On Co-Topping, with SugarAndPoison

This podcast has been such an interesting and fun journey! Thank you to everyone who has joined me on this adventure!I'm taking an indefinite hiatus to focus on my writing, but there's a good chance I'll be back once my current projects are complete. Maybe I'll podcast again as SlutPhD, or maybe I'll spin off into a different podcast. Regardless, I'll post another episode to SlutPhD so you can find whatever I'm doing next, so follow this podcast and my blog to keep up with me!One of the big questions facing the future of the podcast is financial sustainability. Monetizing a podcast isn't very straightforward, and, like so many other folks, I am severely underemployed right now. If I can get enough donations over the next 3-4 months to make it look plausible to continue podcasting, I'll be happy to continue! If you'd like to discuss potential sponsorship, please reach out to me at [email protected]!If you've enjoyed this podcast, please *buy me a coffee"!

In this episode, Julie talks with Allison Whaley, the founder of a new website for curated "smut," Bothered Stories. Allison talks about how enjoying erotica and romance can empower women and defy patriarchal conventions while also explaining how she came to want to cultivate a space for high quality erotic writing. Julie talks about some elements that she often sees neglected in romantic writing, and how her novel Lit Erotique tries to address those gaps and the tension between romantic/sexual realities and fiction. Julie has two stories that you can now read at Bothered Stories!Note: if you're someone in the publishing industry interested in Julie's novel, she is seeking an agent/publisher. Check her linkedin profile for the best email address to contact her.Mentioned in this episode:Reading the RomanceDangerous Books for GirlsRadical Queer WitchesNina LeCourDavid LevithanKushiel's Dart and its sexy sexy spinoff series starting with Naamah's KissChasing AmyName of the WindBlack Jewels and its sexy sexy postquel Dreams Made FleshMany Waters

Trigger warnings: vague discussion of sexual assault and sexual harassmentHaving gotten therapy from Jasmine in Part 1, in Part 2 Julie interviews Jasmine about her experiences with the adult industry. Jasmine talks about how much more positive her experiences have been, and the two of them celebrate the representation of sluts on and off screen. While being honest about some of the challenges sex workers like her face, Jasmine talks frankly about how different the industry has become and how welcome she has felt there.If you've been enjoying this podcast, please consider contributing to it!--buymeacoffee.com/slutphdMentioned in this episode:https://jasminesherni.comHolly Randall Unfiltered https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/holly-randall-unfiltered/id1260471553Last Days of August https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-last-days-of-august/id1258779354The Butterfly Effect https://www.audible.com/podcast/The-Butterfly-Effect/

Trigger warnings: discussion of sexual assault, sexual harassment, suicide and mental healthIn this episode, Julie talks with the amazing rising adult industry star Jasmine Sherni, discussing her (Julie's) conflicted feelings about the in-depth research she conducted on the industry in 2019. Julie says she's coming to Jasmine for "therapy," because she knows the industry has changed a lot for the better since then, and that Jasmine's presence in it is partly indicative of that positive change. (Apologies that it's a little hard to hear Jasmine in the first few minutes of this episode--it does get better!)Note for Jasmine's many fans: she talks a lot more in the upcoming second part of this episode!Referenced in this episode:https://jasminesherni.comHolly Randall Unfiltered https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/holly-randall-unfiltered/id1260471553Last Days of August https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-last-days-of-august/id1258779354The Butterfly Effect https://www.audible.com/podcast/The-Butterfly-Effect/

One of the most common questions people ask me is "how do you go to so many kink conventions without getting completely exhausted?" And my answer is always: it's definitely not a talent, it's a very carefully honed skill. In this episode, I share the tips and tricks I've developed over the years to not "drop" after events--meaning not experience post-event exhaustion/depression/withdrawal, as well as how to effectively manage my time and energy at events. When I started out, I made plenty of mistakes, and I've had a lot of time and many opportunities to try to learn from those mistakes. Hopefully, these tips help you too!

Picking up the conversation from where we left off in Part 1, Part 2 examines certain challenges in cohabiting poly, kinky life, and then concludes by focusing more intentionally on problem-solving tactics that Julie, ElsieXO, and Jordan have successfully implemented in their relationships. The trio considers various communication strategies that can facilitate easy sexual communication without necessarily having to have Long Hard Conversations, as well as the way jealousy can both be a positive and a negative influence on sex in long-term relationships.Mating in Captivity

TO BE CONTINUED (this episode cuts off in the middle of a conversation)In Part 1 of this two-part episode, Julie chats with her peeps ElsieXO and Jordan to try to uncover the secrets of keeping sex and kink alive in long-term cohabiting poly relationships. All kinky, poly, queer women married to cis men for years, they discuss some of many challenges they have faced in keeping their long-term relationships sexy. While there are obviously many ways to promote and share different kinds of intimacy in relationships, this episode targets everyone who's ever asked: "but what do I do to keep things hot and spicy when the spice level was already so damned high?" In this episode, we coin terms like "sex inertia" and describe some of the factors that can affect the ebb and flow of sex and kink connectivity in long-term cohabiting relationships. We will continue the conversation in part 2, with greater focus on solutions.

Trigger warnings: mental health, eating disordersIn this episode, Julie tackles a subject few have been brave enough to ask: what's the real difference between BDSM and non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI, self-harm, "cutting," etc.)? Especially to outsider observers, BDSM and NSSI can look incredibly similar. Being a lifelong masochist who has never really engaged in serious NSSI, Julie found two volunteers (Cait and Siren) who were incredibly open about their experiences with BDSM and NSSI and the complex potential overlap between the two. At root, the difference mostly seems to come down to BDSM's association with sociability, connectedness, and joy, whil NSSI is associated with isolation, feelings of self-hatred, and shame.As a sociologist, Julie also challenges some of the heavy stigma that NSSI faces, arguing that many activities society perceives as very positive (from running to drinking alcohol to ballet) can potentially have much more negative consequences than NSSI. She also points out that in general, pain does seem to often help humans process emotions, and the social understanding of both NSSI and BDSM probably needs to do a better job of incorporating that reality.Huge thanks to Cait and Siren for being willing to share so much of themselves in this episode!Referenced in this episode:Secretary (2002) Ginny & Georgia (2021-)

In this episode, Julie and her sub Artifiction discuss some of the challenges of moving from Dominant/submissive desires to actually translating those desires to relationships that can be manifested in the real world. They discuss D/s as an abstraction as well as some of its practical realities. Along the way, they talk about major obstacles in this process of creating these relationships, as well as how they began to create the dynamic that they both wanted.(When recording the episode, Julie promised to look up the answer to the question, "do men quit their jobs more than women?" The answer turns out to be, "alas, the question is too complicated to answer effectively.")Photo credit RainImagery

In this episode, Julie and her co-top SugarAndPoison break down some the pleasures and cautionary tales of co-topping. While recounting some of their favorite scenes together, they discuss things to be on the lookout for--in both good ways and bad--when plotting and planning co-topping scenes. They discuss the co-topping elements of everything from two-person rigged rope scenes to cuckolding scenes, and discuss how to get the most out of them.