EP 195: Self Regulation Doesn't Exist (2nd Edition)

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?In this episode you’ll learn:How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources mentioned in this podcast:Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresourcesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.In this episode you’ll learn:An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner worldStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's environmentStrategies for creating felt safety in the relationshipResources mentioned in this podcast:When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseriesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.In this episode you’ll learn:That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the bodyChanging the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety isThe diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatmentResources mentioned in this podcast:Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthereWhen Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}Connection or Protection {Ep 7}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges.Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change.But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety.In this episode, you’ll learnHow all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobThe most effective path to take if you want to see behavior changeRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/allbehaviormakessenseFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

It’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not.The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questionsIn this episode, you’ll learnWhat The Club even is and why it’s different than other parenting communitiesWhat’s included in your Club membership (so much!)How easy it is to access and participate in The ClubHow easy it is to step away from The Club whenever you’re readyRead the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whatsintheclubFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere. You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever. You might even be frustrated with yourself that you let yourself ‘relax.’All of these experiences are completely normal for folks who love someone with a chronic condition that occasionally flares- which is what a vulnerable nervous system is.In this episode, you’ll learnThe whiplash and why we feel itWhy our kids seem to attack outta no whereWhy these moments feel like everything is as worse as ever- but it probably isn’tWhy it’s GOOD we can finally rest, even if it does leave us feeling unprotected and whiplashedRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/whiplashFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

If self-regulation doesn't really exist- then what do we mean when we talk about self-regulation? And why does it matter?In this episode, you’ll learnWhat self-regulation REALLY isHow “self” regulation developWhy you should still teach self-regulation skillsResources mentioned in this podcast:What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist!!! (ep 43)Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/selfregulationFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

We could never have too many ideas about how to cultivate connections between home and school. Author of Light Up the Learning Brain (and Riley the Brave) Jessica Sinarski shares practical ideas that can help parents and schools work together to support kids with vulnerable nervous systems.In this episode, you’ll learnPractical, easy-to-implement strategies to create connections between parents and teachersWhy regulation is foundational for learningWhere to find resources that support educators in creating a culture of compassionResources mentioned in this podcast:Light Up the Learning BrainSupporting Kids Who Struggle with Change www.BraveBrains.comFree ResourcesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/improvingconnectionsFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems is practically synonymous with “controlling.” Our kids are controlling and for most of us, if we were honest, we’d notice that the stress of parenting is causing us to get controlling, too.Why?In this episode, you’ll learnWhy protection mode almost always leads to an increase in controlling behaviorHow controlling behavior is an attempt to find safety and connectionTips on how to offer co-regulation to a child who is attempting to control youResources mentioned in this podcast:Connection or Protection??? {EP 7}Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation {EP 82}Stress Response System {EP 94}Exploring Low-Demand Parenting: Shift Power Dynamics and Nurturing Trust {EP 142}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/controllingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of- “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?”Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode.Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling!In this episode, you’ll learnThe difference between co-regulation and coddlingWhy asking this question helps us understand some of our fearsWhat trust has to do with co-regulationResources mentioned in this podcast:Self-Regulation Doesn't Exist!!What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/coddlingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book*** :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources