72: Discernment Counseling for Couples on the Brink w/ Lana Isaacson

Send us Fan MailDiscernment Counseling: Should I Stay or Should I Go?Solving Disconnection Podcast with Jason PolkGuest: Lana Isaacson, Licensed Couples Therapist (CO & MA), Certified EFT TherapistEpisode SummaryJason and Lana explore discernment counseling — a short-term, evidence-based process designed for couples on the brink of divorce or separation, where one partner is "leaning out" and the other is "leaning in."Timestamps0:00 — Introduction & guest overview2:20 — What is discernment counseling?2:33 — The leaning out vs. leaning in dynamic4:07 — Up to 5 sessions: how the process works5:09 — Does discernment counseling involve both partners?5:59 — What happens in the first session6:40 — Does the counselor have an agenda?9:44 — Top reasons couples consider divorce today10:58 — Growing apart: the #1 cause14:21 — What does success look like in discernment counseling?29:23 — The personal agenda for change34:04 — "Divorce is never an emergency" (Bill Doherty)36:12 — Research outcomes: the 3 paths (53% / 31% / 16%)44:52 — Script for the leaning-out partner: how to start the conversation46:29 — Script for the leaning-in partner: how to respond50:23 — Avoiding "half-hearted" couples therapy53:50 — Active affairs: how discernment counseling differs from couples therapy58:53 — How to get started: clarity call with LanaNotable Quotes"Success isn't whether a couple decides to stay together — it's whether both partners learned something really valuable about their relationship and themselves.""Divorce is never an emergency." — Bill Doherty"The natural drift of contemporary married life… is toward less spark, less connection, less intimacy." — from Take Back Your Marriage by Bill DohertyResources MentionedTake Back Your Marriage by Bill DohertyLearn more about Discernment Counseling at Colorado Relationship Recovery.Learn more about our core offering of Couples Therapy in Denver.

Send us Fan MailGuest: Athena McCullough, LPC, LMFTWhen families are caught in high-conflict divorce—battling in courtrooms and struggling to communicate—Athena McCullough steps in. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in the complex intersection of family therapy and the legal system.What We CoverIn this conversation, Athena shares her expertise on helping families navigate high-conflict divorce, the real impact of parental conflict on children, and practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships during difficult times.Timestamps[0:00] Introduction - Who is Athena McCullough?[1:30] Attorneys vs. mediation: What's best for divorcing couples?[4:45] Do therapists go to court?[6:15] The big question: Should unhappy parents stay together for the kids?[10:00] How high conflict affects children[13:30] Triangulation and emotional parentification[17:45] When kids become their parent's emotional support[21:00] Communicating with teens during conflict[24:15] Active listening: Hearing what's underneath the anger[26:30] Managing your own reactivity as a parent[29:15] What is reunification therapy?[31:00] Athena's journey into high-conflict divorce work[32:00] Final advice: Slow down and listenKey TakeawaysSlow down and listenAsk more questions than you give adviceBehavior is communicationProblematic behavior means your child is trying to tell you somethingYou can only control yourselfFocus on your own reactions, not controlling othersKids say important things in difficult waysLook past the tone to hear the message"There's no traffic jam on the high road"You don't get to keep misbehaving just because someone else doesAbout Athena McCulloughAthena is a licensed therapist based in Littleton, Colorado, who owns a group practice specializing in high-conflict divorce and court-ordered family therapy. She works with families navigating complex court systems and provides reunification therapy for disconnected parents and children.Connect with Athena:McCulloughFamilyTherapy.com | Serving clients throughout ColoradoLearn more about Jason's practice: Colorado Relationship Recovery

Send us Fan MailSummary:Jason shares five habits healthy couples avoid to maintain strong, connected relationships.The Five Habits to Avoid:Waking each other up to talk when upset—sleep first, discuss later.Assuming your partner is trying to upset you—differences aren’t disrespect.Expecting your partner to fix your anxiety—self-regulation is key.Using distance or avoidance to calm anxiety—space is healthy only if it leads to reconnection.Feeling entitled to sex—focus on intimacy, not demands.Final Thought:Healthy couples are intentional, self-aware, and patient with each other.Link to Relationship Style QuizSee it in blog form: 5 Things Healthy Couples Avoid

Send us Fan MailEpisode Summary: In this episode, Jason Polk, a couples therapist with over 10 years of experience, shares the six key signs that indicate it might be time to seek couples therapy. He explains why seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and offers practical examples and personal insights.Six Signs It's Time for Couples Therapy:Constant Fighting: Recurring arguments over both small and big issues, often with deeper cycles beneath the surface.Constant Avoidance: Lack of communication and emotional distance, which can be more damaging than fighting.Deep Resentment & Contempt: Sharing resentment without boundaries, leading to defensiveness and a cycle of blame.Mistrust: Persistent uneasiness, anxiety, or infidelity that undermines trust in the relationship.Lack of Connection: Not making time to connect, which can amplify annoyances and distance.Inability to Repair After Conflict: Struggling to reconnect or be vulnerable after disagreements.Key Takeaways:Couples therapy is a proactive step toward a healthier relationship.Repairing after conflict and maintaining connection are essential skills.Even therapists benefit from couples therapy!Mentioned in This Episode:Episode 66: More on repairing after conflictPersonal stories and examples from Jason’s own relationshipIf you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, consider contacting a couples therapist. Remember, seeking help is a sign of hope and commitment to growth.Couples Therapy in ColoradoThanks for listening!For more episodes and resources, subscribe to the podcast and follow Jason Polk for ongoing insights into relationships.

Send us Fan MailShow Notes: Understanding Narcissism in RelationshipsHost: Jason Polk, Couples Therapist & Agency OwnerEpisode Overview: In this episode, Jason Polk explores the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships. He breaks down what it means to be a narcissist, the origins of narcissistic behavior, and how these patterns affect both partners and families.Key Topics Covered:Jason's definition of narcissismQuote on shame and false empowerment in the development of narcissistic traitsHow narcissists respond to feedback and accountabilityThe emotional toll on partners of narcissists, including depression and loss of selfThe challenges and strategies of marriage counseling with a narcissistic partnerThe importance of leverage and motivation for change in therapyPractical advice for partners, including setting boundaries and reclaiming your voiceResources Mentioned:PDF on functional psychological boundaries Takeaways:Change is possible, but it requires motivation and structurePartners have more influence than they may realizeSometimes, the work is about reclaiming your own needs and sense of selfConnect with Jason Polk: For more support or to learn about therapy options, reach out to Jason and his team of RLT therapists.Jason's agencies: Colorado Relationship Recovery – Couples TherapyReal Therapists Group (insurance-based practice)

Send us Fan MailJason Polk, a seasoned therapist specializing in couples therapy, hosts Brandon Schwartz, LCSW, from Colorado Relationship Recovery on the podcast. Brandon shares his journey of becoming a therapist, influenced by overcoming bullying, depression, and a transformative experience with his own therapist in middle school. He discusses his educational path, shifting from a desire to join the Marines to pursuing psychology, eventually finding his passion in couples therapy. The conversation touches on the modalities of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and its differences from other therapies, the concept of grandiosity and narcissism in relationships, and the profound impact therapy can have on personal and relational growth. Brandon emphasizes the importance of empathy, accountability, and differentiation in therapy, explaining why he finds his work both revolutionary and rewarding.00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome01:09 Brandon's Journey to Becoming a Therapist02:47 High School and College Experiences04:04 Choosing Marriage and Family Therapy05:36 Impactful Therapy Experience09:02 Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and Couples Work13:57 First and Second Order Change in Therapy15:34 Family Influence and Accountability18:28 Understanding Human Behavior in Therapy19:20 The Importance of Self-Realization20:22 Personal Wake-Up Calls22:21 The Role of Direct Feedback25:31 Defining Narcissism in Therapy31:51 The Revolutionary Impact of Couples TherapyTo learn more about Brandon and work with him, visit his About page.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk delves into the importance of repair in relationships, why it's challenging, and how to effectively navigate it. Polk explains the concept of repair as restoring relationships after conflicts and discusses two main barriers: ego and lack of skills. He shares personal insights and strategies, including the importance of repairing in the moment and post-conflict methods like offering a sincere apology and sharing vulnerability. He emphasizes that repair is vital for healthy relationships and provides practical advice for couples to enhance their connection. Listeners are encouraged to prioritize repair over ego for the sake of their relationships and families.00:00 Introduction and Welcome00:28 Understanding Conflict and Repair01:11 The Role of Ego in Repair03:39 Repairing in the Moment05:15 Repairing After a Fight08:00 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsFeedback Wheel PDFThis episode was inspired by this blog: The Art of Repair: What It Means and Why It's So Hard

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' Jason Polk, a therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, discusses the financial and emotional costs of marriage counseling versus divorce. Jason highlights the expense and emotional toll of contested divorces, which can range from $10,000 to $15,000, compared to the relatively lower cost of marriage counseling. He explains how counseling can help either salvage a relationship or make the separation process more compassionate and dignified. Jason states that counseling can be valuable in creating healthier futures, whether couples stay together or separate.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:27 Marriage Counseling vs. Divorce: An Overview00:39 Financial and Emotional Costs of Divorce02:17 The Role of Marriage Counseling05:23 When Divorce is Inevitable06:15 Cost Comparison: Counseling vs. Divorce06:48 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsCouples Intensive episode.This episode was inspired by Jason's blog post. Jason's marriage counseling practice.

Send us Fan MailUnderstanding Cheating: Definitions, Impacts, and Pathways to HealingIn this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk explores the complex topic of cheating. He delves into the different forms of infidelity, including financial and emotional cheating, and emphasizes the importance of explicit agreements between partners. Polk also discusses the synonyms and antonyms of cheating and provides insights into how a lack of openness can create a breeding ground for infidelity. Key takeaways include the critical role of trust, honesty, and transparency in preventing and recovering from betrayal.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:22 Defining Cheating and Infidelity01:12 Types of Cheating02:03 Importance of Agreements in Relationships03:29 Emotional Affairs and Implicit Agreements05:00 Antonyms of Cheating05:21 Conditions Leading to Cheating06:20 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsThis blog inspired this episode: What is considered cheating? 

Send us Fan MailJason explores the purpose of marriage beyond initial infatuation and love chemicals. He explains that marriage is an essential emotional refuge and economic partnership, providing a place for vulnerability, acceptance, and the sharing of resources. Jason discusses typical relationship dynamics like the pursue-withdraw cycle and how past experiences shape our partner interactions. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship to foster connection and joy. Through understanding and intentional effort, marriage can bring resilience and confidence. By succeeding as a team, it can make life more enjoyable and less expensive.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:25 The Science of Love and Monogamy01:07 Impact of Upbringing on Relationships02:40 Purpose of Marriage03:17 Emotional and Economic Benefits of Marriage04:57 Challenges in Marriage06:17 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsTo read the blog that inspired this episode, you can check out: What's the Purpose of Marriage? A Marriage Counselor's Perspective.Click here to learn more about Jason's couples therapy agency.