Fess Up! #47: Don't be Crustacist!

In this extra-special landmark 50th episode, the Fess Girls do what they promised several episodes ago and deliver a special episode in which they discuss how many traps in Home Alone 1 (1990), Home Alone 2 (1992), and The Parent Trap (1998) would have killed their victims. In doing so they discover that Marv is the ultimate human punching bag, the Sticky Bandits probably have superhuman durability, Kevin does, without a shadow of a doubt, become John Kramer aka Jigsaw, and Kevin McCallister & Hallie Parker are the deadliest OTP there ever was.   Click here to see the video referenced several times in this episode

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from The Fess Girls! In this holiday episode, Amy realizes that she has the hubris of the mighty seagull. The girls remake holiday songs about classic stories, talk about the mortality status of the Toy Story toys, and discuss which fictional santa they are. They come up with new ways to scar your children at Christmastime and discuss history's earliest kinks. What a great present this episode is! Gift it to a friend, no need to waste any wrapping paper!

The Fess Sisters are back with another episode of Fess Up! They discuss the weird origin of pink lemonade, debate which Game of Thrones characters would win in a roasting contest, and discuss the sexuality of Santa Claus. They have Rick and Morty play the Newlywed Game and they figure out what two Bob's Burgers characters they are!

The Fess Girls get spooky just days after Halloween's end for this episode of Fess Up! They talk haunted house improvements, who would win in a showdown between a witch, a mummy, a cat, and frankenstein, and assign Hogwarts houses to fictional characters. They make sure they "Consider the Lobster", they ruin fictional horror villains one by one, and they discover what Nightmare Before Christmas characters they are! Remember, folks: Crones are pointy and Hags sag!

In this episode the Fess Sisters get distracted at every turn—ooh, look over there! They discuss the surname of Alan Tudyk, describe themselves as eggs, and consider if racecar drivers like to drive when they're not at work. They think about what the world would be like if hair changed like leaves, and decide which two Solar Opposites characters they are.

The Fess Girls are back at it with an extra-musical episode that just drives home one universal truth: Every conversation can circle back to cannibalism. In this episode, the Girls parody a classic Disney number, they discuss Wookiee reproductive systems, and they theorize about the various kinks in Bikini Bottom. To bring a little wholesome to the raunchy, they also figure out what two Mamma Mia Characters they are. Be sure to listen to the very end, you won't want to miss the post-credits scene!

In this episode the Fess Sisters put a new spin on a public domain, discuss why Voldemort is useless, rank how good the Disney Princes are in bed, decide if Superman or Scarlet Witch is more powerful, and figure out which two The Boys characters they are. Come for the icebreakers, stay for the arguments about tree shrews.

The Fess Girls spend their forty-third episode talking about the little known bible verse Mars 9:18: "He who weareth the Hamster Bubble jumps in front of the train". They talk about the strange things Marissa agreed to when she didn't read the Terms & Conditions, and they talk about what Star Wars prequel characters they are. And if you're listening to this, and you're a time traveler about to go back in time: don't forget to bring your sour patch kids.

In this episode the Fess sisters go on a tangent-filled journey to discover the meaning of life by discussing if Remy the Rat or Stuart Little would win in a fight, whether or not they would be able to run a haunted bed and breakfast, and ranking their past and current celebrity crushes by most likely to be an axe murderer. Eventually they uncover Mike Wazowski's biggest secret.

If potty humor's not your thing, this is not the episode for you! In this episode the fess sisters create new equivalents to "bullshit", they discuss what horrors the chamberpot in Beauty and the Beast must have seen, Ena comes up with a Joker theory that is shitty in more ways than one, and Marissa shares a personal conspiracy theory that she is, in fact, a mealworm. Come for the poop jokes, stay for the Peacemaker What Two are You!