When Old Trauma Spills Into New Relationships

Are you good at sharing your needs with others? Most people aren’t. Today on the podcast, Erin from Texas called in to talk to me about the fact that she has a really hard time opening up with others and being vulnerable about what she really needs and how she feels. She’s seen patterns in her life of putting others first and staying silent about her own needs…until it’s become problematic. We unpack some of the relationships where she struggles the most, and then I ask her some questions to help her get to the root of WHY — so she can begin making changes! If you have a hard time sharing your needs, listening to this conversation will get you processing your own story and give you some steps you can take to begin making changes in this really important area of your life!! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I have a favorite friend back on for a SECOND on-air session, JP Pokluda!! In our initial conversation, JP and I talk through some of his challenges with having too much on his plate and moving into a season of burnout (listen to the conversation here). In that conversation, I asked if he had ever dug into his past history— and how it might be impacting what he does in the present. Today on the podcast, we jump into part two of the conversation and I ask him a few questions to consider from his past, and specifically his relationship with his dad and how that may have shaped his beliefs. Does he have father wounds that he needs to deal with? What could that look like? How may have his relationship with his father shaped his beliefs and motivations? No matter what type of past we come from, it’s important for us to look back and assess exactly how our past has influenced & shaped our beliefs and our identity. Tune in to my conversation with JP Pokluda! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I chat with Rebecca from Tennessee! She’s wanting to know how to deal with past trauma, and especially how to keep it from spilling into present relationships! Relationships are like a mirror to our wounds and weaknesses…. And as much as they reveal past woundings, they also invite us to heal! When people get close enough, we can start to feel some of that relationship trauma coming back up — but that is also the best opportunity to begin the work of healing. We talk through what that looks like and exactly how to do it in today’s episode! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I am talking to the amazing Katherine Wolf. In her 20s, after the birth of her first child, Katherine experienced a devastating massive stroke that left her paralyzed and turned her life completely upside down. In this on-air counseling session, we talk through this horrific season in her life and what it means to look for hope when there seems to be no hope. We talk about medical trauma, and how she has processed these things moving forward. We talk about her childhood, and how God was preparing her for suffering, even from a young age. It is one of the most encouraging episodes, so go give it a listen! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I talk with Faith from Georgia! She’s 37 and single so she really wants to know how to know when you are trusting God with your dating life — versus when you are taking control of the situation yourself. Do you have to sit back and wait for things to happen, or can you take initiative? And what if you are a woman, where does that leave you in the equation of making a dating relationship happen – considering some people think it’s wrong for a woman to take an initiative. We talked about what waiting on God actually means and what it doesn’t mean… And how to be proactive with your love life in the meantime!! It’s an episode every single who is wanting to date should listen to!!!! — Connect with Faith on Instagram: @ugafaith09 Tune in now! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In honor of my good friend – Mandisa, and to honor her life and legacy, I am re-airing this powerful episode on singleness. Do you feel like you’re struggling with singleness? Struggling with singleness does not make you strange, or crazy, or lacking in faith. It makes you human.  If you are struggling with singleness, this episode is for you. Tune in now! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I talk with Lauryn, who is struggling with navigating friendships in this season of singleness. She’s single, but all her friends are married… and she can sometimes feel a bit out of place. She feels as though some of her relationships are becoming unbalanced and she called in looking for some advice. We dug a little deeper into her relationship history, and found out that unbalanced relationships aren’t as new as she thought they were … they are just a little more prominent in this season. I encouraged her to take ownership of her role in relationships, addressing and communicating her needs… and learning to bring balance to her relationships. The most interesting thing about our conversation is what it revealed about her (tune in to find out!) I think this is an important conversation for everyone to listen to, especially if you’ve ever felt the lack of balance in your closest friendships. Tune in now! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Talk To Me, I am joined by Alexis. Her question is, “why do some traumas take longer to heal than others?” Whether you are a trauma survivor, a mental health professional, or someone who is interested in learning more about this important topic, this podcast is for you! Are you ready to talk to me? Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Talk To Me hotline, I talk to Andrew from Texas! His question is, “How do you know you are healed after a past relationship?” After a 16 year marriage ended in divorce, he’s wondering how to know when he has healed… And even more specifically, when is it time to consider dating again after divorce? I answer him by explaining that it’s a complicated question, because everyone’s situation is so different… But if I narrow it down to one thing that I believe differentiates those who are healed from those who are unhealed. What’s that one thing you ask? That’s why you’ve got to tune into this podcast episode, I think it will help you change your perspective no matter what type of relationship you are trying to heal from in your past. We are talking about healing from past relationships today on Talk To Me! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I talk to Ann from Maryland, who struggles with emotionally overreacting. Due to some prior hurts and past relationships, she finds herself triggered by situations that probably have more to do with her past than they do with her present. She’s having a hard time not overreacting in situations of conflict, and wants to figure out why as well as how to react and respond appropriately. She is afraid to push people away due to her emotional reactions, and she called into the hotline to get some help! I help her navigate some of these triggers, and learn to react in emotionally healthy ways instead… It’s a really insightful conversation! If you’ve ever felt triggered in conflict, you need to listen to this episode! Additional Ways To Listen: iHEART RADIO Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices