Confronting Complicity in Capitalism, Week 15: Processing Privilege

Our first guest on the Community Edition of Confronting Complicity in Capitalism takes us through his journey of wealth and enough (hint: it’s not a number).This season, we got stuck. We ventured out. Found community. And noticed that many of them are for ‘wealth holders.’ Privilege? Sure. But ‘wealth holders’? No way! So we invited someone who is at the crossroads of these communities to accompany us through this stuck-ness.Jeffrey Coleman:- Is a career and life coach, impact investor, community builder and father based in Paris- Was a tech recruiter who shifted his approach to money and privilege when he got involved with Resource Generation (on the last season, we interviewed Morgan Curtis from RG and Solidaire)- Now co-organizes Impact for Breakfast Paris- Volunteers as Board Member with Message Paris and Impact Shakers Microfund- Writes a newsletter called The Bridge where he creatively connects the professional and personal- Co-hosts the podcast Papas in ParisJeffrey generously, openly guides us through his own journey of what wealth means, what ‘enough’ means, and how to put it to use in the world. Including:- Figuring out 'enough'- In rooms .. and in tension .. with other wealth holders- Feeling like an impostor .. and staying in the room- Being the smallest ticket .. can help expand the circle- Knowing when is enough .. is a muscle we build- We build that muscle in relationship .. with those who don’t have as much- True wealth … and how capitalism keeps us from itAs always, follow along here and on:- video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)- blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/

Happy Autumn Equinox! Elena and I are back for another season of Confronting Complicity in Capitalism, Community Edition.Earlier this year, starting at the Spring Equinox, we ventured IN: how are we complicit in the very systems we want to change? We were taking stock, being with, taking action in our own lives .Now, we are venturing OUT. We are pretty sure we are NOT the only ones on this inquiry…… of reckoning with money and privilege with care and joy, rather than shame and blame… of working and living in alternative ways to a harmful system, while still very much benefitting from that system… of making space to be with hard truths and questions, rather than bypassing or ignoring them or jumping to solutionsSo this season, we’re mapping – and connecting to – a community web close to home in Europe. We are excited to learn from others, invite them on here, meet them in person, maybe even collaborate. But that’s jumping ahead. First, we are seeking to learn and honor what is here:What organizations and people are doing this work? What maps exist of this space? Who should we know in Europe?As always, follow along here and on…- video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)- blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/ 

What did we learn in our 3-month experiment to face privilege with care?No, we didn’t solve capitalism. We are not now doing money perfectly ethically forever. But we sure learned a lot. And phew, how our lives are already different.Some highlights for me:Our three original questions: seeing clearly (what are my resources and needs?), sitting with what's hard (is this money even mine?), and moving forward (what is mine/ours to do?). All three are still alive, not “solved.”From “is this mine?” to “what do I do with access to this?” We moved from an anxious, binary ownership question toward practical redistribution. For example, getting out of the stock market and letting resources circulate to people and community who need them now.Rejecting all-or-nothing thinking. A recurring insight: people assume confronting capitalism means either full compliance or total withdrawal / go live in the woods. Instead, we already live by multiple economic logics (capitalist, communal, hierarchical) simultaneously within our relationships. We can apply this to work and money too!“There's more than two options here, friends.”Privilege named systemically, not individually. Learning to name privilege openly (rather than downplay it as personal “bravery”) and to hold it “with care and joy rather than shame and blame.” More and more, we can see our privilege as a structural condition, not a personal trait.“This idea of me, mine, ownership, accumulation, possession... I can be a bit closer to why some of that feels problematic.”“It's not good nor bad, it just is.”Holding shame with care. Being witnessed while sitting with painful shame (rather than being judged or someone turning away) was one of the most powerful parts of the process, enabled by a small trusted container, and coaching from our mentor Miki Kashtan.Ripple effects into family relationships. The together work made it possible for Elena to approach money conversations with her parents more honestly, separating assumptions and projections from what was actually true, moving toward co-holding decisions with them.Collective/communal investing. Inspired by guest Morgan Curtis's resource library, we both want to move from individual financial decision-making toward more collective, community-based approaches to investing and resource-sharing.“Even me not making a choice – like keeping things invested in a retirement fund – is absolutely still making a choice.”What's next. Rather than a tidy conclusion, this is an ongoing spiral: next steps include our "purpose partnership," making needs more visible, and maybe even another experiment with new and different questions.And we're curious: What questions are still open for you? What feels new and illuminated?As always, follow along on…video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/

In the last episode, our mentor Miki Kashtan took us through some harsh - and needed - perspectives on privilege and how to work with it.Now, we take a moment to process it together.

This podcast is part of a series called Confronting Complicity in Capitalism. As Elena and I come toward the end of this phase of confronting our complicity in capitalism, there is one loop we keep getting stuck in - shame, specifically the shame of privilege. And there is one person we wanted to speak to, a mentor of ours: Miki Kashtan. Miki is the seed founder of the Nonviolent Global Liberation (NGL) community where Elena and I met, the author of many books, and importantly she walks the talk of nonviolence - including offering her entire body of work entirely on the gift economy.And in this conversation - the longest and most vulnerable podcast I’ve ever published - she helps me and Elena make sense of what she calls the ‘moral anguish’ of privilege, and move through it in a way that’s soft, practical, transformative.THE IMPACT. Miki Kashtan:is a practical visionary pursuing a world that works for allapplies the principles and tools of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to social transformationis the seed founder of the Nonviolent Global Liberation (NGL) Community is the author of The Highest Common Denominator and Reweaving Our Human Fabric, and The Little Book of Courageous Living. Miki also writes at The Fearless Heartholds a Ph.D. in Sociology from UC BerkeleyTHE JOURNEY. Some gems of wisdom that Miki takes us into:Judgment. We judge people relative to where we are. Anyone who is further outside the system is a radical fanatic, anyone more within the system is complicit. Anybody who recycles more is a fanatic; anybody who recycles less doesn't care about the Earth.Systemic shame.  What is leading me to shame? Who is benefiting from my shame? The shame makes it look individual. So I had a good job, I am a problem. I have family intergenerational wealth, that is something wrong about me. Our place in the system. A system designed to benefit the fewer and fewer with each passing century at the larger and larger cost of the more many. I am just a cog in a system that no one knows how to stop. Understand the shame where you are positioned systemically, to see the values you hold dear that the shame is a distorted expression of. Means and ends. My deepest commitment is to aligning means with ends. If I treat myself poorly and do all these amazing things, the seed of non-love is there in what I do.  The line of should, must, have to, shame, will not bring about a foundational shift to the system. Attachment. How attached people are to privilege is one of the core dilemmas of humanity, how to undo that attachment, what to replace it with that isn't done through internal or external imposition.From shame to grief. Shame is not gonna get us anywhere. Grief will. Moral anguish.  This particular kind of pain, I call it moral anguish. It points to care. The more you can be with the pain, the more you're touching your care.Shit and bullshit jobs.  That you have access to this money means that you don't have to do either shit or bullshit jobs. It's up to you what you do with your attention and energy. That is one angle of the privilege.Privilege and attention. No one is going to benefit from you taking on a regular full-time job. No one benefits from you suffering, from you feeling shame. From there, asking yourself : what is the most aligned pathway with where I'm situated, my sphere of influence, my skills, my strengths, my limitations?Modeling the change. You cannot change the systems. You're trying to model something. Rather than thinking about your privilege, think instead about what is yours to do given that you have the option to choose. A daily practice. Rather than looking for what is yours to do, review the day hour by hour. What felt on purpose, what was that purpose? What didn't feel on purpose, what do you wish you had done instead? Do that for a few weeks and see what you learn.Purpose. Some people have a very simple definition of what your purpose: that which you can't not do.

Is it my job to make sure a collaborator is financially comfortable? This week, I got a verbal smackdown about my privilege. Instead of fighting (how dare you) or giving in (fine I’ll just pay for everything), I explore with Elena our responsibility to others when we’re entangled.In week 11 of confronting complicity in capitalism, we come upon the reality that changing how we do money is a relational practice, not just an individual one. What happens when money is unspoken? When needs are not met? When the reality changes and agreements aren’t working any more? This week, I face tension with a collaborator about a shared project:Responsibility. What is my responsibility to someone I collaborate with? It’s not my job to pay their rent and make sure they’re comfortable… It’s not nothing… What’s the middle ground?Agreements. This thing we agreed to isn’t working any more. One phase has ended, another is beginning. What does it mean to re-shape agreements? I’m different, you’re different, let’s review. Openness. Not jumping to conclusions, assuming that I have to fix it all. But something isn’t working. What is possible?Spoken and unspoken. With money, some things we discussed. But so much is implied. What happens when needs are unmet? Decentering humans. What’s important to both people, AND what’s important to the space and the ecosystem?And Elena tries to engage her parents about their shared privilege:Slow and tender. When we first started this project, I thought I would have regular conversations with my parents. This isn’t quick, it may not be as far along, and that’s ok. Any movement forward is all grist for the mill. If I try to move too quickly, I risk triggering people and taking steps back.Creating conditions. I want to disentangle… but that’s not where they are coming from. It’s on me to create conditions that don’t trigger shame and blame. How do I not get caught up when shame and blame does come up?Preparation and resourcing. So many of my stories are entangled with what I think they’re thinking. When I have the conversations, I want to meet them as they are. This takes a lot of prep work. Nonviolent communication. The root of how we approach our lives and work. Centering human needs. We can disagree about strategy… but what is the deeper need for each of us that we can’t disagree with?Choice. Recognizing interdependence, AND it doesn't always mean that we do everything together or need to be financially intertwined.As always, follow along on…- video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)- blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/

I just hosted a post-capitalist birthday party with my neighbors. Elena just returned from a local Burning Man event. In week 10 of confronting complicity in capitalism, both of us are in awe of the ABUNDANCE that emerges when we gather with dear ones… not just to have fun and celebrate… but to do life together, in interdependence rather than individualism / transaction / accumulation.So it’s no surprise that our theme this week is COMMUNITY, and all the ways in which we are living and learning about joyful alternatives to capitalism, including:Sharing resources. Sharing capacity. The challenge of complicity. Seasonality. Lightness. As always, follow along on…- video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)- blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/

This podcast is part of a new series called Confronting Complicity in Capitalism. Our second special guest in the series helps us build the spiritual ground for this tricky work of confronting complicity in capitalism. Erin Selover is a ‘spiritual strategist’ who connects decades of Buddhist practice and teaching with nonviolence and collective liberation. She helps me put words to why my time in meditation retreat is not just a nice thing I do to stay sane, but a core practice for slowing down enough to see grasping and suffering, and to tap into our natural possibility for creativity and collaboration.THE IMPACT. Erin Selover:is a Dharma teacher with over 20 years of Buddhist practice and teaching, including at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Northern California works with individuals as a spiritual strategisthas studied and experimented with Miki Kashtan and the Nonviolent Global Liberation communityas a white settler of Irish descent on indigenous lands, is in deep inquiry about the way power and privilege function within modern societies, and the complex history of her Irish ancestorsco-stewards a meditation community integrating the Celtic Wheel of the year and Buddhism within needs-based gift economics and distributive governance systemsis a Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist with training in Somatic Experiencing and Dialectical Behavioral TherapyTHE JOURNEY. In this conversation, we cover:From domination to collaboration. “ I get competitive when my needs aren't met. But when my needs are met, I'm not competitive. When my needs are met, I'm generous, and that's what I see with the thousands of people that I've worked with over the years. When our needs are met, we're generous, we're creative, we're collaborative.”Slow down, wake up.  ”When we slow down, our natural awake heart, unfolds and reveals all these tendencies. It just reveals it to us. We don't have to actually effort. In a way. It's like just slowing down and being in nature and eating food slowly. It shows us, oh, I'm being urgent in this particular way, or I'm actually judging myself so hard, or some of this action is driven by my own unworthiness.”From the individual to the systemic. “What are the systems that we live in that have reinforced this judgment? What are you struggling with that isn't actually personal? But it's collective. What's the context that we live in that in part inform this? And can you direct that energy, that anger that you're feeling at yourself, can you direct that energy at the system?”Gift economics.  ”I live as much in gift as I can. Drawing on a deep trust in life that if I continue to give in this way, I'll be able to bear whatever the consequences are of the choices that I make with dignity, with an open heart, with care, for myself and others.”

What is ‘work’? Is it the thing that gives me money? Or the thing I spend time and energy on? And what if those two were … separate?In week 8 of Confronting Complicity in Capitalism, Elena and I unpack and repack ‘work.’It turns out there are MANY ways to do ‘work.’For anyone aware of ‘relationship anarchy,’ this may sound familiar. Just like there are more ways to have a relationship than “traditional marriage with house and kids and everything with one partner,” there are more ways to work than “job description with fixed hours and a salary.” In fact, it’s a whole smorgasbord of choices!And they don’t just apply to me as an individual. We are coming up with our own model of a “purpose partnership.” Not a startup or business venture, not just project collaborators, not friends helping each other out. But with new-to-me interdependence – shared risk, mutual exchange and development, co-creation, making decisions together, a deep commitment. With money and way beyond money.We are curious what comes up for you as you unpack and re-pack this idea of ‘work’:Could ‘relationship anarchy’ apply to work? Could we uncouple what is considered ‘work’?How could we put it back together in new creative ways? Resources on topics mentioned:On Miki Kashtan and NGLOn relationship anarchy: manifesto, smorgasbord, historyAs always, follow along on…video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena)blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com/ 

“I made my bed… Do I need to lie in it? Or can I make a different bed?”In Week 6 of our inquiry to confront complicity in capitalism, we explore CHOICE, especially the places in work and money where it feels like the choice is all-or-nothing: full financial independence not relying on anyone, or complete merging of finances; everything separate or everything in common. We refuse to believe that… and try to find our way into the middle ground.This week, we dive into the choice and middle ground in:How we work. Beyond “entirely dependent employee” or “fully independent freelancer.”How we do money. Playfully choosing what ways we interlink our finances, money, resources, needs.Beyond the project. It’s easier when there’s a project and budget and start/stop. What about in between projects?Opening possibilities that weren’t there. For example, applying for one job as two people. Material limitations. Not all options are always on the table. Choice in relationship. What if others aren’t in the same relationship to choice, and see it as more fixed.We’re curious: Where do you get caught in ‘all-or-nothing’ ? How did you break out of it? What beds have you made that can be made differently?This is part of a new series called Confronting Complicity in Capitalism. This special series is a season of experiment to really look at money and privilege with care & joy rather than shame & blame.As always, follow along on…- video on LinkedIn (visible if you’re connected to me or Elena- blog on Medium: https://juliash.medium.com