495: We're Never Broken

What if you were never broken to begin with, just disconnected from who you already are?  In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Michele Alexandria, intuitive coach and personal development guide, for a conversation built around a single reframe: we're never broken, we just forgot who we are. Michele traces how that forgetting starts almost from birth, one of the first words most of us hear is 'no,' and how well-meaning but unconscious programming from parents, media, and culture teaches us to shrink, self-monitor, and perform for approval long before we're old enough to question any of it.  Together, Dr. Debi and Michele explore how to recognize when you're out of alignment, in a friendship, a relationship, or simply with yourself, and why the discomfort of outgrowing something is a sign of growth, not a problem to fix. Michele introduces her 'sticky note self' exercise, a tool for identifying which beliefs are actually yours and which ones were handed to you by someone who never even believed them for themselves.  This conversation goes deep into self betrayal, self trust, and what it actually means to release the layers instead of trying to fix what was never broken. Michele offers a grounded, practical take on rebuilding a relationship with your own inner knowing, one belief, one sticky note, at a time.  In This Episode:  The core reframe: we're never broken, we're bent, and why so many of us feel broken instead  How programming starts almost from birth, and why one of the first words most children hear is 'no'  The difference between being raised by a conscious versus an unconscious parent, and how that shapes your relationship to your own intuition  How to recognize when you're out of alignment in a friendship or relationship, and the questions to ask yourself when something feels off  Michele's saying: hard now, easy later, or easy now, hard later, and why avoidance always costs more eventually  Why discomfort during growth is a sign something is moving, not a sign something is wrong  The 'sticky note self' exercise: identifying limiting beliefs, then asking one question before letting each one go, who does this belong to?  The 'parent trap,' and Michele's reframe: you came through your parents, you are not of them  How self betrayal actually works: we betray ourselves the moment we stop listening to our own inner knowing  Why the body always knows before the mind does, and how to start rebuilding trust in your own intuition one small moment at a time  Resources Mentioned:  MicheleAlexandria.com (free discovery session)  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery, ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Michele Alexandria:  Website: MicheleAlexandria.com  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Nathan Crane, health researcher, healer, and founder of The Awakened Process, for a conversation on addiction, the nervous system, and what it actually takes to come back to love after betrayal. Nathan shares his own story, homelessness, addiction, and suicidal ideation as a teenager, and the moment a family in Montana took him in and loved him unconditionally for the first time in his life.  Together, Dr. Debi and Nathan explore why every addiction, from substances to toxic relationships to doom-scrolling, is really a protective coping mechanism rather than a moral failure, and why the question 'what is this trying to do for me?' is more useful than shame ever will be. They also break down the nervous system in plain terms, sympathetic versus parasympathetic, and why so many of us are living in a low-grade fight-or-flight state without realizing it.  This conversation goes deep into Nathan's four step framework for moving through pain, awareness, acknowledgment, acceptance, and appreciation, and closes with a reminder that healing was never about becoming someone new. It's about uncovering who you already were before the pain.  In This Episode:  Nathan's own story: homelessness, addiction, and suicidal ideation as a teenager, and the family in Belgrade, Montana who loved him unconditionally for the first time  His spiritual teacher's reframe, every culprit has a victim inside, and why that's about compassion, not excusing behavior  Why addiction isn't just drugs or alcohol, sugar, toxic relationships, arguing, and scrolling all count, and why Nathan calls them 'adaptive addictions'  The reframe that changes everything: instead of asking what's wrong with me, ask what is this trying to do for me?  Sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system, explained simply, and why so many of us live in low-grade fight-or-flight without realizing it  A simple breathing exercise listeners can do right along with the episode to shift into parasympathetic in real time  Why love is not an emotion, it's who we already are, and the Masaru Emoto water crystal research Nathan references  Nathan's own devastating breakup story, and the dark night of the soul that cracked him open into clarity  Nathan's four step framework for moving through pain: awareness, acknowledgment, acceptance, and appreciation, and the subtle difference between each one  Dr. Debi's own 'sticky note self' exercise from her retreats, and why healing was never about becoming someone new  Resources Mentioned:  TheAwakenedProcess.com  SKY Breath meditation practice  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery, ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Nathan Crane:  Website: TheAwakenedProcess.com  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Dr. Karen Kramer, executive coach, hypnotherapist, and intuitive strategist with nearly 35 years in leadership development, for a conversation about what happens when something we've built, a relationship, a career, a version of ourselves, simply stops fitting. Dr. Karen introduces the idea that growth often arrives as a quiet mismatch long before it arrives as a crisis, and that the real question underneath the discomfort is always the same: who am I now that this has changed?  Together, Dr. Debi and Dr. Karen explore why we numb instead of facing that question, the limiting beliefs we absorb before the age of seven that quietly run the show for decades, and Dr. Karen's own path from 35 years of traditional coaching into hypnotherapy and Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique after trying, and failing, to coach herself through her own divorce.  This conversation goes deep into curiosity versus judgment, why nearly every limiting belief traces back to some version of 'I'm not enough,' and what it actually looks like to release what no longer serves, not by forcing change, but by becoming aware of what's been quietly steering you the whole time.  In This Episode:  The central question underneath every outgrown relationship, career, or identity: who am I now that this has changed?  Why growth can feel like a drastic overnight shift or a slow, subtle one, and why both are completely normal  The red shirt metaphor: why outgrowing something doesn't mean it was ever bad  Why so many of us numb with food, work, TV, or alcohol rather than face the discomfort of change  The idea of willingness, checking your own willingness to be uncomfortable, and why you can't steer a car that isn't in motion  How limiting beliefs form before age seven, largely from overhearing things uncritically, and why almost every one traces back to some version of 'I'm not enough'  The two questions Dr. Karen uses to uncover a hidden limiting belief: what would I have to believe about myself for this reaction to make sense, and is this reaction out of the norm for me  The difference between curiosity, 'for what purpose am I reacting this way?', and judgment, 'why am I like this?'  What actually happens in hypnotherapy, the 'filing cabinet' model of the subconscious mind, and why the entire process is built around safety  Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT), Dolores Cannon's work, and the client whose ovarian cyst had fully healed a month after releasing years of repressed guilt  Resources Mentioned:  DrKarenKramer.com (book a free 20 minute call)  The work of Dolores Cannon and Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT)  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery, ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Dr. Karen Kramer:  Website: DrKarenKramer.com  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Dr. John Demartini, human behavior expert, educator, and author of 40 books, for a conversation that challenges one of the most common assumptions after betrayal: that someone else did this to you. Dr. Demartini opens with a reframe that ruffles feathers on purpose, nobody actually betrays you, betrayal is what happens when you expect someone to live inside your values instead of their own.  Together, Dr. Debi and Dr. Demartini explore what that reframe actually looks like in practice, from a story about a girlfriend, a fake quantum physics seminar, and a surprise trip to Venice, to a Calgary client who felt like the underdog in her relationship until a two hour exercise, and a $28,000 proposal ring, changed everything.  This conversation goes deep into guilt, resentment, comparison, and what it actually means to live by priority, and Dr. Demartini offers a grounded, research backed take on all of it, including his own origin story: a childhood speech impediment, dyslexia, and a first grade teacher who told him he'd never read, write, or amount to anything.  In This Episode:  Dr. Demartini's opening reframe: 'nobody betrays you,' and why unmet expectations, not other people's actions, create the experience of betrayal  The quantum physics seminar story he uses to illustrate how a person's real values show up the moment a bigger opportunity appears  Why guilt is often just an assumption about consequences you can't actually know, and a better question to ask once you've changed your mind on someone  The Calgary story: a client who felt like the 'underdog' in her relationship, and the two hour exercise that leveled the playing field  How that story ended, with a $28,000 proposal ring, and why nothing had actually changed except her perception of her own worth  Why the grass looking greener on someone else's side is a trick of hedonic adaptation, and Dr. Demartini's laminated list of everything past partners have complained about  The concept of 'injected values,' the internalized opinions of others, and how comparing yourself to other people is really a way of devaluing yourself  A homeschooling mom in London who thought she needed a business career, and the mission statement she wrote once she gave herself permission to value what she actually valued  The felt difference between being certain and on track versus constantly needing to ask yourself if you're doing the right thing  Dr. Demartini's own origin story: a childhood speech impediment, dyslexia, and a near death surfing accident that changed his life in a single hour  Resources Mentioned:  The Values Determination Process, free at DrDemartini.com  Dr. Demartini's forthcoming textbook on the psychophysiology and origins of cancer  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery, ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Dr. John Demartini:  Website: DrDemartini.com  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Dov Baron, five time Top 30 Global Leadership Guru, two time Inc. Magazine top leadership speaker, and the preeminent expert on creating cultures of belonging, for a wide ranging conversation on identity, survival, belonging, and the courage it takes to question everything you think you know about yourself. Dov opens up about the free climbing accident in 1990 that ended his life five times in a single afternoon, and how the real crisis didn't actually arrive until months later, on an ordinary Saturday night, holding his dead cat.  Together, Dov and Dr. Debi explore his provocative claim that you've never actually been betrayed, you betrayed yourself, why 99% of the people who hurt us are simply in survival mode rather than malevolent, and the neuroscience behind why we miss the signs we later realize were there all along.  This conversation goes deep into identity, belonging, and boundaries, and Dov offers a grounded, no nonsense take on all three, including the non negotiable boundary conversation he had with his wife of 29 years, and the two words, 'I suppose you're right,' that cost him years of self betrayal.  In This Episode:  The free climbing accident in June 1990 that ended Dov's life five times, and the ten reconstructive surgeries that followed  The night, months later, that actually broke him open: coming home to find his dead cat, and realizing the grief wasn't for the cat at all  The three choices Dov vacillated between on his living room floor, and why the 'victim' option was the most seductive one available  Why resilience was never the goal for Dov, and what anti-fragility based on deep soulful truth actually means  Dov's central, provocative reframe: 'you've never been betrayed, you betrayed yourself,' and what he means by it  Why 99% of people who hurt us are in survival mode rather than malevolent, and how that distinction changes recovery  The neuroscience of the romantic phase versus the power struggle phase in relationships, and why bonds built on fitting in eventually crack  Getting married at 16, taking his own mother to court for permission, and the two words that started decades of self betrayal: 'I suppose you're right'  The non negotiable boundary conversation Dov had with his wife of 29 years, and why you can't hold a boundary you've never clearly named  Dov's equation for a meaningful life: courage plus curiosity equals love, and why real curiosity means questioning the belief you're most certain of  Resources Mentioned:  The Putin Report, Dov's free five page emotional source code profile, available at DovBaron.com  The Dov Baron Show (podcast)  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery, ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Dov Baron:  Website: DovBaron.com  Email: [email protected]  LinkedIn: Dov Baron  Podcast: The Dov Baron Show  YouTube: Dov Baron  Instagram / X: Dov Baron  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Lee Harris, spiritual leader, author, channeler, and musician, for a wide ranging conversation on betrayal, surrender, forgiveness, and what it actually takes to find your way back to yourself. Lee opens up about his own experience of betrayal by someone he trusted deeply, and how that experience became a rubber meets the road moment for who he really was.  Together, Lee and Dr. Debi explore the wounded empath pattern that so often leads to repeat betrayal, why self judgment is the fastest way to keep yourself stuck, and a simple but powerful reframe: you're not stuck, you're stopped. Lee also shares the exact process he used to move through his own darkest season, including a surprising ritual involving a massage and a very specific intention.  This conversation goes deep into trust, surrender, and forgiveness, three words that carry enormous weight after betrayal, and Lee offers a grounded, human take on all three that avoids easy answers or spiritual bypassing.  In This Episode:  Lee's own experience of being betrayed by someone he trusted, and the complexity of still caring for that person afterward  The difference between the wounded empath and the less wounded empath, and why both patterns can lead to repeat betrayal  Why relationships where the betrayer faces few consequences correlate with the most physical illness, a finding from Dr. Debi's own research  The reframe that changed everything for Lee's clients: 'you're not stuck, you're stopped'  Why self judgment is the fastest way to stop your own healing  The 'calculator moment': a client who had ruminated on a 40 year old betrayal for the equivalent of 5 wasted years  How to find the areas of your life where trust is still intact, and lean into those while you rebuild the rest  Lee's take on surrender, including why remembering you don't control when you'll die can actually be freeing  What forgiveness really means: no longer carrying the dagger someone else placed in your heart  A grief reflection inspired by musician Nick Cave's Red Hand Files, and why trauma frozen in the body needs release, not just time  Resources Mentioned:  Lucid Surrender by Entheo (ambient music album Lee uses for nervous system regulation)  The Red Hand Files — Nick Cave (newsletter)  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery — ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Lee Harris:  Website: LeeHarrisEnergy.com  Music: LeeHarrisMusic.com  YouTube: Lee Harris Energy  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Stacie Shifflett, founder of Modern Consciousness, to explore what it takes to move from anger and betrayal into clarity, intention, and joy. After her 28 year marriage imploded, Stacie refused to simply drift like a leaf bumping along the current. Instead she threw herself into over a decade of personal development, working with figures like Tony Robbins and Joe Dispenza, before surrendering to an idea she'd resisted for two years: building a company around everything she'd learned about the human condition.  Stacie shares the moment she realized she didn't want to become the woman she met in a grief support group, someone who hadn't left her house in five years after losing a child, and how that realization became a turning point in her own healing. She and Dr. Debi dig into the real difference between insight and rumination, why intuition sounds different from your inner critic, and why intentionality, not a single big leap, is what actually moves people forward.  Whether you're navigating divorce, betrayal, grief, or simply a season of disruption, this conversation offers a grounded, practical roadmap for reclaiming your peace of mind and choosing who you want to be next.  In This Episode:  Why Stacie describes her post-divorce self as 'a leaf going down the stream, bumping into rocks,' and the moment she decided to stop  How two years of resistance turned into the founding of Modern Consciousness  The real difference between insight and staying stuck in analysis  A story from a grief support group that reframed how Stacie thinks about staying stuck versus moving forward  Why 'sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest' became a phrase she coined for herself  The difference between the voice of intuition and the voice of the ego, and how to tell them apart  Why intentionality, not a single big decision, is what actually creates change  How the Four Agreements shaped her early healing, especially the practice of not making assumptions  Why she believes peace of mind is our greatest personal asset  The one question she keeps coming back to: do you want to stay where you are?  Resources Mentioned:  Treasure Map to Joy — Stacie Shifflett (book, a parable of one woman's journey from disruption to joy)  The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery — ThePBTInstitute.com  Connect with Stacie Shifflett:  Website: modernconsciousness.com  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

What happens when the life that looked perfect from the outside was hiding a secret that would eventually send your husband to prison for 45 years?  In this episode, Dr. Debi sits down with Venus Morris Griffin, author and real estate professional, to explore what it takes to survive generational trauma, recognize abuse you were conditioned not to see, and rebuild an entirely new life for yourself and your children when everything you thought was true turns out to be a lie.  Venus shares the childhood that shaped her tolerance for dysfunction long before she ever met her husband, the years of escalating abuse she didn't recognize as abuse, and the middle of the night phone call that finally broke the illusion apart. What follows isn't a story about staying a victim. It's a story about the small, daily choices that quietly rebuild a life.  They also explore how faith can be both an anchor and, at times, a trap, why the frog in boiling water analogy explains so much about how abuse escalates unnoticed, and what it actually means to break a generational cycle instead of repeating it.  In This Episode:  How childhood conditioning shapes what we believe is 'normal' in adult relationships  The frog in boiling water analogy, and why abuse so rarely announces itself all at once  Why 'you can be a victim, but you can't be a victim' became a turning point in Venus's healing  How faith and religious belief can be both a source of strength and, at times, a reason people stay too long  The middle of the night phone call that finally revealed the truth  Why Venus believes it's the small, unremarkable choices, not the big dramatic ones, that actually save you  What she told her six children the day she came home from the courthouse  Why 100% of the proceeds from her book go to charity, and what she hopes it does for the next woman who reads it  Resources Mentioned:  The Other Side of Perfect — Venus Morris Griffin (book)  Connect with Venus Morris Griffin:  Instagram: Venus Morris Griffin  Book: The Other Side of Perfect, available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and anywhere books are sold  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute: https://ThePBTInstitute.com 

Forgiveness is one of the most charged words in the English language. For many people who have been through betrayal, just hearing it brings up anger, resistance, or the feeling that forgiving means letting someone off the hook. In this solo episode, Dr. Debi Silber clears the air on what forgiveness actually is and what it absolutely is not, and makes the case for why it may be the most powerful thing you can do for your own physical, mental, and emotional health.    Debi shares her personal story of forgiving her husband and family after one of the most painful seasons of her life, how that journey led to founding National Forgiveness Day, and what she has witnessed in thousands of people who have moved from angry, bitter, and resentful to forgiving and free in just 21 days.    What You Will Hear in This Episode:  Why forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you  The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and why they are not the same thing  Why forgiving too early in betrayal recovery always backfires  Where forgiveness fits in the Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery  The real reason so many people withhold forgiveness and what it is actually costing them  The physical benefits of forgiveness: lower blood pressure, better sleep, stronger immune system, reduced cortisol, longer lifespan  The mental benefits: reduced anxiety and depression, clearer thinking, freedom from obsessive rumination  The emotional benefits: relief, restored self-trust, moving from victim to empowered  How the nervous system after betrayal is wired for protection not peace and what to do about it  Why acceptance is the step before forgiveness and how to start there  The story of the 21-Day National Forgiveness Day journey and what Debi witnessed participants experience  Practical tools: journaling prompts, mantras, and the one degree shift toward forgiveness  How you can forgive and still walk away  The National Forgiveness Day Transformation Program and the September 22nd Fireside Chat    Practical Takeaways from This Episode:  Start with acceptance, not forgiveness. You are not fighting what happened anymore. You are simply acknowledging it cannot be changed.  Focus on relief first. What would feeling 1% lighter look like? One less time ruminating today? That is enough to start.  Journal prompt: What would forgiveness look like for me? How would I feel? What would I think? Who would I be?  Try a mantra. Each day of the 21-day program includes a mantra to shift the energy around forgiveness.  You do not have to start with your biggest betrayal. Start with a smaller wound first and build from there.    Resources Mentioned:  National Forgiveness Day Transformation Program (21 days): NationalForgivenessDay.com  Live Fireside Chat with Dr. Debi: September 22nd  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery: ThePBTInstitute.com  Post Betrayal Syndrome Assessment: ThePBTInstitute.com  Trust Again by Dr. Debi Silber    Connect with Dr. Debi Silber:  Instagram: @debisilber  Website: ThePBTInstitute.com  National Forgiveness Day Program: NationalForgivenessDay.com  Start your healing journey: ThePBTInstitute.com/live  Bring Dr. Debi to your stage: ThePBTInstitute.com/speaking  Read the largest research study on betrayal: ThePBTInstitute.com/state-of-betrayal-report 

When we talk about healing from betrayal, we almost always focus on the emotional and psychological side. But what about the body? In this solo episode, Dr. Debi Silber gets personal about her own health journey, including a series of illnesses that became a wake-up call, and shares why physical health, nutrition, fitness, and lifestyle are not optional extras in betrayal recovery. They are foundational.    Drawing on her 35 years as a health and lifestyle coach, her PhD research into Post Betrayal Syndrome, and her own lived experience of rebuilding from the inside out, Debi makes the case for why your body deserves the same attention as your mind and heart when you are healing from anything.    What You Will Hear in This Episode:  Why betrayal hits you on every level: physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually  How Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms like brain fog, fatigue, and digestive issues are made worse by ignoring physical health  Why nutrition is not about dieting but about nourishing yourself with love  How fitness and movement are directly linked to confidence, mental strength, and emotional wellbeing  Why women over 50 cannot afford to make health an afterthought anymore  How betrayal, while devastating, is actually a powerful invitation to rebuild your life with more intention  The connection between physical strength and rebuilding trust in yourself  Why community and connection are part of healing, not extras  Debi's personal story of launching her first in-person Betrayal to Breakthrough program in San Diego  A practical one-degree-of-change challenge you can start today    The One Degree of Change Challenge:  Dr. Debi invites you to pick one area of your lifestyle, eating, fitness, sleep, connection, or stress, and ask: on a scale of zero to ten, where am I right now? Then ask: what would it take to move it up just half a point? That one small shift moves you closer to the body, mind, and life you deserve.    Resources Mentioned:  The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery — ThePBTInstitute.com  Post Betrayal Syndrome Assessment — ThePBTInstitute.com  Betrayal to Breakthrough San Diego Live Program — ThePBTInstitute.com/betrayal-to-breakthrough-san-diego-live/  Betrayal to Breakthrough Live — ThePBTInstitute.com/live    Connect with Dr. Debi Silber:  Instagram: @debisilber  Website: ThePBTInstitute.com  Start your healing journey: ThePBTInstitute.com/live  Bring Dr. Debi to your stage: ThePBTInstitute.com/speaking  Read the largest research study on betrayal: ThePBTInstitute.com/state-of-betrayal-report  San Diego in-person program: ThePBTInstitute.com/betrayal-to-breakthrough-san-diego-live/