375. Are You Codependent or Just a Good Person? Here’s How to Tell

Do you ever feel like life is just constantly happening to you? Like, no matter how hard you try, you end up right back in that same exhausting place, feeling small, stuck, powerless, and like you're always the one getting the short end of the stick? If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "Why does this always happen to me?" or "Why are people always treating me this way?", you're in exactly the right place. Today I'm going to answer that question. Why you feel like a victim and why you feel powerless, where it comes from, and most importantly, what you can actually do to change it. We're going to get into the neuroscience, of course the childhood piece, and I'm going to give you concrete tools you can use starting today.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-always-feel-powerless-and-like-a-victim  Take the self-assessment: Am I Playing the Victim? https://abbymedcalf.com/playing-victimJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re a caring person. You show up. You give. You’d do just about anything for the people you love. So when someone suggests you might be codependent, it stings because, from where you’re standing, you’re just being a good person. But what if both things are true? Today I’m going to show you the difference between true compassion and fear-based helping, the sneakiest place codependency actually hides, four questions to tell which one you’re doing in real time, and five things to do the moment you catch yourself crossing that line.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-caring-people-are-often-codependent Download The Compassion Check. It’s a quick self-quiz that helps you see in real time whether you’re giving from love or from fear: https://abbymedcalf.com/compassion-checkJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know that feeling. You’re going about your day and, out of nowhere, they’re in your head again. You replay a conversation from three weeks ago. You check your phone even though you know you didn’t hear it buzz. You catch yourself spinning out a whole imaginary future and then, when they actually do text, the rush is so intense it’s almost physical. But when they go quiet? Or when you can’t tell how they feel about you? The whole thing somehow gets even more intense. Most people call that falling in love. But what if it isn’t?Today we’re talking about limerence: what it actually is, how it’s different from love, how to know if you’re in it, and what to do if you are. Whether you’re single, partnered, or in a relationship and suddenly consumed by someone who isn’t your partner, this episode will give you the language and the clarity you’ve been missing.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/limerence-vs-love   Get the download: Am I in Limerence or Love? A Clarity Checklist: https://abbymedcalf.com/limerance-checklistJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if I told you that the most powerful thing you could do for your financial life has nothing to do with working harder, hustling more, or grinding until something breaks? What if the real shift is an inside job? Today, we're going to talk about the science and, yes, the spirit behind creating more money with less effort. And I promise you, by the end, whether you're a hard-nosed data person or someone who keeps crystals on your desk, there’s going to be something today to make you think differently about how to create more wealth in your life.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-make-more-money-without-working-moreGet the free download: What's Really Driving Your Relationship with Money? https://abbymedcalf.com/money-relationshipJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you've been on TikTok lately, you've probably seen "bed rotting," people staying in bed all day, calling it self-care and radical rest. Gen Z is embracing it as a way to recover from burnout (and I’m finding it’s not just Gen Z’s who are doing this). But here's what's actually happening: your nervous system has gone into shutdown mode. Today we're talking about the difference between genuine rest and nervous system shutdown, why your body sometimes chooses immobilization over action, and what to do when you literally can't get yourself out of bed. You'll learn the science behind shutdown, how to tell if you're resting or avoiding, and practical tools to gently reactivate when you're stuck. Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/bed-rotting-isnt-self-care Download my free guide on nervous system regulation: https://abbymedcalf.com/nervous-system-check Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever noticed how your partner's bad mood can completely derail your day? Or how when your sister calls upset, suddenly your heart is racing even though nothing's wrong in your life? Maybe you walk into the office and instantly feel tense because your coworker is stressed, or you leave a phone call with your mom feeling drained and anxious for hours afterward.What's happening isn't a character flaw or a sign that you're "too sensitive." It's called co-regulation, and it's one of the most powerful forces in all your relationships. The problem? Most of us are doing it unconsciously, using patterns we learned as babies that no longer serve us.Today, you're going to learn exactly how co-regulation works in your brain and body, why your childhood experiences are still running the show in all your relationships, and most importantly, three practical skills you can use right now to stop the cycle of mutual dysregulation. By the end of this episode, you'll understand why you can't think your way out of emotional reactivity, and what to do instead.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-is-co-regulationDownload The Co-Regulation Quick Start Guide: 5 Tools to Calm Your Nervous System in Any Relationship: https://abbymedcalf.com/co-regulation-guideJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Deciding whether to have kids isn’t just a practical decision. It’s one of the few choices in life that can feel irreversible, identity-shaping, and loaded with expectations you never asked for. Maybe part of you imagines a future with children and feels something warm and meaningful. And another part of you imagines the same future and feels panic, grief, or a quiet sense of “I’m not sure this is for me.” In this episode, I’m breaking down what the research actually says about parenthood, happiness, and meaning, why this decision feels so emotionally charged, and the five questions that genuinely help you figure out what you want, not what you’re supposed to want. If you’ve ever felt stuck between fear, pressure, and honesty about your own life, this episode is for you.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-decide-whether-to-have-kids   Download The Kids Decision Snapshot. It will help you start to think this through in a grounded way without pushing you toward any answer: https://abbymedcalf.com/kids-decision-snapshot Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop Say hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you love someone who shuts down, pulls away, or goes emotionally quiet when things get close, this episode is for you. You might feel confused, lonely, or like you’re constantly guessing where you stand. Today, you’ll learn why people are avoidantly attached, why pursuing closeness backfires, and how to love an avoidant partner without chasing, over-explaining, or disappearing yourself.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/avoidant-attachment-in-relationships Get the Scripts! Loving an Avoidant Partner: 10 Things to Say and Not Say When They Pull Away. This guide gives you clear scripts, common traps, and repair language so you can show up grounded, direct, and self-respecting: https://abbymedcalf.com/avoidant-partner-scripts Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop Say hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you love someone who needs a lot of reassurance, clarity, or emotional check-ins, this episode is for you. Today you’ll learn what anxious attachment is actually responding to, why reassurance doesn’t work long-term, and how to love an anxious partner in a way that creates real safety without losing yourself in the process.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-to-love-an-anxiously-attached-partnerDownload Loving an Anxious Partner: 10 Things to Say (and Not Say) When Anxiety Shows Up: https://abbymedcalf.com/anxious-partner-scriptsJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/ 👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shopA great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shopSay hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’ve ever been in a romantic relationship where one of you keeps reaching for closeness while the other pulls away just when things feel important, this episode is for you. If part of you feels like you’re always chasing connection, or part of you feels like too much closeness makes you want to escape, you’re not broken. You’re likely in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. Anxious and avoidant partners don’t randomly fall in love. This pairing is common for very specific psychological and nervous system reasons. Today I want to help you understand that pattern so you can stop personalizing what’s happening and start seeing it clearly. This is Part One of a three-part series. Today is about naming the dynamic. The next two episodes will focus on how to love an anxious partner and how to love an avoidant partner without losing yourself.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/anxious-avoidant-relationships Download Where Are You in the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle Right Now? It’s a quick self-assessment to help you understand how you’re showing up in your relationship when things get hard: https://abbymedcalf.com/anxious-avoidant-cycle-assessment Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack. You'll get...✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby_________ Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week! https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/  👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Easy and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries 👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook 👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book ____________________________Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes. Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop Say hello on social:Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthrivingLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthrivingYouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.