Ep 419 - Nicole (Modern Anarchy)

Jacob and Josh are both from Puerto Rico and met about 17 years ago while working together on a film project and began dating… Sort of. As you’ll hear, they’ve spent a lot of their relationship exploring the grey zones of relationships. Their own relationship started out a bit ambiguously and their explorations with others often fell in the blurry area between friends, hookups, and boyfriends. We absolutely love how Josh and Jacob share their journey together with us in such an honest and vulnerable way. They’re not here to pretend like everything they’ve done is perfect but rather they dig into the messy humanness of figuring out love and relationships as life swirled around them. They've learned so much about themselves along the way and they're still constantly striving to discover new ways to show up better for themselves and one another. This is a really beautiful and powerful story and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Jacob and Josh are also working on a new film project called “Three of Swords” which will begin production in the spring of 2026. You can learn more about Jacob, Josh, and their new film over at threeofswordsfilm.com. Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Nicole was raised inside conservative and fundamentalist Christianity and can remember feeling her first inklings of her own queerness in elementary school but knew she had to shut it down and hide it. The fear and shame of becoming broken and invaluable as a woman ruled her life for many years. Healing and recovering from trauma is a lifelong journey and practice that Nicole has dedicated herself to both personally and professionally. Join us today as Nicole shares her incredibly powerful story of transformation and liberation in breaking free from the grips of religious dogma to reclaim her life, her body, and her right to feel pleasure again.  The way Nicole currently describes her life on her website is so beautiful and we hope you find her story as inspiring as we did! “Today, I live a life that once felt unreachable: surrounded by loving, supportive partners in queer, polyamorous connection, educating the world about pleasure and consent, supporting clients in profound transformation, providing psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and inviting you into the continued exploration.” Nicole is a sex and relationship therapist, the founder of The Pleasure Practice, and the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast! Her work weaves together somatic psychology, trauma-informed care, liberation-based theory, and her advanced clinical training in psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy and certification in Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy. Check out Nicole’s website for more information about her work! Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Matt was first introduced to non-monogamy about 15 years ago when he moved to the San Francisco area and saw how his friends were exploring open relationships and polyamory… He’d sort of naturally been loving everybody in an open-hearted way but had no idea what was possible! In our lovely conversation today, Matt takes us through his journey of learning about himself by exploring various relationship styles over the years. We also dive into the powerful impact that play parties have had on him and not just as a pathway for learning about consent and finding community, but also in meeting some of the needs that he’d historically met through partnerships. Matt’s passion for building community, creating incredible play parties, and continuing to grow and learn along the way is infectious and we hope you enjoy this interview as much as we did! A bit more about Matt straight from his website! Matt Sturm is a guide for transformational experiences and an author. He works with people to slow down, to come into their bodies, and to connect to their innate inner wisdom. Matt holds a strong, clear container for healing, intimacy, and spiritual awakening within a variety of contexts. These include psychotherapy, psychedelic-assisted therapy, sacred sexuality, breathwork journeys, and men’s retreats. He runs the Living Kosmos integral mystery school based on his deck, the Living Kosmos tarot. He is the author of two books The Organic Masculine, and Primal Drives – both are integral and archetypal workbooks on masculinity. You can learn more about Matt and all of work over on his website at mattsturm.com. Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ashton grew up in a super conservative and religious home, didn't date in high school, and had her first kiss when she was 18... But that was then. Things are a bit different now! Ashton is now in her forties and has been practicing polyamory and non-monogamy for about 15 years. As she describes it, when she found polyamory it was as if the heavens opened up and the angels sang. While she's no longer a member of the fundamentalist church she grew up in, she has been very involved in the United Church of Christ since college and at one point was even a Deacon. Ashton's friendships are often ambiguous as she prefers to let connections find their natural level and she currently has what she calls "a squad of lover-friends." Join us today for this wonderful conversation as Ashton shares with us her journey of exploring her sexual and relationship identities while raising a daughter and being a dedicated member of her local church community. Ashton also helps lead and organize non-monogamy events and groups in the Fargo area. You can find more information here! Check out the full show notes here. Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026! Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Join us May 1-3, 2026 in Florida for our biggest in-person event ever! Check out the Relationship Recess webpage and get your ticket here! Check out the launch video here!

It’s been about two years since we last talked with Rachel on Episode 307 and a LOT has changed… As always, no need to go back and listen to get a ton out of this conversation! Rachel has been non-monogamous for about 15 years and for about the last two years she’s been exploring solo polyamory. For as long as she can remember she’s always wanted to be a parent and a little over a year ago she made the decision to have a child using a donor without having a co-parent… Or, as she calls it: Rogue Mom. In our conversation today Rachel talks about the challenges of being a woman in her thirties watching her biological clock tick down as she tries to build a career and life that society deems adequate for raising kids. However, Rachel's life and career don't need to meet society's expectations and standards because what truly matters is that they meet her own. Rachel takes us through her decision to go rogue and everything she had to go through to make it actually happen. She also shares with us how she’s built an incredible support team around her made up of family, friends, professionals, and her community. This is such a beautiful conversation full of love and joy as Rachel shares her excitement around becoming a Rogue Mom just a few months from when recorded this. There’s even a surprise or two hidden in here! Enjoy! A bit more about Rachel taken straight from her website: Rachel Lark is a writer, composer, and performer known for her incisive and catchy anthems about taboo topics. Lark’s music has been heralded for blending heartfelt lyrics with biting political satire, fearless authenticity, and raunchy wit. She is the creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical which sold out its two week run in San Francisco and earned the highest rating from the San Francisco Chronicle. She was named one of the most powerful LGBTQ voices of San Francisco by SF Magazine and Salon Magazine called her “the poster girl for period sex.” Lark’s work empowers people to chase connection, pleasure and political action by inviting audiences into a shared cathartic experience of mutual recognition and dissatisfaction with the status quo. Her razor-sharp perspective invites anyone (even those with opposing views) to dream up a better world. Please check out all of Rachel’s work on her website and support her on Patreon! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ryan first started experiencing a cognitive dissonance with regards to relationships pretty much from the beginning of dating in high school. In many ways, relationships just didn’t make sense to him in his twenties so he basically took a break and focused on things he did enjoy rather than trying to force his way into the dating game. At about age 30 Ryan discovered some books and podcasts that introduced him to the idea of non-monogamy and polyamory and the rest is history… He dove right in. Over the last 14 years Ryan has been practicing non-monogamy in various configurations including a quad, a triad, and also being with his partner monogamously as life required at times. Ryan also shares his experience in navigating relationships as someone who realized a few years ago in his late thirties that he’s autistic. As he describes it “It would be easier for me to solve a Rubik’s cube with my feet while blindfolded than to read non-verbal and social cues.” Even though he doesn’t have a medical diagnosis, his realization is helping him find tools that have made a huge difference in his life. This is a wonderful conversation and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

"It's funny... I was monogamous for nine years with a man and now I'm a lesbian and I'm polyamorous... So, life can really take you by surprise." There really isn't a better synopsis than that of what our conversation today with Eileen is about. Her story is incredibly powerful and shares echos of previous interviews we've had with women who thought for so long that they were super straight only to realize that wasn't exactly the case. Eileen digs into her journey of coming out and embracing polyamory in a a confusing world where neither of those "options" are really even options for most young women. A bit more about Eileen from her website: I'm Eileen Hanley, an actor, singer, filmmaker and Aries originally from Portland, Maine and based in New York City. My work uses both comedy and drama to explore the dichotomy of good and evil, focusing on complex, morally grey queer women. I am passionate about telling stories of complicated, deeply flawed people struggling to do the right thing. I like to see people get messy, on screen, onstage, in song, and that is the type of work I like to make. Learn more about Eileen and all of her work including her short film "What Are We?" on her website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Nyxie did the serial monogamy approach to relationships from the time they started dating until they were in their early twenties. That's when Nyxie realized they didn't necessarily need to be in a relationship to get many of their needs met and so they began exploring solo polyamory. However, it was the early 2000's and the language didn't quite exist yet so Nyxie affectionately refers to this as their "Slut Era." Nyxie's Slut Era lasted until they met their spouse (who was also non-monogamous) about 19 years ago. Early in their relationship they decided together that they wanted to be monogamous for a while. And so they did. Right around the beginning of 2020 they decided their kids were old enough and it was time to open up again... Today, Nyxie and their spouse are both exploring non-monogamy in their own unique ways. Nyxie is currently in a triad, has a submissive, and a "whole galaxy" of play partners. In this wonderful interview Nyxie dives into all the nuances of their relationships, exploring kink, raising a family, and navigating non-monogamy with a spouse who has a completely different approach. Nyxie isn't just passionate about sex, kink, and relationships in their personal life... It's also their life's work! From Nyxie's website: Nyxie Noc is a seasoned and compassionate Domme with decades of experience as a sex worker, fetish content producer, and educator in kink, consent, and advocacy. It has supported conduct and consent teams for various kink and sex-positive organizations and has provided safer-play orientations to over 850 participants, along with personnel orientations to more than 100 staff members within these communities. Nyxie’s work is driven by a passion for the freedom of expression found within kink, and it values the transformative power of every scene and interaction. It is dedicated to creating safer, more inclusive play spaces and fostering supportive communities. Please check out all of Nyxie's work over on their website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Rowan and Aeryn's relationship began a bit ambiguously about a decade ago and now they've been married for just over four years. They started out as best friends and Aeryn was sort of doing non-monogamy without the labels or framework. By his own admission it wasn't exactly the most ethical approach. As he puts it... "I was not good at monogamy." In this beautiful conversation Rowan and Aeryn take us through the ups, downs, and realities of figuring out love, relationships, parenting, their individual sexualities and genders, and life. It hasn't been easy but about two years ago everything started clicking and they found their stride a bit. They're currently in a triad, Aeryn has a few other partners, and Rowan is dating here and there. This interview is bursting with love! The way these two love and support one another through thick and thin is such an inspiration and we hope you enjoy this chat as much as we did! Oh! And don't forget to check out Aeryn's karaoke chops! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing