Figuring It The F*ck Out

Girlll, you might be kinkier than you think...This week, Athena Gayle joins me for a playful, judgment-free trip down the rabbit hole between “vanilla bean” and full-send fantasy. We break down what separates a kink from a fetish, why dominance is about assertiveness—not aggression—and why a genuinely good kinky experience requires more communication, planning, and presence than your average “bang it out” bedroom moment.We also get into what happens when your partner doesn’t want to fulfill your fantasy, why a firm boundary is still a firm boundary, and whether talking about a threesome can sometimes be hotter—and safer—than actually having one. Athena shares how detailed consent, negotiation, and aftercare can turn kinky play into deeper, more intentional connection.Plus, Athena reveals why nothing dries her up faster than a man announcing that his woman already owns enough vibrators. Spoiler alert: babe, she probably doesn’t.Whether you’re kinky, kink-curious, or still proudly calling yourself vanilla, this episode is your permission slip to become more honest, specific, and intentional about what turns you on—without turning every fantasy into an obligation.

This week on Girl Stop Talking, we’re breaking down the relationship patterns that quietly follow us into our dating lives, friendships, and every uncomfortable conversation we would rather avoid.We unpack secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles—including how they develop, how they show up in adult relationships, and why understanding your attachment style isn’t an excuse for unhealthy behavior. We also explore the difference between healthy interdependence and codependence, kindness versus people-pleasing, and what it actually looks like to set boundaries without feeling like you’re being mean.Then we get into friendship conflict: how to have the hard conversation, recognize when a relationship can be repaired, and identify the “Four Horsemen” behaviors that can slowly destroy connection—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.If you’ve ever overextended yourself to keep the peace, avoided conflict until you exploded, or wondered whether you’re asking for too much or simply asking the wrong person, this episode is for you. It’s time to stop confusing self-abandonment with love and start building relationships where honesty, boundaries, and mutual support can actually exist.Subscribe to Girl Stop Talking and tell me in the comments: Are you secure, anxious, avoidant—or still trying to figure out what the hell is going on?Free PDF Download:https://www.tatumzoeee.com/podcastConnect with Rachel:https://www.instagram.com/sage_counseling_wellness/

This week on Girl Stop Talking, I’m recapping seven unforgettable days in Japan—and apparently, I couldn’t even make it through our first night without creating an international incident.After touching down in a foreign country, my son completely passed out inside our hotel room with the lights and TV still on… while I was locked outside with no phone, no help, and absolutely no idea what to do. I had to navigate my way to the lobby alone, explain the situation, and somehow convince the hotel staff that, yes, we genuinely needed to cut the bolt just to get me back into the room. Welcome to Japan, babe!Then we’re heading to Osaka, where my best friend became convinced she lost her phone at the club—until the video evidence revealed that she had actually dropped it on the sidewalk. After ten hours of stress, retracing our steps, and tracking it through Find My iPhone, we returned to the streets of Japan and found it sitting in the exact same spot.Between getting locked out, losing—and miraculously recovering—a phone, exploring Tokyo and Osaka, navigating trains, eating incredible food, and figuring out an entirely new country as we went, this trip was equal parts magical, stressful, hilarious, and completely unforgettable.Grab your passport, charge your phone, and always take your hotel key, because this Japan recap is beautifully unhinged from beginning to end.

What if the thing standing between you and better intimacy isn’t a lack of chemistry—but the fact that neither of you knows how to say what you actually want?This week on *Girl Stop Talking*, Tatum sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton for an honest, playful conversation about communicating your wants, understanding your needs, and sharing your fantasies without making your partner feel inadequate or pressured. They explore why so many couples struggle to talk about intimacy, how to create emotional safety before introducing something new, and the difference between inviting your partner into a fantasy and handing them a sexual assignment.From asking for what you want without criticism to understanding whether you desire another person—or simply crave novelty, attention, freedom, or adventure—this episode is about opening the conversation before you open the relationship.Plus, Susan gets properly lubricated with the show’s signature icebreakers before facing an intimacy-inspired round of **Are We Still Talking?**Because better intimacy doesn’t begin with being more adventurous. It begins with becoming safer people to tell the truth to.Find Susan here:https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/https://betterlover.com/https://personallifemedia.com/arousal-secrets/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=srp&utm_term=drivedesirer&utm_campaign=arousalsecrets

This week on Girl Stop Talking, Tatum is giving you TWO positions that tie into the topic of todays episode! We're getting honest about the difference between what turns us on in our imagination and what we genuinely want in real life. From fantasies about surrender, attention, control, being watched, and adding another person, we’re asking the bigger question: Do you want the actual experience—or the feeling you believe it would give you?Your fantasy is not a relationship emergency—and it definitely isn’t automatically a request, confession, or item on your sexual to-do list.After sharing her Healthy Habits and this week’s POW, Tatum breaks fantasies into three categories: **Fantasy, Flirt, or Full Send** She also explores why hearing a partner’s fantasy can trigger jealousy or insecurity, how to share yours without making it a demand, and how couples can borrow the hottest ingredients from a fantasy without recreating the entire scenario.Because your imagination is allowed to be unhinged—but your communication still needs boundaries. Let’s make fantasy fun instead of turning it into a relationship emergency.Fantasy, Flirt or Full Send PDF is linked here: https://www.tatumzoeee.com/podcast

Happy fucking Monday, bitches! This week, Girl Stop Talking is coming to you live from STIMULATE, the sexual health and wellness conference in Nashville, with a lineup of quickies—and for once, we’re talking about interviews.First, I sit down with Dr. Tara to cover basically everything you’ve ever wanted to ask your most sexually adventurous friend: open relationships, sex cruises, squirting, queefing, and what happens when curiosity leaves the group chat and enters real life.Then Susan Bratton joins me to talk about her Love Dynamics approach to communication—understanding how you want to feel in a relationship, learning how to express those needs, and helping your partner love you in a way you can actually receive. Because apparently “they should just know” is not a communication strategy.I also catch up with sexual health educator and *Pleasure, Please!* author Ashley Cobb about creating more inclusive, shame-free sex education, helping women communicate their desires out loud, and why conversations about pleasure should always include protection, testing, and sexual confidence.Finally, board-certified urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman gives us a peek behind the curtain of men’s sexual and hormonal health. We talk about what a urologist actually does, the conversations men avoid having about their bodies, and why erectile function, testosterone, genital health, and sexual wellness deserve more honest—and far less embarrassing—conversations.Four experts, four quickies, and absolutely no small talk. We’re covering pleasure, communication, sexual health, and all the questions you’re curious enough to Google but not always brave enough to ask out loud.https://www.instagram.com/luvbites.co/https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/https://www.instagram.com/sexwithashley/https://www.instagram.com/amypearlmanmd/

Girl Stop Talking is officially getting back to its roots: equal parts healthy habits and explicit behavior.We’re kicking things off with a weekly win and a little mindset check before diving headfirst into the return of the POS series—and yes, that stands for Position of the Week. I tried a new position, and naturally, we need to discuss what happened, how it went, and whether it deserves a repeat performance.Then we’re throwing it all the way back to my first Labor Day weekend at the lake, when a couple in an open relationship somehow became convinced that my man and I were hiding—and possibly sleeping with—his girlfriend. What should have been a fun lake weekend quickly turned into a full-blown nightmare inside our RV…and trust me, the truth was nowhere near as scandalous as they imagined.That story opens the door to a bigger conversation about open relationships: why people are drawn to them, what makes the idea exciting, why the ones I’ve personally witnessed have gone terribly wrong, and what couples should talk about before opening the floodgates.Healthy habits, explicit behavior, relationship chaos, and one deeply unhinged Labor Day story—Girl, stop talking.

Do you actually like them… or do you just really fucking want them to like you?This week, I’m joined by Nadège, sex scholar and founder of Pleasure Science, and we’re getting into the psychology behind how we flirt, date, choose partners, and sometimes completely lose ourselves trying to create connection.We break down different flirting styles, what they can reveal about how we approach attraction, and one distinction that had me looking at my entire dating history differently: Are you a trying person or a positioning person?Because there’s a BIG difference between showing up in dating thinking, “How can I make this person like me?” and showing up thinking, “Let me be myself and see if I even like this person.”We talk about people-pleasing, validation, attraction, the types of people we choose, and how constantly trying to be desirable can keep us focused on being chosen instead of asking whether the person sitting across from us is someone WE would choose.Basically, if you've ever changed how you act around someone you like, overanalyzed whether they’re interested, tried to become their “type,” or realized you were more obsessed with getting someone to want you than whether you actually wanted them…Girl. We need to talk.FLIRT QUIZ - www.pleasurescience.com/flirt SOCIALS @pleasurescience (Instagram, TikTok)PLEASURE SCIENCE PODCAST on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@pleasurescience?sub_confirmation=1 *podcast is also available Spotify, Apple, and anywhere else people listen to podsWebsite - www.pleasurescience.com

Happy fucking Monday, bitches — we’re BACK. And after taking a few months away from the podcast, it only felt right to come back with a life update and a minor 30-year-old identity crisis. I spent most of my 20s building a career and a life that gave me exactly what I wanted: financial independence, freedom, the ability to provide for my son, travel, have fun, and create a schedule that was mine. But nobody really talks about what happens when the dream works… and then you realize you might want a different dream.In this episode, we’re talking about the weird identity shift that happens when you outgrow a version of yourself you’re still really fucking proud of. I’m getting into my Type A struggle with slowing down, why having MORE free time has somehow made me question whether I’m doing enough, and the uncomfortable feeling of knowing what I want next without knowing exactly how the hell I’m going to get there.I’m also catching you up on my pivot into content creation, UGC, building the YAP Challenge and UGC course, and what it looks like to build a new career while the old one is still paying the bills.No five-year plan. No inspirational speech about having it all figured out.I’m quite literally just figuring it the fuck out — and maybe you are too.

This week’s episode is a real-time check-in — life, mindset, and everything in between. It's honest, reflective, and probably a little too relatable if you’ve been feeling off, overwhelmed, or stuck in go-mode without a pause button.We’re starting with my 75 Hard journey, honestly, felt like I failed… but ended up realizing I’m actually making decisions that are better aligned with me long-term. Growth isn’t always perfect, and this was definitely one of those moments that humbled me in the best way!From there, we get into BURNOUT— what it actually looks like (because it’s not always obvious), how it shows up in real life, and why so many of us don’t even realize we’re in it until we’re already overwhelmed...(que the downward spiral...)Then we layer in the real problem: being a Type A personality. When you mix high standards, constant pressure, and the inability to slow down… it’s basically a recipe for burnout on steroids! I’m breaking down the signs, the patterns, and how this cycle keeps repeating — plus sharing how you guys are coping, based on real life experiences and write ins from YOU! If you feel like you are exhausted with 6,000 tasks to do, fatigued and don't understand why, or always moving the goal post… we need to talk.Don't be shy, share you thought wherever your listening/watching! I read every sing comment, and LOVE chatting with my girls!Xo,Tatum Zoeee