530 – Not for Beginners

Illustration by David Wynne In which we remain frustrated with Morrison’s Magneto; Esme Cuckoo’s hat game is lacking; and the status quo dies with Jean Grey. X-PLAINED: Dubious X-relationships Some excellent songs from an excellent show New X-Men #149-150 Various atrocities and catastrophes The resistance, such as it is Magneto’s limits A rebirth Neutron warheads The cavalry Yet another death of Magneto Yet another death of Jean Grey A peculiar epilogue A legacy of retcons A miasma of bleakness and futility The Xorn retcon Disability in “Planet X” Miracles of Magnetism NEXT EPISODE: The future! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which many plot threads come together; Charles Xavier is a catastrophically bad listener; you should probably not live in the Marvel Universe; bridges are really important; there’s nothing sexy about dying of heat exhaustion; and we judge Morrison’s Magneto and find him wanting. X-PLAINED: What Xorn did after dying The story so far New X-Men #146-148 Beast’s typing gloves Several innovative ways to type loudly Doomed plans A manufactured confrontation A trap Magneto reimagined Visual depictions of sweat “New Genosha” Death and rebirth Whether Magneto has a place in New X-Men; and if so, what A name for an era NEXT EPISODE: Yet another death of Magneto Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which friends don’t let friends drink sparkling wine at the Hellfire Club; Cyclops is a Silent Hill protagonist; Fantomex is a cool dude; John Sublime has his grubby little fingers in everything; and three men do a lot of things to avoid going to therapy. X-PLAINED: What happened to the World Weapon XVI New X-Men #142-145 Fantomex (more) (again) The Weapon Plus program A large number of things men will do instead of going to therapy How to murder a nice, romantic mood The Hellfire Club, the rest of the time Jake Danials Whisky A drinking contest The Mysteries of Harris Burdick The World Weapon XV A series of B&Es Advanced Idea Mechanics (A.I.M.) Car cops Weapon XV’s feelings Weapon Plus’s secret space headquarters Education at the Xavier School Gender-swapped superheroes and heirs to superheroes NEXT EPISODE: Magneto, unmasked! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Jean Grey crosses several lines; Emma Frost is killed; Bishop and Sage visit from X-Treme X-Men; mutants are weird; the plot thickens; Emma Frost is resurrected; and we learn several secrets of fly reproduction. X-PLAINED: The brothers Xorn A question of reading order New X-Men #139-141 Cosmic force problems A showdown A brief tour through the mind of Emma Frost A murder most foul Bishop (briefly) (again) Sage (briefly) (again) Many suspects One way to get drugs, I guess? A mysterious shack and its mysterious contents Perils and advantages of being a living computer A murder weapon Angel and Beak’s excellent babies A resurrection A subtly remarkable taxicab The advent of mixed-case lettering in Marvel comics How Angel and Beak’s reproductive cycle corresponds to actual fly reproduction NEXT EPISODE: Assault on Weapon Plus Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which you should use drugs only with caution; a famous shirt makes its debut; Wolverine is the new Mary Worth; and you were never Quentin Quire’s age (unless you were). X-PLAINED: What Quentin Quire’s been up to since discorporating New X-Men #135-138 The Special Class Basilisk Ernst Dummy No Girl Whether the Xavier School should admit human students Quentin’s new look Kick (more) (again) The Omega Gang That one t-shirt How to punch up your Power Point presentation A somewhat fraught camping trip The Special Class vs. U-Men A secret Some kind of weird affair A riot, of sorts Wolverine’s unfortunate soul patch What actually happened to Jumbo Carnation Telepathic deconstruction The Cuckoos vs. Emma Frost A somewhat mysterious secondary mutation Denouement The subsequent evolution of Quentin Quire What’s happening to xplainthexmen.com when the show ends The telepathy-telekinesis overlap NEXT EPISODE: Murder! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a terrible teacher; we are all Magneto’s children; Sooraya Qadir deserves a better origin story; teenagers have a lot of feelings; and we meet one of the modern age’s most controversial mutants. X-PLAINED: The destiny of Quentin Quire New X-Men #131-134 An underattended funeral How to fly? Kinda? I guess? A kiss A friendship Another bit of ruby quartz marginalia that will never be mentioned again A somewhat ill-founded psychic metaphor Emma Frost’s Dark Phoenix costume Some kind of weird affair Echoes of 9/11/2001 Genosha, a year later Ghosts Polaris’s paternity Shocker (the mutant one) The last words of Genosha Islamophobia post 9/11 Sooraya Qadir (Dust) An attempted hijacking and the aftermath thereof Some Shi’ar nonsense X-Corporation Mumbai Jumbo Carnation Telepathy class An artist’s interpretation of the fate of mankind if mutants are not driven out, as predicted by Bolivar Trask Accountability Professor X’s weird little paintings X-adjectives Best and worst X-Men with whom to share a psychic rapport NEXT EPISODE: Quentin Quire’s teen angst bullshit gets a body count! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Xorn goes out on the town; silverware is morally neutral; Cyclops pursues dubious counsel; the X means ten; and Fantomex is eminently enjoyable. X-PLAINED: The parentage of Hope Summers New X-Men #127-130 Mutant Town A monster who is not a monster but is, perhaps, a metaphor X-Corporation Paris The whole Phoenix situation Fantomex Weapon XII A gene-hazard Corporal Animal E.V.A. The Weapon Plus program (somewhat) The World (somewhat) The Shi’ar Empire vs. Earth Xorn variations NEXT EPISODE: A Memorial of Magnetism Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Wolverine learns to fly; pants are a basic human right; we decide to cherry-pick our Xorn retcons; Xavier’s eyebrows follow his mind; and the first year of New X-Men ends with a bang. X-PLAINED: The origin of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard New X-Men #124-126 The current state of Charles Xavier’s body G-Type Neosaurus Plutonia Schism Oracle Stuf Gladiator (more) (again) Angel disambiguation Several plans Mutant justice Several miracles of magnetism Mummudrai Horror movie shit Subtle visual foreshadowing A ruse Education Long-lost family members What may or may not come after this NEXT EPISODE: Fantomex! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which Marvel goes wordless; Cassandra Nova breaks space; none of the X-Men have media training; and Gus was the best dog ever. X-PLAINED: Erik the Red (more) (again) Kin Crimson A big messy bag of mutant glory New X-Men #121-123 ‘Nuff Said A journey into Charles Xavier’s mind What Emma is drinking A fetus fight The criminal culpability of a fetus Space problems A cosplay challenge Space Charles Xavier’s weird last wish A press conference Teen romance The Stepford Cuckoos Gus Charles Xavier’s age Nanosentinels Stuf Pre-ride safety announcements from the X-Men Whether Cassandra Nova should’ve been a component of Onslaught NEXT EPISODE: Cassandra Nova vs. the X-Men (Round 2)! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

Illustration by David Wynne In which John Sublime sucks; Angel Salvatore rules; trauma does not justify evil; and you should never, ever, ever mess with Jean Grey. X-PLAINED: A horrifying revelation The universe where Jay and Miles work for Cassandra Nova New X-Men #118-120 John Sublime (more) (again) The U-Men Psychic energy, gender-reveal party-style The Stepford Cuckoos One way to disperse a mob An uncivil conversation The death and/or discomfort of many U-Men An awakening of sorts Squaring the phoenix Hank McCoy’s “coming out” NEXT EPISODE: The Shi’ar invade! Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog. Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here! Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!