207|How Confusion Controls Us

For many survivors of abuse there is confusion because the survivor experienced pleasure while being abused.What that does to the survivor is make them confused about why did something that feel good also feel so bad?Does that mean that they were bad for enjoying the experience of pleasure?Are they bad for wanting that pleasure?These feelings can linger for a long time after the abuse without the survivor even recognizing where they are coming from because they bury the feelings of guilt and are afraid to talk about them.This is why it can be so important to talk about and examine our stories to come to a better place of understanding.

For survivors of abuse that feeling of being different can be overwhelming.It can feel like there is something wrong with us.That we aren't worthy.How do we counter that feeling of being different?It can start with realizing that we are all different.Than you can embrace who you are and the difference that you can [email protected]

For this episode we interview Kevins' wife Charnell about what it has been like to be the wife of a sexual abuse survivor.It's not always easy to be in a relationship with a survivor, but as we learned from Charnell that becoming informed about what a survivor is going through helps to understand and sympathize with their issues.This also makes it easier to understand that the survivors issues are not always about you their partner, but sometimes it's just them and what they are dealing with.

What are the best resources for survivors of abuse and how to find them.The good news is that there are so many resources available now for survivors of abuse.The question is which are the best for you?That of course depends on your current situation and what you need right now.In this episode we talk about some of the resources that we have used and what has worked well for us.No Longer Ashamed [email protected]://www.nsvrc.org/survivors/https://survivors.org/national-resources/https://rainn.org/https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/https://www.domesticshelters.org/https://survivingabuse.org/resources/https://childhelp.org/https://survivorspace.org/forum/survivorforum/https://malesurvivor.org/

What are the red flags of Coercive Control?How do you get free from it safely?Coercive Control is an insidious abuse since it can appear like it is not abuse at all.Until it is.Than it becomes a matter of how do you escape from [email protected]

How we handle our defeat will determine how we are able to grow from it.Defeat can be overwhelming and ifwill allow it defeat can consume us.We can learn from our defeats and move beyond them rather than let them define us.

As survivors we can be prone to carry resentment.It can feel as if we didn't get a fair deal and everyone else has it easier than us.Holding on to resentment can be so damaging to our health, both phsically and mentally.It can prevent us from realizing the blessings that we have and celebrating them.Resentment is the opposite of gratitude and also has the opposite effect on our lives.It is important to examine the resentment that we carry and understand where it comes from so we can learn how to let go of its hold on our lives.

Grief is something that we all end up having a some point in our lives. Most of us get through it as best as we can but we try not to dwell on it.For survivors of abuse we are challenged by sometimes having considerably more loss in our lives than most other people, but that doesn't mean that we are better at handling it.For some of us grief can be overwhelming and make us lose focus on what really matters in our lives.How do we honor our grief and still function and thrive. That is the challenge that we have especially if we try not to face it because we are afraid of it taking over our lives.We all go through grief so we might as well learn how to handle it.https://www.nolongerashamed.org/https://www.facebook.com/nolongerashamed.org/[email protected]

What does it take to rebuild trust once it has been broken?Trust is hard for survivors of abuse.Trusting others and even trusting ourselves.Trusting that we will honor our selves and our boundaries.It is possible to rebuild that trust but it can take time and effort to be true to ourselves

It seems obvious what a survivor of abuse needs and what they should do.They need counseling, they should address what happened to them, they should confront the perpetrator.It's easy for us to want them to do this because we believe that it will help them.But what if they aren't ready?Can we still support them if they think that they don't need to do that?Is what they really need just understanding and [email protected]