Permission for No Payoff

Are we really in control of our lives, or are we just eight and a half billion people making decisions and stumbling through each other's stories?Bad luck, our choices, other's choices, unintended consequences, and the illusion that each of us is the main character of everything that is happening.From car accidents and missed opportunities to traffic jams, parenting, and a simple piece of furniture, I explore how our choices affect other people, how their choices affect us, and why even the best intentions don't guarantee good outcomes.No grand revelations. No promises that everything happens for a reason. Just one guy trying to make sense of how interconnected we really are.Don't yell so much. Shit happens.

What did you want to be when you grew up? What life did you imagine? And it turned out exactly like that right? What did you think being a grown up would feel like? Money, trips, fast cars, and big houses? How about lonely? Anxious? Stressful? Hell, even scary as times?Does the dream of a 7- or 18-year-old still hold weight over the life of a 41-year-old man? Ehhh, maybe more than I realized... Maybe the problem isn't that I'm not living the dream I thought of as a child, maybe the problem is I'm still asleep. Instead of forcing my life into the blueprint a kid made, it's time for Allan to live the life that is right in front of him.So, wake up and join me as we navigate little Allan's dream life 35 years later.

I ain't afraid of no ghost.Pity Party for One is about being sad without running from it or building a home inside it. I talk about my tendency to move on to quickly through distractions like booze and sex or hang around too long and make phantoms to haunt me. Maybe the answer isn't "move on" but sometimes it's just to feel some shit for a while and miss what you miss and keep moving anyway. Shit can suck and still be ok.

This episode is about what happens when you do all the work, check all the boxes, and life doesn't give you the payoff you think you earned. I lost confidence. I forgot my own process. And then I shamed myself through that into doing nothing. Well, I am giving myself permission for things not to work out. Maybe the work doesn't earn me anything, it just helps me live my life.

When life takes our "center" and we change it away from ourselves, what do we feel in that moment? Why did it happen? How do we fix it? I don't know either. Let's figure it out together.

New episode after a long hiatus. Today, Allan tries to figure out energy. How he feels, how you feel, and how we can change all that for the better. Is energy just what we burned to get through life, or is energy what determines what kind of life we have? Join me.

Have you ever been so self-aware you aren't aware of how your awareness is impacting your daily life? Well I have and I am. I'm so aware of my over awareness that I alerted myself to be aware of this awareness problem and tackle it head on with awareness. Overthinking? Check. Superpower ran amuck? Check. Stilltalk episode diving into this idea? Check. Join me.

Allan reflects on the ongoing journey of control, self-awareness, and acceptance. He shares personal insights on the non-existence of a finish line in self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of response over control and the joy of the journey.

Exploring the seven deadly sins as metaphors for common personal and professional pitfalls, focusing on pride, and how they impact our peace and growth. Malcolm and Allan share insights, personal stories, and practical advice on recognizing and overcoming these 'fuck ups'.

Join us for the conclusion of Macolm and Allan's dive into Triggers. Can they be solved? Can we be better? Or is everyone else the problem?