211 – "They Would Track Me": Why I Had to Run Away at 21 and Leave a Note on the Basement Door

This episode features the story of Darby, a 32-year-old former Jehovah's Witness, detailing a life shaped by generational indoctrination, intense familial and organizational control, and the profound personal and emotional consequences of leaving the faith. Born into a multi-generational Witness family, Darby's entire worldview was dictated by the organization's teachings. The narrative traces a path from a childhood marked by performance-based spirituality and corporal punishment to a young adulthood of pioneering under parental pressure. Key catalysts for Darby's departure include a fundamental inability to reconcile the doctrine of mass destruction at Armageddon with empathy for non-Witness peers, the realization of widespread hypocrisy within the congregation, and the immense conflict between the organization's homophobic stance and Darby's own sexual identity. A traumatic experience involving the cold, detached reaction of the congregation to a close friend's death served as a final breaking point. At age 21, Darby executed a planned escape, leaving home abruptly to avoid parental interference. This led to being disfellowshipped and subsequently shunned for a decade. The testimony concludes with an overview of Darby's current life, which includes marriage, homeownership, the exploration of personal identity through gender transition, and reconnection with another shunned family member, illustrating a journey toward authenticity and freedom despite the lasting trauma of the experience. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. The songs that Darby chose to represent their story are Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins and Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

This episode is the personal testimony of Micah, a 42-year-old former Jehovah's Witness, detailing his life within the organization, his subsequent departure, and his journey toward recovery and self-redefinition. Born into the religion to parents with significant personal trauma, Micah's childhood was defined by a "constant white knuckle paralytic terror" of Armageddon. His life was marked by a series of compounding traumas, including the death of his father at age 13, a profound lack of emotional support from his family and congregation, and severe mental health struggles leading to multiple suicide attempts. Micah's narrative illustrates a cyclical pattern of rejection, self-destructive behavior, and attempts to conform to the group's expectations, resulting in two instances of being disfellowshipped. He describes feeling like a "non-entity," with his authentic self—expressed through writing, art, and comedy—consistently suppressed. The breaking point came during the COVID-19 pandemic, which, coupled with escalating substance abuse and a final confrontation with an elder, led to his arrest, incarceration, and subsequent homelessness. His recovery began in a halfway house where he identified the recovery program, Alcoholics Anonymous, as another high-control group with cult-like tactics. This realization prompted a period of intense deconstruction, where he researched cult dynamics and logical fallacies, leading to the definitive conclusion that he was raised in a cult. By reclaiming his identity through his lifelong passion for writing, Micah published a series of books, starting with his memoir Mentally Diseased. This creative process was the catalyst for rebuilding his life, paying off debt, establishing a new community, and finding a sense of empowerment. His story is a powerful account of the damaging effects of high-control groups and the potential for profound personal transformation through authentic self-expression. Find Micah's books and more at his website https://www.micahallenlosh.com/ Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

I was very fortunate to be able to travel and record an episode of Jubilee along with other ExJWs and Ex-Scientologists as we discussed our lives and the groups we came from. Their YouTube channel was kind enough to give us a platform on which to share. I took not just my own experiences, but all of the stories I've heard through the Shunned Podcast here, and everyone that I've been fortunate to work with in my cult recovery coaching practice. There's so much to talk about, so much to share, so much that we can learn from one another. I'm grateful for the opportunity and encouraging you to go participate by watching and liking and commenting on their channel for this episode. You can find the episode of Jubilee here:  https://youtu.be/592sOIePWpc?si=kyAEteMN4kd4itm2 Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Struggling with perfectionism, building a social network, codependency, or feeling like you're not enough? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a Cult Recovery Coach. I work with many ex-JWs, along with ex-other groups, and your average person that has never been in a cult that wants better things in their life. Find out more here: https://storyworkscoaching.com I also have an ExJW specific site here: https://exjwhelp.com Please consider supporting the show's Patreon if you appreciate the time that goes into producing these stories, and get yourself some exclusive bonuses, at: https://www.patreon.com/shunned Show notes and information on how to be a guest or find other resources for the podcast can be found here: https://shunnedpodcast.com/episodes/ Read my free online book, based on my original podcast This JW Life (still available on podcast apps), called Becoming Jehovah (in English and Spanish) at: https://becomingjehovah.com/ An ExJW podcast and an ExJW YouTube channel #exjw #jehovahswitnesses #cult  

In this episode, Ezzi details the intense familial and organizational pressure that led to her baptism at age 15, despite her not feeling ready or understanding the doctrine. A significant portion of the conversation addresses the abuse and dysfunctional family dynamics she endured, including physical abuse from her mother and the coercive environment within the organization that affected both her mother and herself. We closely examine the traumatic process of being disfellowshipped (shunned) and the detrimental effects this had on Ezzi's relationships and mental health, highlighting the narcissistic and controlling nature often present in JW culture and relationships. Ultimately, Ezzi discusses her deconstruction journey and the increased freedom, happiness, and healthy relationships she has found after leaving the faith. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. The songs chosen by Ezzi to represent her journey are Pushing Daisies by Belmont, Fighting Myself by Linkin Park, and Heroes Get Remembered by Four Year Strong. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

In this episode we meet Lori, a 68-year-old woman who spent her formative years as a member of Jehovah's Witnesses. Her family was converted when she was five, immediately thrusting her into a high-control environment that abruptly ended a normal childhood. From the outset, Lori harbored an innate skepticism towards the group's doctrines, which manifested as a lifelong, escalating resistance to its demands. Her narrative details significant psychological and emotional abuse, including a cold and detached home life, constant threats of divine annihilation (Armageddon), and severe punishments for non-compliance. Faced with an ultimatum at age 18, Lori strategically executed a pre-planned departure, an event she describes as a profound liberation. The subsequent decades involved a difficult but ultimately successful journey of recovery, overcoming relationship challenges, severe health crises, and periods of deep despair to build a life defined by freedom, authentic connection, and the breaking of a multi-generational cycle of family trauma. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

Rather than a new episode this week of the Shunned Podcast, you can find me being interviewed by the one and only Chris Shelton over on the Speaking Of Cults podcast/channel at the link below: https://youtu.be/LqN4lP1e7Ms?si=Q3TrlOkcUpzMspf1 Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Struggling with perfectionism, building a social network, codependency, or feeling like you're not enough? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a Cult Recovery Coach. I work with many ex-JWs, along with ex-other groups, and your average person that has never been in a cult that wants better things in their life. Find out more here: https://storyworkscoaching.com I also have an ExJW specific site here: https://exjwhelp.com Please consider supporting the show's Patreon if you appreciate the time that goes into producing these stories, and get yourself some exclusive bonuses, at: https://www.patreon.com/shunned Show notes and information on how to be a guest or find other resources for the podcast can be found here: https://shunnedpodcast.com/episodes/ Read my free online book, based on my original podcast This JW Life (still available on podcast apps), called Becoming Jehovah (in English and Spanish) at: https://becomingjehovah.com/ An ExJW podcast and an ExJW YouTube channel #exjw #jehovahswitnesses #cult

Today we meet Jake, a 26-year-old former Jehovah's Witness. Jake discusses his upbringing in the religion, being a fourth-generation member on his mother's side and third-generation on his father's side, and the pressure to conform. He shares his experiences with a limited worldview, internal conflict about "worldly" people, and the impact of his father's alcoholism and abuse on his family life, leading to his own depression. The conversation covers his eventual "waking up" to the organization's flaws, the realization and acceptance of his identity as a gay man, and the subsequent shunning by his family and the organization. Finally, Jake talks about his journey of healing, self-discovery, and pursuit of education and future political aspirations after leaving the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

In this episode you'll meet Vicki as she shares her deeply personal experiences growing up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and the profound impact it had on her life. Vicki recounts how her mother's fervent dedication to the faith led to Vicki's childhood being manipulated and controlled, including being hidden from her biological father and enduring physical and sexual abuse within the home, which was covered up by the organization. The narrative highlights the damaging effects of shunning and the difficult journey of deprogramming and finding her own path to healing, eventually leading to a reconciliation with her father and the creation of her own supportive "chosen family." Vicki's story provides a raw and deeply personal account of growing up within the Jehovah's Witness organization, experiencing severe abuse, and the long, difficult path to recovery and self-discovery. Her narrative highlights the profound impact of cult involvement on individuals and families, particularly concerning child custody, abuse cover-ups, and the psychological effects of shunning and indoctrination. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. The song that Vicki chose to represent her story is Bad For Me by Meghan Trainor and Teddy Swims You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

In this episode Dennise recounts her upbringing with a strong-willed mother who rigorously enforced cult doctrines, leading to a childhood filled with anxiety, emotional, and physical abuse. She details her early disbelief in the dogma, her forced baptism and pioneering, and the isolating effects of her family's strict adherence. She also explores her disfellowshipping after seeking freedom in another state, a subsequent brain tumor during pregnancy, and her parents' attempt to deny her life-saving blood transfusions due to religious beliefs. Ultimately, Dennise shares her journey to healing and finding happiness after leaving Jehovah's Witnesses and relocating, highlighting the lasting psychological impacts but also the joy of authenticity and forming healthy relationships. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel

This episode explores Dianna's life, starting with her family's unconventional path into the faith, with her grandmother and later her mother and siblings becoming baptized, though her parents initially struggled with aspects like smoking. Dianna describes her own baptism at age 15, feeling it was the expected next step rather than a deep connection. She discusses her social life, including friendships within the Kingdom Hall and at public school, and her experience with pioneering. The interview details her marriage to a fellow Witness, his appointment as an elder, and the eventual downfall of their marriage due to his inappropriate relationship with another woman in the congregation, culminating in a tragic event involving the other woman's husband. Finally, Dianna reflects on being disfellowshipped, reinstated, and ultimately drifting away, finding freedom and joy in her life outside the organization, particularly through motherhood and embracing her open-mindedness. Dianna's story is a compelling account of the impact of a high-control religious environment on an individual's life. It highlights the themes of familial and social pressure, the superficiality of relationships within the organization, the detrimental effects of judgmentalism and control, and the challenges and joys of breaking free and finding personal identity and genuine connection in the outside world. Her experiences with shunning, the tragic events surrounding her divorce, and her journey of waking up and embracing a more open-minded and accepting perspective provide valuable insights into the realities of leaving a cult. Support the show and get bonuses as well by donating to the cause on our Patreon page, Patreon.com/shunned Are you struggling in some area of life? Feeling stuck? Need an accountability partner or some encouragement? Need to talk to someone that understands cult life? Reach out and let's talk. I have affordable programs to help as a certified life coach with a focus on cult recovery. Click HERE for more information. Want more resources? Go to my other website exjwHelp.com Leave us a review on iTunes Find shunned podcast on Youtube, including new VIDcasts here. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. You can listen to the Shunned Podcast Spotify playlist here for all of the songs chosen by guests of the show. This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah's Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment. Read my FREE online book, based on This JW Life, called Becoming Jehovah, in both English and Spanish by clicking here An ExJW podcast and ExJW YouTube Channel