's tempting to reach for a sticker chart.Charts and rewards do work, but only while the stickers keep coming, and the helping tends to fade once the rewards do.What we really want is for our kids to pitch in because it feels good to be part of the team, rather than because we told them to.Tune in to learn:- Why a sticker chart holds interest for a week and then fizzles- Why letting a child pick the vacuuming or the dishwasher wins their buy-in- How family meetings and matching chores to temperament build real willingness to help--If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child--Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

Why do so many ADHD and autistic girls hold it together all day, then fall apart the second they walk in the door?That's masking. They copy the social rules at school, then unravel at home, where it feels safe.So when the report card says your child is an angel at school - but they're not at home - that's a real clue.Join Heidi to learn what to look for, what to ask for, and why the right clinician changes everything.--If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child--Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

Why does shaming a kid for forgetting their jacket never teach them to remember it?Because the part of the brain that plans ahead isn't fully online until the mid-twenties A child who's cold isn't ignoring you. They genuinely couldn't picture their 'future self' needing that jacket.Tune in to learn:- Why forward planning is a skill their brain simply doesn't have yet- How shame shuts kids down instead of teaching responsibility- How to build simple reminders that guide them through the day--If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child--Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

So many of us grew up wishing our parents would just admit when they got it wrong. Heidi wrote a text message for clients in her private practice from that ache, addressing the things that kids long to hear from us. Parents have sent it to teenagers and to grown kids in their thirties and forties. It's never too late to repair. Join Heidi to discover how to make this text message your own. --If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child --Connect With HeidiYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

When a spicy kid talks back, shuts down, or explodes over something small, the school's first move is usually more consequences, more check-ins, more adults in the room. And most of the time, that's exactly the wrong thing to do. This episode breaks down why a spicy kid's nervous system reads all of that as a threat, and why standard consequences and check-in cards typically backfire. Psychotherapist Heidi Rogers walks through what helps instead. It starts with finding the one adult who makes a kid feel safe, and why connection is the only lever that reaches them.--If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child--Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking

Why are we triggered when our kids "copy bad behavior"?It has a lot to do with the stories we tell ourselves about the way they're acting.If we shift our perspective just slightly, we can reduce conflict AND build the emotional regulation muscle in our children.Here's what Heidi covers in this podcast, taken from a live Q&A call in her parenting program:• Why the stories we tell ourselves can increase conflict with our kids• The hidden reason why our bodies switch to 'fight-or-flight' when we think we're being manipulated• What our children *actually* need when it seems like they're *choosing* difficult behavior--If you find this episode helpful, please don't forget to rate and subscribe.It helps grow the channel and reach more people who need the unique tools for navigating parenthood with a strong-willed or neurodivergent child--Connect With MeYouTube: https://heidilinks.com/pod-ytFacebook: https://heidilinks.com/pod-fbInstagram: https://heidilinks.com/pod-igSpeaking events: https://heidilinks.com/pod-speaking