The Grief I Didn't Expect

Show Description:I thought my birthday would feel empowering.Instead, it marked the moment I stopped pretending I was sure.This episode was recorded in the emotional aftermath of my birthday — and the identity collapse that came with it.What I expected to be a clean turning point became something messier and more honest: the realization that the last thing I needed to shed was the thing I was actively building.In this episode, I reflect on the intention words that shaped the last two years (Transcend and Create), what it meant to move through a 12th-house year of shedding and excavation, and why stepping into a new cycle didn’t come with clarity — it came with a blank slate.I talk about burning down a business that was being built from scarcity, finally claiming myself as an artist, and choosing alignment over urgency — even when it means taking a slower, less glamorous path forward.This is a conversation about identity death, creative truth, healthy conflict, nervous system awareness, and what it really means to start a new chapter without forcing the ending.Episode Chapters00:00 — Intro00:35 — Birthday reflections & the weight of a new chapterWhy birthdays feel serious to me, and how intention-setting became a survival ritual.10:20 — Intention words, 12th-house shedding & creative survivalTranscend, Create, and the unexpected ways creativity became a form of self-regulation.22:42 — Identity collapse, sensitivity & relational truthLetting go of who I thought I was, confronting emotional patterns, and learning to trust connection instead of fearing it.34:15 — Burning down the wrong business & choosing the artist pathWhy I stopped building a service-based identity, reclaimed my creative work, and decided to protect what matters most.🔗 Links & Resources MentionedThe Mirror — Astrology & Human Design Interpretation ToolCreated by Kessli Hall👉 Affiliate link: The MirrorAstro-Seek — Free astrology charts & Solar Return charts👉 https://www.astro-seek.com/solar-return-chartAstrology with Alice Podcast — (Referenced for Solar Return insights)👉Astrology with Alice PodcastThis episode is about choosing alignment over optics, truth over urgency, and creative integrity over survival mode.If you’re standing at the edge of a new chapter — especially one that doesn’t look the way you thought it would — this one is for you.

A Life Update: Quitting My Job, Navigating Loss, and Sitting in the In-BetweenThis episode is a real-time look at the messy middle — the space between what ended and what hasn’t yet begun. I’m sharing a transparent update on quitting my corporate job, navigating fresh grief, and sitting in a season that feels equal parts freeing, confusing, heavy, and strangely hopeful.If you’re someone who’s ever stepped out of something before the next thing was fully formed… or if grief has ever reshaped your plans without asking permission… this one will feel familiar.We get into:• Why I finally left the job I’d been wanting to quit for years• How living as a Projector makes traditional work structures nearly impossible• The tension between trusting the universe and being furious with it• What a 12th house year + Capricorn season is surfacing• Duality, relational mirrors, and the emotional backlog that catches up when life gets quiet• Rest cycles, seasonality, and why I’m not pushing content right now• The creative work I am planning (podcast foundations + writing my novel)This episode isn’t polished. It’s human, tired, and honest. A snapshot of the in-between — the part most people skip when they tell their story.LINKS & RESOURCESFind me here:Instagram → @hollyfaye_YouTube (video version of the show) → @hollyfaye_Spotify → Taboo TransmissionApple Podcasts → Taboo TransmissionMentioned in this episode:Kessli HallInstagram → @Kessli.HallBusiness in Retrograde - the podcast episode where Kessli breaks down her method for aligning her schedule with her birth chart. The episode covers astrological business season cycling and contains the link to her free resource: Astrological Business Cycling Freebie for mapping out your own.Attic Sloths – Show Music ProducersInstagram → @atticslothsYouTube → Attic SlothsSpotify → Attic Sloths

In this episode of Taboo Transmission, I’m diving into what it really means to recognize and trust the signs that show up in our lives — especially when they don’t make logical sense. I share some personal moments where guidance came through in quiet, ordinary ways… and others that broke through in the middle of a full-blown spiral. We’ll explore the difference between being grounded enough to discern truth versus needing to be perfectly regulated to receive it, and how the body often speaks before the mind catches up. This isn’t a conversation about magical thinking — it’s about tracking real patterns, listening when something deeper is speaking, and learning how your system says “this matters.” Chapters00:00 Introduction to Signs and Intuition02:34 The Challenge of Trusting Signs04:50 Personal Experiences with Signs07:39 How Signs Manifest in Everyday Life10:21 The Role of Music and Numbers in Signs12:24 Significant Moments and Validation14:47 Understanding the Subtlety of Signs17:35 The Importance of Being Grounded20:22 Interpreting Signs and Personal Feelings22:49 The Journey of Recognizing Signs25:05 Closing Thoughts and Future Engagements38:05 Outro Video.mp4Keywordssigns, intuition, spirituality, personal experiences, grounding, emotional regulation, trust, validation, twin flames, podcast💌 Connect Instagram: @hollyfaye_YouTube: @hollyfaye_Spotify: Taboo Transmission Podcast🎧 Credits Original intro music by Attic Sloths thank you for the sound that sets this space.

Keywordsspiritual awakening, personal growth, self-discovery, podcast, faith, beliefs, mental health, emotional healing, spirituality, inner peaceSummaryIn this episode of the Taboo Transmission Podcast, host Holly Faye discusses her journey of spiritual awakening, the fears of being misunderstood, and the backlash she faced when sharing her beliefs. She explores her experiences with hearing voices, personal growth, and the challenges of navigating organized religion. Holly emphasizes the importance of creating a space for exploration and invites listeners to join her in questioning and discussing their own beliefs and experiences.TakeawaysHolly shares her fear of being misunderstood and offending others. She reflects on her spiritual awakening experience and its impact on her beliefs. The backlash from sharing her spiritual experiences surprised her. Holly discusses the voices she began to hear after her awakening. She emphasizes personal growth and accountability as key outcomes of her experiences. Holly expresses her discomfort with organized religion and its limitations. She explores the concept of hell and its personal significance. The podcast aims to create a space for exploration and open dialogue. Holly acknowledges her fear of being seen and judged in sharing her story. She invites listeners to join the conversation about faith, doubt, and spirituality.TitlesNavigating Spiritual AwakeningFacing the Fear of MisunderstandingSound Bites"I was afraid to be misunderstood." "I was afraid to be seen." "You belong in this conversation."Chapters00:00 Introduction and Setup Changes 02:02 Fear of Offending and Misunderstanding 04:17 Spiritual Awakening vs. Spiritual Attack 10:28 The Defining Moment of Awakening 12:06 Backlash from Sharing Spiritual Experiences 15:12 Hearing Voices and Psychic Abilities 21:35 Personal Growth and Accountability 24:32 Exploring Beliefs and Organized Religion 30:16 Self-Doubt and Inner Hell 34:27 Creating a Space for Exploration 37:06 Conclusion and Invitation to the Audience 37:54 Outro Video.mp4💌 ConnectInstagram: @hollyfaye_YouTube: @hollyfaye_Spotify: Taboo Transmission🎧 CreditsOriginal intro music by Attic Sloths – thank you for the sound that sets this space.

In this second episode of Taboo Transmission, I share the grief I never saw coming.This story traces the day everything changed — the unexpected loss of someone I hadn’t spoken to in over a decade, the unraveling that followed, and the deeper truth I discovered underneath the pain. This episode explores:The energetic rupture I felt before I even knew what happenedGuilt, estrangement, and the grief that doesn’t follow logicHow I came to realize the deeper connection we shared — and the journey it beganIf you've ever questioned why a loss hit harder than it should have — or felt grief that didn’t make sense on paper — this episode might speak to something you’ve never said out loud.💌 ConnectFollow along on Instagram: @hollyfaye_🎧 CreditsOriginal intro music by Attic Sloths – thank you for the sound that sets this space.

In this debut episode of Taboo Transmission, I pull back the curtain on why this podcast exists.You’ll hear the unfiltered voice memo I recorded on July 2nd: the birthday of someone very important to me who passed away. I didn’t plan to launch with this. But I knew in my bones it had to be the beginning. This episode explores:The soul-pull to speak what's been buriedWhat it means to honor a transmission you’re not sure the world is ready forHow grief, love, and identity collapse into one decision to be seenIf you’ve ever carried a truth too sacred to share — or feared what might happen if you finally said it — this one’s for you.💌 ConnectFollow along on Instagram: @hollyfaye_🎧 CreditsOriginal intro music by Attic Sloths – thank you for the sound that sets this space.